Dirty Secret Baby

by Alycia Taylor

  Chapter Twenty

  Savannah

  When I walked away from XMC, I thought I was walking away from my old life. I should’ve known that it wouldn’t be that easy. I had convinced myself that Duke didn’t have a hold on me anymore, but deep down, I knew that he did. I thought I was protecting Bobby, but all I had done was put a bigger spotlight on his back. And I’d shone that light on Axel too. A man who had been nothing but nice to us. He didn’t deserve this. I thought back to how he’d stood up for me to Duke even though Duke was clearly a lot bigger and stronger than him. He’d told Duke that I was nobody’s property.

  He’d refused to talk to me on the way home. I’d gone to the basement, and my heart had lifted when I’d heard his footsteps on the stairs. But he just wanted to tell me that Bobby was staying the night at Pop’s house.

  “Can we talk?” I asked him.

  He had shaken his head. “No.” He’d walked back up the stairs, and I hadn’t followed him.

  We spent the night avoiding one another. I went into the kitchen when he was in his room to get something to eat and then ate back in the basement. I didn’t know what to do with myself but knew that I only had myself to blame. I had done this to the family. I had torn us all apart. I felt angry at my father and wished he was alive for me to tell him so. Why had he gotten involved with Duke in the first place? Why had he made me stay with the club for all these years? He’d been desperate for me to get in touch with Axel just before he died, so he knew that he’d done the wrong thing all those years. I just wished he hadn’t passed away. I didn’t want to deal with Duke all by myself.

  The next morning I lay in bed for a long time wondering what I was going to do. I was glad that Bobby wasn’t there. I had no idea how to explain it all to him. And, at six years old, he was old enough to fully understand it all. It had been easier when he was younger, and we could just pretend.

  I finally forced myself to go upstairs. It was time for work, and I knew Axel would be waiting for me. When I got there, he handed me a cup of coffee. I took it from him gratefully. Maybe he was finally ready to talk.

  “Look, Axel—"

  But Axel interrupted me. “I’ve talked to Pop. We’ve both agreed that it’s best that you spend the day with him today. Bobby is there, and it will be good that you are all together. I want you all safe, and I’m not sure that work is the best place for you.”

  “It’s okay, Axel. I’ll be fine,” I said to him.

  He shook his head. “No, you won’t be. You know that Duke isn’t gone for good. You know that. Be honest with me.”

  I sighed. “You’re right. He’s not. And I’m so sorry.”

  “You’ll go to Pop’s while we figure out what to do. Okay?”

  “I don’t want to worry Pop with all of this.”

  “Too late, Savannah. You should’ve thought about that before. We’re all involved now, and if you think we’re just going to walk away, then you’re wrong. Now, above all, I think we need to make sure that we put Bobby first. He is our number one priority right now.”

  “I agree with that.”

  “Good, then I’ll take you to Pop’s on the way to work.”

  I didn’t argue. There didn’t seem to be much of a point to it. He was right. The last thing I wanted to do was to spend the day at Pop’s house with Bobby with all of this going on, but there didn’t seem to be an alternative for me. All of this was my fault. I nodded and went to get my things. I stuffed a few clothes and other items into my bag just in case I was going to be staying there longer than just a day. I packed some of Bobby’s things too. In the car, the two of us didn’t say a word to one another. I hated the silence, but I had no idea what to say, so I just kept quiet. When we got to Pop’s house, he got out the car and made sure that I was okay. I went inside to check on Bobby while Axel talked to Pop. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but I got the impression it wasn’t anything good. I felt deeply ashamed that I had put them in this predicament.

  “Hello, Mommy. Are you staying with us today?” Bobby asked. He was in the living room with a myriad of toys and books around him. No wonder he loved coming to Pop’s place all the time.

  “I sure am,” I said with a smile. “I have the day off work.”

  “Yay! Then we can play.”

  “I would love that. I’m going to make some tea first. I’ll be back to play in a few minutes.”

