47 Destinies: Finding Grace

by Perez, Marlies Schmudlach

  Grace caught Cora glancing over their way throughout the evening with a huge smile plastered all over her face. Grace knew what Cora was thinking and didn’t care one bit. It felt amazing to have an adult conversation with a man who wasn’t slimy, rude, or indecent.

  After the bridal shower ended, Todd walked Grace out to her car. They stood outside for over twenty minutes actively engaged in conversation. When they parted, Todd gave her a huge hug and kissed her on the cheek. He took Grace’s number and email. He also asked if she was free the following Saturday. Grace eagerly accepted his invitation for a date. She couldn’t remember the last time she had that much fun.

  Chapter 4

  Grace was singing and dancing around the kitchen the morning after the couples’ bridal shower. While Grace was singing, Bella walked into the kitchen.

  “Mama, why are you singing my princess song?” Bella inquired. She wasn’t used to seeing her mother so happy.

  Grace let out a deep rolling laugh. “I didn’t realize that I was singing one of your songs. You caught me! Mama feels like Cinderella at the ball,” Grace said as she twirled Bella around the room.

  “Mama, I want to go to the ball, too,” Bella squealed back to Grace.

  “Someday you will, Princess.” Grace didn’t want to get ahead of herself. She simply wanted to enjoy every remaining sensation from the night before.

  The rest of the week flew by for Grace. She spent a tremendous amount of time picking out the perfect outfit for her upcoming date with Todd. She would choose one, love it, and then change her mind again. Grace went shopping twice and brought home three different outfits each time. In between her clothes dilemma, Grace and Todd were exchanging emails all day long.

  Grace,

  Thanks again for such a wonderful time the other night. I cannot express much fun I had talking with you. I am excited about our date on Saturday. BTW, did Cora call you yet? She has left me three messages. I think she is on to us.

  -Todd

  After rewriting her message multiple times, Grace finally replied.

  Todd,

  Cora has been even more persistent on my end. Since I have been extremely vague, she is employing new methods of ways to find out what is going on between us. I heard her talking to Mattias on the phone the other day. She actually asked him if I was acting strange. Mattias didn’t understand her question. If you are wondering, I have been acting strange this week. I have been happy.

  -Grace

  Todd smiled when he read Grace’s email. He knew exactly how she felt. His co-workers kept asking him what was going on with him. They saw a change in him too, but weren’t sure what was happening. Todd wasn’t really sure himself. All he knew was that he couldn’t wait to see Grace again. He wanted to spend as much time with her as possible so he took a risk and emailed Grace again.

  Grace,

  I was wondering if you would like to extend our dinner date on Saturday and take a drive with me into the Sierra Nevada Foothills. You are more than welcome to bring the kids; whatever makes you comfortable. We will do some light hiking so bring some good walking shoes. If you can make it, let me know what time you would like to leave.

  -Todd

  Grace was very excited to spend more time getting to know Todd. The children were already set to spend the weekend with Leslie and Robert, so she was completely free. Breaking her first dating rule, Grace invited Todd to pick her up at the house. Grace felt comfortable with Todd knowing where she lived. In fact, she felt very comfortable with Todd in general.

  Hi Todd,

  Your idea sounds like a lot of fun. My children are busy, so it will just be me. I will see you at my house around 8:00am.

  -Grace

  By the time Saturday arrived, Grace was a complete nervous wreck. She spent the morning in a frenzy of activity. What was wrong with her? She had been on several dates, albeit complete disasters, but she was never nervous, she thought to herself. She wasn’t worried about the date with Todd going poorly; in fact, she was more concerned about the connection she felt with him. Over the short period of time that she had already spent with Todd, feelings were beginning to emerge that frightened her. She found herself thinking about him a lot more than she was used to thinking about anyone, except Derek. Was he too good to be true? Was she building him up in her mind into something unrealistic?

