Divided

by Kaesey Stobaugh

  “Don’t worry, everything’s gonna be fine. We’re getting out of here, Willa.” He smiles with true happiness.

  “I can’t wait! We can start over, just the two of us.”

  “Just the two of us.” He repeats to lock it in place, “Are you sure you can get back okay?” He asks with concern, glancing down at my ankle that I’m actually able to stand and walk on now.

  “I’ll manage. Here’s your jacket. I’ll see you tonight.” He reaches for his jacket, I think, as I take it off and hand it to him. Instead, he takes my extended wrist. It holds it gently for a moment, as if he doesn’t know what he planned to do once he had it.

  I lean forward and kiss him. He embraces me, pulling me closer to him. I’ll never get used to the butterflies that churn in my stomach every time we touch. I have to pull away and turn around in a rush, like pulling off a band-aid, or I might never leave him.

  “See ya. Be safe, princess.” I hear him say softly.

  My ankle aches in protest as I start to really use it for the first time today. I avoid putting my weight on it as much as possible but it still sends a sharp pain through me with every step.

  It’s still early, probably around eight. There are fewer people than there were last time I ran through these streets. I limp along as fast as I can. I’m not sure if I can climb up the trellis this time, so I have to hope that no one’s awake yet. My ankle is starting to burn and the sharp pains that shoot up my leg with every step are now as vibrant as the lightning flashing above me. I’m on our street now, I can see my house. The lights seem to still be off; maybe I’ve made it in time. I limp around to a side window and peer inside. It’s dark and quiet. I can’t believe it! I go through the gate and the French doors and slowly make my way up the staircase.

  After what seems like an eternity, I’m once again in the security of my room. Changing into my nightgown is a painful process, and not just because of my ankle. My soft bed is calling to me. I want nothing more than to fall into it and not move again until Nate is ready to leave. Somehow I find the will to continue moving.

  When I finally disappear under my puffy comforter, after shoving Nate’s warm clothes that I already miss into the bag and hiding it in the back of the closet, I don’t have the energy to even think. I want to spend some time relishing in the fact that Nate and I are leaving, but my mind won’t function. I have to sleep…

  “Willa?” A voice is calling me. Why does it need to disturb me? “Willa, please talk to me. Please wake up. Please.” The despair that clings to every word jolts me awake.

  Georgie is sitting on the edge of my bed. She looks so miserable, so afraid. When my mind went numb, I didn’t realize that it might hurt the people around me. I can’t even remember the last time I spoke to Georgie.

  “Hey, it’s okay, sweetie.” I can’t help it; I have to make her feel better. Her eyes widen with joy.

  “You’re better! What happened to you, Willa?”

  “I…don’t feel good.” I know I’m going to have to become mute again so my parents can’t question me but I want to make it as easy for Georgie as possible. “Listen, I have a sickness that makes me not talk or pay attention. But I’m fine, so don’t worry. If it happens again, don’t be scared, okay?”

  She nods solemnly like I’ve entrusted her with a great secret. “But why does it happen?”

  There’s not an answer that I can give her and be satisfied with so I just say, “I don’t know.” I know that she’s still scared. She can sense that something big is happening probably much better than my parents ever will. “Come here.” I say gently. She crawls under the covers with me and lays her head in the crook of my neck.

  “Thank you for understanding.” She nods. Soon, she’s fast asleep.

  I listen to the sound of her light breathing, the kind that you only do when you sleep. It’s completely thoughtless, even more so than when you’re awake. There is a relief in dreamless sleep that can come from nothing else. Eventually, I fall asleep as well. There is so much to do, but for now, I’ll rest.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Nathan

  The run through the forest doesn’t feel as long as it normally does. I’m back in town before I really have time to think about the preparations that need to be done. I had told myself that I’d walk Willa to her side and return home to continue my family’s mourning but I’m making other plans now. I have a lot to get done before Willa and I can take off.

  I head straight to Mr. Thompson’s to get that fence finished. The money I’ll make will come in handy. I’m not meeting Willa again until tonight and I have an important task to see to today, something much bigger than finishing the fence.

