Alien Coffee

by Carroll, John H.

  “It’s unlikely that you’ll need to translate those though,” Nyxulla said wryly.

  “We’re nearing the crash site,” Sclurp told them through their earpieces. It sounded as though he was right next to Jillian and she jumped at the sound. “I’ll let you know when we’re in range for the wreckage to be annihilated.”

  Nyxulla moved the image back to the wreckage and started tapping screens that popped up around her. More popped up around Buffy and the BEM began tapping twice as fast as Nyxulla. Jillian sat down quietly so as not to disturb them.

  She finished the last of her juice and set the cup down on the table. There was probably a wall compartment or something she should put it into, but didn’t know how to activate it. Part of her wanted them to take her into space to see intergalactic civilizations. The problem was that Raymond didn’t believe there was other life out there and even if he found out the reality, he would probably continue to deny it against all evidence. Jillian loved her husband and didn’t think she could leave him in any case.

  “We’re in range,” Sclurp told them. His voice was just as clear as if he were in the room. Jillian randomly wondered if their cell phone service or TV signals ever went out.

  “Scans show no life within the wreckage. I’m ready,” Nyxulla informed Buffy.

  “Initiating destruct sequence,” Buffy said. They tapped their screens more. Suddenly the image of the wreckage began disintegrating. That was the best word Jillian could think of for what happened. She had expected some kind of explosion, but it ate in on itself instead, transforming into molecules that evaporated into thin air. The soldiers around the ship looked at it in shock as did two workers that were on their way back to it.

  “The destruction is complete,” Nyxulla stated out loud. “Please run a check on all the components, Buffy.”

  “Doing so now,” the BEM responded, tapping the screens. Jillian saw ghost-like images on the screens but nothing was distinguishable to her. She wondered if they were tuned so that only the individual using them could see the details. “All components destroyed,” Buffy said momentarily.

  Sclurp came through the door from the front. “The ship is invisible just above the trees between the compound and wreck site. What’s the plan for rescuing the dummies who crashed?”

  Buffy and Nyxulla looked at each other. “Did we get that far in our preparation?” Nyxulla asked.

  “I don’t believe we did. We assessed the situation, but that’s all,” Buffy answered, moving the image back to the compound.

  “Yes . . . Oh, Sclurp, look at this.” Nyxulla focused the image onto the men having sex in the back corner of the compound. Jillian blushed again at the image while noticing the men had changed positions.

  “Dude! They’re really going at it. Wow.” Sclurp leaned over for a closer look.

  Buffy had to move back a little to let him see. “You two are disgusting. It doesn’t matter what the humans are doing, what matters is how to organize the escape. Does anyone have a suggestion, or am I the only one who plans things around here?”

  Sclurp answered the question while continuing to stare at the scene along with Nyxulla. “I’ll do the planning this time.”

  “Oh?” Buffy responded in surprise. “What is your plan?”

  “We zap everyone into emo bunnies, toss the teens into a snail, grab some fresh coffee beans and then go to Jillian’s house for coffee.” Sclurp straightened and smiled. “We can try the new roaster she got for Christmas and then we can play Dungeons, Dragons and Aliens. We need an intergalactic cleric for our current campaign.”

  “I like that idea,” Nyxulla concurred immediately.

  “No!” Buffy exclaimed in exasperation. “We’re under orders to perform the rescue as quietly as possible without any harm to the humans, although you’re right about needing an intergalactic cleric.”

  “We’re turning them into emo bunnies,” Sclurp protested. “That’s not harmful, it’s cute.”

  “And we can pet them afterward, which will make them happy,” Nyxulla concurred helpfully.

  “Emo bunnies are never happy, dude,” Sclurp pointed out. Apparently he called everyone dude.

  “Good point,” Nyxulla admitted.

  “You two are being ridiculous. This is a serious matter and there’s no telling how long those men are going to keep the teens alive,” Buffy stated irritably. “We can’t zap everyone, so that’s not an option. We need to find another way to rescue them.”

  Jillian had an idea and decided to throw it out. “We have invisibility devices. Why don’t we just cut a hole in the fence, sneak in and release them. You said there are plenty of snails nearby, so we can take them a short way into the jungle and get them into one . . . if you have one of those thingies that makes snails into spaceships that is.”

