Danika

by Varsha Dixit

  Danika did so. She saw a doctor in scrubs standing close to Simi speaking in hushed tones, his head lowered. It took a moment for Danika to recognize Noah. The lower half of his face was covered in beard and he had lost weight.

  Danika took slow steps toward them, her heart thundering in her ribcage.

  Simi sank against Noah’s chest and he supported her.

  Danika felt her knees wobble.

  Noah turned his head and he saw her then.

  “Bro?” Danika voice was low and urgent.

  “Is fine!” Noah was quick to reply. “Hans is in recovery, the surgery went well. He is okay.”

  Relieved Danika reached out to grab something for support. Craig was nearby. He put a supportive arm around her shoulder. “Congrats Dani, your brother is going to be okay.” Craig whispered above her head.

  Danika felt tears of relief well up in her eyes. She turned into Craig and hugged him. “Yes he is. Yes he is. Oh thank god! Bro is going to be okay.”

  Craig hugged her back.

  Soon Danika and Simi were hugging; Anya too joined the family hug. All three were teary eyed yet laughing.

  Noah stepped to the side, his eyes kept shifting from Danika to Craig and then back to Danika.

  Chapter 48

  Several hours later

  Danika shifted in the waiting room chair. It was close to 10:00 pm. She was staying the night at the hospital. Hans was under observation in the ICU. Danika had forced Simi and Anya to go home to be with the twins. They needed their mom and Anya did not like hospitals.

  Someone sat down next to Danika, she turned to look at the person and stilled.

  “Hi Danika!” Noah settled in the chair next to her.

  I must look a fright! Danika was surprised by her thought. “Is Bro okay?”

  Noah sat back deeper in the chair. “He’s fine and resting. I checked on him. The nurses and doctors on duty are texting me regularly. We take good care of our own. Don’t worry.”

  “Thanks!” Danika nodded. She leaned slightly away from Noah. She glanced at him from the corner of her eyes. Noah was dressed in simple brown sweatshirt, well-fitted jeans and casual shoes. What does he want? Why is he here? Danika started biting down on her lower lip and missed the tender look that passed Noah’s face when he saw her action.

  “So how have you been? I haven’t seen you in a while. You don’t come over to Han’s house anymore?” Noah said turning his torso to better look at her.

  “I have been busy. With work.” Danika hated how stilted she sounded but she couldn’t help herself. Being alone with Noah in a rather empty waiting room was making her nervous. All her feelings for him that she had suppressed were coming back. Much like a zombie apocalypse!

  “Hans was telling me that you have started your own company. How is that going?”

  Danika glanced at Noah briefly. She wasn’t used to seeing him with a beard.

  “I have. It’s not a company, its just me. I acquired some freelance gigs that are paying well.”

  Noah ran his eyes over Danika. He just couldn’t stop staring at her. He had missed Danika terribly but seeing her today he had realized just how much. “You look good.”

  “Thanks.” Danika felt herself grow warm under his gaze. “You have. . a beard.”

  Noah smiled. “Like it?”

  Danika shook her head. “Not really!”

  Noah smiled as he placed his hand on the arm rest of her chair. “Missed your honesty among other things.” His voice was low.

  Danika glanced at Noah and then couldn’t look away. A slow smile was building on his face.

  Danika’s lips loosened in response and her hands moistened. It took some effort but Danika managed to glance away and straighten in her chair. They sat silently next to each other.

  “Want to go to the doctor’s lounge. They have recliners that open all the way?”

  Danika hesitated.

  “They have cookies and Starbucks coffee.” Noah coaxed.

  “I could use some coffee. But I don’t have a pass.”

  “You don’t need one. I’ll get you in.” Noah got to his feet and extended his hand to her.

  Danika rose without taking Noah’s hand. He led her to the elevators in the back of the corridor. The elevator ride was a quiet one. Danika felt like her tongue was stuck to the roof of her mouth especially because Noah wouldn’t stop staring at her – in a very intense manner as if all he saw was her.

  The lounge was empty. Noah made coffee for her and Danika took it most gratefully. As she was about to take a seat, Noah said, “Lets go in my office.”

