Don't Blink

by L. G. Davis

  As I slip into a loose chiffon blouse and my pregnancy jeans, I listen to the sounds coming from downstairs. The water running in the kitchen, the sound of the fridge beeping because Jared forgot to close it, the squeak of a drawer opening and then clapping shut. The sounds of the home I never thought I would have.

  A beautiful cottage by the sea, a husband who loves me, a baby on the way. I appreciate the sounds of my life that much more because I don’t know how long it will be until everything is taken away. I miss it all already—before it’s even gone.

  Even though I’m ready to go, I remain upstairs longer than necessary, gathering up the courage to lie to my husband, yet again.

  The last two days had been quiet, with nothing out of the ordinary happening in my life, no threatening text messages, no break-ins, no stalker following me around. I’m almost fooled into believing that my life is back to normal, that everything will be fine after all.

  To make myself feel better, I’ve come up with all kinds of lies to feed myself. I tell myself the text was a prank, sent by a bored teenager. The money was stolen by a pickpocket, and I happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, or maybe I forgot it in the ATM machine. The break-in was random, and I wasn’t the target at all. I bury my head in the sand because I’m afraid to look the truth in the eye. But in a dark corner of my mind, I know I’m lying to myself.

  It’s all a game. My tormentor wants me to feel safe before dropping the next bomb on my life.

  Now, as I stand in my bedroom, I wonder when that next bomb will hit and what it will destroy this time. Is today the day the truth comes to light, and I’m thrown into complete darkness? Can I even lose something that wasn’t mine to start with?

  Finally, Jared calls for me.

  “Coming, honey.” I do my best to keep my voice from breaking. After three deep breaths, I grab my handbag, determined to push my fears aside so I can enjoy the evening with my husband—in case it’s our last.

  Jared is already in the car, talking on his phone. When I walk out the door, the ocean breeze meets me with open arms. It brings me the sweet scent it stole from Ruth’s roses. I allow it to embrace me, to try and offer me comfort.

  The water calls for me, begging me to go and hide underneath it. I was tempted to go for a swim yesterday, but like every place I step into, the ocean holds too many hidden dangers.

  When I get into the car beside Jared, he hangs up and turns to me with a smile. “You look beautiful.”

  “I made an effort for my husband.”

  “You never need to make an effort. You’re beautiful without even trying.”

  “And you are one hell of a charmer, Mr. Lester.”

  How would I ever be able to live without this man I love so much? I thought I loved Dylan, my first love, but I now realize that was only a taste of what true love feels like. This is the real thing, and it would kill me to let it go.

  “I’m glad you’re home.” I watch Jared starting the car.

  “So am I.”

  “Did you get some nice shots?”

  “Loads of them. Campeche is one photogenic city. Next time I go there, I’ll take you and the baby with me.” His eyes light up. “There’s nothing not to like—the limestone hills, pastel buildings, the beaches—you would have loved it all.”

  “I’m sure I would have. It sounds lovely.” I look out the window at the passing cars, praying there will be a next time. I’m not even sure we’ll have one more day together.

  We arrive at Dan’s Grill in less than fifteen minutes. The restaurant holds special memories for us. It was the setting of our first date many years ago, and we celebrate all our anniversaries here. The chef knows us by name and all our favorite foods. Since we enjoy most of the foods on the menu, many times, we ask him to surprise us.

  Tonight, I order broccoli soup, sautéed vegetables with rice, and grilled sea bass. Jared goes for a plate of pesto and garlic spaghetti with the same grilled sea bass. We share a big green salad between us and a bottle of apple cider. I didn’t realize just how hungry I was until the food appeared at the table.

  Jared barely says a word as we eat our food. His eyes are on me the entire time. For a moment, I wonder whether he’s searching for something on my face. Does he know what’s going on? Did he bring me out tonight because he wants to discuss something important?

  Since we arrived, I’ve been studying the faces of the other diners and glancing at the door each time someone walks in.

  “Are you okay, sweetheart?” He peers at me through the flickering candle flame.

  “Sure, why?” My stomach twists with anxiety.

  “I mean, have you been okay health-wise?”

  “Yes, yes.” The tension melts from my shoulders. I was being ridiculous. He doesn’t suspect anything at all.

  I pick up a piece of fish with my fork and push it into my mouth, chewing on it before I respond. “The visit to the doctor went well. You were right. I have nothing to worry about. The baby’s healthy. But Dr. Collins is sick, and there’s a new doctor stepping in for her. Apparently, she’s her godchild. She’s quite nice.” Talking about Dr. Collins’ health is a great way to remove the focus from me.

  Jared frowns and leans in. “Do you know what’s wrong with her? I saw her at the grocery store two weeks ago, and she seemed fine.”

  “She had a stroke. I don’t know the details.”

  “Goodness, is she okay?” Jared wipes his lips with the napkin.

  “Last I heard she’s fine now, but she left town to recover at a health spa.”

  “That’s really terrible news.” Jared shakes his head and starts to eat again. “Is the godchild at least as good as Dr. Collins or should we look for someone else?”

  “I wouldn’t want to do that this close to the birth.” I lift my glass of apple cider to my lips and take a sip. “From what I could tell, the new doctor is just as competent.”