  I walked off and wiped a tear away from my face. I was going to have to keep it together in front of Bobby, but I was finding it difficult. I heard Axel drive off and heard the front door close.

  “Tea?” I said to Pop.

  “Yes, please, my darling,” he said and smiled at him.

  “I’m . . . I’m so sorry,” I said. “About all of this. I don’t know what to say or what to do. Or how to even explain.”

  He held up his hand. “Don’t say sorry, my girl. Please don’t.”

  “I feel like I owe you at least an explanation.”

  “No, you don’t. Now, Bobby is here, so let’s just try and have a normal day, okay?”

  I nodded. “Okay.”

  I made the tea and went to sit in the living room with Bobby. He kept me busy, and I tried not to think about what had happened the day before. I kept picturing Duke appearing in the living room and demanding to take me back with him. I wasn’t sure if being in the house with just Pop and Bobby was such a good idea. How safe were we here? But then again, where would I really go to be safe? At least here Pop had everything locked. And if anything were to happen, he could call the cops and call Axel. It was better than me being alone. I hadn’t realized how nervous I was up until now.

  Later that day, Bobby started asking about Axel. He wanted to go and see him at work and couldn’t understand why we had to stay home. I made up some lie and told him that Axel was out with clients that day and promised that he would be back later. I hated lying to Bobby, and I knew that one day we’d have to talk to him, but for now, it was easier if he didn’t know everything. The less he knew, the better all of this was going to be. Then he wanted to go and play on the front lawn, and I wouldn’t let him.

  “But why, Mom?” he asked.

  “Why don’t you go and play out back?” I said.

  “Because the front lawn is better and there’s a basketball hoop there. Why is everything locked? Pop usually lets me go out front.”

  “Not today,” I said. I didn’t know what else to say, but thankfully Pop overheard us and came to my rescue.

  “I need some help in the garden,” Pop said. “The lawn out back is not looking too good, and I want to make it just perfect for when Candice, Dominic, and Stacy come to visit. Do you want to help me? Do you know how to garden?”

  I threw him a grateful look when Bobby went bounding out after him. Within seconds, he had all but forgotten about his desire to go out to the front. I sat outside for a while, watching the two of them, but my mind kept wandering, and I knew I needed something else to distract me. The longer I sat, the more I thought about Axel and Duke and the more upset I became. If I wasn’t careful, I’d burst into tears at any moment. Eventually, when I couldn’t take it anymore, I went inside and started to clean the house. I put the radio on and cleaned every part of the house. Pop came inside to get something to eat and told me that I didn’t have to clean, but I assured him that I needed to and he seemed to understand. He stayed outside with Bobby while I let my frustration out with a mop. I was not a bad person, so why was this all happening to me? It wasn’t fair. The more I cleaned, the better I felt, but as soon as I was finished, I felt all the hurt and anxiety come flooding back to me.

  I looked through all of Pop’s kitchen cupboards until I found enough ingredients to make a big pot of chicken curry. I went outside to let him know that I was cooking for everyone that night.

  “Wow, you’re busy today,” he said to me. “Are you sure you don’t want to come and sit outside with us? You don’t have to cook. We can even order takeout tonight if you wan
t?”

  “I feel like cooking,” I said to him. “I just hope you don’t mind me using all your ingredients.”

  He shot me a sad look and shook his head. “Of course I don’t mind, Savannah.”

  I spent a long time in the kitchen, and the familiar smell of curry filled the air and calmed me down. When Axel walked in later that evening, I was surprised to see him there. I didn’t think he was going to come over.

  “Smells good in here,” he said as he walked in.

  “Savannah made us all dinner. We’re going to eat together as a family,” Pop said.

  Axel looked at me and then at Pop, and he looked like he was just about to say something when Bobby walked through the door, and he stopped.

  “Daddy!” Bobby shouted. “Mommy has made us all dinner. It’s going to be delicious. Are you hungry? I wanted to come and visit you today, but Mommy said you were out seeing clients. What are clients?”