  “No I couldn’t.” Danika murmured. “I couldn’t impose.”

  “It has a leather couch and a blanket.”

  Danika could not stem a chuckle at the way Noah was trying to change her mind. She sobered. “What if they try to reach me? For Bro?”

  “Nothing will happen to Hans, he is sleeping peacefully. Also if something happens they will reach me first, his doctor.” Noah patted the pager attached to his belt.

  “Okay! Then I’ll take the offer.”

  “Lets go!”

  Danika paused and blinked rapidly. “Wait you are coming too?”

  Noah raised his brow. “Its my office.”

  I can’t be alone with him in his office. I remember the last time very well. Danika touched her shoulder. “Oh..I thought. . I thought.”

  Noah crossed his arms over his chest. “What did you think Danika?” He was teasing.

  “You are saying my name a lot.” The words just slipped out of her mouth. She gave a slight gasp. “I did not mean. . .”

  The teasing look slipped from his face. Noah leaned forward. “You have a pretty name. I like saying it. . . a lot.”

  Danika got a whiff of his spicy cologne. She wanted to inhale deeply. I missed his darn cologne too.

  “Still having conversations with yourself in your head?” Noah gently touched her temple. His fingers were warm. Danika remembered their kiss and her body heated up. She took a step back. “I think I should go down.”

  “Danika I know you have a boyfriend. I won’t do anything to make you uncomfortable.”

  Danika opened her mouth and then shut it. Boyfriend? Craig! He thinks Craig is my boyfriend.

  Noah stayed there looking at Danika his expression earnest.

  Danika swallowed. “I know you won’t do. . . “ She could not bring herself to finish the sentence. “Lets go your office.”

  Noah’s nodded as his mouth softened.

  Inside his office, Noah switched on the lamp on his desk. It washed the room in cozy intimate light.

  He and Danika both remembered the last time they were here together. Their eyes stayed locked until Danika looked away.

  Noah cleared his throat. “This worn leather couch is the most comfortable and the best couch in the whole world.”

  “Thanks!” Danika, primly took a seat at one end.

  “Put your feet up. Try and sleep. You will need your strength. Hans is going to be in the hospital for at least couple of weeks.”

  Danika leaned forward. “But Bro is going to be okay? Perfectly okay?”

  “Yes, he will be fine. But he has to take better care of himself.” Noah took out a blanket from his desk’s bottom drawer and handed it to her. “Here you can use this.”

  “Thank you.” Danika took the blanket and kept it on her knees. “You saved Bro. I never thanked you for that.” Her voice thickened.

  “It wasn’t just me Danika. And you don’t have to thank anyone here we were just doing our jobs. Hans would do the same.” Noah took a chair opposite to her.

  “But still thank you!” Danika smiled and removed her shoes and turned to recline on the couch.

  Noah saw her pale, delicate feet. Even her feet are beautiful.

  Danika freed her hair from a ponytail, rested her head on the raised side of the couch and covered herself with the blanket. It smelled like Noah. Danika happily tucked her cheek in it.


  On watching her actions, Noah felt his gut tighten. Desire grew in him like hunger in the belly of the beast. He quickly looked away and sat straighter trying to cover his sign of arousal.

  “I thought I was tired but now I can’t sleep. “Danika’s eyes were dull and flat as she looked up at Noah. “I’m scared!”

  “Of?”

  Danika’s throat felt scratchy, “What if I sleep. . .and something happens to Bro? Its silly but I just can’t sleep.” She swallowed her tears.

  Noah started to get up and then stopped. Danika was emotionally vulnerable and his body was throbbing for her. I might do something stupid like take her in my arms and. . . Noah closed his eyes and his hands curled at his sides. It took herculean effort on Noah’s part to keep distance from Danika especially right now for he knew she would welcome any show of support or reassurance, verbal or physical. Noah shifted deeper in his chair. “That makes sense. I would be scared too.”

  Danika dark eyes focused, briefly, on Noah. “You would?” She murmured going back to staring flatly at the floor. She did not sound convinced.