  My mind floods with all the things I’ve yet to do for my family, things that need to get done and I only have three days to do them all. I can’t waste time at home. I’ve done enough mourning. It’s time to act, to take action.

  Unlike the last time I worked on the fence, my whole mind is focused on it today. Two hours later, I reach the back of the house. I start laughing with joy. I clean up my mess of tools, leap up to the front door of the old shack, and give it a few loud knocks. I glance over my shoulder to make sure my masterpiece is still there before he answers. He looks surprised to see me.

  “So, you came back after all. Have you started back yet?”

  “Done!” The only word I can seem to get out and the laughter stills slip through my lips. He wobbles out onto the deck and pears over his land at the steady wire fence that is stretched around it. His eyes widen as he stares. I can’t read his face. Is he satisfied or disappointed? “Does my finished work pass with your approval?”

  “Yes. Well done, boy! I’m impressed.” He nods as he wobbles back inside and returns with a small pouch that fits in the palm of his hand. He dumps it in mine and grunts, “There you go; exactly what we agreed on and not a penny more.”

  “Thank you, sir. I’ll be seeing ya!” I leap down off the porch with a skip, like a kid who just got a bag of candy.

  “We’ll see.” He calls back to me. I turn to question him but he’s disappeared inside.

  That will most likely be the last time I hear from him again. I hope he finds some help if he ever needs it. He’s a lonely grouch but a good man and I hope he never suffers. I tuck the pouch deep in my pocket and gather up my tools to return them home. I’ll go into town to do my shopping tomorrow. I have a big task to handle today. Something that I’ve known for a long time had to be done, but I put it off until the last minute. So, now I have to spend the rest of my day taking care of it.

  I run home, trying not to waste anymore daylight even though it’s still dark and cloudy. The dead grass crunches under my feet as I run. The cold wind burns my face and travels down inside me to sink into my bones. The dead bare trees sway in the wind, making moaning, whistling, and screaming sounds. The emptiness of the forest around me is bone chilling, but today it feels like a thousand pairs of eyes are watching my every move. The haunting feeling deep in the pit of my stomach that makes my heart beat faster isn’t new and like always, it makes me feel uneasy, causing me to run at full speed.

  I reach the shack and hide my box of tools under the house. I’m dreading the scolding that will surely come the second I step in the door, but with a deep breath, I swing the door open and walk in with haste. First I see Cinda crawling around the floor, following a bug I think. Gabby is playing quietly in the corner and Gabe is sitting at the table with a sheet of thin fabric he’s drawing on with a stick of burnt charcoal. He looks up when he hears the door open. He sees me and throws out a sour glare. My eyes scan the room in search of my mother.

  “How far does that girl live again?” Gabe asks sarcastically.

  “Where’s Mom?” I ignore his question with my own.

  “She wasn’t feeling good. She’s sleeping.” Cinda answers.

  “Perfect! Gabe, grab a jacket, you’re coming with me.”

  His face falls blank. He holds my stare for a moment, and
then bubbles over with excitement, “Oh! Okay! Yeah, yeah, I’ll do that!” He jumps up and flees for his pile of clothes at the end of his bed. My mother will have a fit when she hears about where I’m taking him but this is something that has to be done.

  “Gabby, you’re in charge. Watch over Cinda. We won’t be too long.” She nods as Gabe and I rush out the door.

  I walk evenly while Gabe has to skip and leap to keep up with me. His eyes wander around the outskirts of the town surrounding us.

  “I’ve never been out this far. Where are we going?”

  “I’ve got some stuff to teach you. Things you need to know how to do and take care of on your own. Since I probably won’t be around much longer…I think it’s important that you have a good idea of the different tasks you’ll have to face to take care of the girls…and Mom.”

  “Oh. So, where are we going?”

  “The forest.”