  She already knew that she was attracted to Todd and the feelings were more than mere friendship. She caught herself peeking glances at him the other evening when he wasn’t looking. She found herself choosing the right words in order to sound more interesting. She even went as far as thinking how it might feel for his lips to be upon hers in a passionate kiss. Just thinking about it again got Grace all aflutter. The feelings only intensified leading up to their date. When she received an email from him, her heart stopped and she got excited to read what he wrote. She savored his words and pondered the meaning behind each and every one. Grace Locke had a crush for sure. She felt like she was a schoolgirl all over again. The sensations were surprising and felt so incredibly good. But was it a rebound after her love for Derek? Grace was filled with fear and doubt.

  She put her nerves aside and just as a young teenager would primp for a weekend date, Grace found herself taking twice as long to get ready. Since she had plenty of choices for outfits, she waited until Saturday to make the final selection in order to fit her exact mood. While she was jittery with anticipation, her mood was also confident. She chose a pair of skinny jeans and a sea green blouse that matched her eyes. Instead of putting her hair up like she normally did when going out, she curled it slightly so it hung seductively around her flawless skin, barely skimming her cheekbones. Her coffee colored eye shadow and chocolate brown eyeliner caused her eyes to pop. She looked exotic and sexy. It was a daring look for Grace, but she wore it well. She hoped that Todd would notice the change.

  Todd’s nerves also began to act up as he drove to Grace’s house. What happened to the idea that he wasn’t dating ever again? Where was his resolve to live his life alone? What was Grace Locke doing to him? She wove some magical spell of innocence and desire over him without even knowing it. His heart was in huge trouble and he knew it.

  Grace jumped and then giggled when she heard the doorbell. She opened the door with the sweetest smile.

  “Hi!” Grace said like a little girl. She even twirled around as she moved forward to hug Todd.

  Todd lost his words. The woman in front of him was even more alluring than when he last saw her. She looked like a princess straight out of a fairytale.

  “Grace,” was all Todd managed to say. “You literally took my breath away,” he admitted without hesitation.

  Grace melted. She took her hand and gently brushed his cheek. “Thank you, Todd.”

  Grace’s touch was electric. It sent shocks of desire throughout his system. Todd had to resist every urge in his body to sweep Grace up in his arms and lay her down on the couch so he could kiss her from head to toe. However, Grace was not that type of woman. She had depth, morals and children to consider. Todd wanted to move things slowly so she wouldn’t be scared off. Grace deserved a considerate man.

  “Grace, these are for you,” Todd said.

  Grace turned and faced Todd. “They are beautiful. I love pink stargazer lilies! How did you know that they are one of my favorite flowers?”

  “A good guess on my part and a little help from our mutual friend, Cora,” Todd admitted with a chuckle.

  “Let me place these in water and then we can leave,” Grace said, dashing off into the kitchen. “Please make yourself at home.”

  The place was exactly as Todd expected. Clean, organized and classy. While her home was very large, it held the feeling of a beachside cottage. It was relaxing and refreshing all at the same time. Pillows dominated every room, yet nothing was overdone. Toys outnumbered the pillows. There was no doubt that children lived here.

  Todd inspected a few pictures while he waited. He was drawn especially to th
e family portrait that hung in the hallway. Grace was holding a baby and a little boy stood next to her. A very handsome man with black hair held Grace in his arms. The look on his face radiated pure love for the woman he held in his arms and the children by his side. Derek Locke: the man who still held Grace’s heart. Todd wasn’t jealous when he saw Derek. He felt pain for Grace. To have known such a deep love only to lose it must have crushed her spirit.

  Grace walked up next to Todd. “This was my life,” Grace said as she hooked her arm into Todd’s. “I look at it every day and wonder why it turned out so differently than I imagined back then.”

  “There are many questions in life with so few answers. All I know is that if we don’t keep moving forward in life, we slowly begin to fade away. Don’t you agree?” Todd asked, attempting to provide Grace with some type of response to her difficult question.

