Go Forward Slowly

by Whitney Cannon

  Patton wrapped his arm around Ty as Riley blurted out angrily, “Why? Why can’t he just come home with us? Ty’s like my brother. I don’t understand why you guys would just pawn him off onto someone else. He’s your nephew, and you’re just turning your back on him like his own parents just did. How can you sit there and let this happen?”

  “Riley,” Don cautioned, speaking up for the first time. “We’re not turning our backs on Ty, and we’re not pawning him off onto someone else. We’re trying to find the best situation where Ty will be the safest and have the most stability. Bud is very angry right now and none of us want any of that anger to find its way to any of you. He would obviously think to come looking for Ty at our house or at any of the other family’s homes, and he would never know to come looking for Ty here. We all want what’s best for him, so please don’t think we haven’t thought this through. We love him just as much as you do and would never allow anything to happen to him that we didn’t feel absolutely certain was in his best interest. Ty will be safer here and out of the line of fire. We’re not abandoning him, okay? He’s still family and still very much loved.”

  “How do you feel about all this, Ty?” Maria asked. “You have just as much input in this as we do, and you’re certainly old enough to voice your opinion about where you’d like to stay. I’m truly so sorry that you can’t go home right now, honey. And if we thought it was best, of course you’d be coming home with us. I’m just not sure it’s the safest place for you right now.”

  Ty nodded and Patton could feel how sweaty their joined palms were. He gave Ty a reassuring squeeze as he seemed to consider his options, which, from Patton’s point of view were limited at best. His parents had kicked him out, his aunt and uncle didn’t think he’d be safe with them, and his only clear and easy option was to move in with relatively complete strangers who seemed nice enough to open their doors to him. Patton couldn’t help but feel incredibly remorseful and frustrated over the whole situation.

  Looking down at his lap and his hands that were being held by Riley and Patton, Ty took in a shaky breath. He hadn’t cried since the adults had come back, but the tears hadn’t been far from the surface either.

  “Well,” Ty croaked then cleared his throat and tried again. “I guess it makes the most sense for me to stay here, then. I mean, if I can’t stay with family, then staying with Patton would be the next best thing. Aside from Riley, Patton’s probably my best friend and you all have been so nice and already trying to make me feel comfortable here. I don’t want to be a problem or make things harder for you guys by adding another person to the house, and I have no idea how I’m going to finish school or any of that, but I guess at least if I can stay here for now then that’s one less thing for me to worry about.”

  “Ty,” Tim said, drawing the boy’s attention. “Remember what we talked about this morning? After breakfast? You’re not going to be a burden. We have the space for you, and we want you here. You’re one of Patton’s best friends, and he wouldn’t think twice about offering you the shirt off his back. We’re more than happy to do the same. We were able to get a lot of your stuff from the house since Maria and Don were there with us, and we want you to move into the guest room. You’ll need to share a bathroom with Patton, but if you’d like to paint the walls in the bedroom and change things up, we’re perfectly fine with that. It’ll be your space to do what you like with. We’ll clear out the decorative knick-knacks, and you can set the room up however you’d like. I’m not sure how long you’ll feel like you want to stay with us, but I want you to know from the very beginning, we’re in this for the long haul, okay? I’m not talking about weeks or months. I’m saying you’re welcome here, as part of our family, until you’re done with school and moving out to go to college or whatever you decide to do after graduation. We’re not just offering you some place to stay while you figure things out, Ty, we’re offering you a place to live.”

  Ty nodded, and when he blinked, tears dribbled down his cheeks. Patton too had tears in his eyes and he noticed Tiffani and Maria dabbing away as well.

  They all spent the next few minutes going over the fine print of the situation and eventually they made it out to the driveway to retrieve Ty’s belongings.

  Once Maria and Don had exchanged contact information with Patton’s parents, done a quick tour of the house, and said their goodbyes to Ty, the four boys hauled all of Ty’s things up the stairs and plopped it all down in his new room.

