When He Returns

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

  You’re not strong enough to deal with this. You need something to help you.

  A big part of him wanted to give in. Just this once. He just needed something to help get past this rough patch. The sense of betrayal was still there, and he didn’t know how to get rid of it, and he didn’t know how to live with it without the help of the drugs he’d used for so long.

  But he wasn’t going to give in. He couldn’t.

  He had to prove to himself that he was strong enough to face this on his own without turning to drugs to dull the hurt and anxiety he was feeling over the situation. The reality was that he hated confrontation. People like Gabe seemed to thrive on it, while others, like Bennett and Mitch, seemed to be able to handle it when they had to.

  But Dalton? He ran rather than face it. When presented with the opportunity to go to Toronto for his music, rather than talking to his parents about it, he’d just left, well aware that it would have meant fighting with them in order to get them to agree. Which they probably never would have, anyway.

  Then once in Toronto, he hadn’t argued or confronted the management about anything. As long as they let him play his music, he’d done as he was told. If there had been anything that had come up with the management after Jesse had been signed, he’d been the one to deal with them in Dalton’s stead.

  He’d become so used to Jesse taking care of things that he had no confidence in his own ability to make the tough decisions. It was laughable how he’d managed to get past twenty-five and still had to rely on other people to fight his battles.

  Well, it appeared that was going to change whether he liked it or not.

  That thought did nothing to ease the anxiety and cravings in his body. If anything, it was making things worse, but that didn’t matter. He was going to be strong enough to get past it. He had to. The other option was to fail and relapse, but he couldn’t allow himself to even consider that, despite the anxiety and voices in his mind telling him that just one hit would make this all so much easier to deal with.

  A light touch on his arm dragged him from his thoughts. Without lifting his head, he glanced over, immediately recognizing Sierra’s hand. Her touch was gentle as her fingers moved back and forth on his arm.

  He took a breath and let it out as the ants seemed to scatter beneath her fingertips, and the message they were yelling became muted. The trembling within him lessened with each stroke of her hand on his arm.

  He had no doubt that she was putting her nursing skills to use in calming him. Still, he couldn’t find it in himself to be annoyed, particularly when her presence and touch were soothing him in a way nothing else ever had. His music had been an escape, but it had never given him hope that he could deal with whatever was causing him anxiety.

  The calm that came from Sierra’s presence helped to clear his mind so that he could focus on the situation at hand. It didn’t offer him an escape from the problem, and he knew that was for the best. His life could no longer be about escaping situations that he didn’t want to face. And he knew that if he were to have any hope of being a man worthy of Sierra, he had to find the strength to face any and all situations that came his way—on his own, without the help of drugs.

  Sierra’s heart went out to Dalton, and she questioned whether she’d made the right decision in letting him know what had been posted about Jesse. Given how he’d always avoided social media, she had suspected that he wouldn’t have seen the article. He also hadn’t said anything about Jesse’s plans, which had made her think that he hadn’t known.

  And maybe she shouldn’t have told him, but at the same time, she’d felt he had a right to know.

  “Were you able to get hold of him?” she asked, keeping her voice low out of deference to the people around them.

  “I didn’t call,” Dalton muttered. “Just sent him a text.”

  She continued to rub his arm, figuring that as long as he didn’t pull away from her, it wasn’t bothering him. The dejected set of his shoulders told her that he was struggling with the news, and she needed him to know he wasn’t alone.

  She’d been a little concerned about how he might react if he heard the news when he was by himself. And from the look of things, it was probably good someone was with him.

  “Has he gotten back to you?”

  Dalton turned his phone over and stared at the display. “No.”

  “Had he not talked to you about this yet?”

  He shook his head. “I saw some video of him in LA, but he never got back to me when I texted him. I just assumed he was busy.”

  “Do you think it’s likely he’ll end up with that other band?” Sierra wondered if she should be more subtle, or even avoid the subject altogether, but he was answering her, so she took that as a positive sign.

  Dalton gave a huff of laughter. “If he’s smart, he will. It’s not like our band has a future.”

  “Are you sure of that?”

  “If it was just Angel’s death, we could eventually recover and go forward. It’s what he would have wanted us to do, but for me and the other guys—except for Jesse—going back into that environment would probably be a death sentence.” Dalton sighed. “That other band will be good for Jesse.”

  “What are your other band members doing?”

  “No clue. Jesse has kind of been running interference for me with the management and the other guys. He’s probably scared I’ll relapse if things get too complicated.” He turned to meet her gaze. “Are you taking my pulse?”

  “What?” Sierra looked down at where her hand rested on his wrist, her fingers pressed to his pulse point. She gave a laugh. “Yeah. Occupational hazard, I guess.”

  “So am I still alive?”

  “Definitely, though your pulse rate is a little elevated.”

  His brows rose slightly at that. “Guess I might have a bit of a reason for that.”

  “You do,” Sierra agreed. She went to move her hand away, but his landed on top of it.

  When she looked at him, he said, “Your touch calms me.”

  Sierra’s heart skipped a beat at his words. “It does?”