  “I am starting to see the truth in that statement,” Grace said as she turned her face to meet his. The rough short beard on Todd’s face was simply driving Grace wild. She wanted to reach up and touch it. Before she knew it, her hand was on his face slowly caressing the rough hairs on his face. The friction drove her wild. She moved her head even closer to his in order to breathe in this man. She gently rested her head upon his shoulder and put her arms around him. It felt incredible to touch and be touched again. Grace was in heaven.

  When Grace touched his face, Todd resisted every urge to pull her face towards his and kiss her passionately. He settled on wrapping his arms around her thin frame and pulling her closer. He kept some distance between them, as the bulge in his pants would betray his resolve to take things slow. Some things in life were simply uncontrollable.

  Unwilling to break the embrace, Grace remained quiet for as long as possible. Was it wrong to want to be held close by a man? It brought her such comfort.

  In order to stay in control, Todd slowly backed away. “We better get going. We have a big day ahead,” he said reluctantly.

  Grace was ready to feel Todd’s lips upon hers, she thought to herself. Goodness, did she really just think that? Grace wasn’t sure what had overcome her. She was usually composed and in control. Being around Todd took her off balance and this reality frightened and thrilled her at the same time.

  “Yes, let me grab my coat,” Grace said as she practically glided away.

  Todd waited by the passenger side of his car. He needed to be away from the tempting scene of her house. He laughed to himself as he waited for her. He was acting silly. He took his white Lexus to the car wash Friday evening for a complete detailing. Todd wanted to impress Grace with even the smallest detail. He purposefully left his beat up truck at home in the garage, as he didn’t want to turn her off.

  Grace was a little surprised yet pleasantly pleased when she saw Todd standing next to the open door of the passenger side of a Lexus. Grace thanked him and then slipped into the car, with a busy mind. She figured as the Director of the Boys and Girls Club that Todd would drive something a little less fancy. Was she really that shallow? She was used to being around people with wealth, so she wasn’t sure how important a man’s financial situation meant to her. Goodness, she was getting ahead of herself! Why couldn’t she just enjoy a simple date with a friend of Cora’s?

  As she turned to look over at Todd, she knew why. The man was incredibly hot. His tan pants were a shade lighter than his bronzed skin. The brown of his shirt accented the natural blond highlights that the summer sun gifted him. His brown eyes were focused on the road ahead until he looked her way and smiled.

  “Did I tell you how beautiful you look today?” Todd asked as he squeezed her hand.

  Yet another reason this was no simple friendly date: the man was also charming.

  “Thank you,” Grace replied, titling her head. “You look very handsome.”

  “Thanks! It has been awhile since I have dressed to impress a woman,” Todd said without hesitation. It was so easy to talk to Grace. He didn’t feel the need to hide his thoughts or emotions. She appeared accepting and open.

  “I find it easy to talk with you, Todd,” Grace said before Todd could get the words out.

  “I was just thinking the exact same thing,” Todd said, smiling once again.

  Grace looked around the car and found a few books in the back seat.

  “What are you reading?” Grace asked with curiosity as she picked up one of the books. She noted several page markers.

  “That particular book has a lot of motivational short stories, prose and poetry. I like to read portions of it to the staff and kids at the Boys and Girls Club. I firmly believe that our thought life has the power to steer our lives. If we fill our mind with negativity, our actions will act in response. However, if we choose to dwell on positive thoughts, we can access the richness the world has to offer.”

  Grace was impressed. She opened the book and began to read a portion out loud:

  “The smoke left a trail of where it had been; like a long twisty road leading nowhere. Yet the candle could not see it’s smoke, for it was blinded by its own glow. To burn and do what we are made for can bring the world brightness, but it also takes a part of us away. There is a cost. We cannot move forward further into who we really are without some form of sacrifice. But if there were no smoke, there would also be no light. What are candles known for? The insignificant amount of smoke they emit or the bright warm glow of the light? What are you known for?” After reading the passage, Grace put the book down in her lap. She remained quiet for several moments.

