Unbreakable Love

by Claire Shaw

  Back in bed, I know I need a plan. I don't want to stay here with them all looking at me with pity, or disgust. I’m not sure which is worse.

  I need to heal, find a job and a house for Beau and me. I need to reclaim my life back. I honestly never thought about what would happen or how I would feel if someone saw those videos. The things I had done to me in my most vulnerable moments. I’m stronger than that. Those videos shouldn’t define me, but I know looking at the brothers faces I will know they saw it all. A knock at the door, brings me out of my head. Doc enters with a woman.

  “Carrie, it’s good to see you awake,” says Doc with caution.

  He comes closer and the woman follows him.

  “This is Dr Whitelaw, I know I mentioned an internal examination yesterday, but I felt you might be more comfortable with a female doctor,” he explains.

  Poor Doc, he was only trying to help me and I lost my shit with him. Giving him a small smile, I nod my head.

  “Thank you, Harry. Hi Carrie, my name is Helen. Are you okay with me doing your examination today or I can come back when you’re feeling more up to it?” She says giving me a warm smile. A very motherly feeling radiates off the doctor.

  “No now is fine. I just want this over with.”

  Doc nods his agreement, “I will leave you ladies. Just shout if you need anything.”

  He then quietly leaves the room. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Dr Helen explains what's going to happen.

  “I understand you have been through something traumatic. If at any point you feel uncomfortable, please just say and we will stop. I want to give you this card, it’s for a psychologist and she is wonderful and has a lot of experience with helping people in your circumstances.”

  Looking down at the purple card, that reads Tracy Wood, a healing hand. I will definitely consider calling her.

  Dr Helen continues to explain what tests she will run and the exam she is going to need to do. Nodding my head that I understand, she moves the sheet to uncover my legs and helps me remove my underwear, feeling vulnerable at being so open, she gives me a soft smile.

  “I will be as quick as I can for you, remember if it gets to be too much, just let me know and we can stop.”

  Nodding I let her know I understand.

  “I just want this over with please,” I beg.

  Giving me another of her soft smiles, she does exactly what she said she would and it’s over quicker than I thought it would be.

  “I will let you know as soon as I have the results for you. Do you have any questions?”

  Feeling a little nervous to ask but I need to know.

  “Am I okay… down there? Does anything look like it shouldn’t?”

  God, I sound pathetic.

  “Your fine Carrie, everything is as it should be,” she reassures.

  At her words I release the breath I didn’t realise I was holding.

  “Thank you,” I say as the tears start to come again.

  “You’re welcome Carrie, now you get some more rest and call me anytime,” Dr Helen confirms.

  Leaving me with her card and my thoughts Dr Helen quietly leaves the room.

  Turning over, I stare at the wall. Feeling a little dirty, I make sure the bedroom door is locked and head for shower.

  Painfully underdressing while the water warms up, I check the towel on the rail is clean and walk under the hot spray. Letting the water run over me and wash all my thoughts away. Grabbing the body wash, it smells woody and manly but at this point I’m passed caring. Once I’m washed clean, I stay under the water, letting the warm feeling seep into my bones, making me human again. Once the water starts to run cold, I get out. Wrapped in the towel, I go on the hunt for some clothes. Finding only men’s clothes, I steal a t-shirt and a pair of boxers.

  Sitting back on the bed, I'm not sure what to do next.

  Hearing laughter from outside, I go to the window. A massive playset has been set up and Beau is running riot round it, with a couple of the brothers chasing and playing with him. His laugh and smile warming my heart. Tearing up again, I give myself a mental slap. I need to pull myself together, I can’t keep crying all the time. But seeing Beau so free and happy is a miracle. Clearly being here with his dad has been the right thing. Watching Jason join Beau in the mini playground, He is such a good dad. My heart hurts from all the time they missed out on. Jason looks up and sees me watching.

