If Not for You

by Debbie Macomber

  “I can’t,” she said, not allowing him to finish.

  Sam cocked one brow. “You aren’t going to tell me you’ve got another date, are you?” he teased. He wanted to remind her that they were exclusive now. He wasn’t comfortable with her seeing anyone but him. He thought he’d made that clear.

  “No, but I do have plans.”

  “All day?”

  “All afternoon,” she corrected, reminding him about her piano students. “I’m volunteering with Habitat, helping Jazmine build her house.” She hesitated and then blinked up at him several times, flirting with him. “You could help, you know, make up for all that time we were apart.”

  “I could, could I?” His Saturdays were precious and he reserved them for working on his cars.

  “It’s completely voluntary, but everyone says how good you are with fixing things, and I’m sure you’d be an asset to the team. And Jazmine would be so appreciative.”

  “Just Jazmine?”

  “Like I said, it’s completely up to you.”

  “If I don’t agree, will you ask Tyler?”

  A smile twitched at the corners of her mouth. “I might.”

  “Like bloody hell you will.” She had him and she knew it.

  “Does that mean you’re willing to volunteer?”

  Sam had a dozen projects of his own that needed attention. He knew Beth was teasing him when it came to Tyler. He’d never worked with Habitat for Humanity but had heard good things about the organization. “Count me in.”

  Beth threw her arms around his waist and hugged him close. “You’re the best.”

  “Don’t know that I could refuse you much, and you know it.”

  “I do, and that makes you all the dearer to me.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” he muttered, but he wasn’t upset. “Got any other volunteer projects you’re conveniently hiding from me?”

  She smiled ever so sweetly at him. “A few.”

  He rolled his eyes. “You free next Saturday? I’d like—”

  “Can’t.”

  “Now what?” The woman was making it difficult.

  “I’m helping Shawntelle.”

  Rocco’s bookkeeper was one of Nichole’s best friends. “She building a house, too?” he asked.

  “No. She volunteers at the same place Nichole does, only she’s had to cut back because of the baby. Rocco met Nichole for the first time at Dress for Success, remember?”

  Sam knew the story well. Nichole had backed her car into a ditch and Rocco drove the tow truck that pulled her out.

  “What are you going to be doing there?”

  She shrugged. “I’m not sure, but Shawntelle will let me know. I’m filling in for her cousin, who can’t make it next week.”

  Sam wrapped his arms around her and held her close, his heart swelling with an emotion so strong it tightened his chest. Jazmine wasn’t the only one building a new life for herself.

  Beth was doing the same thing. She was building a life without the restraints and restrictions placed on her by her mother. With this first taste of freedom and independence, she was evolving into her own person. Sam was privileged to witness the transformation.

  “I better head out or I’ll be late for choir practice,” she said, reluctance showing in her eyes.

  Sam wasn’t eager to see her leave, either.

  “Kiss me before you go,” he said, finding it difficult to release her. He wove his fingers into her hair and angled his mouth to hers. She tasted of everything that was good, and they were soon focused only on each other. Sam knew he would never grow tired of holding and kissing this woman. He wasn’t a man who gave his heart away easily. Never had been. His only serious relationship, before Beth, had been with Trish and he’d been burned so badly he’d avoided falling in love ever since. Everything was new with Beth. Fresh and unspoiled. Two months and already she’d woven her smile, her heart, and her music around his own, binding him in ways he’d never thought to experience again.

  They were interrupted by someone clearing his throat. Alex, one of his crew from the garage, stood just outside the kitchen holding a tray of cut veggies.

  “Hate to interrupt you two lovebirds.”

  Beth blushed and hid her face against Sam’s shirt.

  “We playing poker or not?” Alex teased. He set the vegetable tray down next to the chips. Right away he noticed the cookies and helped himself.

  Sam ignored him. “I’ll walk you to your car,” he told Beth. Then, looking over his shoulder, he told his friend, “Make yourself comfortable and don’t eat all the cookies before everyone else arrives.”