  They stared at her. After a minute, the silence became uncomfortable, causing Jillian to shift from foot to foot nervously. Nyxulla spoke. “That’s a very good plan, Jillian. And yes, we do have one of those . . . thingies.”

  “It is a good plan, dude” Sclurp agreed, nodding vigorously. “Then we can go for coffee.”

  “Would you stop with the coffee?” Buffy protested in frustration. “The plan is good though. We have cutters that will cut through the chain and re-meld it on our way back out so they won’t be able to tell how we got in. We can use them to cut an opening in the back of the building with the captives too. We’ll have to neutralize the soldiers that patrol the back though.”

  “Their friends will never notice that they’ve been turned into emo bunnies. It’s the fastest way to handle the situation,” Sclurp suggested eagerly.

  “I’m beginning to think you want to transform them,” Nyxulla observed. “What’s going on?”

  Sclurp looked guilty and gazed into one of the suction cups on his fingers. They stared at him until he finally confessed. “My parents gave me an emo bunny when I was a teenager. I liked it very much, but my parents gave it to the butcher when they discovered I was cutting myself.”

  “Aliens cut themselves?” Jillian asked incredulously.

  “That’s extremely rude, Jillian,” Buffy chastised.

  “It’s not nice to call other races ‘aliens’,” Nyxulla agreed. “To us, you’re an alien after all. And yes, cutting and other physical signs of depression are rampant throughout the Amalgamation. Belonging to advanced civilizations doesn’t automatically mean we all dance through fields of flowers while singing happy songs.” Turning to Sclurp, she consoled him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you had a bunny. Some people aren’t strong enough to resist the sadness they can cause.”

  Sclurp shook his head. “Oh no. It didn’t make me sad. I was cutting myself for a couple of years before they gave him to me. The little bunny made me happy because I finally had a friend who understood my feelings.” Sclurp’s three shoulders were slumped in sorrow as he relayed the story. “I tried killing myself the day after they gave him to the butcher.”

  The statement stunned Jillian. Alien civilization was supposed to be exciting with sleek spaceships and lightsabers. Not depression, ships made from snails and suicidal thoughts. She didn’t like this version of things so much, but put a comforting hand on his nearest shoulder.

  “I imagine they sent you in for reconditioning,” Buffy stated matter-of-factly.

  “Yeah,” he admitted. “It took a year, but I finally learned how to control my emotions in order to function.” Suddenly he grinned at them with his puckered lips. “Coffee helps a lot.”

  Buffy shook his head in resignation while Nyxulla grinned and agreed, “Coffee definitely helps. Speaking of which, the sooner we do this, the sooner we can get a cup.” She focused the image on the building where the captives were being held. Then she did something to adjust the image, causing hazy shapes of individuals inside to appear. “It looks like humans are with the captives,” Nyxulla observed unhappily. “They may be torturing them.”

  Jillian could see three people in the building
and two aliens that appeared to be hanging by the wrists. She couldn’t make out details, but the heads of the captives were definitely not human. A man behind the captives hit one with what appeared to be a whip and Jillian instantly felt sympathy for the aliens. She was terribly ashamed of the useless cruelty being shown by members of her own race.

  “Her eyes are leaking. What do we do?” asked Sclurp. The aliens turned to look at Jillian who quickly wiped away tears.

  “Your compassion does you honor,” Buffy praised her. “I believe it is high time we begin the rescue.”

  “Definitely,” Nyxulla agreed, coming over to wrap Jillian in a hug. “Take us behind the compound, Sclurp.”

  “Right away, dude,” the bouncy alien agreed as he dashed through the door.

  “Why does he call everyone ‘dude’?” Jillian asked, giving Nyxulla a squeeze before breaking the hug. She couldn’t help but observe how soft and cool the alien’s cheek was and how pleasant the lilac smell was.

  “Sclurp isn’t really saying dude, but he is saying his race’s version of it,” Nyxulla explained as she sat back down and resumed tapping on one of the screens. “The translators choose the most appropriate words, but it’s impossible to catch every unique quirk of each language.”

