Whoops! We're In Big Trouble Now

by Adele Abbott

  “If that’s your only hope of getting a good night’s sleep, you’re in big trouble. Your own love-life is a complete train wreck.”

  “That’s pretty rich coming from you. At least I don’t date someone just so they’ll finance my new business.” As soon as the words were out, Neil knew he’d overstepped the mark.

  “What did you say?” Dorothy’s fangs appeared, and she lunged at him.

  “Stop it, you two.” Charlie managed to get in-between them and caught hold of Dorothy.

  “Let me go, Charlie.” She was struggling to break free. “I’m going to kill him.”

  “I’m sorry.” Neil backed away. “I didn’t mean what I said about the money, but there’s no reason for you to keep having a go at my love life. If you must know, I’m going out with Kim again tomorrow night.”

  “The grim reaper?” Dorothy laughed. “You must be desperate.”

  “If I let you go, do you promise to behave?” Charlie said.

  “Yes, yes.” Dorothy retracted her fangs.

  “Anyway, Kim’s okay,” Neil said.

  “You’ve changed your tune. So how do you plan on getting Socky’s girlfriend back?”

  “That would be telling, but let’s say that I’m quietly confident.”

  ***

  Even before Neil had said he couldn’t give them a lift, Charlie had decided to hang back that morning. There was still no sign of Pretty, and he couldn’t shake the niggling doubt that Amelia might have something to do with the cat’s disappearance.

  He waited until Susan had left for work, and then sneaked out of the flat, and made his way to the top floor. Once outside of Amelia’s apartment, he hesitated, trying to summon up the courage for the inevitable confrontation to come. He would have preferred never to speak to Amelia again, but for the sake of Pretty, he had no choice.

  “Charlie? What a nice surprise.” Amelia had one of the most evil smiles he’d ever seen. How had he ever found her attractive? “Have you come to your senses and dumped that little tart, Jade?”

  “No, I haven’t. And Jade is not a tart!”

  “What are you doing on my doorstep, then? If you’re still with her, we have nothing to say to one another.”

  Charlie wasn’t normally a violent person, but right then he would have quite happily torn Amelia limb from limb. Instead he said, “Pretty has been missing for a few days. I’m worried about her.”

  “You and that stupid cat. It’s a pity you didn’t pay me as much attention as you pay to her. If you had, we might still be together.”

  “Do you know where Pretty is?”

  “Why would I know? I hate cats. They’re all fur and claws, and they have fishy breath.”

  “Are you sure you haven’t seen her?”

  “Of course I’m sure.”

  “She might have snuck into your flat when you weren’t looking.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  “Can I take a quick look?”

  “No, you can’t. I’m busy.”

  “But Amelia—”

  “I said no. You and that cat can both get stuffed.” And with that parting shot, she slammed the door in his face.

  Somewhat dispirited, Charlie made his way back downstairs. There was no sign of either Neil or Dorothy in the living area, but he could hear them moving around their respective bedrooms. He’d have to take a taxi to work, otherwise he’d be late again, and that would give Draycott the excuse he needed to sack him.

  “Charlie!” Bunty’s voice came through the microphone.

  “What is it? I have to go to work or I’ll be late.”

  “This is urgent.”

  “Okay?”

  “I want you to throw Greta out.”

  “What? Why would I do that?”

  “For her disgraceful behaviour. You saw how drunk she was yesterday.”

  “She wasn’t drunk. She and Lewis were just having a celebratory glass of champagne.”

  “I might have known you’d stick up for her. She’s always been your favourite.”

  “I don’t have a favourite.” That wasn’t true; Charlie had always preferred Greta to Bunty. “But I didn’t like what you tried to do with Lewis.”

  “What do you mean? I dated Lewis long before Greta did.”

  “Yes, but from what I hear, you cheated on him.”

  “That’s an outrageous slur! Did Greta tell you that? She did, didn’t she? She’s a liar as well as a drunkard. I want her out of here!”

  “I’m sorry, but you’re in no position to make demands. I’ll decide who lives here and who doesn’t, and right now, the only person who is in danger of being thrown out is you.”

  “Isn’t that typical? I’m the innocent party, but I get all of the blame. I’ve a good mind to consult my lawyer.”

  “Go ahead. Knock yourself out. I have to go now, or I’ll be late for work.”

  Bunty was still grumbling when Charlie walked away. As he made his way downstairs, it occurred to him that Bunty really ought to move into Amelia’s apartment. Those two would get on like a house on fire.

  Chapter 9

  “Morning, Susan.” Stella beamed.

  “Morning. Is it my imagination or are you much happier since you handed in your notice?”

  “I am, but I’m still going to miss you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to The Bugle. I need a new start, and to get away from the likes of Dougal Andrews and his cronies. What about you? Have you given any more thought to Flynn’s offer?”

  “I’ve thought about very little else, but I still haven’t made any decisions. A part of me thinks I should get out of here on the next train, but another part of me thinks I should wait and see who takes over from Flynn, and hopefully finish the job I came here to do.”