  I move away from the window, checking the door is still locked, I crawl back into bed. I’m not ready to face them.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Joker

  Seeing Carrie stood at the window watching us with tears down her face is too much. I tell Beau I’ll back in a minute and I make my way back inside to my room, where Carrie is staying. Standing outside the door I’m not sure whether to knock or just walk in. The way she reacted when she realised, we had all seen the videos was heart-breaking. She was so upset. I just wanted to comfort her but that seemed to be doing more damage. Hanging my head forward I lean it against the door.

  Looking down I notice a pair of boots come into view.

  “Give her time son. She’ll work it all out.”

  I knew Doc wouldn’t be far from her.

  “She needs to be checked out Doc. We need to help her.” I say as my voice cracks. I finally got her back but I feel like I’m losing her again.

  “Already had a female doctor friend of mine visitor her. It’s all been taken care of son,” replies Doc.

  Looking at up at him, he has a sad smile.

  “Is she okay?” I stammer out. Fuck I couldn’t cope if anything was wrong with her.

  “Said everything looked good and she should have the test results as soon as possible.”

  Okay so few days and we will know what we're dealing with, if anything. Okay so just need to keep busy. Stop my mind from wandering and no googling stuff or I’ll be a nervous wreck in the corner thinking she has all sorts.

  “Get out your head Joker. She’ll be fine.” Jesus where did Wolf come from? For a big fella he sure moves silently.

  “Thanks Wolf,” I say.

  “Damn near gave me a heart attack when she ploughed her car through the gate and I realised it was her. Fuck, I couldn’t get to her quick enough,” said Wolf.

  Looking confused, smashed gate?

  Chuckling he pats me on the back.

  “Your girl came crashing through the gate with her car while you were off looking for her. We’ll go over everything in church later. Main concern was checking she was okay and getting the medical attention she needed,” he explained making things a little clearer.

  Letting out a breath, I know I’m going to be pissed but proud when I hear the full story.

  “Come on son, give her some time,” said Doc gently.

  Pulling me away from her door, I head downstairs and back outside to play with Beau for a while before church. Kate comes out and joins in the fun.

  A little while later a prospect comes out to tell us its church.

  “I’ll stay and play some more,” Kate says before I’ve even had chance to say anything.

  “Thanks Kate,” I say thankful for all her help.

  Leaving Kate playing Peter Pan with Beau, I make a note to build him a tree house like the one from the film.

  Heading into church, seems I’m the last one in again.

  “Alright boys, settle down. We are all happy to have not only Carrie back with us but also Kate. It seems like our princesses are all finding their way home.”

  There are a lot of cheers, hoots, and holler’s from the brothers. Everyone is happy they are both back home safe.

  “Carrie made a grand entrance. Seems she put up a fight and managed to drive from the cabin to the clubhouse. She passed out just before reaching the gates causing her car to plough through them. I’ve got the prospects on fixing the gate but this gives us an excuse for a new, more secure gate. Tank, I need you on with that as ou
r security expert. Maybe review all our security and see where improvements can be made,” orders Prez.

  Tank nods his head; he’s been mentioning updating our security for a while.

  “I haven’t managed to speak with Carrie as I’m giving her time to heal and get used to being back before I ask her the hard questions. That isn’t going to be easy for either of us. I’ve spoken with Doc and it seems Carrie has figured it out that we have all seen the videos. She’s not happy about this and reacted badly. Locked herself in her room for now and will only see Beau. Let’s give her that time. It is a lot for one person to handle. Doc has arranged for a female doctor he knows to see her, hopefully that made her feel more comfortable,” continues Prez.

  Doc nods and fills us in a little more.

  “Helen Whitelaw is a trusted colleague and friend. She’s already seen Carrie and is running tests to check all is okay. We should have the results within the next few days as she’s put a rush on it. She’s also given Carrie a card of a psychiatrist called Tracy Wood, who is a specialist with these kinds of situations. Hopefully Carrie will feel up to speaking with her so she can start to deal with what has happened to her and move forward.”