  Jared narrows his eyes. “I have to say I’m surprised you’re not freaking out.”

  I put my glass down and gaze past his shoulder at a man in a three-piece suit, who is laughing and chatting with his companion, with not a care in the world.

  “I’m trying not to freak out about everything. Some things we just can’t control.” If only he knew.

  “And everything is going to be just fine.” He places his warm hand over mine and squeezes. “I’m so happy the baby is okay. I can’t wait to change diapers.”

  “Diapers.” I pull out my phone. “I need to buy more diapers.” I put a reminder on my phone and drop it back into my handbag, then I pick up my knife and fork to eat the last piece of fish.

  “Did you ever find out whose house had been broken into?”

  I swallow hard, the food hurting my throat. I lower my gaze to my plate. “I didn’t get a chance to ask around. But I feel better now that the locks are changed.”

  “I’m just glad you’re safe. I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you.”

  I paste a smile on my face and look into his eyes. “Tell me more about your trip.”

  “It was exhausting but really worth it. I got what I wanted. I’ll show you the shots tomorrow.” He folds his arms in front of him on the table. “The only picture I’m interested in right now is the one in front of me.”

  Undiluted joy spreads through my entire body, but it comes hand in hand with a deep ache. “I look forward to spending more time with you now that you’re home.”

  “I promise you many walks on the beach and late night dinners like this one. I might throw in a few foot massages as well.”

  “You’re making this pregnant woman incredibly happy.”

  We spend the rest of dinner talking more about the things we’ll be doing before the baby arrives. Then I give him the ultrasound picture with barely a glance at it. I still don’t have the courage to look. After the events of the past few days, my fears of losing the baby have become magnified.

  “She looks like me.” He holds it to the light,
a tender smile tipping the corners of his mouth.

  “How do you know it’s a she?”

  “I’m hoping for a girl just as beautiful and perfect as you.”

  “I’m far from perfect.” I fold and unfold my napkin on my lap.

  “Perfection is in the eye of the beholder. You’re perfect to me.”

  CHAPTER 34

  Back home, Jared decides it’s time for him to build the baby’s crib, even though it’s close to 11:00 p.m., and he looks about to drop with exhaustion. He insists he’s been putting it off for too long.

  He is the kind of person who always gets things done without postponing them until tomorrow. It hits me suddenly why he’d put this particular task off so many times. Like me, he was secretly afraid that I wouldn’t be able to carry this pregnancy to term. He won’t admit it, but he was afraid to make preparations only for the baby not to arrive. The miscarriages had hurt him just as much as they did me. But he was the strong one.

  “Get some rest. You can do it tomorrow.” I need more time to prepare for the questions I know will come once he enters the nursery.

  “Nope, I’m doing it tonight.” He stumbles toward the stairs. “The baby will be here any day.”

  I follow him upstairs, shuddering as he takes each step. An image of the message on the wallpaper flashes across my mind, but I shove it back along with many others from that night.

  He halts in the doorway of the nursery. “What happened in here? Were you trying to put the crib together yourself?”

  I wring my hands in front of me. “I tried but failed.”

  “You shouldn’t have tried. I said I’d do it.”

  I place a hand between his shoulder blades. “I know, I’m sorry. I was bored.”

  “What happened to the other wallpaper?”

  “Like I said, I was bored.” My hands move to my hips. “But I sort of like this one better. Don’t you just like the little teddy bears? I think they’re so cute.”

  “But you were insistent on us choosing all nursery furniture and decorations together.” He grins. “I’m offended that you didn’t consult me.”

  “I know. But I didn’t want to bother you with something as silly as wallpaper.” I take a breath. “If you really don’t like it, we can switch it up.”

  He puts an arm around me and kisses my cheek. “As long as you’re happy, so am I.”

  “I am ... I am happy.”

  He lets go of me and rubs his hands together. “Let me build the crib to make you even happier.”

  “You really don’t think it can wait one more night?” I was able to hide the things that had happened in this room when he was away, but what if he puts the crib together and we find it dismantled again? How would I be able to explain it?

  “No, it’s time.”

  While he works, putting piece by piece back together, I sit in the rocking chair and read him the instructions, even though I know them by heart. He’s done within twenty minutes.

  He yawns and stretches his arms above his head. “I guess we’re ready for the baby to come.”

  “Yep. We better get as much sleep as possible before we’re parents.” I pause. “At least, you should.” The closer we come to the birth, the harder it is for me to get a full night’s sleep. Having a stalker doesn’t help.

  “How about a walk on the beach before we call it a night?”

  “A walk? Are you serious?” I lean against the doorframe and cross my arms. “Look at you. You can barely stand.”

  “Fresh sea air is like a sleeping pill to me. I’m trying to wean myself off them.”

  “You don’t need to go to the beach for fresh air. Open the window and breathe it in.”

  “It’s not the same thing. Ten minutes and we’ll be back home.”

  Now that I know someone is after me, I’m nervous about walking around on a dark beach. Anything can happen to us out there, but Jared is so determined. He’s already grabbed our flashlights and my coat. He looks excited like a boy on Christmas morning. How could I say no to him?