  “Yeah.” He looked away. “For some reason, when I’m agitated, being near you settles me.”

  “I guess maybe that’s a by-product of my job,” Sierra said, though there was some small part of her that wanted it to be something more. “I’m often called on to help calm a child if they’ve gotten upset from a blood draw or something.”

  “I can see that. You have a very soothing presence.”

  “Hopefully that doesn’t mean I put people to sleep,” Sierra said with a grin.

  “Well, so far you haven’t put me to sleep.”

  She was happy to see him begin to relax. It was hard to see him upset because she knew that he was more sensitive than most of the men in their lives—always had been. Others might not appreciate that about him, but she did. Probably more than she should.

  Before she could respond, Dalton’s phone rang, and she felt his arm tense beneath her hand when he looked at the display. She thought he’d get up and move away, but he stayed sitting next to her as he stared at his phone for a second before answering it.

  Sierra considered moving her hand, but given what he’d said earlier, she decided to keep her connection with him until he indicated otherwise.

  “Hey, Jesse,” he said as he lifted the phone to his ear once he’d tapped the screen.

  Sierra wished she could hear both sides of the conversation, but instead, she just began to pray. As far as she knew, Dalton hadn’t returned to his faith, which meant he probably wasn’t praying for wisdom for himself or for his future. And if he couldn’t do that for himself, she would join his family—who she knew without a doubt were still praying for him—in doing that.

  “No, I understand, dude. It’s only right that you think about your own future. Goodness knows you’ve had to think about the rest of us often enough since joining the band. You deserve a chance to just make music instead of having to babysit.”


  Though his voice was steady, Sierra could feel the tension in his body and read it on his face. It felt like she was watching the life drain out of him. Any hope he may still have had for his group—and though he’d said otherwise, it was clear he’d still had some—slipped away.

  She wanted to wrap her arms around him and assure him that even without his band, he still had a lot to offer the world musically. Maybe not as a part of a rock band, but there were so many other ways he could use his talent. If only he was willing to consider them.

  But maybe it was too soon. The band had been an important part of his life for the better part of a decade, so maybe it was too soon for him to consider moving on already. He hadn’t closed out his life in Toronto, so it was possible that he was still considering returning there at some point. It was a bit scary for Sierra to think about him going back to Toronto and Jesse not being there for him.

  “No worries, bro,” Dalton said. “I’ll talk to you again soon.”

  After Dalton said goodbye, he lowered the phone from his ear and let out a long breath. “I guess that’s it then.”

  Before she could stop herself, Sierra leaned over and rested her cheek against his shoulder. “It’s a for sure thing with Jesse?”

  “It seems to be, although he didn’t come right out and say that. I think he didn’t want to say it was for certain just yet.”

  They sat in silence amidst the noise of the street in front of them. Sierra felt that this was a significant moment for Dalton, and she didn’t want him to feel that he was alone to face it. She didn’t doubt that deep within himself, he was strong enough to face this on his own, but she wasn’t sure that he knew that.

  “We’d better get back inside,” Dalton said. “Did you get a chance to see Ethan yet?”

  She shook her head. “I was going to go in after you left, but then the doctor came out to talk to Makayla. Apparently, Ethan was beginning to move around.”

  Dalton shifted toward her so quickly that Sierra almost pitched forward as she lost the support of his shoulder.

  “So he’s waking up?”

  “We hope so, but it will likely be a process. I doubt he’d be alert right away, but I could see Makayla wanted to be back with him, so I decided to come find you instead.”

  “Well, thank you, I appreciate your company,” he said as he leaned over to touch his head to hers. “But maybe we should get back to the waiting room in case there’s more news.”

  As they got to their feet, Sierra was overcome with the urge to slip her hand in his, but this time she managed to resist it. Touching his arm was something she’d do with a friend. Holding hands? Not so much.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  Side by side, they walked back into the hospital. The shift in the air was noticeable to Sierra as it always was when she entered the building. It was more than just a shift in temperature from warm to cool. There was an emotional energy in the air that didn’t exist outside. Sometimes happy…sometimes sad…the hospital was never devoid of emotion.

  The entrance and hallways of the hospital were busy with people coming to spend the evening visiting hours with their loved ones. Even the ICU waiting room held a few more people than when she’d left earlier.

  “Has she come back out yet?” Dalton asked as they sat down beside Bennett and Grace.

  Bennett shook his head. “I’m hoping they won’t limit her time with him if it seems like he’s regaining consciousness.”

  “Unfortunately, the movements can precede full wakefulness by several hours at a minimum or up to a day or more,” Sierra said.

  “Really?” Bennett frowned. “I was hoping that after waiting so long already, things would happen more quickly.”

  Sierra shook her head. “I think you’ll find—barring a miracle—that everything with Ethan is going to involve waiting. Remember what it was like with your mom following her aneurysm. Ethan has had a brain injury that is going to leave him with a long journey ahead of him. His regaining consciousness is just the start of the journey, not the end.”

  Bennett’s head bent forward as Grace lifted a hand to rub his back. Sierra was grateful that Ethan had so many people in his corner because she had a feeling that he was going to need every single one of them in the days to come.

