Car Wash

by Shawn Lane

  “I see. I hadn’t realized you would feel that way.” Michael turned away, gathering his composure. He was used to being in control. Liked it that way. He wanted everything in his life to fit neatly, the way he imagined it should. For just a moment he’d thought Kevin could be part of it.

  He could feel Kevin watching him, but the other man didn’t say anything else.

  He finally turned back to look at Kevin. “I’m sorry. I guess I have been pressuring you. I was under the impression you wanted to have sex with me.”

  Kevin opened his mouth, but only a squeak came out.

  “I never meant to imply you were obligated to because I was buying you things and offering you a job. What was the first night then? Did you think because I bought you dinner you had to have sex?”

  “No, no. Michael, that’s not—”

  “Or were you still playing out your fantasy from when you were fifteen? You wanted to finally say you’d slept with me?” He was floundering here, and he knew it. “What happened, Kevin? Was I not as good as you thought I’d be?”

  “That wasn’t what I meant at all. You know I wanted you. I still—”

  “Well, forget it,” Michael cut him off. “It’s over.”

  “What?”

  He nodded. “You heard me. I don’t want you thinking you have to put out. You’re right, I was being just like old man Lewis.”

  Kevin grimaced. “I didn’t really mean that.”

  “Yeah, you did. I don’t want you believing I think you’re a boy toy. Look, I still want you to take the job at the firm. I’ll still give you rides there until you get some transportation. You’d have to take too many buses otherwise. But that’s it, okay? Nothing else.” His stomach was knotted and he felt bereft, but he didn’t know what to do about it. He couldn’t force Kevin to want something more with him. Hell, maybe he was starting to feel the way Kevin must have felt when Michael had rejected him.

  Kevin stared at him, his mouth hanging open. “You-you don’t mean that.”

  Michael swallowed. “I do. It’s over, Kevin. Let’s keep things strictly business between us.” He glanced at his watch. “In fact, I should go. Thanks for the offer of dinner, but I’ll have to pass.”

  “You can’t do this.” Kevin shook his head. “You can’t just turn it on and off like that, Michael.”

  “Yes, I can,” he insisted. “Listen, we were moving way too fast anyway. Or at least I was. I was pushing you and trying to make you be with me when you didn’t really want to. I get it. Now that we’ve got it out of our systems—”

  “Out of our systems?” This time Kevin cut him off. “You think I’m out of your system now? Is that what it was to you? Getting the stupid kid who had a crush on you out of your system? Me too, huh? I just wanted to bed Michael Bennett the stud, right?”

  “Maybe.”

  “God, you’re such a prick sometimes.”

  That really hurt. “You said yourself I was trying to pay you for sex.”

  “I said a lot of shit. I was pissed, okay? If you actually think about it, you know very well I’ve been with you because I wanted to be. But now that we had a fight you just cut your losses?”

  Michael nodded. Maybe it was for the best. He’d been pushing the whole thing too fast. Maybe he had been trying to buy Kevin’s affection.

  “Fuck you, Michael. If I’m so unimportant, then you’re right. It is over. Get out.” Kevin crossed his arms and turned his back.

  Automatically his hand went out to touch Kevin, but he dropped it again. His head was still swimming and his heart pounding too hard. He didn’t know what to think or what to do, but he guessed he needed some time. He moved toward the door and twisted the knob. “I’ll come get you Monday at seven forty-five.”

  * * * *

  “Are you sure you want to be here?” Gabby asked him, reaching across the table to grasp his hand.

  Kevin blinked and gave her his best fake smile. Really he didn’t know why he hadn’t gone into acting. He’d been good at it in drama class.

  They’d decided to go to dinner after Gabby’s shift at the car wash. She’d even come by to pick him up, and her mom was watching her kids. So, great, now he was dating chicks. Okay, so he wasn’t really on a date with Gabby.

  “Of course I do,” Kevin lied. He knew where he wanted to be on Saturday night, and no offense to Gabby, but it wasn’t with her. “I’m sorry. I’m sort of preoccupied.”

  She nodded. “Boyfriend trouble?”