  “I’ve managed to unearth a couple of stories on the subject of unexplained sightings of wolf-like creatures.”

  “That was quick.”

  “One is from two years ago: The Hares. They live between Washbridge and West Chipping. The other one is from four years ago: The Masons, who live near to Middle Tweaking.”

  “Where’s that?”

  “It’s a small village about thirty miles from here. I’ve gone back six years so far—do you want me to carry on?”

  “It might be best to wait until I’ve had a chance to look at these two stories first. Would you contact the Hares and the—err—?”

  “Masons.”

  “Right. Will you check if they’re willing to see me? If they are, set up a meeting as soon as you can.”

  “Will do.”

  ***

  “What’s up, Charlie?” Andy had found him in the staff room, staring into space.

  “Nothing. I was miles away.”

  “Are you sure it’s nothing? You’ve been quiet all morning.”

  “You’ll think I’m being stupid.”

  “I doubt that. What is it?”

  “There’s a cat who hangs around our apartment block. She’s a lovely little thing. Anyway, I’ve been feeding her for ages now.”

  “Right?”

  “We’re not supposed to have pets in the building. At least, not cats or dogs, but, when she first came around, she seemed to be hungry, so I fed her.”

  “Let me guess. She kept coming back?”

  “Yeah. Dorothy reckons that Pretty is taking me for a mug.”

  “Pretty?”

  “That’s the cat. Dorothy reckons she’s probably being fed by several different people, and that she’s using me.”

  “She could be right. Cats will do that.”

  “I know, but she always seems pleased to see me, and she always wolfs down the food I give her, so I don’t want to cut her off.”

  “What’s the problem, then? Are your flatmates giving you grief?”

  “Dorothy is, but that doesn’t bother me. I’m worried because Pretty hasn’t been around for a few days now, which isn’t like her.”

  “She may have found someone else to feed her.”
>
  “I suppose so, but I have this niggling doubt about—” He hesitated. “You really will think I’m crazy.”

  “Try me.”

  “There’s this young witch, called Amelia, who lives in our apartment block. She and I went out on a date—just the once. It didn’t work out, but ever since then, she’s had it in for me. She was the one who almost caused Jade and me to break up when she told Jade she was my wife.”

  “She sounds like a psycho.”

  “She is, and she’s always been hateful towards Pretty.”

  “And you think she might have done something to the cat?”

  “I’m probably being paranoid. I went to see her this morning, and she denied seeing Pretty. She told me to get stuffed and slammed the door in my face.”

  “But you still think she may have done something?”

  “Like I said before, I’m probably being stupid.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about breaking into Amelia’s apartment, to check for myself.”

  “Charlie! You can’t do that.”

  “I know. I don’t suppose I’ll actually do anything. I’ll just have to hope Pretty turns up.”

  “I’m sure she will. They usually do.”

  ***

  Dorothy was in the kitchen of Tilly’s flat; they were both looking at the laptop computer.

  “That one looks nice.” Dorothy pointed to the screen.

  “It should. Have you seen how much they want per month?”

  “That’s ridiculous. We can’t afford anything like that amount.”

  “Why don’t I filter the results so we only see the units we can actually afford?”

  “Go for it.”

  “Is that it?” Dorothy’s face fell. “There’s only three.”

  “We can’t afford to pay any more than that. At least, not to begin with.”

  “They’re all dumps.”

  “What were you expecting?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “We’ll be delivering the blood, so it’s not like the customers will come to us. The only people who will see the unit will be you and me.”

  “I guess so. Whereabouts are they?”

  Tilly clicked on each listing in turn. “This one’s the other side of West Chipping.”

  “That’s no use, then.”

  “This one is a couple of miles out of Washbridge.”

  “A bit better.”

  “Hey, look at this one. It’s just down the road from here.”

  “Where?”

  “I’m not sure. I’ll bring up a map on my phone.”

  “I know where that is.” Dorothy pointed to the on-screen map. “It’s one of those small units under the railway arches.”

  “That’ll be noisy, won’t it?”

  “I wouldn’t think so. That railway line hasn’t been used for at least ten years, to my knowledge.”

  “What do you think, then?”

  “It’s worth a look. What does it say about viewing?”

  “There’s an email address and a phone number.”

  Dorothy took out her phone. “I’ll give them a call to see if we can go around there this morning.”

  ***

  Neil really wasn’t looking forward to this, but if he was ever going to get another good night’s sleep in his bedroom, it had to be done.

  There was no sign of Socky or any other ghost in his bedroom.

  “Tobias! Are you there?”

  “Didst thou call me?” Socky appeared by the window.

  “I didst—I mean did. Are you ready?”

  “Ready for what, young man?”

  “To get this bird of yours back?”

  “Tobias has never kept birds. He is allergic to feathers.”

  “Not that kind of—never mind. I’m going to help you to get your lady friend back.”

  “Bella? Why didn’t you say so? Lead on.”