  When the doctor had come out to tell them about Ethan’s movements, Sierra had been more than willing to let Makayla go back in, even if it had meant giving up her own visiting time with him. She was sure that Makayla—like Bennett—was hoping that Ethan would wake up immediately.

  That wasn’t to say that she wasn’t hoping for exactly the same thing, but she had the benefit—if that’s what she could call it in this situation—of medical knowledge. And that knowledge told her not to get her hopes up.

  Instead, she just prayed for God to give them all peace and patience as they waited for His timing in Ethan’s recovery. More than anything right then, she wanted to look into her brother’s eyes and have him recognize her. Everything else could come later as long as his brain was healed enough to remember her, Makayla, and the kids, and even better would be if he could recall the events immediately preceding the building’s collapse.

  Danica and JD showed up a few minutes later, and both were excited as Bennett filled them in on the latest with Ethan. They distributed the coffee they’d brought and then passed around the box of donuts they’d picked up.

  Not long after they’d showed up, Bennett shot to his feet and headed to the entrance of the waiting room. He was immediately caught up in a hug by a large black man while the slender woman at his side hurried to greet Grace. The arrival of Keenan Miller and his wife, Tami, just went to prove that there were many people there for Ethan.

  “Hey, little girl,” Keenan said as he approached her. Sierra allowed herself to be engulfed in a hug, sandwiched between Keenan and Tami. “How are you doing?”

  Sierra stepped back. “Hanging in there.”

  “Ah, sweetie,” Tami said as she leaned close to Sierra again. “We came as soon as we could after hearing the news. Is Kayla around?”

  “She’s in with Ethan. He was starting to move around, so she wanted to be there in case he woke up.”

  Since Tami was a nurse as well, Sierra took the time to give her a more detailed recounting of Ethan’s injuries. Keenan had greeted Dalton with a hug and now stood talking to him, JD, and Bennett. Grace and Danica joined her and Tami as they waited for Makayla to come back out.

  Sierra knew that Makayla would be glad to see Tami who, along with Grace, was one of her best friends. Keenan had played for the Canadian Football League as part of the Winnipeg Blue Bombers, and he and Tami had married after he’d retired. They’d been living in Chicago most recently in order to be closer to his mother who had been struggling with her health.

  It seemed no one was inclined to leave until they had heard an update on Ethan. Sierra hoped she could see Ethan before she went home, but she understood if that wasn’t possible. Thankfully, she didn’t have a shift the next day, since her supervisor had lessened the number of shifts she gave her.

  Initially, Sierra had wanted to keep up with her normal shift schedule, but her supervisor had told her that it was better if she worked less. And it turned out that the woman was right. While physically, it wasn’t taxing dealing with the situation with Ethan, emotionally, it left her drained.

  Her shifts did distract her but not enough. Every hour of every day was a constant reminder that things with Ethan were still on the edge. Even if other things had distracted her, the moment she walked into the waiting room, they all disappeared.

  She let out a sigh and leaned back in her chair, resting her head against the wall, and closed her eyes. It had already been a long day, and now it was going to be even longer. The sounds of conversation dropped to a hum as she fought back a yawn.

  “Sierra?” Dalton’s voice broke through the hum.

  She opened her eyes and blinked a couple of times. Dalton was right next to her, his expression
a weird mix of concern and affection. The latter made her heart skip a beat even as she reminded herself friends only.

  “Did I fall asleep?” she asked as she pushed herself upright.

  “Yep. Landed on my shoulder and snored.”

  “I did not,” Sierra said with a bump of her arm against his. “Video or it didn’t happen.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind for next time,” Dalton said. “But I didn’t wake you up because of that. Makayla came out and said Ethan appears to be regaining consciousness.”

  “Really?” Though she’d been braced for it to take awhile, she had hoped it would be sooner. “That’s terrific news.”

  “Makayla seemed very excited about it.”

  Sierra looked around the waiting room and saw that Bennett and Grace along with Keenan and Tami had left, but Danica and JD were still there. “How long was I asleep?”

  “About an hour,” Dalton told her.

  She stretched her arms above her head, trying to ease the tightness in her back. “Did Makayla say if I’d be able to see him?”

  Dalton nodded. “She’s just gone to the bathroom. She said when they next allow a visitor, you can go in.”

  “Is that soon?”

  “Should be. She came out about half an hour ago.”

  Sierra rubbed her hands on her thighs, her stomach a mass of nerves at the thought of Ethan waking up. The true effects of the trauma to his brain would start to be revealed as he became conscious. She tried not to think of worst case scenarios, but it was hard not to.

  “Do you want a cup of coffee?” Dalton asked.

  Since she’d just finished one before falling asleep, she said, “I’m not sure I should.”

  “Hot chocolate? Tea?”

  “Hot chocolate sounds good,” Sierra said, even though she knew she probably shouldn’t be drinking anything with caffeine in it after already having had a cup of coffee.

  “I’ll go get it and another coffee for myself,” Dalton said as he got to his feet. “See you in a bit.”