  “I don’t have a boyfriend.” Man, he sounded really pathetic. No wonder Gabby looked unhappy to be having dinner with him. He picked up his menu and forced cheer into his tone. “What are you going to have?”

  “I’m torn between the enchiladas and the chile relleno.”

  Kevin let his gaze wander to the waiter walking past their table. He wore tight black pants and a short Mexican-style coat embroidered with peppers and chilies. Unfortunately, even though the man had a fine ass, Kevin didn’t even perk up a little.

  “I think I’ll go with the shrimp fajitas.”

  Gabby popped a chip covered in salsa in her mouth. She chewed and swallowed. “I thought you were seeing someone. No?”

  “It didn’t work out.” He’d gotten the words out without choking on them. He was pretty proud of himself.

  The waiter stopped by, and they ordered their food.

  Kevin reached for his margarita and took a large sip. “You wanted to tell me some big news?”

  Gabby smiled broadly. “Yes, I met the new owner! He came by the car wash today and he’s going to make me the manager. Can you believe it?”

  You saw Michael? almost came out of his mouth like a desperate plea, but he stopped himself in time and said instead, “Wow, that’s great, Gabby. I hope he’s giving you a big fat raise.”

  “I am getting a raise. He said I knew the car wash better than anyone, having worked there so long. God, he’s so much better than Lewis. I can’t wait until the change is completed.”

  “Yeah, it’s too bad I got that other job.” He gulped down the rest of his margarita, ignoring the pain in his head from drinking something icy so fast. He wanted another one. No ten more. Anything to dull the pain of being the biggest idiot on the planet. One day he’d learn to keep his mouth shut.

  “Are you kidding? That is so cool. I’m so happy for you, Kevin. Everything is working out for both of us.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “You start Monday, right? Are you nervous?”

  Only nervous that he wouldn’t make a total fool out of himself and jump Michael and beg for forgiveness. “Nah, I can handle it.” He stopped the waiter and held out his empty glass. “Can I get another one?”

  Chapter 7

  Kevin decided to wait in the parking lot of his apartment building for Michael Monday morning. Since Michael was picking him up for the job it was the least he could do.

  He’d spent Sunday evening trying to pick something to wear for his first day. It made him a bit girly, he guessed. He chose a plain brown pair of slacks and a white button-down shirt. Total geek clothes as far as he was concerned. At least he’d retouched the red streaks in his dark hair. He probably shouldn’t be wearing the little crystal stud in his nose or the small gold hoop in his ear either.

  Kevin caught sight of the Maserati just as he turned his wrist to check the time on his watch. Right on time. He wondered if Michael had timed it to the second.

  The car glided to a stop next to him, and Kevin opened the door.

  “Good morning,” Michael said.

  “Morning.” Kevin slipped into the seat and snapped the seat belt.

  Michael gestured to a paper cup with a lid. “I bought you coffee. I don’t know if you like it sweetened or with cream, so I got the packages, and you can make it the way you like it. There’s a breakfast sandwich for you in that bag too.”

  Kevin glanced down at the fast-food bag at his feet. A lump formed in his throat. Even now Michael was trying to take care of him. “
Thanks.”

  “I’d appreciate if you wait until we get to the office though. No eating or drinking in my car.”

  “All right.” Kevin looked out the window as Michael pulled out of the parking lot. “Isn’t this really out of your way?”

  “Yes.”

  Michael’s tone chilled him, and Kevin hugged himself. For a moment the humiliation and loneliness from when he was fifteen reared its ugly head. He pushed it away as best he could. He didn’t want to go down that road again. He’d gotten past that, hadn’t he?

  “You look nice,” Michael said into the awkward silence.

  “I look like a dork. But it’s better than the car-wash smock.” Kevin sighed and leaned back. “When I worked at my old job I used to spend a lot of money on clothes. I went out a lot to this gay bar in West Hollywood. I don’t go there much anymore.”

  “Why not?”

