Defensive

by J. D. Rivera

  “Fine,” I agreed as a tear spilled out of my eye and I quickly wiped it away. It was silly that I was crying over all of this.

  “Don’t cry, babe. I’m sorry for being a jerk.”

  He was just trying to be nice while I was consumed with being ready for the end of our relationship. “You’re not being a jerk. It’s actually really sweet that you care so much.”

  I let the vibrations of the massage chair take away all of my stress from arguing with Jackson that morning. I was ready to have a relaxing day with Amanda, getting a pedicure and then shopping.

  “Gosh, this feels so good,” I told her as I took a drink of water.

  She looked over at me with a raised eyebrow. “Only you would fight with your millionaire boyfriend over him gifting you a car. I can’t believe you’re having that old Focus fixed.”

  “Jackson and I haven’t been dating that long. He shouldn’t be buying me cars. We aren’t married.”

  “You’re having his baby,” she almost yelled.

  “Shush! He doesn’t know that yet.”

  She shook her head at me. “I can’t believe you aren’t going to tell him until after the doctor appointment. He’ll be happy. Have you even thought about the possibility that he might want to go to the appointment?”

  “The first appointment is nothing. If the baby is big enough, they’ll listen to the heartbeat but they might not be able to detect it. It would be boring for him.”

  “You’re making excuses,” she said.

  “I am not. I am being cautious.”

  “Okay, whatever.”

  “What the hell does that mean?” I asked, a little too bitchy.

  “Nothing. No need to get defensive. I swear you’re the most defensive person I know. You’re either pushing someone away because of what people in the past have done to you or you’re ready to defend your actions at any moment. Just calm down.”

  “Says the girl who won’t forgive my brother because she’s scared she’ll get hurt again,” I said with a grin.

  “We aren’t talking about me. Although, how is he doing? You know, with the move?”

  I laughed because I knew she still cared about him. “He’s doing okay. He’s a hermit, though. If he’s not working, he’s home or doing something with my nephew.”

  “What color do you want?” asked the lady massaging my feet.

  “I’m thinking red,” I told her as Amanda asked for purple.

  “Maybe you should drop by and see him,” I told Amanda.

  She looked at me with a don’t-be-stupid face. “That’s a great idea. I’ll make sure to cook him a casserole while I’m at it.”

  I giggled. “Now that would be funny. Maybe you could just pick up some take out.”

  “That’s funny coming from the girl who never cooks.”

  “I made mac ‘n’ cheese the other day. Jackson ate it.”

  She chuckled. “He’s always kissing your ass. He’d eat liver if you made it for him.”

  “He does not kiss my ass.”

  “If you say so,” she said. “You wanna go try on crazy dresses just for the hell of it? I don’t really need any new clothes and I really need to save money.”

  This was something Amanda and I had done since high school when we were bored and broke. We’d try to see who could find the tackiest dress and make a day of trying on ugly dresses. “That sounds like fun. I have a car to fix so I can’t afford anything new, either.”

  We strolled into the dress store and immediately went to the clearance rack. A lot of times it was a jackpot for ugly dresses.

  “Oh my gosh! Look at this!” Amanda hollered as she held up a dress that looked like it had been made out of different curtains from the 70’s.

  “Holy shit, that’s ugly!” I touched the fabric. It even felt like curtains.

  She threw it over her shoulder. “I know! I can’t wait to try it on.”

  “Wait, look at this one,” I said, holding up a multi colored puffy dress that reminded me of a child’s toy.

  “Try it on!” she exclaimed as she rummaged through the rack.

  We tried on different hideous dresses for a couple of hours with Amanda’s curtain dress winning the most hideous award. I talked her into trying on a really pretty dress just for the fun of it. It was black and hugged all of her curves, showing off her boobs. She looked gorgeous. I discreetly took a picture of her while wearing it and sent it to my brother.

  Me: Doesn’t she look gorgeous?

  Landon: Why would you send me this? Although, she does look gorgeous.

