Dirty Secret Baby

by Alycia Taylor

  When I got to the basement, I tried to see if I could see her walking around. There was a makeshift curtain that acted as a door of sorts to give her the privacy against anyone walking in from the house. I couldn’t see her, so I called out her name, but I got no response. I walked in anyway, deciding to rouse her with a cup of coffee. Everyone liked waking up to the smell of caffeine. But when I opened the curtain, I saw that she was fast asleep on the bed and completely naked. The basement had always been unusually hot, and I saw her discarded clothes next to the bed that she’d probably taken off when she had gotten too hot in the night. I knew I should walk away. I knew it was wrong for me to stand there while she had no idea she was being watched. But I couldn’t seem to pull my gaze away from her.

  Savannah was still a beautiful woman. Six years had changed her body, and so had having a kid, but it only seemed to amplify her beauty to me. Her breasts were a little plumper, her skin soft, and little white stretchmarks showed on her hips. I couldn’t help but feel aroused at the sight of her. And there was something so peaceful about her at that moment. I thought back to the way she was six years ago, when we’d seen each other naked for the first time. She’d been a confident woman, someone that wasn’t afraid to show who she was to the world. But I had noticed a shift in her since she’d come back to me. Something had changed her. Something had closed her up. But now, completely naked on the bed, she was back to that same woman I had first met. This was her true self. This beautiful goddess of a woman.

  Of course, I should’ve known that the peace wouldn’t last, just as I should’ve known that standing staring at her wasn’t the best idea. She opened her eyes and shrieked as she saw me standing there. I jumped back in surprise and almost spilled the coffee.

  “Sorry,” I said. “I just thought you might want some coffee.”

  She frowned. “You were watching me.”

  “No, I was bringing you coffee. Do you want it or not?” I wasn’t sure why I was acting defensive like this. I was clearly in the wrong. I just didn’t want to admit it.

  “Yes, I want coffee,” she said and took it from my hand. I was surprised to see that she hadn’t yet covered herself up. Even though I’d spent the last few minutes staring at her, I now didn’t know where to look.

  “Where’s Bobby?”

  “Pop came by early to get him. He wanted to spend some time with him at his new shop. Pop has taken a liking to him, and I think the feeling is mutual. Anyway, drink your coffee and get ready. I’m taking you to work with me.”

  “Oh yeah? Is that so?” she said. I could see she was still annoyed with me, but that only served to fuel my annoyance back at her even more. She was one of the fieriest women I’d ever met. I was secretly glad to see this part of her back again. I preferred it to the timid woman that had knocked on my shop door.

  “Yes, that’s so. Now don’t take too long. I want to go soon. Enjoy your coffee,” I said. I thought she’d shout back and tell me that she wasn’t coming, but she surprised me by doing the exact opposite. She took a big sip of her coffee, then put it down and walked to the bathroom to get ready. As she walked, I was surprised that she once again wasn’t trying to hide herself from me. I gulped as I saw her from behind and then quickly scurried away before she could accuse me of watching her again.

  I went back up upstairs and tried to calm myself down. I had no idea what was going on, but I felt myself starting to spiral out of control. Get yourself together man, I said while I waited for her to get ready. But the more I sat in the kitchen trying to control myself the more I started thinking about her. I couldn’t get the memory of her naked flesh out of my mind. I wanted to run my hands over her beautiful body. Stop it!

  Maybe I should go back down? Maybe I should tell her that I was sorry for standing there watching her? Maybe I should at least give her the opportunity to tell me if she wants to come with me to work? I found myself moving back towards the basement without thought. With each step I took, I knew that it was not the real reason I was going back down there again. I knew that I just had to see her one more time. I got down and heard the water running in the shower. I took a deep breath and walked towards it.

  Chapter Ten

  Savannah

  I got to the bathroom and tried desperately not to cry. I could feel my body trembling and hoped that Axel had noticed. I had surprised myself by not covering my body with him around even though every single part of me wanted to run under the covers and cry. How long had he been watching me? Was he comparing my body to the way he had remembered it from six years ago? Was he disappointed? Was he laughing at me? I couldn’t tell by the look on his face. Although, I was sure I hadn’t seen any of the desire that I remembered seeing from him once upon a time.

  “You’re very sweet; you know that?”

  I still remembered the words he had uttered to me all those years ago. He’d been the only man to have ever called me sweet. The only man to have ever picked me and carried me to bed. Why did I still remember those details when so many other memories were blurred inside my head? It frustrated me that he had left such a big mark on my life. Did he still have those thoughts about me? I doubted it.

  I hadn’t had a boyfriend in a very long time. Not since long before I met Axel. When I’d met him, I’d come out of a longish relationship and hadn’t been ready to settle. Then, I’d fallen pregnant and decided that I needed to be myself. I’d thought about it over the years. After all, I was still a woman, and I still had desires and dreams. But I’d never met anyone worth making the effort for. I’d gone on a few dates, each one as miserable as the next. The last time I’d been on a date had been eight months ago, and afterward, I’d sworn I would never date again.

