Off Balance

by Aileen Erin

His skin brightened just a little and he gave me a real laugh. “Because I saw it when I took off your pants. I tried not to look, but I definitely looked. And I’m taking that as a sign—a good one—in favor of you saying yes. Maybe it’s not but—”

  I rubbed my eyes. “Oh my god, Lorne. Shut up.”

  “Yes, but also, you should probably know something,” Lorne said.

  “Lorne! Shut up!”

  He laughed, like this was funny, but I was trying to be serious.

  He brushed a kiss against my lips, a kiss that was way too chaste after what he’d just done to me. “What is it?” he asked. His voice serious this time.

  “I’m sorry that I pushed you away for all these weeks.”

  He started to say something, and I knew he was going to make fun of the fact that I was saying this now.

  I gripped his hair in my hands and tugged softly. “If you’d shut up for one second so that I could talk.” I couldn’t help but laugh at him. Sometimes he was so serious and other times, he was an impatient goof. “I know you’ve said it to me before, but I felt it, too. When I stepped on your ship. It was like this big empty space inside me suddenly filled up. For years I felt like I was missing something, and I never knew what it was. I thought I was just broken. There was an empty space inside my heart that would always feel ripped open and nothing helped.” I let out a breath. “Every time we moved to a new place, I’d search for paint the same color as your eyes. I never felt safe until my walls were that color. It was like I’d been painting you in my life…and then I guess I unknowingly tattooed your emblem on my hip.”

  His hands ran up my thighs and then moved around my back, tugging me even closer.

  “I don’t know if I can explain why. I didn’t know what it was or why I did it. I had to get a tattoo for the Crew, and that was the only thing I could come up with that I would want on my skin forever. And I…”

  His hands ran up my back, and my skin tingled from the touch. He tugged me even closer and I moved my arms to drape around his shoulders.

  “You got the tattoo because you love me,” he said.

  “I do.” I gathered up the courage to be as honest with him as he had been with me. “And I pushed you away because you terrify me. Because I feel so much for you that I think I’m going to lose myself in you. And if I say yes to marrying you, I’m scared of everything else that comes with it. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to take on anything more. I’m clearly not over any of it, and I don’t even really understand what being Aunare means. I don’t know—”

  He cut me off with a kiss. “You’re strong enough. I know you are. Don’t ever doubt that. As for the rest of it, you wouldn’t be doing it alone. You’d be with me. What you don’t know, I’ll teach you. I’ll be with you. I won’t let you get lost.” He pressed another kiss to my lips. “I love you with my whole heart.”

  “I love you, too.”

  He pushed forward until my back was against the other side and he was hovering over me. Water sloshed out of the tub, splashing onto the floor, and usually I would’ve felt bad about the mess, but all I could see was Lorne.

  “I have a confession.”

  “Another one?” My hands rose as if on their own to hold his face, and I couldn’t bring myself to stop them.

  He gave me a very solemn nod. “I made a wrong move.”

  “What?” I couldn’t keep up with him.

  “I pulled you onto me and you told me you loved me and now I can’t think of anything else but needing you.” His fingers ran down my sides and stopped at the top of my underwear. He pulled them down just enough to put the tip of his finger inside them and tugged gently.

  My breath caught and I wanted—I wanted him. I needed to feel all of his skin against mine.

  “You’re mostly naked and clean and wearing my emblem on your skin—which totally took me by surprise—and say yes.” He bent down kissing me and I opened my lips for him. He bit my bottom lip gently and my body relaxed. I started to sink in the water, but his arms came around me to hold me up.

  “Say yes.” His lips moved against mine, but he didn’t give me any space.

  I didn’t want any space. “To which part?”

  “Any of it. All of it.” His hand moved down my side, and then moved to my belly button again, before diving deeper. “For right now, I’ll take this part.”

  His finger brushed against the outside of my underwear, and my body felt like it heated and turned liquid and I couldn’t stop the moan before it slipped free.