  Tim brought in some boxes from the garage, and they made quick work of clearing the space, giving the room a very clinical feel. Patton was sure Ty would be feeling a little better by the end of the day as his things started to fill in the space and he was surrounded by more of his personal effects.

  Riley left not long after his parents, declaring he still had homework he needed to finish, and Patton and Wes left Ty’s room to give him some privacy so he could have some time to himself to sort through his feelings and thoughts.

  In all honesty, the last eighteen hours had been overwhelming for everyone, and Patton was abundantly grateful to seek refuge in his room with his endlessly patient boyfriend by his side.

  They unceremoniously shed their shirts and plopped down onto the bed to snuggle together under a blanket.

  They each wrapped their arms around the other, apparently needing the closeness in the same way, and Patton hugged Wes until he was sure his guy would turn blue. But Wes never complained. He held onto Patton just as tightly and they both yawned as all the stress of the day finally caught up to them.

  “I love you,” Patton whispered, shifting to pull Wesley into the crook of his arm. “Thank you for being you.”

  Wes adjusted and pillowed his head on Patton’s shoulder, draping his other arm over Patton’s waist. “I love you too, and you’re welcome. I wouldn’t be me without you,” he said and that was the last thing Patton remembered before a knock on the door called them down for dinner a while later.

  They met a groggy and sleep-rumpled Ty in the hallway and with nods and wrinkled faces they headed down to what smelled like roasted chicken and seasoned vegetables.

  Patton handled the drinks and Wes set out the silverware, and it wasn’t long before they were seated and Tiffani proposed the idea of going to pick out their Christmas tree after dinner. Taylor and Tallie cheered in delight and as they described just how pink they wanted their tree to be, Patton couldn’t help but feel like his little world had expanded two-fold that weekend.

  Not only had he gained a quasi-new brother who also happened to be one of his best friends, even if the circumstances of how that had happened would never be erased from his memory, but he’d also learned that Wesley felt just as strongly about their relationship as he did. He saw them as the real deal and had already looked into what a future together could look like.

  Patton looked around his kitchen table, taking in the faces of his piecemeal family. He was only blood-related to two of the people in that room of seven, but there was no denying the fact that these were his people. These were the people he would do anything for and needed to see safe and loved, together, under one roof. Of course, he loved his mom and Gary and his half-sisters, Rose and Lily, but the people in the room with him were his core, his foundation. They were his best friends.

  Wes caught his eye and gave him a questioning look, but Patton just smiled at him and mouthed the words, I love you.

  Wes’s response was as clear as day, and without even saying a word, Patton knew. He could see Wes’s love shining in his eyes. He could feel it radiating from his smile. They looked at each other across the table while conversation about the perfect Christmas tree hummed on around them, and Patton realized that his life may not have worked out the way he’d expected it to, but maybe, when he least expected it, life had given him the things he would come to treasure most: his people.

  Chapter 16

  It had been almost a week since Ty had moved in with Patton and although Wes tried to go over every day afte
r school to spend time with them, he didn’t want to fall into his old habits of putting too much pressure on his relationship only to fall behind in his schoolwork again.

  But, if Wes were being honest, he was already green with envy.

  He tried to focus on school and keep up with his other friends, but the fact that Patton went home every day to a boy Wes knew had a crush on him, and who was clinging to any sort of comfort and familiarity, left Wes’s stomach in knots at the thought of the two of them spending so much intimate time together. Not that they were “intimate,” not like Wes and Patton were, but intimate in a way that built up a certain level of trust and comfort. If either of them wanted to talk or see the other, they were simply a room apart. It was a luxury Wes didn’t have.

  Sure, he got Patton during the day while they were at school. And Wes tried really hard to make any time they got together there special, often times eating alone just so they could talk. But it wasn’t the same as their time alone after school.