  Peter Farson was a hot-blooded thirty-two-year-old man with a particular penchant for tall women. Naturally, this was something I viewed as a major bonus, o when he asked me out on a date using that as his opening line, I agreed. He was a good-looking man, although perhaps not my type. He was very clean cut, very ‘suit and tie.’ It was a look I had never been keen on. But I was not one to judge someone by the way they looked and decided it was worth a try. I liked the way that he looked at me, and I was happy when he didn’t flinch at the idea of me having a son. I’d left Bobby with my father and gone on the date.

  It had been the first time I’d dressed up in a long time, and even Bobby had been taken aback by it. My father told me I looked beautiful and seemed happy that I was finally going out into the world. Although he never said it to my face, I knew he worried about me all the time. When Peter saw me, he whistled and told me that I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He took me to a fancy restaurant where we ordered fancy food and fancy wine. I hadn’t been spoiled like that in such a long time. All my money went towards making sure Bobby had a good life for himself. It was nice to sit back and let someone else worry for a change. And, for the most part, Peter and I had a good night. Things were a little stilted at first, and I wasn’t sure if he was the right one for me, but I changed my mind as the night progressed. Although, looking back, I could now see that had everything to do with amount of wine we had consumed and nothing to do with me actually having a change of heart.

  After the dinner, he asked if I wanted to come back to his place for coffee. He’d winked, and instead of cringing, I’d laughed. We both knew what he meant by coffee. I said yes, mostly because I was having such a good time, and also because I wanted to sober up before going home.

  Back at his house, he’d kissed me as soon as we walked through the door. I hadn’t been kissed by a man in such a long time that I felt my entire body melt in his presence. He had given me a boost of confidence that I so dearly needed. While he was watching, I took my clothes off, doing a bit of a fun striptease at the same time. I only stopped when I saw the frown on his face.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked him. I suddenly realized how bright the room was. I felt too exposed, with nowhere to go. I didn’t like the way he was looking at me. I felt desperate t
o pick up my clothes again. The warm fuzzy feeling I had felt not so long ago had gone, and I now felt stone cold sober.

  “Oh, uh, nothing,” he said. But I saw that he was looking at my stomach.

  I looked down at the lines of stretch marks that my pregnancy had left me with and I looked back at him in surprise. Was he really turned off by the way I looked? I knew my body wasn’t what it used to be, but did it matter? Surely he knew that a woman my age wouldn’t be perfect.

  “They’re stretch marks,” I told him. “You know, from the pregnancy.”

  He nodded. “Ah, yes. I forgot you had a baby.” I didn’t like the way he said that. Clearly, he had forgotten all about Bobby. I thought of Bobby then and wished that I was home with him instead, cuddled on the sofa as usual.

  “Yeah, is that a problem for you?”

  “Well, no. Of course not. It’s okay; it just took me by surprise. That’s all. No need to worry. Let’s not stop what we had started. In fact, let’s go to the room. There’s a dimmer for the light there.”

  I stared at him in shock. “You only want to make love to me if you can’t see me?”

  “I don’t want to make love to you. I want to have sex with you,” he said. Then he sighed. “I’m sorry. I just thought, you know, with you being so tall, that you would be more model-like. I’m not put off by it. I just need to get used to it. That’s all.” Then he had the nerve to smile at me as if what he had said was actually okay.

  “Take me home.”

  We’d driven home in complete silence. I’d slammed the car door when I got out and promised myself that I would never date again. At least Bobby loved me for who I was. Marks and all.

  And now, here I was again, feeling ashamed of myself. I didn’t want to feel that way. I loved my body. I had looked at myself in the mirror only a few days ago and felt proud of the person I was. Sure, I didn’t look exactly the same as I used to. But I had a beautiful, healthy boy because of it, and for that, I should be grateful. Why then did I feel so hurt by the way that Axel had looked at me? Why did it hurt so much more than it had with Peter? Why did I want him to like me so much? I wiped away the tears and stood under the warm water. The worst part of it was that sitting completely naked in front of Axel like that had actually turned me on. I felt between my legs and noticed I was still wet because of it. I knew that he didn’t feel the same way, and that infuriated me more than anything. It wasn’t fair. I closed my eyes and felt the water wash over me and made a promise to myself that I would never let that happen again. I’d have to tell him that he wasn’t allowed in my room. It might be his house, but that didn’t give him the right to come barging in like that.

  I opened my eyes and screamed when I saw Axel standing in front of me. I stepped away from under the water and glared at him. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, but I tried not to show it. If he thought I was going to hide away from him, he was wrong. This was my body, and I was proud of it. I didn’t care what stupid men like Peter or Axel had to say about it.

  “What the hell do you think you’re doing here? You can’t just come in like this when I’m showering!”

  But Axel didn’t answer me. First, I saw his gaze trail up and down my body, taking me in. I wondered if he was going to laugh until I saw the look of pure desire on his face. Then, before I knew what was happening, he had taken his clothes off and had stepped into the shower with me. I tried to speak but I couldn’t because he had pinned me against the wall of the shower and was kissing me with a hunger even greater than the first time our lips had met. I kissed him back even though I wished I could resist him. The moment his lips were on mine, and his tongue had found mine, I knew it was something that I had been waiting to have happen again for six years. Six long and lonely years.