  “You going to introduce me or not?” Alex asked, crumbs coating the sides of his mouth.

  Sam gestured toward his coworker. “This joker is Alex,” he told Beth. “Alex, Beth.”

  “Hi,” she said, smiling.

  Sam steered her out of the kitchen and toward the front door, but not before he saw Alex reach for another cookie.

  “Nice to meet you, Beth,” Alex called out after them. “Haven’t heard much about you.”

  “He’s teasing,” Sam told Beth.

  “Hey, these cookies are good,” Alex shouted.

  “There better be some left when I get back here,” Sam warned, and they heard Alex laugh as Sam led Beth outside.

  He was reluctant to see her go. He’d been playing poker with the guys for years but would have gladly given it up just then for another ten minutes with Beth.

  “Have fun tonight,” she said as he held open the driver’s-side door for her.

  “You, too.”

  She got inside the car. “Enjoy the cookies.”

  “I have a feeling Alex will have scarfed down the entire tray while I’m talking to you. I’ll be lucky if there are any left.”

  “I’ll bake you more,” she promised.

  “I’ll let you.”

  Rocco and Charley arrived then, and still Sam lingered. His two friends saw themselves into the house.

  “Talked to my folks about Thanksgiving,” he said.

  She looked up with wide eyes. “Are they disappointed you won’t be spending it with them?”

  “They’re fine with it. They’re more disappointed in not meeting you.”

  “You told them about me?”

  “Of course, babe.” He’d filled in his mother shortly after Beth’s accident. His mother had encouraged him, eager to see him settled down and married. She was thinking grandchildren.

  “Maybe we can take a day and visit your parents before Christmas.”

  “I promised them I’d be home for Christmas.”

  She exhaled on a sigh. “I promised my parents Christmas, too.”

  Sam hid his disappointment. He’d hoped to spend the holiday with her.

  “I’m going to be late for choir practice,” she said, but she didn’t move to leave.

  Neither did Sam. “My friends are waiting.”

  “Bye, Sam.”

  “Don’t speed,” he said, fearing she wouldn’t be as cautious as she should be. “Drive carefully and text me when you get to the church, okay?”

  She nodded. “Will do.”

  He eased away from the car and stood with his hands in his back pockets as she pulled away.

  When he returned to the house, his friends were waiting.

  “Never thought I’d see the day Sam Carney let a woman get her claws into him.”

  “Yeah, boys, but did you see the woman who possesses those claws?” Sam returned as he reached for a deck of cards.

  “Saw her,” Alex said while munching on another cookie. “I’d marry her for these alone.”

  “I get first dibs on Beth,” Charley said, reaching toward the plate.

  “Like hell,” Sam growled.

  Rocco slapped him across the back. “Know how you feel, buddy. Been there.” Then looking at the other two men, he added, “And so have these clowns.”

  Sam pulled out a chair and started shuffling the cards. “You boys ready to hand me y
our hard-earned cash?”

  Life was good. In fact, it felt more than good. Beth was his, and while it had taken some time for him to recognize and accept it, he was hers.

  CHAPTER 30

  Sunshine

  It was the weekend before Thanksgiving and Sunshine knew her niece was up to something. She wasn’t sure what that little darling had cooked up, but whatever Beth had in mind was sure to be interesting.

  “I have a surprise for you,” Beth had told her a few days earlier. Her eyes were bright with excitement, and it seemed all she could do not to spill what it was right then and there.

  “A surprise?”

  “A good one, I hope.”

  “You hope?” This didn’t sound right. Beth was excited and at the same time unsure. Now, that was interesting. “You better tell me what it is.”

  Beth’s eyes gleamed with barely suppressed anticipation. “Sorry, I can’t. My lips are sealed. I will tell you that it’s one I’ve been working on for several weeks now, ever since we…” Her eyes grew round and she immediately pantomimed twisting a key over her mouth. “I’m not saying another word. All I ask is that you contact me as soon as you’re home.”

  “I have to go somewhere?”

