Emerge

by Lila Felix

  I raised my eyebrows. “Deep?”

  “Deep in love with you like I’ve never seen. He watches you like a hawk and treats you as if you are a creature to be worshipped. I’ve only seen you together about three times but you can’t miss it. He’s got it bad.”

  “You think?” I giggled.

  “Yeah, and don’t give him a hard time about it because honey, you’re no better than him.”

  I blushed and giggled. “Yeah, I’ve got it bad too.”

  Her face got really solemn and she came and sat on a frumpy stool in front of me and grabbed my hands and said “Then you better get away from them and I’m not talking about down the street either. They’re gonna ruin it. Trust me. Don’t let them ruin that kind of love. You’ll end up alone looking through windows while you sew.” She squeezed my hands one more time.

  There were tears welled up in her eyes and I felt her pain coming through her hands. I nodded and she got up and blew her nose on a nearby tissue.

  “Thank you again, Rebecca, for everything.”

  She didn’t turn towards me but said, “I’ll probably have your dress ready within the week. I’ll come get you for some alterations. You’d better get home before they punish you some more.”

  She turned her face to me, looking over her shoulder and winked.

  I smiled at her and turned to go.

  Chapter 18

  I went home and went straight to my room. I didn’t even want to look at my Mom’s face anymore. She had humiliated me beyond reproach when we were shopping. And why would she ever think that I was even close to a slut or a whore or whatever she said? I had never even gotten that close to someone where I would consider that kind of intimacy, much less giving it out all over town.

  I got into my pajamas and May and I had a very intense game of go fish in the closet. She had a new pair of pajamas on and I asked her where she got them.

  “Mom said don’t tell.” She said it plainly and I’d never known her to lie.

  “Why?” I pretended not to care.

  She just shrugged and asked me if I had a Jack. I didn’t and she had to go fish again. She groaned and then squealed a little squeal because she got a Jack when she went fishing.

  We finished the game and I convinced her to brush her teeth. I went and did the same and washed my face. I reached under the cabinet for a towel to dry my face and there was so much stuff under the counter that I could barely reach the towels. I squatted down to look and it was shocking. There was new everything. There was new shampoo, soap, towels and everything. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Everything was new and most of it still had the wrappers on or had never been opened.

  Where are they getting all of this money?

  I went to bed and woke up about 10 the next morning. When I woke up I took a shower, using my own stuff. I didn’t even want to touch the stuff that they had bought until I knew exactly where it had come from. It just felt….off.

  I got dressed in a tight pink scoop neck t-shirt and packed my sweater just in case, since he didn’t tell me where we were going. I wore my favorite jeans and wore my hair down. I sprayed on some peach/cherry blossom body spray and put on some minimal make-up. I packed my sweater into my bag and walked out ready to go.

  My Mom was up and was rooting around her special closet where she hid her bills and pills and God only knows what else. I walked through the living room to get a glass of water and she looked up at me.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” she sneered.

  “Carlos is picking me up in a few minutes,” I said back to her.

  “You just couldn’t wait, huh? So desperate to see him. Just desperate.”

  I didn’t respond because at this point I just didn’t care.

  There was a knock on the door about the same time she opened her mouth to say something.

  I grabbed my bag and headed to the door.

  She had to move all of her stuff in a hurry because the closet door blocked the front door. She was taking a long time on purpose. It was petty, but I guess it was how she got her kicks.

  As she was herding all of her stuff into the closet, I noticed a very familiar envelope sticking out but as soon as I did she stuffed it in along with the other piles and piles of envelopes. It was my cap and gown order. She had gotten it out of the mailbox? I just closed my eyes and let it mentally pile up with the other crap she had done to me.

  I opened the door and stepped out. I went to close it behind me and Mom was there glaring at Carlos.

  He didn’t miss a beat.

  “I wanted to apologize for getting Jenna here late last time. It won’t happen again.”

  She didn’t say a word to him. She just slammed the door and the wind from it blew my hair.

  He grabbed my hand and led me towards his car opening my door first, of course.

  I got a hunch and looked up into Rebecca’s window as I got in and saw here there in her big bay window all by herself smiling at me. I waved to her and she waved back and then moved away from the window.

  Carlos didn’t say anything as he checked his side mirrors and then pulled onto the road. I turned towards him and smiled. I’d waited so long for this; the last two weeks had been hell.

  I reached out and rubbed the back of his neck and he smiled at me.

  “Where are we going? I didn’t know how to dress,” I asked.

  “It’s a surprise and you always look beautiful,” he said.

  When we got to the first stop light he turned in the opposite direction of the Pier, the movies, the mall and everything else I knew to do.

  We kept driving for about twenty minutes and he made several turns and all I could see were apartment buildings.

  Then he turned into a complex of buildings and parked.

  Oh, tell me this is his apartment.

  He smiled and came around to open my door. He was practically bouncing and I wondered what he was up to. Scratch that, I didn’t care. We were together.

  We walked up a set of stairs and came to a door marked 7A.