  Axel’s hands were all over me. He leaned down and kissed my neck, and then went down further to kiss my breasts, sucking gently at each wet nipple as the water poured over our bodies. He trailed down to my stomach, and I felt my body stiffen at the feel of his lips against my stretch marks. But he continued to lick them and touch me as if I was the most beautiful woman in the world. My legs parted as he made his way in between my legs, his tongue searching inside my folds. Water was still splashing against us, and the cold shower door contrasted enticingly with the warmth of his body. When he came back up, I reached out and felt for him, happy to feel how hard he was against my hand. I cupped him, and he groaned. I pulled in towards me, and he thrust against me until he was inside me. I didn’t know it was possible to have sex in the shower. I thought that was something they just showed on TV. But with Axel, it seemed that anything was possible.

  I came hard and fast. I hadn’t had an orgasm in such a long time, not even by my own hands. And I had forgotten how incredible and freeing it felt to let go like that. I felt him shudder inside me as I clenched around him, and I knew that he had come too.

  When it was over, we stood there just looking at each other. He gulped, then got out of the shower to grab a towel and put on his clothes. I stayed in the shower to finish washing my hair, but mostly because I didn’t know what to do with myself. I had no idea how to react. Suddenly his head popped back into the shower. I couldn’t figure out his expression at all and had no idea what he was thinking.

  “That’s not going to happen again,” he said, and I felt my heart shatter on the floor. I hoped he didn’t see how devastated I was. “But I am still taking you to work. I’ll wait for you upstairs and we can go when you’re ready.”

  And just like that, he was gone. I closed my eyes. My body was more relaxed than it had been in years, but my mind felt like it was spinning out of control. What the hell had just happened?

  Chapter Eleven

  Axel

  It was good to have extra work in the shop. Spike had been nagging me for quite some time now. He’d found someone to help in on the odd days, but we did need someone a bit more permanent. Savannah had argued when I’d first suggested the post to her. I wasn’t even sure why she was resistant to it. She clearly needed a job. She’d said so herself, and here I was offering one right up to her. But I knew she wanted to prove something to me and to herself. She wanted to show me that she could do it on her own. I finally convinced her though. Either that, or Pop managed to get through to her. We assured her that we’d give her a trial run so that we could make sure that everyone was happy and on board with it all. Within a day, we all knew that we wanted her to stay.

  Savannah was hard working. The moment she sat down at the desk she began working, and she didn’t stop until someone told her she had to. She’d done more for the shop than I had done in months and I felt grateful to have her there. I got her to work on some of the general admin and also to help out with the books. No matter what work I threw her way, she seemed to know exactly what to do. She didn’t really get into what she had been doing before this, but I knew it had something to do with working for her father. That’s what Bobby had told me at least. That was the nice thing about having Bobby around. Savannah might not be willing to tell me things, but Bobby had no idea how to keep his mouth closed.

  It was strange how quickly we had fallen into a routine together. Savannah just felt like she had always been there. And everyone at the shop felt comfortable around her. The guys were always going on at me when it came to women, always teasing, poking and prodding. It was the way the guys had always been with one another. But, for some reason, they didn’t say anything to me about Savannah. I could tell by the way they all looked at her and the way that they interacted with her, that they liked her a great deal. I could tell they thought she was beautiful. But nobody said a word to me. I knew it was because of Bobby. She wasn’t just any woman. She was the mother of my child. They probably understood what a big and scary deal that was for me. And if there was one thing none of us liked to talk about with one another, it was anything serious.

  Having Savannah at the shop was great. It gave me more time to work on the bikes with Spike, and more time to prepar
e for races. I often didn’t get much time with the bikes themselves because I was always running around trying to sort one problem out after another. I’d opened the shop because I had such a love for it, so it was good to finally get my hands dirty again.

  “Nice to have you back in the shop so much,” Spike said to me that day.

  I grinned up at him. “Oh yeah? You like having the boss around? I thought you’d hate it.”

  “I don’t mind having the boss around. As long as he pays me on time.”

  “Ha! I’ve always paid you on time,” I said.

  He shook his head. “Not last month.”

  “I was a week late. But I sorted that out.”

  “Yeah, but only because I complained. I think it’s good that we finally have someone else dealing with the books. Let’s be honest; numbers were never your strong point.”

  I laughed. “That’s true. They drive me crazy. And Savannah is so good with them. Hell, she’s good at everything,” I mused and ignored the look that Spike had given me. I looked up at him and groaned. “Not like that.”

  “Sure. Sure,” he said and chuckled to himself before continuing with the bike he was working on.

  He was right, of course. Savannah really was good at everything. Even though I had told her that what happened in the bathroom would never happen again, it hadn’t stopped me from thinking about it. Hell, I’d thought about it every single day since it happened. Six years had not lessened my desire for her. Over the past six years, I had often wondered if I had just dreamed that night with her. I knew it had happened, of course, but I wasn’t sure if it had been as good as I thought it to be. I kept telling myself that I had over exaggerated it in my mind. Nobody could be that good, surely?