  “Oh yes, this is the most important part. Remember that wonderful Mexican restaurant where we ate not long ago?”

  Sunshine nodded. “Of course. It’s one of my favorites.”

  “When you arrive, ask for Meghan and she will lead you to your table, and your surprise will be waiting for you there.”

  The details were certainly specific. Her birthday was months ago, so it was unlikely Beth was throwing her a surprise party. The sale of her artwork had gone exceptionally well in the last year, so it might have something to do with her agent. However, Bill was currently traveling in Europe.

  “You sure you don’t want to give me a clue?”

  “Nope. I can’t.”

  “You say you’ve been working on this for a long time?”

  “Weeks and weeks. The timing is critical. I can’t believe we were able to work this out.”

  “ ‘We’? Is Sam involved in this?”

  “Nope.”

  “Anyone I know?” she pressed.

  “No. Now stop asking questions, because I’m afraid I might say too much and give everything away.”

  Whatever the surprise, Sunshine had to admit she was intrigued.

  She parked outside the Mexican restaurant and made sure she had her phone charged and inside her purse. Beth made her promise she’d call her at the first opportunity. The doors leading into the restaurant were thick and wooden, carved with cacti that were painted green. She didn’t often dine in, but once or twice a month she phoned in an order for takeout. Her favorite was the Ranchero salad, which was similar to a taco salad but without the shell, and, of course, the fish tacos.

  As soon as the hostess saw Sunshine, she brightened. She was a bit embarrassed as she didn’t know the lovely young woman’s name. “Are you Meghan?” she asked, per the instructions Beth had given her.

  “I am,” she said, flashing her a huge grin. “Your party is already waiting. I’ve given you a private area so the two of you can talk.”

  “You know all about this?”

  “Oh yes, Beth and I worked together to set it up. The menu is already set, but Alicia will be by to take your drink order.”

  Meghan led her to the back of the restaurant. It was early enough so that the dinner crowd had yet to arrive. The booths were high, so she didn’t see him until she was at the table.

  Peter.

  Unable to hold back her shock, Sunshine gasped. Her hand automatically flew to her heart, as if to protect it from the jolt of recognition.

  To his credit, Peter looked equally stunned. His eyes widened, and all he seemed capable of doing was staring at her in complete and utter amazement.

  And not in a good way.

  Immediately he frowned and glared at her, as if the sight of her was as unwelcome as it was surprising.

  “Sunshine,” he whispered after a moment, as if to confirm that it was really her.

  “Peter.” She slid into the booth for the simple reason she wasn’t convinced her legs would continue to hold her upright.

  For what seemed an interminable amount of time, all they seemed capable of doing was looking at each other. Peter had changed. He was nothing like she remembered. Thirty years ago he wore his hair long, mostly as a money-saving measure. When he couldn’t stand the thick strands flopping down and getting in his eyes, Sunshine had offered to cut it for him and he’d let her. It was an intimate task, and afterward they’d made love. Now he dressed in expensive business suits, his hair was trimmed and neat with streaks of gray. It was thinning, she noticed. His hands. His beautiful hands callused and often nicked and cut were perfectly manicured now. He was a man of the world. It seemed the artist in him had completely vanished.

  Sunshine liked to think there hadn’t been nearly as many changes in her, other than age. Her thick hair, salt-and-pepper-colored now, hung freely down the middle of her back, and she continued to wear the same long skirts and loose blouses she had while in art school.

  “You arranged this?” he asked suspiciously.

  “No. I’m afraid this is the work of my niece.”

  He huffed. “Ellie’s child, no doubt. This trick is worthy of her mother. Guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

  Sunshine was tempted to defend Beth but had yet to think clearly enough to gather her thoughts. She couldn’t seem to stop looking at Peter, yearning for evidence of the man she once knew.

  The waitress sauntered up to the table. “What can I get you two lovebirds to drink?”

  Peter’s head snapped toward the young woman. “We aren’t lovebirds, and I’ll have a scotch.”