  “I have no idea where she is.”

  “She’s with that cad, Getmore.”

  “And where will we find him?”

  “Are you familiar with the stocks?”

  “Is that a pub?”

  “Do they teach young people nothing in school these days? The stocks are implements of punishment. They’re where thieves and other lowlifes are put on display, so the people of the town can pelt them with rotten fruit.”

  “I know what you mean. I’ve seen them in movies, but there aren’t any stocks in Washbridge. I would have seen them.”

  “It is my understanding that a building now stands on the spot where the stocks once stood. That is where we will find Getmore.”

  “Okay. You’d better lead the way, then.”

  “First, shouldn’t you tell me of your plans to win back Bella’s fair hand?”

  “No need. Take me to Getmore, and I’ll do the rest.”

  “Very well, but be warned. If you let Tobias down again, you’ll never be rid of Mad Maggie.”

  ***

  Susan had just got back to the office after her excursion to Beans for her mid-morning coffee infusion.

  “I managed to get hold of the Hares,” Stella said.

  “Who?”

  “They’re one of the couples I told you about who reported having seen a wolf-like creature.”

  “Oh yeah. Sorry. What did they say? Are they willing to talk to me?”

  “More than willing. Very eager, I’d say. In fact, they said you could call around this evening if you wanted to.”

  “That sounds promising. Can you call back and ask what time suits them best?”

  “Will do.”

  Susan wasn’t sure if she should be pleased or not. Usually the problem was getting someone to agree to talk to her. When someone was this keen, there was always the concern that they might be some kind of nutter, eager to discuss their ‘story’. Still, the only way to find out was to go and talk to the Hares, and in the name of good journalism, she would have to approach the interview with an open mind.

  ***

  “What do you think?” Tilly said.

  “It’s bigger than I expected.” Dorothy wiped her finger across one of the shelves. “It’s going to need a good clean, though.”

  “The estate agent said it’s been standing empty for almost a year.”

  “You can tell. It smells fusty.”

  “But, like you said, it’s plenty big enough. We could use this room for our office, the bigger room back there for the fridges, and leave the third room empty for now. If business booms, we could always put more fridges in there.”

  “Talking of which, I’ve had an idea.”

  “Go on.”

  “Donny has a number of them in his shop. He might have a contact who could do us a good deal. What do you think? Shall I ask him?”

  “It can’t do any harm. I’ve already got a few prices, but we can see what he comes up with.” Tilly took another look around. “I think we should take this place. I can’t see us getting anything better for the money, and it’s right on our doorstep. What do you reckon?”

  “I agree.”

  “Why don’t I go and see the estate agent while you go and talk to Donny?”

  “Okay. What else do we need to do?”

  “We should get some flyers printed and start to hand them out.”

  “We can’t do that yet, can we? Not until we’re open?”

  “I don’t think we should wait until then. It’s all about creating a buzz.”

  “What about a phone number? Won’t we have to get a landline installed?”

  “No one uses landlines any more. I’ll buy a cheap mobile phone which we can use exclusively for the business.”

  “Okay. Who will you get to print the leaflets?”

  “An old school friend of mine works at that small copy shop near to Washbridge Mall. I could ask her to design something and get them printed. It probably won’t take more than a couple of days.”

  “Fantastic. This is all h
appening very quickly.”

  “It needs to. We have to get started before someone else beats us to it.”

  “What else do we need to do?”

  “Buy a van.”

  “I’d forgotten all about that. Any ideas where we can pick up one cheap?”

  “Not really.”

  “Neil has a friend in the motor trade. He just bought his new car from him. I could have a word if you like.”

  “Didn’t you say you and Neil had a blazing row this morning?”

  “Yeah, but we’re always falling out. I’m sure if I go on a charm offensive, I’ll be able to persuade him to have a word with his friend.”

  “Great. It’s all systems go, then.”

  “I can’t believe this is really going to happen.”

  “You better believe it, girl. This time next year, we’ll be millionaires.”

  ***

  Neil would have preferred to have made the journey across town in silence, but Socky was clearly excited at the prospect of winning back his beloved Bella, and he jabbered non-stop all the way there. No one else could see Socky, but they didn’t give a second thought to the young man who was talking out loud because so many other people were doing the same thing. The only difference was that while the others were speaking into the mics of their mobile phones, Neil was conversing with a one-legged sock factory owner who had died over a century ago.

  “Over there!” Socky pointed across the road. “The stocks used to be where that hideous looking building now stands.”

  “The Pillory?”

  “What is that establishment?”

  “It’s a bar.”

  “A bar of what?”

  “No, it’s a—err—an ale house.”

  “Really? Perhaps we could partake of a flagon or two while we are here?”

  “There isn’t time for that.”

  “I’m parched. Have you any idea how long it is since I enjoyed a flagon of ale?”

  “Do you want Bella back or don’t you?”

  “Of course. She is more important to me than life itself.”

  “Good. Forget about the ale, then. Take me to her, so we can get this thing over with.”