  He kissed me again. His tongue touched mine and I wanted more. I needed more. I lowered onto his lap and rubbed against him. My back arched and a moan slipped free and he hardened under me.

  He pulled away from me until none of his skin was touching me, and I couldn’t have that. Not when every nerve in my body was on fire.

  “I can’t do it unless you say yes,” he said.

  I looked into his eyes and I knew there was only one answer worth saying.

  “Yes.”

  He ripped the wet cloth under the water. His fingers brushed against my bare, wet skin and I bit his lip to keep from moaning again.

  His fingers moved against me and inside me and it was too much. I was feeling too much. Too soon. Too quickly.

  My skin grew bright and his matched mine.

  “Lorne.” I gripped his shoulders and closed my eyes and bright sunbursts broke across my eyes.

  I felt something inside me building and— “Lorne?”

  “I’ve got you.” His lip teased the side of my neck, and then he nipped my skin.

  I gasped in air as my climax shattered through me.

  Lorne’s tongue brushed against my nipple and heat broke across my skin and I knew that I would never be the same. This would never be enough. I could never get enough of his hands on me.

  When my breathing slowed and I opened my eyes again, Lorne was watching me as if to make sure I was okay. He ran his fingers through my hair and kissed me.

  “You okay?” he asked against my lips.

  “Mmm,” was all I could say.

  He grinned, and it was his wicked one. “Ready for more?”

  His hands ran down my body and my heart stopped for a second before skittering on.

  “Yes. More, please.”

  “Good.” Lorne rose from the water and picked me up, carrying me to the bed.

  We were wet and dripping, but I didn’t care. His grin was the happiest thing I’d ever seen and then he kissed me and everything was filled with his touch. He stripped off his underwear, and I was lost in need.

  He rose above me and his mouth found mine. My legs wrapped around his hips and he brushed against my entrance. There and gone. There and gone. There and gone and I was dying with need.

  His lips moved down my neck. And I wanted to be lost in him forever. I wanted everything. Every nerve in my body was on fire and he was making me crazy.

  “More, please.”

  He pushed into me—in, in, in—and there was nothing but him and me. Me and him. And I was lost in the feel of him—his hands and lips on me, his body over me, him inside of me—and I never wanted it to end.

  I never wanted to be without him ever again.

  And when white-hot pleasure rose inside me, I looked into his eyes. His skin was as bright as mine. He took my hand, gripping it in his, and kissed me. Bright light broke across my vision. I heard his moan echo mine, and I knew I would say yes to it all.

  Before Lorne, I was surviving, but I wasn’t living. I didn’t have fun. I didn’t laugh or smile. I never felt safe.

  But with him, I was safe.

  With him, I was loved.

  With him, I was home.

  So, I would marry him. I would be his queen. I would fight by his side. And I didn’t have to be afraid anymore, because whatever tomorrow brought, I wouldn’t be alone. We would face our destiny together.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  LORNE

  Amihanna was beside me in bed and
I wasn’t sure if I was alive or in the After or dreaming. But she was here and she loved me and I was so thankful. I wanted to ask her what she was thinking now, but I was afraid of the answer. I was afraid she’d have regrets. She was vulnerable tonight, and I’d taken advantage. Even when I’d promised I wouldn’t. I’d tried not to, but…

  But I wasn’t sorry. Even if she ended up regretting it, I wouldn’t apologize.

  Tonight had been filled with good and bad. I’d gotten the crown. We were going to war. My father was a total asshole—although that wasn’t new. And the estate had been invaded. Again.

  Amihanna had been in danger, and once again, I wasn’t close enough to help.

  I honestly didn’t intend for the rest of the night to become the best dream I’d ever had, but now it had. And now that I’d had Amihanna, I knew I wasn’t strong enough to walk away. There was no doubt in my mind that I was selfish for asking for more, but I had a need for her that could never be sated. I was addicted to her touch, her scent, her love.

