Expectation Hangover

by Christine Hassler

  Let’s begin with a brief review of what is at the basis of most spiritual teachings, which is this: we are all born aware that the very essence of our being is love. And then things happen that make us forget. We often disconnect from a Higher Power and feel separate. Spirituality is about returning to the place of original innocence and connection. Simply put, it is moving out of the energy of fear and back to love.

  Returning to love is a removing and remembering process — it is not something you need to learn how to do. Expectation Hangovers become a spiritual tool because the more we allow ourselves to be who we truly are rather than holding rigidly to who we have been expected to be, the less we have the kind of strong reactions that create disappointment. The more connected we feel to a Higher Power, the easier it becomes to release expectations and hold on to faith.

  “Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.”

  — Marianne Williamson

  THE GOAL LINE VERSUS THE SOUL LINE

  At the University of Santa Monica (where I earned my master’s degree in spiritual psychology and currently serve on the faculty), we learn and teach that there are two lines of life: the goal line and the soul line. The goal line is everything that happens in our life that takes place in the external physical reality. It includes our money, jobs, actions, body, relationships, possessions, and so on. The soul line corresponds to our “spiritual curriculum,” composed of life lessons we are here to learn and the evolution of our internal awareness.

  The goal line is like a horizontal line: there is not a clear final destination. We simply move forward on the goal line in a constant pursuit of more, better, or different, attempting to fulfill ourselves through external things. When things go awry on the goal line, we find ourselves with — you guessed it — an Expectation Hangover.

  There is no final destination or end game on the soul line because we are never really “there.” But there is a distinct direction we are headed on the soul line: toward Love. And not the love for or from someone or something, but the big love that is the essence of each one of us, Agape Love. Allow me to clarify that we absolutely feel love for people and things on the goal line. Yet there is a place inside each one of us that can only be touched from within.

  The soul line is where we evolve in our consciousness and embark on a journey of returning to love. What do I mean by “evolving in consciousness”? This is not just some woo-woo jargon; it is actually physics. When you release experiences, emotions, judgments, thoughts, behaviors, and old patterns that have been based in fear, you literally change the electromagnetic vibration of your body. As you let go of expectations and your attachments to them, you literally become lighter. Because our Expectation Hangovers hit us hardest on the goal line, we find our way to the soul line almost by default. Nothing has catapulted my spiritual evolution more than disappointment because it has shown me where I have been most invested on the goal line. Through the painful experience of feeling lost, I found my way to the soul line.

  “I have a newfound source of compassion and love for others because of my own painful struggles and experiences. I am a living example that you can get out, move forward, and things will be okay.”

  — Greg

  Now here is the part to get really excited about: as we resolve issues on the soul line that have triggered or reinforced Expectation Hangovers, life on the goal line becomes a lot more graceful and synchronistic. Soon you will marvel at how many opportunities flow into your life that are more in alignment with your most heartfelt dreams and desires.

  “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

  — Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

  Since we are spiritual beings having a human experience, we cannot live entirely on the soul line because it would be impossible to pay our bills and feed ourselves. Not to mention all the fun human things we are blessed to be able to do, like creating art, connecting with loved ones, and traveling to beautiful places. The goal line is not negative, for it is where we get to celebrate our gifts and share our love with others. The happiest and most content people I have come across are those who, although aware the goal line is a wonderful part of the human experience, are dedicated to their journey on the soul line. In our modern world the path of the mind is separating more and more from the path of the heart. Moving our awareness to the soul line helps bring them together again. Treating Expectation Hangovers on the spiritual level is a disintegration process that moves you from separation of the goal line and soul line into a process of integrating them, which allows you to experience yourself as a spiritual being.

  YOUR SPIRITUAL CURRICULUM

  “I am learning that everything is for me and that Spirit knows better than I do what is best for me. Now to get my ego to move into acceptance and cooperation with that. I am aware today that this is the shortest path to freedom and really the only way of opening to and expanding into what is next for me.”

  — Paula Majeski

  What if life really were one big classroom where all the lessons you learned were specifically designed to help you grow on the soul line? A classroom where you were never good or bad and there was no concept of right or wrong. And where you felt loved and never alone. Wouldn’t that be a pretty cool classroom? I’d like to go to school there, wouldn’t you? Well guess what — we are all students at this school!

  Although there are some common lessons, we all have our own unique curriculum that consists of the events, people, and Expectation Hangovers that teach us what our soul is seeking to learn. All our life lessons come bearing the gift of wisdom. We miss this gift when we begin to identify with the challenge or setback as who we are. We are far greater than we can imagine; but we doubt, and we allow the current circumstances of our Expectation Hangover to dictate our possibilities. Knowing that life is indeed like one big classroom and we are all here to learn can transform you. This is much different than the American Dream of status, power, and money. By seeing our lives this way, there are no mistakes, no failures, no victims — just gifts and opportunities for spiritual growth and connection.