  “I lost someone I loved too and very deeply. My wife. Alicia! She was killed by terrorists.”

  Chapter 49

  Danika pushed the blanket off her and sat up. “What?” He eyes were big in her face. “I’m so sorry, I did not know.”

  Noah saw his pain reflected in Danika’s eyes. “It happened over two years ago. Alicia was in Afghanistan. Her convoy that she was travelling in got ambushed.”

  Danika rose to get up, Noah gestured at her to stay. “I’m all right.” She wanted to go over and hold Noah. She could hear the anguish in his voice and see the pain in his eyes.

  Noah’s voice deepened. “Alicia and I, we were together since we were kids. I loved her so damn much and then she was gone just like that. There was no sense to her death. She was kind and sweet and always helping people. She had found her calling, helping women in war-ravaged countries. She was the type of person this world needs badly.” Noah blinked.

  Danika could not stay away. She moved to a chair near him. “She sounds amazing. I’m so sorry for your loss.”

  Noah looked up and sighed. “Why was she killed Danika? A woman who had flown to another continent to help those stuck amongst poverty and crime, why was she robbed of her life?”

  Danika was taken back by the sudden anger in his voice. “Noah-”

  Noah turned to Danika, his breathing was noisy, his face reddened. “Why did Alicia stay there? The police had warned her that some groups were planning an attack on the NGO’s present in the area. Her organization was on the top of that list as it helped women. But for Alicia her cause was more important. More important than her life, her husband and her parents. . . ”

  “Maybe she did not realize that it-”

  “No, she knew. But she wouldn’t listen. She wouldn’t listen, not to the police, not to me. She just didn’t listen.” Noah hung his head down. “Everyone thought I was sad after her death what they didn’t know that I was angry too. Angry that our marriage meant so little to her, I meant so little to her.” Noah voice’s rose as his gestures became jerky. “You know what was our last talk? We had a huge argument and I told her to choose between her cause and me. The selfish bastard that I am! She was away from me so much. I needed her. I loved her, I wanted her here, safe next to me. I used to stay up night after night worrying for her. I was married and still single, lonely. And you know what Alicia chose. She chose right. She chose those people, the women she was helping. I was second or maybe not even on the list, I don’t know.” Noah ran his hand through his hair. “Alicia was angry at me. Our last words to each other were mean and vicious. I gave her an ultimatum and she told me to go to hell. I hung up on her and she never called me back. Those were our last words and next day she was killed.” Noah’s voice broke. “I’m the worst man, the worst husband.”

  Danika went on her knees and did what felt most natural to her. She hugged Noah. “No you are not. Alicia knew you loved her. You wanted her back because you cared. Alicia knew that. She may have gone far but she always came back to you. Alicia loved you Noah, and you loved her. Don’t be guilty. Alicia knew you loved her.”

  Noah wrapped his arms around Danika and pulled her close. He stuck his head in Danika’s neck and his low sobs shook his frame. Danika tucked her face in his shoulders and made soothing noises as her own eyes overflowed.

  A few minutes later, Noah excused himself and left the room. Uncertain Danika went back to couch and waited.

  When he came back, it was clear that he had washed his face as there were water droplets clinging to his skin. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what made me behave that way.” Noah’s voice was gruff and he avoided looking at Danika.

  “What way? Apologetic and honest?”

  “Foolish!” Noah gazed at Danika. His eyes were red.

  “Then I’m foolish too. For I still feel for the parents I lost when I very young. Sometimes I have to look at their pictures to remember their faces clearly but the pain of having lost them still lingers right under my skin. ”

  “I didn’t mean it like that.” Noah sat down on the chair he had vacated. “I don’t know why I told you all that. I didn’t even say that to my therapist.”

  Danika smiled. “Because there is something about your couch. It makes people talk. You could loan this to the police.”

  Noah glanced at her, his eyes glowed. “Thank you for listening and saying the things you did.”

  “I meant them.” Danika looked down at her clasped hands quashing the crazy urge to kiss Noah till neither of them could breathe. How can I be horny in such a situation? What is wrong with me?