  We hit the beach hand in hand like we used to in the earlier months of our marriage when Jared wasn’t so busy. Trying not to glance over my shoulder every few seconds, I force myself to enjoy the breeze that’s swinging my hair from side to side, and the sand pushing itself between my toes. If life ever gets back to normal, we have to do this more often.

  Even though I’d been on edge for most of the time, the walk did me good. We get back to the cottage both sleepy and refreshed. Jared changes into his pajamas and goes back downstairs to fill the jug of water I keep next to the bed as I often get thirsty in the middle of the night.

  After being downstairs for far too long, he returns to the room without the water, and a thunderous expression on his face. His hand is clutching his phone, his gaze fixed on it. He looks about to pass out.

  I stop fluffing the pillows. “Are you okay? What’s the matter?”

  “I received a weird text message.”

  “What does it say?” I sit on the bed. Please, God, don’t let it be the stalker. Let it be some work-related text.

  “You tell me.” He looks up at me as though he doesn’t recognize me, confusion boiling in his eyes. He has the same pained look he had every time I told him we lost a baby, but it’s sharpened by anger.

  Instead of reading the text message to me, he tosses the cell phone onto the bed. I’m afraid to pick up the phone, afraid to see whatever it is that has the power to cause Jared’s mood to plummet.

  My breath is a bubble inside my throat as I read the text message. The moment the words sink into the folds of my mind, the bubble pops and air bursts from my lips in a rush. Just like that, our beautiful evening is ruined. The bomb has hit.

  Your wife had an affair. You’re about to raise another man’s baby. xoxo

  The phone slips from my hand. My eyes reach for Jared’s in desperation. I want to be offended that he believes the text without even asking for an explanation from me, but in his place, I would probably have reacted in the same way.

  “Jared, you don’t really believe it, do you?” I clutch my hands in my lap. “You know it’s a lie, right?”

  Jared doesn’t respond. When I stand to reach for his hand, he takes a step back.

  “Please, honey, you have to ... you have to believe me,” I stutter, choking out the words. “You know I love you. I’d never cheat on you, ever.”

  “Listen, Caitlin, I’m tired. It’s been a long day. Let’s talk about this in the morning. I’ll sleep downstairs.” He picks up a pillow and a bedsheet, and walks out the door before I can say anything more—before I can defend myself.

  He leaves me sitting on the bed in complete and utter shock. I want to run after him, to beg him to believe me. I want to tell him that it’s a lie someone cooked up to destroy my life. But where in the world would I start?

  No, I can’t tell him the truth. I also can’t let this go. I need to talk to him, to try and explain the best way I can without blowing my own cover.

  My hands bunched up at my sides, I hurry down the stairs, almost tripping on them.

  I find him sitting on the couch, staring at the blank television screen, both hands clutching his knees, a vein throbbing on the side of his jaw.

  At a safe distance, I try to speak, but it’s hard to find the right words. The text is a lie. I know that. I’ve never cheated on my husband. But can I explain it away without opening my can of worms?

  “What is it?” He doesn’t even bother to look at me.

  Despair sags through me.

  “It’s your baby, Jared. It’s our baby. I never cheated on you.” I sit on the couch next to him. He flinches but doesn’t move away. I turn to face him, my knees touching his thigh. “I’m telling you the truth. I’d never hurt you in that way. You’re the only man I love.”

  I know exactly why Jared is acting the way he is, why the message hit him so hard. His previous relationship had ended because his fiancée cheated on him. He’d made it clear
to me from the start that he’ll be able to handle a lot in a relationship, but not unfaithfulness. I promised I’d never cheat on him and asked him to make the same promise to me. Now, this.

  I touch his arm and close my eyes.

  “I’m not Sage. I’ll never do to you what she did. I promise you that.”

  “If it’s not true,” he leans forward, “why have you been acting strange the past few days?”

  “Strange? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “You know exactly what I’m talking about. Don’t make a fool of me. Half the time I’m with you, you’re not really here. You also sounded strange when we talked on the phone. For five days I’ve been trying to ignore it, but this all makes perfect sense to me.”

  “Don’t do this, Jared. There’s nothing going on. I don’t know who sent you that message, but it’s not true.”

  He rises from the couch and gazes at me for a while. “Tell me it’s not Ralph’s.”

  “Ralph? Oh, my God! I told you so many times that he’s just a colleague. There’s nothing going on between us.”

  “He’s more than that, and you know it.” The sharp edge of his voice cuts deep.

  I lift then drop my hands into my lap. “I cannot believe you’re bringing him up again.” My cheeks flame with anger—not at him, but the situation. “How many times have I told you he’s nothing more than a friend?”

  He shoves his hands into the pockets of his pajama pants. “So, all the gossip around town isn’t true, then? Are they all making it up?” He shrugs. “I try not to listen, but sometimes it’s hard not to.”

  “Kids at school made up these rumors and passed them on. There’s no truth in them whatsoever. I told you that before.”

  “I’ve seen you with him before, you know. I see how he looks at you, how you look at him. There’s something there, something you’ve been trying to hide from me, maybe even from yourself.”