  His face goes blank again as his eyes widen, “Mom won’t like that…” He smiles smugly, “Cool!” I can’t help but chuckle, even though I’m not looking forward to the fuss I’ll have to deal with later tonight. I decide not to dwell on it now. I’ve got bigger issues that need to be handled. Once we reach the wood line, I start giving out my rules.

  “Alright, Gabe, listen to what I’m saying. You stay with me at all times, you don’t wander off and you don’t go exploring or whatever.” I catch him rolling his eyes, “Knock it off and listen to me! Everything we have to go over is extremely important and you need to pay attention!”

  “Okay, okay. I’m listening.”

  “Alright, first I’m gonna teach you how to shoot a gun and then-”

  “Wait, what? Are you serious?” The excitement in his face is almost annoying and makes me frustrated.

  “Yes, I’m serious. And then…” I watch as his eyes widen with anticipation about what we might do next and decide to spare his weak mind and reveal the rest of my plans later, “Well…we’ll just start with that and work our way to the rest.”

  He bounces alongside me, his eyes still wandering through the forest. I lead him to the spot I have my shot gun hidden and pull it out with care. He knows I have it, he’s seen it once or twice when I’m forced to take it home with me yet he looks shocked and eager to get his hands on it. He reaches over to take it from me but I jerk it back.

  “Hold on.” I lay it down on my knees and check the shot gun shells, then the trigger and safety. Even though I always leave the safety on, I’m not taking the chance of my clumsy, careless little brother blowing his head off. Once I see the safety is on, I stand up and strap the weapon to my back.

  “Okay, we can’t practice here.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because we’re too close to town. If anyone hears us, we’re dead.” When I say anyone, I mean soldiers.

  “Oh. So, where are we going now?”

  “Just relax. Follow me and no more questions.” He sighs and drags his feet as he stumbles through the damp woods.

  There’s no way this kid will ever be able to hunt successfully. He’s bound and determined to crunch every leaf, snap every twig, and pick up and throw every rock that he comes across. He couldn’t possibly be any louder. It’s a good thing I’m not planning on hunting here because he’s scared everything off for sure.

  We walk until we reach the river where I stop. I inhale deeply as I walk alongside the river, Gabe following behind me. I roam until I find a tree with long branches hanging down, covering a small chunk of dry ground. I collapse underneath it and proceed to prepare my gun for a test shot. Gabe sits down next to me and watches what I’m doing carefully.

  “Alright, listen closely and watch where my hands and fingers are. I don’t have many bullets so I really don’t want to waste any.”

  He nods once and focuses on my hands as I brace the gun to my shoulder. I grip the long barrel with one hand and hold the trigger area with my other, though keeping my finger off the trigger itself. I hold the gun close to my face, spying through the aim sights, ready to shoot.

  “You see the way I’m holding it?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay,” I drop the butt of the gun from my shoulder and wiggle my way behind Gabe to help brace him. “Now, the safety is on…” I show him where the safety is, above the trigger. “So, even if you pull the trigger now, it won’t shoot but you still never put your finger on the trigger unless you’re ready to fire.” He nods. His hands are shaking as I move them to the correct places. I hold the gun to his shoulder because he isn’t big enough or strong enough to hold the weapon alone. I pull his left arm out and position it firmly around the barrel, then his right hand on the trigger area, keeping his fingers clear of the trigger.

  “I’m only giving you one practice shot and then we’re rabbit hunting. I want you to aim across the river and try and hit that tree.” I point to a thin, dead tree on the other side about twenty feet from us, “Now, when you shoot, the shot gun shell is gonna blow up and fly in different directions. And when you’re aiming for a moving target, like a rabbit or coon, then you’re gonna aim in front of whatever direction it’s moving. That way by the time the actual bullet makes it to the target, the animal will be there waiting.”

  I feel him shake harder as I position myself behind him to hold him in place for when he shoots. I hold one arm up in front of myself, pushing it against his back firmly. I wrap my other arm around his chest. I’m holding him steady in place now. His arms shake as he struggles to hold up the gun alone.

  “Why are you doing that?” I guess he’s addressing the way I’m holding him.