  He shrugged. “Well, transportation’s an issue. I could probably get some people to pick me up, I guess. Most of that crowd doesn’t know I lost my job though. Most of them don’t much care. It’s not like they were good friends or anything. Anyway, I didn’t usually have to pay for drinks because a lot of guys would buy them for me whenever I went there. To be honest I didn’t always like the way I acted while I was there.” Kevin toyed with the hem of his shirt, feeling stupid for sharing all this information with Michael considering things.

  “Yeah, it’s best you stay away from those kinds of places. Guys are looking for an easy lay, and they’ll slip stuff into your drinks,” Michael said. “I don’t like the idea of you going there.”

  Kevin decided it was definitely time to change the subject. “You didn’t tell me how much this job would pay.”

  “How much did you make at the car wash?”

  “Minimum wage plus tips.”

  “And at your old office job?”

  “Sixteen an hour.”

  Michael nodded. “Okay. How about twenty an hour.”

  “Twenty?” Kevin repeated.

  “Not enough? How about twenty-two?”

  Kevin’s mouth fell open. “For filing and inputting and stuff?”

  “Twenty-five? Whatever you want, Kevin. Just tell me.”

  He closed his mouth and looked out the window again. “Twenty’s fine. Maybe I could look for a motorcycle this week. They aren’t as expensive as a car, and you won’t have to keep giving me rides. Besides, I still have my pink helmet.”

  The corners of Michael’s mouth curved up. “Pink?”

  “Uh-huh. It’s dramatic.”

  “That it is,” Michael agreed.

  Kevin waited for Michael to make another comment about how he shouldn’t get a motorcycle, but this time Michael remained silent. Oddly enough it depressed him further. Yeah, he was definitely an idiot. He’d thought for a moment when Michael brought him breakfast maybe the man did care about him and maybe there might be a chance they could talk about things and see each other again. Stupid.

  * * * *

  The week had gone by pretty fast. Michael could hardly believe it was already six-thirty on Thursday evening, and he was once again, as he had all week, driving Kevin back to his apartment.

  Damn, it was getting frustrating. Michael had hoped if he didn’t push it, Kevin would come around. Instead, as the week progressed he’d become more distant. That morning when Michael had picked the younger man up he’d come equipped with a MP3 player and earphones. He had the damn thing on now too.

  His cell phone beeped and he said into his wireless earpiece, “Michael Bennett.”

  “Danny Bennett.”

  “Hello.”

  His brother chuckled. “How are things going in the love department?”

  Michael glanced briefly at the man slumped in the passenger seat. Kevin’s fingers tapped to whatever likely obnoxious music he played on his device. “I can’t really talk about that case right now.”

  “Is he there with you?”

  “Yes, I’m on my way home right now. The plaintiff is being…difficult.”

  Danny laughed again. “I see. I shouldn’t laugh, sorry. I know you’re having a rough time.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Why don’t you just talk to him? I know, I know. You’re giving him space. It’s all part of the Michael Bennett strategy. It’s not working though. You’re going to have to do something. If you still want him, that is.”

  He sighed, his gut twisting. “I do. I’m just not sure it’s going to happen.”

  “Well, hang in there, and call me later when you can talk.”

  “Okay, bye.” Michael looked over at Kevin again and cleared his throat loudly to get the man’s attention. Blue eyes glanced his way. “Want to grab something to eat? Some dinner?”

  Kevin took out the earphones. “Can’t. I promised to call Noah.”

  Michael’s throat clogged. Did Kevin have another man in his life already? He forced himself to ask casually, “Noah? Is that your boyfriend?”

  Kevin shook his head. “No. Just an old friend. Once I hoped…”

  When Kevin didn’t continue, Michael found himself prodding. “Once you hoped?”

  “I had a thing for Noah for a while, but he never really knew about it or encouraged it.” Kevin’s full lips twisted. “Sort of like you.”

  “Kevin.”

  “Anyway, Noah has a hot boyfriend named Charlie. They live together now.”

  Michael pushed aside the jealousy and said, “Okay, so no dinner. That’s fine.” He pulled up to the curb in front of Kevin’s building. “See you in the morning, Kevin.”