  He’d been trying to come up with the perfect Christmas gift for Patton, since it was their first Christmas together, to remind him how much Wes loved him, but he’d been drawing a blank and just kept getting stuck on boats and Ty. It frustrated him and made him anxious that every time he thought about giving Patton a Christmas gift, he wondered if it would be enough to remind Patton of the connection they shared and if that would outweigh any new or strengthening connection Patton was forming with Ty.

  It also made him sad that he felt like he needed to compete with Ty at all. Did Patton really see Ty as a brother and nothing more?

  Every time Patton didn’t call or text or if Wes’s texts went unanswered, his mind immediately told him his boyfriend was spending time with another boy.

  If Patton was really so busy with Ty that he couldn’t be bothered to think of Wes, then maybe Wes just needed to back off and allow them their time to acclimate. As much as Wes felt like a selfish jerk when it came to his time with Patton, Ty had been through hell in the last week, and he probably did just needed a friend and a stable place to land.

  Didn’t stop Wes from running every scenario of Patton and Ty together through this head though.

  “What’s got you so down, sweetie? I would think you’d be out the door without a second thought on a Friday evening. Everything okay with Patton?” his mom asked as she prepared her famous honey-ginger salmon recipe.

  Wes shrugged. “I guess.”

  “Is this because of Ty? You’re worried that Patton is spending more time with him now than he is with you?”

  Wes stared at his mom.

  “What? I was your age once and remember what it was like when your first love would spend time with other people. Granted this situation is unique and I can totally see how having another boy who’s also gay move into your boyfriend's house would have you a little on edge, but basically, what all of this boils down to is trust. Trusting Patton when he tells you that he loves you. Trusting him when he says he’s busy and not jumping to conclusions.” His mom got out another pot for rice. “Will you be eating here?”

  Wes shrugged again then nodded. “Guess so.”

  “Well, don’t sound so happy about spending time with your mother now, huh? You know as well as I do that you hardly spend any time at home now, so don’t feel so put out at having a meal with your mom.” She added some water and the rice and got the pot situated on the stove. “Now. Why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you about Patton and Ty being together? You don’t think Patton likes Ty too, do you? Or that he’d cheat on you?”

  “No,” Wes said immediately. “He only sees Ty as a friend or maybe even a brother. He’s not interested in Ty that way. But Ty has a major crush on Patton. I guess I’m just worried that if they start spending all this time together, maybe Patton will notice Ty’s interest and develop some sort of reciprocal feelings. They already have a lot in common, and now that they’re living together, they’re just going to get to know each other that much better. I’m going to be the odd man out and just trying to keep up with all their little jokes and stories about something that happened at dinner, or something funny that Tallie did, or whatever. I want to be the one who has those things with my boyfriend, not some other guy.”

  Janice hummed. “Have you talked to Patton about this? Told him how you’re feeling?”

  “No. I don’t want him to feel bad or feel like he has to be looking out for everything he does just because I’m being weird.”

  “You’re not being weird, Wesley. It’s perfectly normal to feel the way you feel. That’s part of the reason relationships are so hard. You’re young and just discovering love. This is the first time you’ve ever had to think about your heart. Protecting one’s self from heartbreak is not a weird thing to think or feel, nor is it a new concept. It may be new to you, but hearts have been breaking since the dawn of time.”

  “Patton’s not going to break my heart,” Wes insisted. They may be young, but they loved each other. Just because Ty was living with Patton now didn’t mean Patton would stop loving him. It just meant he needed to do a better job of reminding Patton why they were so good together in the first place. He needed Patton to want to be with him instead of Ty.

  “I know you love him, sweetie. I just don’t want to see you get hurt, that’s all. If you’re feeling left out or like you’re being replaced, you should talk to Patton. He’s probably missing you just as much, and as much as he likes Ty, you’re the one he would rather be with.” Janice looked Wes in the eye and Wes squirmed. “Are you boys having sex?”

  Wes recoiled in horror. “Please, dear Lord, tell me you didn’t just ask that.”

  “Wesley. I’m being serious. I know you’d rather not talk about this with me and maybe you’d prefer to wait until next weekend when your dad is home for the holidays to talk to him, but you haven’t ever needed to think about actually having sex before… Okay, I’m sure you’ve thought about it plenty, but you know what I mean.”