  Wow, they really have been looking after my girl for me. It’s killing me that she won’t see me. The devastation I saw in her eyes when she realised, we had seen the videos broke me. I never want her to look at me like that again.

  “Thanks Doc, keep us informed. Any other business?” asks Prez.

  Now seems like a good time to raise my idea.

  “I had an idea Prez,” I say.

  “Okay Son, table is yours,” Prez replies.

  “I’ve been thinking about our living situations. I have Beau now and want to spend as much time as possible with him. But I know I’m needed at the clubhouse. I had the idea of building our own street within the compound. We could build a few houses to start for brothers with families and then expand for single brothers or anyone who wants one. We can also keep a few for visitors. Kate could even have one so that way she would have her own space to come and go as she pleases but she would be safe within the compound.”

  A few murmurs around the table about it being a good idea helps me relax. I really hope they go for it.

  “I like the idea; we would need to check finances and work out costs; but saying that we don’t have much room left in the compound.” Prez says.

  “I’ve thought of that, the large plot of land to the West of the compound has just gone up for sale. We buy that and expand the compound. That land is massive and the price is cheap so would be a steal,” I add.

  Prez smirks at me, before shaking his head.

  “You’ve thought of everything son,” he says with pride in his voice. “Okay get us prices, costs, time scale and also a rough plan. If it seems viable, we’ll vote and get started,” Prez adds putting an end to the meeting.

  The thought of getting my teeth stuck into this project makes me swell with pride. I already can see what it should look like in my head. The board having a street to themselves and then trusted brothers another street, visitors houses another. Would be like our own little town.

  Leaving church, I head for Carrie’s room. I know the brothers said to give her time but I want her to know I’m here. Kate took Beau out for the day. That girl loves my son and is taking her aunt duties seriously.

  Getting to Carrie’s door, I knock. Hearing no sounds and getting no answers, I knock again. No reply but I know she’s in there. Sliding down the wall, I plant my arse on the floor.

  “Carrie it’s me baby. I know you can hear me. I just want to check how you’re doing.” I say hesitantly.

  Deciding now is probably a good time to let her know how I’m feeling, I stay sitting next to the door and just keep talking.

  “I’ve missed you baby. I never stopped looking for you, none of us did. I am so sorry we couldn’t find you sooner. I wish I could have stopped all you have been through. But I’m proud as fuck too. Carrie you managed to raise the most amazing son, he’s perfect. The brothers love him, he’s so funny. Did I tell you Kate is back? Yeah, she turned up a week or so ago. Beau loves her. She’s got him today; they've gone on an aunt adventure she called it so fuck only knows what trouble they will get into.” I can’t help a little chuckle come out as I tell her that.

  “I made sure to send two prospects with them just in case. He’s safe baby but we both know the mischief she can get into. The pair of you together was a nightmare. Always getting into stuff you shouldn’t be. You were partners in crime.”

  The memories of Carrie and Kate together make me chuckle. If there was trouble to be found, those two would find it.

  “There hasn’t been a day that I haven’t thought about you or shared stories with Johnny and Tank. Having Johnny here helped but we missed you. God how we have missed you! I understand you need time but I need you to know that I’m here. You’re my girl.”

  I’m starting to waffle now and I get the feeling she isn’t going to talk so I move to get up and make my way down the hall. A small voice stops me dead.

  “Jason.”

  Slowly turning I see Carrie standing just outside the door in one of my t-shirts. Fuck she looks good in my clothes. Time seems to slow down as we stand just staring at each other. Making my way to her, she stays standing in the doorway.

  “Wanna go inside?” I say.

  Not wanting to come across as pushy but she seems to be only wearing my t-shirt and do I fuck want anyone else to see her like that. Nodding she goes back into the room and gets back under the sheet. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I make sure to give her room.

  “How are you feeling? Are you still in pain?” I start to reel off the questions.