  “Mommy was right. I was very busy today. It’s good that you stayed home with her. Clients are just people from my work.”

  “People that ride bikes?” he asked.

  “Exactly.”

  “I like clients,” Bobby decided.

  I set the table and dished up for everyone. I could see that Axel was putting on a brave face for Bobby. The two of them talked in great detail about bikes and various other things. Bobby being so talkative was once again saving us from the pain of awkward silence. Having Pop around was a huge help too. The only two people that didn’t talk to one another were myself and Axel. But despite this, we still managed to have a decent dinner together as a family.

  “Bobby, I have to see some more clients tonight, so you and Mommy are going to sleep here at Pop’s place. Okay?”

  “Okay,” Bobby said.

  Axel didn’t look at me, but the message was clear: I was not going back home tonight. I busied myself with the dishes so that he didn’t have to see how upset I was. I wanted to go home more than anything else in the world. Although, I was slowly starting to realize that I had no idea where home was anymore. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever had one.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Axel

  My head was all over the place. I was angry with Savannah for keeping secrets from me, and angry at myself for getting so attached to her so quickly. And angry at Duke for wanting to take her away from me. I didn’t even go to work that day. I dropped Savannah off at Pop’s, and then I called Spike and asked him to look after the shop for me. I knew I wouldn’t be able to concentrate at work. Instead, I stayed home and tried to do my research on Duke. I found a lot of things on the club, but very little on him. Afterwards, I sat in the living room and watched movies to keep myself from thinking too much. I went to Pop’s later that evening with full intentions to shout at Savannah, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. She had made a delicious meal for the family, and Bobby was so happy to see me. I barely spoke to her, but I didn’t shout at her either.

  I barely slept that night and woke up in the morning feeling exhausted. It was clear that I hadn’t slept well by the look on Spike’s face when he saw me walk in.

  “You okay, man? You don’t look good.”

  I sighed. I didn’t need a mirror to tell me that I was a complete mess that day. “Not really. This whole thing is such a huge fuck up. I feel horrible about it all. Just horrible.”

  “Any more news from that Duke guy?”

  “Nothing. How about you? He hasn’t come back to the shop, has he?”

  “No. Don’t worry; you’ll be the first person to know if he does. I’m sure he won’t come back here. How is Savannah?”

  I shrugged. “She’s staying with Pop until I figure out what to do. Which, right now, is nothing. I have no idea what to do about this whole situation. I hate not having a plan. Anyway, for now, I figured it was better that she stayed with him.”

  “Oh yeah? Think she’s safer there?”

  “I honestly have no idea. Probably not. I don’t even know if Duke is going to come after her. But I just didn’t want to be around her. I’m so angry at her for not telling me about all of this. I mean, she’s put everyone’s lives in danger. I don’t care about myself, but I care about Bobby. He shouldn’t have to deal with this. He’s only six years old. What six-year-old should have to have that in their lives? It’s not fair. There’s no way he can understand it all. Hell, even I don’t understand it all. Whatever Duke has against our club is strong, and it’s something that I will never understand.”

  “The club? Who is Duke anyway? Why is she involved with him?”

  “He’s part of XMC, and definitely not a good person. Looks like he runs the place. That’s the club Savannah’s father was a part of. He passed away, so I’m assuming this Duke guy has taken over. And if he has then it looks like it has all gone to his head. That is not the right man to get even a little bit of power. I know very little though. Savannah hasn’t told me much. I wish she had though. It would’ve been nice to have a bit of warning about it all.”

  “That guy is an idiot. I wish I could say that I wasn’t scared when he showed up with his army of men, but I was. They looked mean. And there were so many of them.”

  “Yeah, but let’s hope they’re more talk than action. Although, I’m not sure.”

  “Yeah, they definitely look like they’re more action. Look, maybe you shouldn’t be so hard on Savannah through all of this,” he said.