  He pulled out his keys and unlocked the door. He opened it and let me in first. He took my bag from me and put it on the small brown leather couch. It was clean as a pin and there was something cooking or that had been cooked that smelled fantastic and my mouth watered.

  He looked at me and I put my hands in the air silently speaking “Where are we?”

  “This is my apartment. Saul is gone to the desert for the weekend with his friends. He won’t be back until about 8 tonight. At least, he better not.”

  “It’s great. Thank you for bringing me here. Can I look around?”

  “Yeah, of course, J. Consider it yours.”

  I smiled at that thought and walked through to the kitchen and it was so clean, the counters gleamed. There were pots on the stove.

  “You can cook?” I was surprised.

  “Yeah, either you cook around here or you starve. Saul can’t even scramble eggs.”

  We laughed and I walked away, wanting to explore the rest of his apartment. He walked behind me and I walked into a bedroom and turned around.

  “Yours?”

  He chuckled at that. “Yeah, how’d you know?”

  I shrugged and then answered. “I don’t know; it just seems like you.”

  I turned back and his room was as pristine as the rest of the house. He had a chocolate brown comforter on a double bed, but other than that his belongings were sparse. Either that or it was all put away.

  He came behind me and rested his chin on my shoulder and wrapped his arms around my waist.

  His chin bobbed on my shoulder as he spoke, “Are you hungry?”

  “Yeah, I didn’t eat today. I can’t believe you cooked for me. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. I hope you like chicken and rice. I didn’t know what to make you.”

  He cooked for me when there were times that my own mother wouldn’t cook for me and he did it out of love and not obligation. I couldn’t contain myself any lo
nger.

  I turned around to face him. I was tearing up and he almost started talking, probably to ask me why I was crying. But I stopped him with my lips against his. It felt like his kiss was something I had been deprived of for years. I was starved for the taste of him and the heat of his mouth on mine. He gripped the back of my shirt right at the small of my back and pressed me against him. I rose up on my toes the slightest bit to make our mouths meet perfectly. My arms rose around his neck and my hands rubbed against that skull trimmed black hair. By instinct alone we turned our heads the tiniest bit to deepen what we had already started. I opened my mouth a small amount and he skillfully used it to his advantage. We continued this way until one mouth could not be distinguished from the other and just when I thought I would never get enough of him, my stomach grumbled.

  We broke away slowly, revving down until we had both gotten a hold on our breaths and our want. The right side of my face was pressed against the right side of his face and I could tell by his breathing and the heaving of his chest that he was still trying to get control of himself. His strong arms were still wrapped around me and I could feel his muscles move as he drew patterns in my back with his fingers. It was unimaginable that I could make him feel this way.

  He moved his hands slowly towards my hips. He quickly squeezed his hands on either side of them and said,

  “That was…”

  I smiled and said, “Yeah, it was…”

  “Come on, I wanna see how you kiss me after you taste my cooking.”

  “Ok, let’s see.” I joked with him and we walked back to the kitchen area. He patted the stool by the bar in a gesture for me to sit.

  “I can help. Don’t make me sit here and not help.”

  He looked at me and frowned. “Jenna, when’s the last time someone served you a meal?”

  I looked down and just didn’t want to answer. I had hardly ever been served dinner by anyone unless they were paid to wait on me.

  He dropped the spoon into the pot and put the plate on the counter. He was next to me in a heartbeat. He coaxed me into facing him and put his arms around me.

  “I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry. I just want to do something for you today. I wanted to cook for you and just let you be free today.”

  I exhaled and let it all go. I would not spend this time worrying over people who didn’t give a crap about me. Not anymore.

  “It’s fine. Thank you.” I squeezed him around the middle and he kissed my hairline.

  He went back towards the oven and pulled a cookie sheet out which had hot rolls on it. As he brought the pan up to place it on the stove I noticed his biceps and how the muscles around his neck flexed with the action. It was a sight to behold. He went back and resumed fixing a plate of chicken and rice and salad that was enough to feed a small army.

  He pre-empted my argument by saying, “Just eat what you want. Don’t worry about it.”

  I put one bite in my mouth and it was so delicious that I groaned out loud. Then I started giggling at his face.

  “What?” I said, “It’s amazing. I don’t think I’ve ever had chicken and rice like this. I mean…damn.”

  He laughed and put his plate across from me and pulled a stool around to sit on.

  “Well, if it causes you to make that sound every time you eat it, I’m gonna be making chicken and rice a lot.”

  I blushed, but never stopped eating because it was so good.

  He got up and pulled two cans of Coke out of the fridge and gave me one.

  I must’ve been hungrier than I thought because I ate most of what he served me. He finished his meal about the same time and banished me to the couch to wait for him to do the dishes.

  “Can I turn on the TV or a movie or something?” I asked from the living room.

  He leaned over the counter that we had eaten on and said “Jenna, this is your home, too. Do what you want to.”

  I sunk back into the couch and just sat there digesting my food and the words he had just spoken to me. That blue house wasn’t my home and neither was this apartment. It was him and his embrace where I found home. No matter where we were, we were home when we were together. I sat there smiling for God knows how long.