  “What’s happening is merely what’s happening. How you feel about it is another matter.”

  — Neale Donald Walsch

  I understand that these concepts may be hard to swallow because your mind could make a great argument that there have been some pretty brutal things that have happened to you that felt more like punishment than a lesson. You may also object by saying there are definitely things in the world that are bad or wrong: war, disease, poverty, crime, cruelty, and injustice, to name just a few. And you are absolutely correct that there are things in this world that feel tragic, unfair, and even unbearable. You may even have had an Expectation Hangover that has felt that way. The truth I am inviting you to consider is that from a spiritual perspective, there is no evaluation of or opinion about what happens.

  At forty Edie lost her husband and found herself a single mother to her eleven-year-old son. For quite a while she walked around in a numbing fog. The adjustment to being widowed after being part of a team was intense. Then she heard “the voice of God” tell her to finish the work that her husband hadn’t been able to finish, and she became a motivational teacher and Reiki master. Here’s how Edie describes her transformation:

  I would go through rounds of anger, but I knew I needed to move forward in my life and turn it into something healing for myself and others. As a result, I also became an organ-donor educator. Much of what I teach and write about is resilience and thriving in the face of major life change. I learned that love is never wasted; that everyo
ne is on loan to us; that everyone we know and love will one day die or leave us, or we will die or leave them. All of those things are cause for celebration rather than despair, and this helps me appreciate the people in my life.

  Most of us judge far more often than we accept. But acceptance is the first law of spirit, so if we desire to live a life based on love rather than fear, we must stop judging as much as possible. Now, does that mean we have to like everyone and agree with everything? Does it mean we just take everything that comes our way even if we do not like it? No, no, no. We still have discernment, which is about preferences. When we discern, we are simply saying yes or no, without all the internal commentary. Judgment is charged because it entails a feeling of “against” or “for.” To explain discernment, I like to use the analogy of going to a buffet. When you go to a buffet, you look around, put some things you want to eat on your plate, and leave the rest behind. You do not react with disgust to the things you choose not to put on your plate. You don’t think, “Look at that awful potato salad! Get that off the buffet — it shouldn’t be here!” Instead, you just pass on it. And that’s true discernment. We all have our own little judgers in our head who believe they are protecting and assisting us with all their opinions. But they’re not.

  When you free yourself from right/wrong thinking regarding your Expectation Hangover, you move through your life lessons more quickly. If you don’t pick up the meaning of a particular lesson, you may feel stuck with it until you discover the gift or teaching it holds. Judgment keeps us in either a controlling or a victim consciousness because we see the world as happening either by us or to us rather than for us. When we approach our Expectation Hangovers from the elevated perspective that everything is really happening for us as part of our spiritual curriculum, we no longer see our disappointment as a form of punishment, misfortune, or failure.

  LYDIA’S STORY

  I contracted a virus while teaching fourth grade, and my body essentially fell apart. I was diagnosed with countless diseases and eventually had to face the fact that I would have to give up my teaching career. Although it hasn’t been easy, I have learned to look at every disappointment and heartbreak as a chance to grow and become a stronger person. When your life is turned upside down, it can be a very dark place. I could have chosen to brace myself for the terrifying roller coaster of a chronic health battle. I could have focused on the lonely hospital nights or the map of scars covering my body. Instead, I realized that with every obstacle in life, I have a choice. I made the choice to embrace my life. I chose gratitude over devastation, and I make that choice every single day. I returned to school to become a certified health coach. I help my clients learn to blossom from within and make lifestyle and dietary changes to reclaim their health and happiness.

  Turns out I did regain my life, but not exactly as I had planned. I learned that regaining your health and happiness has little to do with receiving a diagnosis and taking a pill. Instead, it comes from a place of laughing at life’s many quirks, indulging in nature’s pharmacy, accepting and loving your innermost thoughts, and approaching each day with an abundance of gratitude. My Expectation Hangover reshaped my future and forced me to dive deep and learn what I am really made of.

  ROLE-PLAYING Rx: THE SEEKER

  To treat your Expectation Hangover on the spiritual level, take on the role of the Seeker and explore the classroom of your life. Now, you may be wondering why the role-playing Rx here is not that of a student, given that life is a series of lessons. Yes, a student studies and learns, but a seeker wants even more. By stepping into the role of the Seeker, you discover the lessons of your Expectation Hangover, go toward love rather than goal-line results, and ask for the assistance of your Higher Self and Spirit rather than thinking you need to figure things out with your mind and do it all on your own. As a Seeker, call upon the spirit of adventure and be willing to be shown a new direction. Prepare to traverse the terrain of the soul line. It is the territory of the unknown, the mystical, and the magical. It is the road less traveled because it takes great courage to identify less with the goal line.