  Me: I sent it to you so you would know what you’re missing out on since you won’t even try.

  Landon: She’s the one who won’t forgive me. Besides, I have a child to raise.

  Me: So? I can babysit for you.

  Landon: Have fun shopping.

  “Help me with this zipper. Who were you texting? Jackson?” Amanda asked, while trying to grab the zipper on her back.

  I batted her hand away. “I was texting Landon. I’m trying to talk him into letting me babysit.” It was the partial truth.

  “Why wouldn’t he let you babysit? That seems odd.”

  I got the zipper all the way undone. “There. You’re free. He won’t let me because he has no desire to get out of the house. I told you earlier he’s a hermit.”

  “Sucks for him. He used to be fun,” she said, stepping out of the dress.

  I agreed and we changed back into our boring clothes and left the store. I was feeling really exhausted so I had Amanda drop me off at my apartment to take a nap. I was exhausted all the time now. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hide it from Jackson before he thought I was sick.

  Jackson

  After Vanessa and I got back from the repair shop, she went out with Amanda, so I decided to hang out with her brother. We’d gone for a beer a few times since he had moved to the area and I really liked him. He wasn’t as irritating as Ray or, at least since I was dating his sister, he wasn’t constantly talking about hooking up with other girls.

  I pulled up to his apartment; it was a much nicer complex than Vanessa’s building. It had different maintained bushes and absolutely no graffiti anywhere in sight. I would have felt a lot better if Vanessa lived in an area like this or with me. I’d really love it if she would’ve moved in with me. But she was stubborn and refused.

  I knocked on the door and two seconds later, Eric opened the door. “Jackson! Wanna play Xbox? We have a basketball game. Or we can play something else if you want.”

  “Eric, let him inside. We can play a game in a little while,” Landon said as he marched up to the door. “Sorry,” he offered as he opened the door wider for me.

  I stepped inside. “That’s okay.” I looked down at Eric. “We can play whatever you want.”

  “Well, make yourself comfy,” Landon said, gesturing to the couch and chairs. I plopped down in the recliner and sighed. It had been a long morning. “My sister getting to you yet?” he asked as he sank down in the chair next to me.

  I watched Eric pick up a controller and start playing a game. “She’s a stubborn girl.”

  “Yes she is. Always has been. Since the divorce, she’s different, though. Still stubborn but has no self-esteem.”

  “I love your sister but man… she drives me insane sometimes,” I said, rubbing my forehead.

  “What the hell did she do?” he asked.

  “She had a tow truck come pick up her old car today and take it to a repair shop.”

  He gave me a quizzical look. “She needs a working car, though. It only makes sense that she would fix her car.”

  “I gave her the car she’s been driving. I mean, I actually had her name put on the title. She doesn’t need to drive that junker around. What if she breaks down and she’s in a bad neighborhood?” I didn’t mention that I had paid a guy to make it a junker.

  He laughed. “A new car could break down in a bad neighborhood, too. I’m more concerned about her neighborhood than he
r car.”

  “Don’t even get me started on her neighborhood. If I had my way, she’d be living with me.”

  He took a drink from his can of Dr. Pepper. “You’re really serious about her, aren’t you?”

  “I think I would have married her the night of our first date if she hadn’t still been married,” I said with a big smile.

  “What? Still married?” he asked.

  “Yeah. We met just before her divorce was finalized. I thought you knew that.”

  “I knew that. It was the way you said it. It made it sound like it was before then.”

  I got up. “I’m going to get a Dr. Pepper, okay?”

  “Help yourself.”

  After rifling around in his fridge for a drink, I sat down on the floor next to Eric. “You ready to let me beat you?” I asked.

  “You can’t beat me. I beat my friend Cody and my dad every single time.”

  “Yeah but they stink. I’m good at this stuff.”

  He laughed. “Video game basketball is a lot harder than real basketball.”

  I chuckled. “Oh, really? I guess we’ll see about that.”