  I had this big plan that if I ever got her in my bed like this, I wouldn’t ever let her out until she said yes to everything, but my wrist unit was buzzing like crazy and I knew I didn’t have time. There was so much to do, and I could feel her exhaustion, but at least she wasn’t thinking about what had happened in the hallway anymore.

  I’d messaged instructions to the maids before I got in the shower with her. One of them sneaked into the bathroom while I was cleaning her off behind the frosted glass doors and took our clothes and mopped up the blood. I didn’t want her to see it when we got out of the shower. I didn’t want her to have to think about it again. I knew she would, but for now, I wanted her to rest.

  They cleaned my room while we were in the shower, too, getting rid of every speck of blood. My bedroom door was closed—so I couldn’t see it—but I knew someone had fixed the outer door. And if we didn’t step out into the hallway, then I could make her forget—for just a little while—what had happened.

  My wrist unit buzzed.

  It most likely had multiple updates on how these men got into the estate. I wanted to know, but I didn’t want to move. Her head was on my chest, her leg was thrown over mine, her breath was hot on my chest, and I wanted to stay like this forever.

  But we were at war.

  I couldn’t protect her from it, but I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to leave her side again.

  I’d asked her to marry me, and I was going to keep asking her until she said yes.

  It was so late that it had to be almost morning, and we needed sleep. We were both exhausted, so I’d ask again when we woke up. Or maybe I should wait and see if I could have a dinner set up for us in one of the small dining rooms.

  No. Outside under the stars.

  I should take her to the beach again. Maybe she’d say yes if we were there.

  My heart was racing with what she was going to say next. I was trying to be patient, but she hadn’t said a word. She’d said my name so many different ways in that tub—that glorious, perfect tub—and again in bed, but I wasn’t sure where we stood.

  Goddess, I was pathetic. I wasn’t going to ask her to marry me again. I couldn’t. Not yet. I had to wait. Tomorrow.

  Damn it. Why wasn’t she saying anything?

  Goddess take it all. “Willyoumarryme?” The words were ripped from me before I knew I’d said them.

  She shook with laughter and it was my favorite sound ever. I brushed a kiss on her head.

  “Not the right timing. Right. Okay.” I waited five seconds. “Will you marry me?” I tried for a calmer tone, but I sounded pathetic. Really, truly pathetic.

  She was really laughing now. Big belly laughs, and I knew she was happy in my torment.

  “Right. Okay. Not yet. You still need time to think. Got it. I won’t ask again. I’m giving you time.” I counted to sixty, but it was probably less than sixty seconds. I’d really rushed the counting. “Will you marry me?”

  She sat up, holding the sheet to her chest. “Lorne.”

  I gave her my best smile as I stared up at her, and hoped that it would work. “Don’t break my heart. Just say yes. I’m in misery over here.” I was a little bit, but I was also happy for the first time in a long time. She was smiling at me and laughing—really laughing—and I wanted her to stay that way forever.

  “You’re not giving me time to think. I just—” She twisted to look around the room. “Wait. Where’s the blood?” She tilted to look into the bathroom. “Where are my clothes?”

  Her cheeks were turning a lovely rosy shade, and I couldn’t help myself. I had to tease her a little. “Magical elves.”

  She let out a little horrified gasp. “Were people in the bathroom when we—”

  “No.” I left no room for her to question that. “I might be king now, but I like some privacy. One of the maids came in while we were in the shower to get your clothes and clean the floor. That’s why the shower walls were opaque. For the record, if you’re in there, I’d love the glass to be transparent.”

  She slapped my chest, but I took her hand and kissed the inside of her wrist.

  “They took care of cleaning up and signaled my wrist unit when they were done in the bathroom. And again when they were done in this room. And again when they were done in the living room and fixed the broken door. I didn’t want you to have to see the blood again. I’m sure they’re still working on cleaning up the hallway.”

  “Oh god.” The color drained from her face, and I wished I’d kept my mouth shut. “Lorne?” Her voice shook and I hated that this had happened.