  I turned to look at Spike in surprise. I hadn’t expected him to take her side in all of this. Wasn’t he supposed to be my friend? I thought he’d be just as angry at her as I was.

  “What do you mean? Why shouldn’t I be hard on her? She’s the one that put us all in danger. I’m very mad at her. Why aren’t you?”

  “No, she’s not the one that put you in danger. You have no idea what she’s been through in her life. Look at that man, Axel. He’s awful. If she was a part of that club because of her father, then maybe the whole thing is not her fault. She didn’t choose to be there. She’s there by association and you know that’s not the same thing at all. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a hold on her. Maybe Savannah is desperately trying to do the right thing. And yeah, I agree she should’ve told you, but in her defense, she barely knows you. And yes, again, before you say anything, I know that’s her fault and not yours, but it sounds like she wasn’t in the best situation before this. She’s doing the best she can. And in her eyes, she’s probably doing the best for Bobby too. If anything, she probably needs you now more than ever. I’m not mad at Savannah. I’m mad at that Duke guy for all of this, and that’s who you should be mad at too.”

  I sighed. “I hate it when you’re right.”

  He laughed. “I try my best. So, you going to talk to her? Sort it out? You do realize she’s probably going out of her mind thinking that you are mad at her.”

  “I guess so. I’ll go and see her after work. I want to hang around here in case Duke shows up again.”

  But Duke didn’t show up, and when I called Pop throughout the day, he assured me that nobody suspicious had been hanging around. Duke was quiet, a bit too quiet for my liking. I didn’t want him to show up, but I still found it very strange that he hadn’t. In a way, I just wanted him to come again because waiting for him to show up was worse. I spent most of the day trying to work hard and to forget about everything, but Spike’s words had stayed with me. He was right; Savannah was only trying to do her best. She needed someone to be on her side for a change. She’d been through more than I could imagine and she needed me now more than ever. I had to prove to her that I was one of the good guys. She probably wasn’t used to having anyone to talk to. So, after work, I went out to the strip mall, and I picked up some takeout curry. I headed back to Pop’s place and knocked on the door. I hadn’t spoken to Pop for a while, and I was relieved when he answered the door with his usual cheery self.

  “Something smells good,” he said to me, and he looked down at the bags in my arms. I’d gone to one of his fa
vorite restaurants, and the smell from the bags had been wafting through to me ever since I collected the food.

  “I figured we could all use a decent meal. And I don’t want Savannah to have to cook every night. All okay?” I said to him.

  “Yeah, how about you?” he whispered so that nobody else could hear.

  I nodded. “We’ll all be fine,” I said. “I’m not sure what’s going on or what’s going to happen, but I don’t want to leave Savannah all on her own anymore. She needs me.”

  Pop smiled. “She does.”

  I walked into the living room and grinned at Bobby and Savannah. They were sitting on the floor with a mass of paper and coloring pens around them. Bobby was excited to see me and jumped up and down when I arrived. There was nothing quite like your own child being excited to see you.

  “I made you a drawing!” he said. “It has a big house, and it has us, and it even has a dog. Isn’t he cute? Look how happy he has made us all. We are all smiling.”

  I chuckled. Bobby was not letting up on the dog idea, and I knew that one of these days someone was going to give in to him. He sure was persistent and knew what he wanted in life. And, of course, it helped that he was so cute. He was a very hard kid to resist. I took a look at the drawing and smiled at him.

  “Can I have it?”

  “Yes, it’s yours!” he said proudly.

  “Wonderful. I’m going to put it up on my fridge. Hey, it’s my first drawing from you. That’s so cool. I think you are a very talented boy. I hope to get many more of these.”

  “Thank you. I will make you lots. I like drawing. Mommy is drawing too; come see.”

  I took a seat and looked down at Savannah. She was drawing something abstract and was not looking me in the eye. I didn’t blame her. The night before I had barely said a word to her. I noticed that her hands were trembling slightly as she drew, and I instantly felt bad for not being on her side.

  “Wow, what are you drawing? Looks interesting.”