  “It’s really quite fascinating all the peculiarities different races have in their languages,” Buffy said excitedly. “The way in which beings evolve to be able to survive on their planets and the manners in which they cope are amazingly varied.”

  “Don’t get Buffy started on this subject. You’ll hear about it for years without stop,” Nyxulla warned playfully.

  “It’s fascinating,” Buffy protested simply.

  “We’re in position. I’m going out to scout in advance.” Sclurp told them over the intercom.

  “Will they be able to see the ship?” Jillian asked in concern.

  “It has a cloaking device as well. All ships on planets with . . .” Buffy paused and looked at the image of tied up aliens being tortured. “. . . supposedly intelligent life not part of the Amalgamation, have cloaking devices.”

  “Basically, they will never see the ship. You’ll be able to because your device will be on,” Nyxulla told her. “Speaking of which, let me show you how to use it.” She stood and moved to Jillian’s side. “Put your finger on this blue pad.” The pad was in the middle of the silver device. Jillian did as she was told. There didn’t appear to be buttons, screens or anything else on it. “Good. Now, continue pressing and say, ‘Activate stealth mode’.”

  Jillian did as she was told. The pad turned red and became warm where it had been cool to the touch before. Other than that, there was no visible effect.

  “Excellent,” Nyxulla said. “You’re invisible. Press the pad again and say, ‘Deactivate stealth mode’.” Jillian did so, causing the pad to turn blue and become cool again. “Good. Now I’m going to go invisible.” Nyxulla touched her pad and said, “Activate stealth mode.” She became invisible. Buffy did the same.

  Jillian reached out to touch Nyxulla. She was surprised when her hand bumped into something soft and she pulled it back immediately. Then she remembered she wouldn’t be able to hear them while they were stealthy, so she touched the pad of her device and said, “Activate stealth mode.” Buffy and Nyxulla suddenly appeared.

  “Now you have it. You can see and hear us, yes?” Buffy asked.

  “Yes,” Jillian answered with a smile, pleased at having figured it out.

  “Thank you for fondling my breast,” Nyxulla told her with a playful wink. “I do enjoy that sort of thing.”

  Jillian felt her face heat from a blush. When Nyxulla laughed lightly, Jillian joined in. Buffy shook his head and led the way to the door they had entered when boarding. “The device repels animals and insects too, so you don’t need to worry about those things. I’d advise not stepping on anything poisonous just to be on the safe side though,” the BEM warned.

  “I will be very careful,” Jillian promised.

  “I’ll go first,” Nyxulla told them. “You stay with Buffy at all times no matter what happens,” she ordered Jillian with a pointed finger. At Jillian’s nod, Nyxulla opened the door, drew her ray gun and stepped into the jungle.

  ***

  Heat and humidity hit Jillian unexpectedly. She breathed in the heavy air and tasted the scent of thriving plants and damp earth. Sounds assaulted her ears as she followed Nyxulla with Buffy right behind her. Chirping, chattering and rustling shot back and forth between the trees while the droning hum of insects played a steady accompaniment in the background. Vibrant colors of flowering plants dotted the rich green foliage and Jillian stared at everything in awe.

  “Pay attention now,” Buffy said quietly from her side. Jillian gave the BEM an embarrassed look and quickly followed after Nyxulla. She didn’t pull out her ray gun even though the others had theirs out. If at all possible, Jillian was going to avoid harming anyone. She wasn’t certain if turning someone into a bunny was harmful or not, but it was best not to take the chance.

  They quickly reached the clearing around the camp where Sclurp was already cutting into the fence with great efficiency. Jillian noticed that one of the soldiers had stopped at the back left corner of the building where the captives were being held and was staring at Sclurp with jaw hanging open. She realized he probably saw the fence being cut and wondered who was doing it.

  “Sclurp,” Nyxulla called out in a harsh whisper. “The soldier sees the fence being cut.”

  Sclurp looked up just as the cut part of the chain link fence fell inward. He dashed through the opening and ran to the wall, plastering himself against the wood. When the soldier’s eyes followed the alien instead of staying on the hole in the fence, Jillian grew concerned. Fortunately, the man just continued to stare in astonishment.