  We immediately become the Seeker when we ask, “Why is this happening for me, and what am I learning?” rather than “Why is this happening to me?” We then move into the energy of curiosity, avoid falling into patterns of hopelessness and helplessness, and discover the miracles in our life. Consider that a miracle is a change in perception, which makes creating miracles easy for all of us. Change your perception and be willing to see that the Universe is for you, not against you.

  An overachiever, Kyle was successful in various areas of his life; this included being a finalist on a reality-TV competition and securing a high-profile job in a corporation. One day all the doing caught up with him, and he quit pursuing both paths. Once the relief wore off, panic set it. His compensatory strategy kicked into high gear as he felt the need to go out and do more. He sought help to figure out the direction for the next chapter of his life on the goal line, but our work together was really about the soul line. Each time we talked, Kyle would tell me about how he felt fear when he thought of pursuing a path and when he thought of not pursuing anything. He was both afraid of making the “wrong” choice and afraid not to choose at all.

  Kyle explored the fear and discovered that a longing for some kind of spiritual connection was beneath it. His entire life had been about doing so he could feel he was in control of something and distract himself from the panic he experienced whenever he felt he didn’t know something. He lived on fear, not faith. As Kyle courageously explored his fears and the issues in his life that made him feel he needed to be in control, he discovered a deeper, wiser part of himself. He came to know himself as a human being rather than just a human doing. Through a consistent practice of meditation, Kyle also began to experience more peace, connectedness, and intuition. His Expectation Hangover was the doorway to a completely different relationship with himself and Spirit.

  By taking on the role of the Seeker, Kyle was able to communicate with his own intuition. Our intuition is full of infinite wisdom and possesses a consciousness beyond the ego, which is primarily invested in instant gratification. Our ego will try to problem-solve so we can fix whatever is wrong and stop any feelings of discomfort. A Seeker has patience and will take time to discover the lessons.

  “Meditation is listening to the Divine within.”

  — Edgar Cayce

  GUIDED VISUALIZATION

  Connecting to Yourself as a Spiritual Being

  You can download the audio version of this exercise at www.expectationhangover.com/bonus

  When we’re immersed in the noise of an Expectation Hangover, it can be difficult to hear the voice of our intuition and Spirit. So the Seeker supports us in quieting the mind enough to listen. Through practices like this visualization exercise, we can experience greater peace and clarity internally, even when our external world feels like it is in chaos. Read all the directions so you understand them, then take yourself through the exercise.

  1.Find a quiet, comfortable place to sit where you won’t be interrupted. Sit with your feet on the floor.

  2.Close your eyes and take three very, very deep breaths. Slowly inhale and exhale. Focus on your breath, and notice where it is stopping. Are you breathing deeply, or is your breath stopping at your throat or your chest?

  3.Elongate your breath so you are breathing all the way down to your toes. Feel your feet on the floor; focus on the sound of your breath. Put your shoulders back and down. Relax. Notice the position of your head. If your chin is down, move it a little so it’s lifted and in a neutral position. Soften your jaw; relax your eyelids and eyebrows; and just listen to and feel your breath. Become totally present.

  “My Expectation Hangover taught me that I am worthy. It’s been a long time since I thought that, and for a while I thought I would never feel worthy of anything again. The biggest blessing has been the wake-up call of ‘Hey you! You are someone! You are great! Now go share it with th
e world!’ Without this experience I probably would have continued walking through life with my fear-based beliefs and closed mind.”

  — Jamie

  4.Shift your awareness to your feet; feel your connection to the earth and your physical body. Scan your physical body and notice where there may be any tension or a sensation of heaviness. Imagine that everything that no longer serves you — any cares, concerns, judgments, beliefs, or burdens you are carrying — is emptying out through the bottoms of your feet. See Mother Earth taking everything you no longer need. You do not have to know what you are releasing; visualize letting it go through the bottoms of your feet.

  5.Stay present and begin shifting your focus up through your physical body. Begin at your feet, then move up through your legs, your hips, your abdomen, your chest, your shoulders, your neck, your head, and the top of your head.

  6.Expand that awareness out three feet around you, then another three feet, and another three feet, expanding, expanding, expanding. Feel yourself opening outward and connecting; feel that lightness, that expansiveness, that oneness. Begin experiencing yourself as a spiritual being. Feel the connection to a Higher Power that you always have access to.

  7.Keeping that expansiveness, begin to bring your awareness to your heart, which is the intersection of your physical reality, or goal line, and your inner spiritual world, or soul line. See these two worlds integrating. Experience yourself as a spiritual being having a human experience.

  8.Move one hand to your heart, breathe in, and say several things to yourself that are deeply loving, such as “I love you,” “You are not alone,” “I am here,” “You are connecting,” “All is well,” “There is only Love.” Just feel into Agape Love; this is who you truly are. Right here, in this right place, in this moment, there is no Expectation Hangover. Take another nice, deep breath.