  “Good night.” Kevin waved and headed for his apartment.

  * * * *

  It was almost four o’clock Friday afternoon when an e-mail popped up from Michael in his work inbox. The subject line read, Leaving early.

  The week had gone by surprisingly fast and the job was really easy. He’d seen on the paperwork given to him that Michael had settled on twenty-two an hour. Ridiculously high for what he was doing, but he didn’t mind the work, and the people there were really nice.

  Kevin bit his lip and opened the e-mail.

  I have a date tonight, so I want to leave early today. Be ready at four-thirty.

  For a second, his vision blurred. A date? Michael had a date? He found it hard to catch his breath, and his eyes burned.

  Fuck.

  Swallowing his pain, Kevin picked up the phone on his desk and called Noah. Last night he’d finally told Noah everything. He’d gotten a big lecture about hiding secrets from his old friend, but Kevin had felt so much better. “Hi, it’s Kevin.”

  “Kev? What’s up? You sound different. Are you okay?”

  “No,” he admitted. “I…I really need a friend tonight. Can you—can you pick me up from work?”

  “Of course. What happened?”

  “It’s stupid.”

  “Tell me anyway.”

  “Michael has a date.”

  “Oh. I’m sorry, Kevin.” Noah sighed. “I’ll be there as soon as I can. You can come over tonight. We’ll make you dinner. Okay?”

  Kevin closed his eyes, trying to not let his emotions get out of control. “Thanks. I’ll see you in a few.”

  After he hung up the phone, he typed a response to Michael.

  It’s fine. I have another ride. Have a good time.

  He made himself hit Send.

  * * * *

  Kevin accepted the beer from Noah’s boyfriend, Charlie Banks, with as much of a smile as he could manage. “Thanks.”

  Charlie nodded. “Are you sure you don’t need something stronger?”

  “I’d better not. I have a tendency to get weepy when I drink the strong stuff, and I’m depressed already.”

  Noah came out from the kitchen and rested a hand on Charlie’s back. “Everything okay?”

  “Yes, you can stop asking me that.” Kevin let himself check out the two men for a moment. They looked so easy and happy together. Noah with his all-American boy-next-door looks, and Cha
rlie with his dark curly hair, deep brown soulful eyes and movie-star handsomeness. Still he knew Noah almost hadn’t gotten his happy ending with Charlie. “What’s for dinner?”

  “Pork chops, mashed potatoes and gravy, and green beans,” Charlie answered. “I’ll go check on it.”

  Noah smiled at his lover and then turned back to Kevin when he’d gone into the kitchen. “So what are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know.” Kevin took a swig of beer. “I don’t know if I can work there. I don’t know what to do.”

  “Well, I’m still pissed at you for not telling me you got laid off and almost got kicked out of your apartment,” Noah said. “But, listen, you can live in my house if you want. It’s just sitting there empty now since I moved in here.”

  “I can’t afford to pay much.”

  “You don’t have to pay anything. The house is paid for. I’ll also ask at my office. They might need someone.”

  “Hey, hon, can you give me a hand for moment?” Charlie called from the kitchen.

  “Be right there,” Noah yelled back. He hugged Kevin. “Think about it, won’t you?”

  Kevin nodded. “I will.”

  “Be back in a second.” He gestured to the bottle in Kevin’s hand. “Need another?”

  “Maybe. I’m gonna get some air.” Kevin smiled reassuringly and walked over to the front door. He opened it and stepped out into the balmy evening. From Charlie’s front porch he could see Noah’s old home a few houses away. Funny how Noah ended up getting together with the guy he grew up with. Looked like that wasn’t going to happen for Kevin.

  His phone vibrated against his left butt cheek. Kevin pulled it out and flipped it open. Michael.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi.” Michael’s voice came out strained, raw.

  “Are you all right?”

  “No. You?”

  Kevin closed his eyes. “No.”

  “Kevin, I want to see you again. I’m sorry for our fight and sorry for how it’s been between us the last week.”

  His heart pounding hard, Kevin whispered, “Really?”

  “Yes.”

  “What…what about your date?”