  Nyxulla ran through the hole toward Sclurp. “How can he see you?” she asked. “Your device is on, right?” Jillian slipped through the opening followed immediately by Buffy.

  Sclurp looked in their direction without focusing, as though he were seeing through them. He pushed a button on his collar. “Where are you? I think they can see me. I need assistance right away.”

  Jillian could hear him through her earpiece just as if he was right next to her. Nyxulla pushed a button on her collar and responded, “We’re right in front of you, why isn’t your device on?”

  “Oh no!” Sclurp banged on the device a few times. “Jillian broke it when she pushed me down the stairs. I didn’t have time to fix it.”

  Just at that moment, a different soldier came around the opposite corner. Instead of staring like the other one, he reacted immediately. “Another alien!” he hollered in a voice cracked with fear. Then he lifted his rifle and pulled the trigger.

  Luckily, the safety was on and nothing happened. Sclurp bent his knees and leapt. The strength of his three legs propelled him to the tin corrugated roof of the building just as the man took off the safety and began firing.

  Regrettably, the original soldier was still standing at the other corner of the building with his mouth open. A fly had even landed on his lower lip and was debating whether or not to go any further. When multiple bullets began piercing the hapless man’s body to send him falling to the ground, the fly buzzed off for less violent activity.

  Nyxulla raised her ray gun and zapped the shooting soldier, transforming him into a black bunny with purple streaks in its hair. Jillian stared at the blood coming from wounds in the other soldier. The man coughed blood and went still. She had never seen a man violently killed before. It was grittier in real life than in any movie, picture or book, more personal even if she didn’t know anything about him.

  “I’m going to provide cover for Sclurp,” Nyxulla said. “You two go around and rescue the captives.” She ran toward the right side of the building.

  “Come on, Jillian. No time to be sick.” Buffy took her arm and guided her toward the other side. Jillian did feel sick now that she thought about it and was sure al
l the blood had drained out of her face. She let Buffy lead her around the building, but kept staring at the body as they passed near.

  They didn’t get far because a group of soldiers was rapidly approaching with weapons ready. Buffy yanked Jillian to the side and they both ran toward a shed in the back corner of the compound. The soldiers didn’t see them, but they were spreading out to look for the intruders. Jillian knew they could still be touched or bumped into, so it was best to avoid contact even being invisible.

  “We’ll go around behind them and try to get into the shed while they’re searching,” Buffy told her. Jillian realized the BEM could see her with its faceted eyes even though she was running behind. It occurred to her that the day was nothing like she had expected when getting out of bed that morning.

  Buffy came to an abrupt halt just behind the shed, causing Jillian to windmill her arms in order to avoid running into the bug eyed alien as she tried to stop. The two men having sex from the image on the ship were lying naked together in the grass by the back wall, apparently ignoring the commotion.

  “What is it with you humans? If you’re not getting high, you’re having sex,” Buffy asked Jillian while waggling the ray gun at the two lovers. “If you’re not having sex, you’re getting high.” Then the BEM zapped the man on top. His partner looked at the bunny that suddenly appeared on his chest in shock. Buffy zapped him too and two emo bunnies were on the ground in place of the two men. They sniffed each other for a moment before rubbing their cheeks together and hopping off around the shed.

  “I thought we weren’t going to zap anyone if we didn’t have to,” Jillian protested. She just couldn’t decide how to feel about transforming people. The one thing she knew for certain was that she didn’t want to kill anyone. The sight of the dead soldier flashed across her mind again and she shivered in cold dread.

  “I’m not playing around anymore. The people here are killers and criminals of the worst sort. When presented with other life in the universe, they’ve taken the path of imprisonment and torture. When that second human saw Sclurp, his first action was to shoot to kill.” Buffy’s voice had an edge to it even through the translator. By aggressive posture and jagged motioning of the ray gun to emphasize words, it was clear the alien was angry. “You have permission to zap them all. I take full responsibility.” Without waiting for a response, Buffy moved rapidly around the other side of the shed, heading toward the building where the captives were being held.