  “I’m feeling better, pain isn’t too bad. Not the worst I’ve felt so manageable,” she replies quietly.

  I flinch at that statement, I honestly tried not to, but fuck she should never feel pain. Looking at her she looks sad. Before I realise what, I’m doing more question’s follow.

  “Do you need anything? Clothes, women stuff?” I ask nervously.

  “Women stuff?” she chuckles

  “Yeah you know, nice smelling girly shit,” I shrug.

  This makes her laugh and fuck if it is not the best sound ever. It makes me smile and I want to keep hearing that for the rest of my life.

  “Yeah dude, I get what ya mean. Girly shit and some clothes would be nice,” she says still giggling. “Whose room is this?” she asks.

  “Oh, this is my room,” I confirm.

  “Ah, well I’m wearing your boxers and shirt, sorry,” she replies sheepishly.

  Fuck, the thought of her in my boxers has my cock standing to attention. Not now man! Getting my phone out I text Kate, she replies saying her and Beau will sort it while they are out.

  “Kate is going to get you some stuff while she’s out with Beau,” I tell her.

  “Thank you, Jason,” she says giving me a slight smile.

  “Your welcome, anything you need, just let me know,” I say as I can’t stop looking at her.

  I can see her looking at my kut. She runs her fingers over the patch showing my road name.

  “Now that road name has got to have a story,” she teases.

  Laughing, she has no idea.

  “You remember I’ve always been a bit of a joker, pulling pranks and stuff?” I ask as she nods her head in agreement. “When I was prospect, we went to a travelling fair, there was this Joker dancing around. The idiot lost his footing and fell taking me with him. He ended up on top of me. The guys thought this was hilarious and said I’d been ‘jokered.’ I got called Joker ever since,” I end with a shrug.

  By the time I’m finished Carrie is holding her stomach, laughing so much. The sight is amazing; she looks so free and happy.

  “That is the best story ever,” she says between giggles.

  “Glad I can amuse you,” I say with my own chuckle.
<
br />   Gracing me with a soft smile, she innocently tucks a strand of hair behind her ear causing my cock to wake up again. Damn it!

  “How has Beau been?” she asks.

  Knowing how important our son is to her makes me want her more.

  “He’s been great. He’s really coming into himself; Prez has helped me get a lawyer so we can make sure he has the right paperwork so he can start school,” I rush out my voice laced with excitement.

  Her face drops and I know I’ve said the wrong thing.

  “I’m so sorry Jason,” She says as she puts her head in her hands.

  Unable to stop myself I reach for her and cradle her against me.

  “Babydoll, you did the best job you could with the situation you were in. You have nothing to be sorry about. He’s a great kid. He’s so clever. You taught him well,” I reassure her.

  Holding her tightly against me but no too tightly that I hurt her, I run my hands down her hair in a soothing motion. Just wanting to comfort her and make sure she knows we're in this together. I repeat those words out loud for Carrie to hear.

  “We’re in this together now Carrie. I’m his dad and I’m going to step up to help.”

  Raising her head, she gives me a small smile, cupping my face.

  “You’re a good man Jason Davis.”

  Looking into her eyes, I can see the mix of emotions she’s feeling. The moment is broken when Beau comes bounding into the room.

  “Mamma, Dad, I’ve had the most amazing day with Aunt Kate.” He shouts as he dives onto the bed and crawls between us.

  “That’s great kid.” I say ruffling his hair.

  He swats my hand away which causes us all to laugh. Kate comes in the room, weighted down with bags, a prospect following behind with more bags and a scowl on his face. Dumping the bags on the floor, he leaves muttering about stubborn women, pains in his arse as he leaves. Guess Kate has not behaved herself.

  “Hey girlie, got you all the shit you need.” Kate says as she dumps her bags.

  “Yeah Mamma, I helped pick out some girly shit,” Beau confirms with a big grin on his face.