  “Again, having a conversation with yourself in your head?” Noah voice was teasing even as he watched her tenderly.

  Danika cast him a sheepish look. “I think I should try and get some sleep.”

  Exhaling Noah, got to his feet.

  “Are you leaving?” Danika flushed at how needy and panicked she sounded.

  What embarrassed Danika pleased Noah. “No, I’m just sitting and working on my desk. We doctors have so much paperwork, sometimes I feel I got in the wrong profession. Try and get some sleep Danika.” He stood there watching her.

  Danika lay down and Noah moved to his desk. She watched him through lowered lashes as Noah tackled a file.

  He’s so handsome. . . . as I long as I overlook his grizzly beard. Danika’s lips curved in a smile. We both have suffered yet we have survived. We are broken yet hopeful. Noah isn’t cold or aloof, he does feel. He’s wary because he loved too deeply. I hope he can love again. He’ll make a good boyfriend or husband. Her smile dimmed at the thought of Noah falling in love. Danika sighed. I wish you love and happiness Dr. Collins. “Don’t ever change this office?” She murmured half asleep.

  “Why not?” Noah looked up his voice gentle.

  “Because everything here smells of you!” Danika snuggled deeper in the blanket already asleep.

  Noah put the pen down and sat back in his chair. He watched Danika, memorizing every line, every groove of her face. After unloading in front of Danika, Noah was feeling light as if an anchor had lifted off his chest. He knew what he had confessed to Danika he would have never been able to say in front of anyone else. And he also knew why!

  Noah smiled in the dim light.

  Chapter 50

  Twelve days later

  Han’s house

  “Hi Bro. How are you feeling today?” Danika asked coming inside her brother’s bedroom. Hans had been discharged from the hospital two days ago and was resting and recovering at home. He was off work for six weeks.

  “Bored. Eager to get back to work.” Hans replied, putting down the medical journal he was reading. “Did you bring anything today?”

  “Yup!” Danika hugged him and then sat down on the other side of the bed.

  “Gluten free, sugar free, vegan oatmeal and raisin cookies.” Announced Simi coming in the room carrying a p
late.

  “The trash is in that corner.” Hans remarked.

  “Don’t be such a baby! They are still warm try one.” Simi broke off a piece of the cookie and fed her husband.

  Hans chewed it. “Its hard to eat something so healthy.” He muttered. Simi chuckled as she wiped the side of his mouth. Hans kissed her knuckles and she blushed.

  Danika looked away even as her eyes gleamed with happiness. She felt like an interloper between Hans and Simi. Nowadays, nearly everyone felt like that between Hans and Simi. Han’s heart attack had definitely altered his marriage for good. Hans and Simi were acting like honeymooners. “Just don’t have twins okay.” Danika said, smirking.

  “We were just. . “ Simi trailed off. “I will be in the kitchen and I need you to run a small errand for me Dani.”

  “We will have quadruplets Dani what are you gonna do about that?” Hans said in mock anger.

  “Make a life time of food like these cookies.” Danika shot back getting to her feet to follow Simi.

  Hans groaned. “I’m sick and recovering Dani, don’t say such harsh things.”

  Danika poked her tongue at her brother and went to the kitchen.

  Anya was there, serving dinner to the twins. Anya and Simi’s mother had moved to Philadelphia for the next few weeks to help Simi.

  “So what can I do for you?” Danika asked propping herself next to Simi who was putting a casserole in a bag. Danika and Simi’s relationship too had undergone a 180-degree change for the better.

  “Noah just got back from Baltimore, can you please drop this off at his place. I made some lasagna.”

  Danika bit her lower lip. Since that night in his office, Noah and she had not had another chance to talk. They were never alone and Danika was always busy either rushing in the hospital to spend time with Hans or rushing out of the hospital to babysit the twins or business meetings.

  “I can go and deliver it.” Anya chimed. “I haven’t seen the doc in a while.”

  “No Anya, Dani is doing it.” Simi replied putting the bag in Danika’s hand.

  Danika shook her head. “If Anya wants to-”