  “Please make it stop… please make it stop… please make it stop,” Wes chanted and even though his mom laughed, she persisted anyway.

  “Just answer the questions, and this can all be over. It’s your own torture here. I’m not embarrassed to talk about sex. I’ve read up plenty on gay sex just so I would be able to talk to you about it.”

  Wes plunked his head down into his hands in utter mortification. “Dear, God. Make me a bird so I can fly far… far, far away from here,” he muttered, quoting Forrest Gump.

  Janice snickered as she stirred the rice. “Are you having sex, Wesley?”

  “No.”

  “Have you and Patton talked about having sex?”

  “No.”

  “Have you been sexually active in other ways?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do we need to buy you condoms so you’re prepared if it comes to that?”

  “Probably not a bad idea.”

  “Do you need lube?”

  Wes groaned. “Sure.”

  “I’m not going to ask if you see yourself topping or bottoming, but do you understand the basics and the importance of proper preparation?”

  “Holy crap, Mom! No. Just no. That is the end of this conversation. I’ve known about gay sex for years, and I’m not discussing anything more with you. Just the fact that you know so much about it is really creepy and disturbing on so many levels. If I have any questions, I’ll be sure to direct them to YouTube.”

  Janice grinned and said, “Then my job here is done. You know I don’t mean to make things weird. I just want you to be educated and to do that I need to make sure I know what I’m talking about. Of course, I’d prefer it if you guys waited a while before going that far, but it never hurts to know what you’re doing before it comes to that so no one gets hurt. You’ll be seventeen soon enough, and you’re old enough to make your own choices on that. Now, get out some plates and call your brother. This rice is about done, and I’m sure you’ll both want to get out of here as soon as we eat.”r />
  Wesley did just that, wondering how much it would hurt to try to carve the last ten minutes out of his memory with a spoon. Might be tolerable if he could sharpen it just right…

  — — —

  “Hey, baby,” Patton said as Wes climbed out of his car in the back of the mall parking lot. They’d each driven separately, and apparently, Patton had brought Ty along. It was Saturday and less than two weeks before Christmas, so needless to say, they were parked in just about the last row of stalls before the lot bled over into the forest.

  Wes hugged his boyfriend and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. It seemed too weird to do anything more with Ty there watching. “Hi. Hi, Ty,” Wes said, giving the other boy a fist bump. He returned his attention to Patton. “I’ve missed you.”

  “I know, I’ve missed you too. Sorry about last night. I wasn’t feeling good and we’d already sort of started a movie marathon. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, but there are so many classic movies Ty has never seen before,” Patton said, looking far too pleased with the idea of having the chance to veg out and watch movies with Ty.

  “You weren’t feeling good?” Wes asked, feeling annoyed that his boyfriend hadn’t even mentioned it to him the night before. “You didn’t say anything about it last night.”

  “Well, I had taken a couple of pills my dad gave me so I was probably feeling better when we were texting. I feel better this morning, though. Should we head inside? It’s freezing out here,” Patton said and looked to Ty, who was bundled up and standing there awkwardly with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

  “Definitely. Winter is here for sure, huh?” Wes said as they crunched on the newly fallen snow in the direction of the mall.

  “No kidding. We all made this snowman the other day… It was so cute. Tallie insisted we find just the right sticks to use for arms and Taylor wanted black rocks for its eyes. It was a little dirty-looking by the time we were finished since there are only a couple of inches of snow to work with, but another few weeks and we’ll have more snow than we can handle.” Patton threaded his arm through Wes’s that he had tucked into his coat pocket and gave him a bright smile. “The lake is frozen now, by the way. Dad checked it the other day. Almost an inch thick. We were carefully checking it out around the edges with our boots on. Super slippery and still makes me nervous to go out too far yet, but another week or two and we should be able to skate or maybe even take the snowmobiles out.”