  I was still sitting there like a moron when he came into the living room. He looked at the TV and then back to me. As usual, he let me be. He didn’t say anything about the TV not being on or ask me what I was doing.

  “You wanna watch a movie?” He offered.

  “Yeah,” I shook myself out of my deep thoughts and got back to being present. “Whatcha got? We need something funny.”

  He pulled out these upright cabinets from either side of the entertainment center and rubbed his hands together. “Funny, funny, funny…Ok, we got Anchorman, Step-Brothers, Billy Madison…”

  “Jeez, that’s a lot of movies.” He had probably hundreds of movies.

  “Um…The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, Waterboy…”

  I squealed and said “Waterboy, that’s my favorite movie ever!”

  He smiled and said “Ok, Waterboy it is.”

  He set up the DVD and TV then came to sit next to me, but he was a little too far away for my liking. As the movie began, he got back up and turned off all of the lights. He leaned back against the other side of the couch. He put one leg against the back of the couch and the other on the floor. He opened his arms and motioned me to get closer. I turned my back to him while I scooted back against his chest. After I got comfortable, he wrapped his arms around my waist and put his other leg against mine. My whole torso rose and fell with his breaths and he arms were warm against my waist and around my stomach. I traced the lines of his forearms lazily as we watched. We were mesmerized by the movie and when he laughed at Bobby Boucher I felt the rumbling against my back and it made me laugh harder.

  I couldn’t help myself and I quoted Bobby Boucher by heart: “I like school and I like football and I’m gonna keep doing them both…”

  I refrained from quoting the rest of that scene to avoid a head on collision with my blush.

  We finished the movie and he got up to turn the lights back on.

  “Hey, I want to show you something.” He said.

  “OK.” I got up and stretched. I reached up to the sky and flexed back and forth. When I finished stretching he was mid stride and staring at me. When he knew he was caught he cleared his throat, looked down at the floor and blushed.

  “I saw that,” I teased him.

  “Yeah, I know. Let’s go to the bedroom. I wanna show you something.”

  “Oh, really?” I joked.

  “Oh, wow…who’s the gutter brain now? Come on.”

  He led me by the hand to his bedroom and I waited, leaning against the door jamb while he opened the bottom drawer of his dresser and pulled put a small wooden box. He walked over to the bed and dumped it out. He jumped up on the bed and nodded his head towards the bed. I approached it and took off my flip flops before I got onto the bed. He gave me his hand to help me up and I sat next to him.

  He picked up the first picture to show it to me. It was of two little boys. Carlos was sitting on the front of a red metal tricycle and there was a little boy behind him who I assumed was Saul.

  I cooed as if the toddlers were in front of me. “Awww, that’s so cute, look at your hair and your little shorts.”

  He looked at the picture and rubbed his head at the same time.

  “Yeah, that’s before I discovered how cool this cut is in the summer.”

  He showed me pictures of all of his family and said that his Dad wanted to meet me. He also mentioned that his brother was coming back at eight. I wondered if he wanted to meet me too.

  We perused all of the pictures and I went through the ones of him as a child another round. I couldn’t resist, they were so darned cute. I picked up the picture of him as a baby and the next thought in my head was whether or not our kids were going to be that gorgeous one day.

  He put his arm around my waist and while I was still holding the
picture he pulled me towards him and onto his lap. I was sitting sideways on his lap and he had his arms wrapped all the way around me and I put my head on his chest.

  “Tell me what you’re thinking when you look so serious.”

  He was haphazardly rubbing my arm while he waited for my answer.

  I let out a breath and told him the truth, though I couldn’t look at him while I said it.

  “I was just wondering…you know…if one day our kids would look like this.”

  He tensed underneath me and I started backtracking.

  “I’m sorry; you asked what I was thinking about…ughhh…sorry.”

  He took the picture from my hands and put them with the rest.

  This is it. You’ve spilled your guts and it was too much too soon. What were you thinking? And if you were, did you have to say it? Idiot.

  He moved and hooked his forefinger under my chin to make me look at him.

  “Look at me, J.”

  I huffed out a breath that I had been holding and looked at him.

  I figured I’d better meet this face on, so I scooted around so that I was facing him, still in his lap.

  I looked up at him and what I expected to see wasn’t there. When was I going to learn?

  He moved his arms to go around my waist.

  “You were thinking about our kids?” he asked me like he didn’t believe me.

  “Yeah, I just thought, you were such a beautiful baby and well, look at you now…” He half smiled at that. “I’m sorry, the thought just popped into my head.”

  “You think you’re the only one? You don’t think that I want a little brown haired Jenna toddling around?”

  I looked at him questioningly and then a smile slowly crept across my face as I came to my senses once again and stopped doubting him, doubting us.

  I was talking only in a whisper now. “You have?”

  “Yes, Jenna. I want you for the rest of my life. I want us to be the family you deserved and never had. You are my family now.”

  His lips found mine and it was a new experience this time. It wasn’t rushed or raw. Don’t get me wrong it was sizzling. But this kiss was slower, deeper, and it carried all the words we meant, but didn’t say tonight. It carried our past and solidified our future…together.