  I hated that she’d had to defend herself again. But those men who attacked our house—attacked Amihanna—they’d forgotten what she was. They’d forgotten who she was. Now, word would spread, and I wasn’t sorry for that. It would make her safer. I thought about releasing the footage from the hallway, but she was still mad at Declan for sharing everything from Abaddon. I couldn’t release anything until she watched the clips and approved, and there was no way I could ask her about that tonight. Not when I had something much more important on my mind.

  She hadn’t answered me. I knew she wanted to say yes. I knew she loved me. So, it was just a matter of convincing her that I was worth marrying.

  Amihanna flopped back on the bed and pulled the sheets up to cover her face, and I could almost see her trying to cover her emotions, too.

  I tugged on the sheets until she let them slide down her face. “Talk to me. Please.”

  “I…I…I killed them and then we’re in the shower and then we…”

  “Made love? Had sex?”

  She started to grin before it melted away. “See? You’re being so fucking adorable and asking me to marry you and I’m laughing and they’re still cleaning up the blood and what kind of person—” Her words were spilling out so fast that I wasn’t sure how she had any breath left to say them.

  But I was putting an end to this. I wasn’t going to let her feel guilty over killing those men who wanted to do worse than murder her. They would’ve done unspeakable things to her.

  “You were defending yourself. There is nothing—nothing—to feel bad about.”

  She looked away. “Komae was in on it. I talked to him. I thought…I mean I didn’t think we were friends, but I thought I trusted him. I didn’t feel that click, but…”

  If he weren’t dead already, I would’ve killed him then. She felt betrayed, and I was the one who approved all of her guards. I’d known Komae for as long as I could remember. I trusted him, too.

  “I know. I was watching the feed of the hallway as I flew in.” It had been the most terrifying flight of my life. I was too far away to do anything but watch, and I was terrified I was going to watch her die. “I saw it all.”

  She looked at me again with her gorgeous brown eyes looking so lost and confused and hurt, and I would do anything to go back a few minutes and hear her laugh again.

  “You saw what I did—you saw it all—and you still want me
to marry you?”

  I almost laughed, but I realized that she wasn’t joking. She was seriously asking me this.

  I rolled onto my side and placed my hand on her cheek, turning her face to look at me. “If you think I love you despite your abilities, you’re mistaken. I’ve always known what you could do. You don’t remember it, but you’ve used it before. And not just on melons.”

  “I have?” Her voice shook a little, and I wasn’t sure how much truth she could handle in one night.

  She didn’t need to know that. If she asked, I’d tell her everything, but I hoped she wouldn’t ask. Not yet. “The Aunare like to think that we’re peaceful, but peace always comes with a price.” I hoped that was enough. I ran my fingers through her hair. “How are you feeling?”

  “Exhausted.” She rolled to face me fully. “Like so tired I ache all over.”

  “Normal. You used a lot of energy to do what you did. That will take sleep and food and time to fix.” She had a deep well of power, but she’d burned through most of it. “I can have some food brought—”

  “I can’t eat.”

  “All right.” Maybe I could change her mind on that. It would be really good if I could get some calories in her. I wasn’t sure when another attack was coming, but at the rate things were going, it’d come soon. She needed to be ready. “What do you need?”

  “You.”

  I put my arm around her and tugged her closer. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Yes.”

  I froze and my heart jumped to the next solar system and I wanted to be sure my hopeful mind wasn’t getting away from me. Maybe she changed her mind about food. “Yes to what?”

  “Yes.”

  I sat up. “Yes to what, Amihanna? Use your words, please.”

  She rolled onto her back and looked up at me. Her mouth tilted up just a little on one side. “I guess all of it.”

  Relief and gratitude and love hit me all at once, and I felt like I was flying through space and time. And I knew wherever I ended up, I was going to be happy because she’d said yes.

  “Yes. You mean it? Are you sure?” What was I doing? I was such an idiot sometimes. I leaned over her. “No. Scratch that. You can’t take this back. It will kill me.”