  “When you shoot, there’s gonna be a kick back. I’m holding you in place.”

  “A kick back? Will it hurt?”

  “Not as long as I keep you from jumping back. Now, aim for the tree I showed you. Aim directly for it, it’s not moving so you don’t have to aim in front.”

  He stares at the tree for a few seconds, than shakes his head, “It’s too far. I can’t aim that far. Why can’t I shoot that one there?” He drops the tip of the gun into the dirt and points to a taller, thicker tree on our side of the river only five feet in front of us. I lift the tip of the gun out of the dirt and force it back in his hand.

  “If you want the bullet to bounce off and hit you in the head, then go ahead and shoot that tree.” I snap.

  He sighs and lifts the gun up toward my chosen tree.

  “Alright, relax. Take a deep breath and when you’re ready, let it fly.” He sits very still, his breathing even and calm.

  He exhales heavily through his mouth and with one more deep breath in, the weapon fires. I can hear the bullet cut through the thicket and crash. Gabe is breathing much heavier now, panting as if he’d been running for his life. I jump up and dart across the river to our target. Gabe isn’t far behind me. I scan the small tree until I find the bullet hole. I smile, rubbing my finger across it, and then turning to Gabe who is smiling with pride.

  “Nice shot.” I have to admit, I’m impressed. The kid has good aim. “That’s a nice shot. I don’t know if I have to explain this but I will anyway. You never ever point this at another human being. Ever! Unless that person is out to kill you or your sisters, you never use this on a person!”

  He nods and puts on a brave face. I think I got the message through to him and I won’t have to bring it up again.

  We move deeper into the forest, across the river. I try to keep a clear distance from The Wall. Even though I know there’s no chance of Willa being there, I don’t want Gabe learning about its existence.

  We spend a good five hours in the woods before I realize how late it has gotten. We killed two field mice and a rabbit. The rest of my bullets I’m saving for mine and Willa’s journey. I take it upon myself to show Gabe the proper way to carry your game home…which means I strap our catch of the day onto his back and enjoy the freedom of a light load. I tuck the gun back away under the loose fallen tree, digging a new hole and covering it up again.

&nbs
p; “Why do you leave it here? Why not take it home so you can clean it?”

  “If I get caught with it, I’m dead. So, I keep it here for when I hunt. The only time I ever need it anyway. So, while we’re walking, I’ve got some other things to go over with you. Don’t talk, just listen. Ask questions later.”

  He sighs but nods, “You mean hunting isn’t what you do all day?”

  “No, of course not. No more questions.”

  I catch him rolling his eyes but he puts on an interested face when I shoot him a glare.

  “Alright, let’s go over the basics. We’ll start with food. You always need to keep a sustainable supply of food in the house. Mom will tear your butt up if you don’t. Now, keeping it from going bad is tricky so pay attention!” I knock him in the back of the head when I realize he is zoning out.

  “Ouch! Okay, okay, I’m listening.”

  I take a deep breath, trying to contain my frustration with him. “Okay, food. Meat; you’ll be in charge of that. You should only have to hunt once or twice a week but that’s depending on the season. All the game has to be cleaned and put in the ice box. Now, I’ll show you how to skin and clean these mice tomorrow morning and the ice box is behind the house. The only way to keep the meat cold is to keep the box outside. Because it’s always so cold here, it works out well. It’s easier to keep it good when the snow starts but we have a couple more weeks until we get snow. But still, when you go to bring in meat, make sure you always eat what’s oldest, that way you don’t lose anything. You open the lid only when you’re loading or unloading, any other time it stays shut and locked. The lock is under an edge on the lid and the key stays inside at the top of the front door, there’s a ledge. The lock is old and rusted so don’t mess with it too much. Also, you have to be careful when you’re getting into the box. Make sure you don’t have eyes around town watching you. If people see that you have what they need or you have more than they do, you have a target on your back. People are insane and they do crazy things when they’re struggling. Just don’t do anything to draw attention to yourself.”