  Alicia blinked at his waspish tone.

  “Make it a double. No ice.”

  She made a note of it and turned to Sunshine. “And for you?”

  Sunshine admired her resilience. “Iced tea, please.”

  The young woman made a hasty retreat, and Sunshine didn’t blame her.

  “Was that really necessary?” she asked, keeping her voice low and calm.

  “Definitely necessary. We are no lovebirds.”

  “We once were, if you remember.” She hoped the gentle prompt would bring happy memories instead of dredging up the graveyard of their past mistakes and the pain they had brought to each other.

  “That was a long time ago.” He started to slide out of the booth.

  Reaching across the table, Sunshine placed her hand on his. “Please don’t leave.”

  “Why?” he demanded. “So you can remind me that I betrayed you and sold out to my father?”

  His words were like a slap in the face. “I would never do that.”

  “You mean to say you don’t want to rub my face in your success?”

  His words shocked her. “Peter, no, never.”

  “Are you sure, Sunshine? Aren’t you even a little tempted?” he taunted.

  She shook her head, barely recognizing this man as the one she’d loved beyond reason.

  “Don’t you want to ask whatever happened to the boy you knew? Didn’t you ever wonder if I could have supported myself as a sculptor?”

  Alicia returned with their drink order and Sunshine wasn’t given the opportunity to answer.

  Peter nearly grabbed the glass out of the young woman’s hand. He drank it down in one swallow and set the empty glass aside.

  Sunshine didn’t blame the waitress for making another hasty retreat.

  Peter’s eyes narrowed as he glared across the table at Sunshine. “I curse the day I met you.”

  The vehemence in his voice robbed her of breath. When she could, she asked him, “Do you hate me so much?” She was barely able to get the words out from the pain tightening her chest. Whatever had happened to Peter over the years had changed him to a bitter, angry man.

  “I see your art
hanging in galleries and I’m reminded that because of what happened with us…my entire life went down in flames. I’d like to blame Ellie, blame you. I can’t, though. I was the one who was weak, who gave up everything that was ever important to me. I’m the one to blame.”

  “I’m sorry for you,” she whispered.

  “You should be.”

  Alicia returned with their food. Sunshine nearly groaned aloud when she saw the platters of fish tacos and one bean tostada. It was the same order they had shared on their Friday-night dates.

  As the waitress placed the plate in front of Peter, he looked down at it and rolled his eyes. “This is just perfect.”

  His words dripped with sarcasm.

  Reaching for his empty glass, he studied the bottom as if he expected to find something there. He waved to the waitress. As soon as she appeared, he thrust the glass at her. “Give me another.”

  “A double scotch?”

  “Yes,” he snapped, as if that was the most asinine question he’d ever been asked.

  Seeing how many years it’d been since she’d last seen Peter, Sunshine wondered if he had a drinking problem. They often drank wine together but never more than a glass each. Hard liquor was reserved for parties and neither one of them overindulged—well, other than on a few specific occasions.

  “Don’t look at me like I’m an alcoholic,” he muttered, as if reading her thoughts. “I don’t abuse alcohol. At least I didn’t until today.”

  His attempt at humor was weak. “You want to blame me for the way your life has gone,” Sunshine said, and it was a statement, not a question.

  “I don’t blame you for a damn thing,” he insisted. “I accept full responsibility for screwing up my own life. It started with you and Ellie. I lost you both and that stupidity cost me dearly. Eventually I caved to my father’s demands. It all happened so fast like dominos toppling over on each other. One bad decision followed another. I couldn’t seem to stop myself, even knowing at the time this was all wrong for me. This wasn’t what I wanted and still I kept stumbling further and further from who I wanted to be.”

  Alicia returned with his drink. He didn’t gulp it down this time. Instead, he stared into the amber liquid as if it held the secrets of the universe. “If I hadn’t already destroyed my life enough, I made another tragic mistake when I decided to marry Carolyn. She, you might be interested to know, was the worst of my screwups.” He took a big swallow of the scotch.