  “I don’t know what I am known for besides being a mother,” Grace admitted. “Please don’t get me wrong; I love being a mother. However, I haven’t even figured out my own individual skills and abilities. How will I teach my children to discover theirs? What will I do with my time when my children are grown? There are even times now that I don’t know what to do,” Grace said before she turned her head to look out the window. What was wrong with her? She was usually a professional at hiding her feelings. Why was she revealing them to this man beside her?

  “It has taken me a long time to find myself, Grace. Growing up, I lived exactly how my parents taught me. I didn’t question anything, but I found over time a deep frustration began to build inside myself. Then when I was married, I conformed to a lot of my wife’s expectations and beliefs.”

  Todd continued, “I worked so hard at making sure everyone else was happy that I had no idea how to create my own happiness. Once my wife left me, I broke away completely from everyone for months in order to take some time to figure out what I wanted. That is how I ended up at the Boys and Girls Club. My parents are against my decision because they feel with my education and upbringing, I am not reaching my full potential. But I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Does my rambling make any sense?”

  “Yes. You said your parents wanted your life to go a certain way. What do you mean by that?” Grace asked innocently. Todd knew she meant no harm, but delving into his family issues made him extremely uncomfortable. He wasn’t sure how to respond.

  “I would rather not talk about my family right now. It is a difficult subject for me,” Todd said, unwilling to go into further detail.

  Grace was surprised by his abrupt response. His face went flat and his body tensed up. There was obvious hurt in Todd’s expression that he wasn’t able to talk about. Grace reached over to Todd and slipped her hand gently into his hand. She smiled warmly and squeezed his hand.

  “I completely understand,” Grace replied with no anger or irritation in her voice. She truly understood what it felt like to have deep-rooted pain. It was challenging to talk about and often difficult to find the words to express it adequately. If and when Todd was ready to talk about it, she would be there to listen.

  “Where are we headed, exactly?” Grace asked as they took the freeway up towards the Sierra Nevada Foothills. They had already passed through Cora’s neck of the woods in Berkeley. Cora was set to move to Bodega Bay with Brent after the upcoming wedding. G
race smiled when she thought about the wedding. It was going to be the event of the century.

  “What are you smiling about?” Todd asked, still happy to have Grace’s delicate hand in his grasp.

  “A few things,” Grace admitted coyly. “I was thinking about Cora and Brent’s wedding and how happy they are together. I was also thinking about how much I am already enjoying our day together.” Grace sighed as she leaned back further into the seat. She was relaxed and enjoying every minute of it.

  “Grace, you know exactly what to say. Are you real or just an incredible dream?” Todd asked, playfully pinching his own arm.

  Grace laughed and responded, “Maybe a little of both!”

  Todd brushed his hand up and down her arm. He stared directly at Grace and said in a very serious tone, “I will be the judge of that.”

  Grace shuttered. She recognized the passionate desire in Todd’s words and it caused her stomach to jump into her throat. Things were moving fast and she couldn’t get them to slow down.

  She imagined his warm lips pressing down on hers taking her breath away. She could almost feel what it would be like for him to caress her body. She licked her lips and closed her eyes. She needed to get control of herself.

  “I never want to make you feel uncomfortable,” Todd said sincerely. “But, I can’t seem to stop myself from talking when I am around you. I felt an instant connection from the first day we met.”

  “It’s okay. I feel the same way,” Grace said tenderly. “I haven’t felt this way in a very long time. But it does make me a little nervous.”

  “How about we take things slowly? I want to get to know you, Grace Locke. Can we make that the focus of our day? Oh, and we also need to have a tremendous amount of fun. How does that sound?” Todd said, winking at Grace.

  “Now who is the dream?” Grace asked, winking back.

  The trip was delightfully enjoyable. They drove through Sacramento and took Highway 50 up into the foothills. Todd put on some soft music in the background as they shared little stories about pretty much every safe subject. Grace talked all about the kids, school events and family life. Todd enjoyed listening to each of her stories. Her face lit up as she described characteristics and talents of her children, Bella and Mathias. She was a very compassionate person. She fit perfectly into her motherly role.