  After staying about three hours with two and half of those being spent playing video games with Eric, I left and drove home. I decided I needed to clear my head and run. I put on some sweats and a hoodie and took off through my neighborhood. My mind automatically went to Vanessa fixing that damn car. I knew this had everything to do with Cynthia and the baby. Vanessa was scared that I’d dump her one day and leave her screwed. What she didn’t understand was that I loved her with all my heart and I’d never leave her like that. I had never believed in soul mates or true love before but she had changed that. After being with her, I knew that I was meant to be with her. That I was put on this earth to be with her.

  I was beginning to sound sappy to myself so I put on some Eminem and upped my pace. I focused on my run and the hill in front of me. One foot in front of the other. As soon as I reached the top of the hill, I picked up the pace and ran as fast as I could back to my place.

  After taking a quick shower, I got dressed and decided I’d surprise Vanessa with dinner and a movie. We had never done the whole typical date thing, except going out for dinner a few times. I strolled up to her door carrying pink flowers. Instead of unlocking it like usual, I knocked. I waited a few minutes so I knocked again, louder. A couple of minutes went by and she finally opened the door. I could tell she had just woken up because one side of her face had red marks from the pillow and her hair was out of place. She looked beautiful.

  “Hey, babe. I thought I’d take you out on a real date,” I said as I handed her the flowers and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips.

  She gave me a quizzical look as she pulled back, “Thank you, they’re beautiful. Why are you taking me on a date, though?”

  “I wanted to surprise you. I realized today that we’ve never done the whole dinner and a movie thing. I’m sure Channing Tatum or Zac Efron have a new movie out you’d like to see.”

  She kissed me again. “Aww, babe. You’d sit through a movie while I drool over another guy? So sweet.”

  I watched her walk into the kitchen, getting a vase down from the cabinet and filling it with water. She put the flowers in and arranged them until they looked perfect to her. “I’d do pretty much anything for you. Even watch you drool over another guy,” I told her.

  She put the vase down on the counter, then walked over to me. “I love you so much, Jackson Berrios. Let me go get dressed.”

  “Okay. You’re picking the restaurant, so wear whatever you want.”

  “Ohhhhh, let’s go to some diner and eat home cooking.”

  “Whatever you want.”

  “Fried okra is one of the best things ever invented,” she said as she crammed a piece into her mouth.

  I smiled. I loved that she wasn’t shy about eating around me. I hated watching girls pick at their food or always order a salad. “It is really good.”

  “This chicken fried steak isn’t bad, either. How’s your catfish?”

  “It’s good. How was your day with Amanda?” I asked as she popped another piece of okra in her mouth.

  After she swallowed, she answered. “It was fun. We had pedicures and then we went dress shopping.”

  “Did you buy anything? I love seeing you wear a dress.”

  She laughed. “You wouldn’t have liked me in these dresses.” I gave her a confused look so she went on. “Neither one of us had any money so we played this game that we’ve done since high school. We basically go through and find the most hideous dresses to try on and see who wins.”

  “Seriously? That’s what you did?” I asked.

  She giggled. “Seriously. What’d you do?”

  I took a drink of the best sweet tea I had ever drank. “I played video games with Eric.”

  A smile crept across her face. “You hung out with my nephew? That’s so sweet.”

  “I hung out with your brother, too.”

  “Did he mention Amanda at all?” she asked.

  “Not that I can remember. Should he have?” I asked before taking a huge bite of catfish.

  “I texted him a picture of her is all. I thought maybe he would’ve said something.”

  “He didn’t. Sorry. Although Eric had my attention on the game.”

  “You know he really likes you. He thinks you’re amazing.”

  “I am amazing. You don’t think I’m amazing?” I teased.

  “Of course I think you’re amazing. More than amazing.”

  I grabbed her hand. “I feel the same way about you. Now eat up because we can’t miss the movie.”

  “I can’t believe you fell asleep,” Vanessa said as we drove out of the theater parking lot.

  “I’m sorry. I tried, I really did, but romance movies make me tired.”

  “I guess it’s okay. I still had a really great time tonight. Only one person asked for your autograph.”

  “I’m glad you had fun. Next time I’ll stay awake. I promise,” I said with a wink.

  “Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” she muttered.

  I decided not to say anything about her comment and pretended I didn’t hear her. I didn’t want anything to ruin our night. We had both had fun.

  As soon as we got inside my house, I stood behind her and wrapped my arms around her, kissing her neck. “You smell amazing.”

  “Mmmm. Thanks,” she said as she turned around to face me.

  My hands found her ass and squeezed while I crashed our lips together. She moaned as I kissed her. Her hands traveled down my chest, unbuttoning each button as fast as she could. Once she had freed all of the buttons, she yanked my shirt back. I pulled the shirt the rest of the way off, throwing it on the living room floor. As soon as it was off, she pulled my T-shirt up and explored my chest. I loved knowing she was just as attracted to me as I was to her. I pulled her shirt off and my hands quickly unhooked her bra. I kissed her again, with more force as she kissed me back. My hands roamed all over her chest, drawing out small moans and gasps from her.

  I let my hands travel down her back and her ass. Then, I grabbed her by the back of her thighs. She gasped as she wrapped her hands around my neck and legs around my back. I had intended to walk us upstairs to the bedroom but I couldn’t wait to have her any longer. I moved us over to the couch, dropping her and letting her hair fan all around her face. She looked incredibly sexy. I lowered myself on her and kissed all the way around her neck from one ear to the other. She let out small moans as I finally nipped at her ear. “You. Are. So. Sexy.”

  Afterwards, we picked up our clothes from the living room floor and walked upstairs to the bedroom. We climbed in bed and I was overcome with how right it felt sharing my bed with her. This should be our bed and this house should be our home. “Have you thought any about moving in here?” I asked again as I pulled her closer to me.

  “Jackson, let’s not ruin a good night by talking about this.”

  I kiss
ed her temple. “Why would that ruin a good night? I was just wondering if you had thought about it recently.”

  “I haven’t. And with everything going on in your life, I doubt it would be a good idea.”

  I kissed her temple again and then her shoulder. “Vanessa, you are my life. I wish you’d understand that. I’m not going to pressure you though. Just know that when you’re ready, this will be your home.”

  She rolled over to face me. “You’re my life, too. I love you so much. I just can’t think about that right now. Just give me some time.”

  “No pressure. I’ll give you time.” I said before capturing her lips with mine.

  Vanessa

  I was in a really good mood the entire afternoon at work. I wasn’t sure why but it seemed like the students were also in a better mood. We spent the afternoon working on math and art. I loved seeing the students’ different drawings and paintings. It was by far the messiest subject but watching the students enjoy themselves and come up with different pictures was fun.

  After the bell rang and the students had left, I got busy cleaning up the room. I cleaned the students’ desks with antibacterial wipes and thought of the day Jackson had visited my classroom. I had been so shocked to see him. The memory made me grin so I went over to my desk, grabbed my cell phone, and sent him a text.

  Me: I miss you. Love you.

  I placed my phone back in my purse but as soon as I walked a few feet it buzzed.

  Jackson: I miss and love you, too. I’ll call you tonight.

  Me: Can’t wait. Good luck.

  Jackson: Thanks, babe.

  I left the building only to find Shane leaning up against his truck. Great. Just what I needed. I walked slowly to my car, trying to ignore him but he moved toward me. I stopped in front of him. “What are you doing here?”

  He put up his hand. “I know what you’re thinking. I’m not here to fight or anything. I’m here to say… sorry.”

  I barked out a laugh. “Sorry? You’re here to say sorry?”

  He nodded. “Sorry isn’t a good enough word. Look, can we go somewhere and talk? I promise I’m not here to say hurtful things or manipulate you. I just… need to talk to you. Please.”