Somewhere Only We Know

by Beverley Hollowed

  They had a stupid argument and Kate said she needed some space. As she walked into the house from the back garden, Emily ran after her crying, she wanted to go with her mommy. Kate hadn’t wanted to take her, but after Callum’s stupid comment about her being a part-time mom, Kate let Emily go with her.

  When the doorbell rang a couple of hours later, Callum assumed it was Kate and she had forgotten her house keys. However, when he opened the door and found two police officers standing there, his world instantly fell apart.

  They took him to the hospital that Kate had been taken to, but when he asked about Emily, they said they had no news about any child being in the car but that they would check.

  By the time they reached the hospital, the call had come through, that the body of a young girl had been found in the car.

  Callum heard them say the words, but it took a while for the words to register with him. Before they could, a doctor came to speak to Callum and told him, Kate had received a serious blow to the head, and though she had been conscious briefly, at the scene, she had since slipped into unconsciousness, as her condition deteriorated. She had been taken to surgery to try and relieve the pressure from her brain.

  So, while his beloved Katie was in surgery, fighting for her life, he had to go and formally identify his beautiful little Emily, the whole time praying it was just a bad dream and he would wake up at any minute. None of it seemed real. It was like, he was standing outside his own body watching this nightmare unfold before him. It just didn’t seem real, but sadly, it was all very real.

  He sat by Kate’s bed for days while she lay there in a medically induced coma, trying to give her brain a chance to heal. As he sat there watching Kate breath in time with the machines, he just kept asking himself, how the hell was he ever going to tell Kate, that Emily was gone?

  It was five days after the crash, the day after Emily’s funeral, when they finally brought Kate out of the coma and she woke up. When she saw Callum, she smiled for a moment but then as she noticed her surroundings, she began to panic.

  “Where am I?” she asked as her eyes darted around the room. “Why am I here?”

  “Katie, baby,” Callum said as the tears of grief pooled in his eyes. He brushed her tangled hair back from her face and tried to smile, but his heart was breaking. “Kate, there was an accident.”

  “Emily, where is Emily?” she asked, trying to pull herself up in the bed.

  “Kate,” Callum said in a whispered sob. “When the car was hit, it went out of control. It went into the water. Do you remember that?”

  “Callum,” Kate said as the tears trickled down her face. “Where is Emily?”

  “Katie,” Callum sobbed, no longer able to hold the grief back. “By the time they reached Em, it was too late.”

  “NO!” Kate cried, as she tried to get out of the bed. Callum tried to push her back down but she fought him. “I need to go find Emily. She will be scared. She will be looking for me. I need to go find her.”

  The machines started to beep and alarms filled the room as Kate collapsed back onto the bed and began to shake, violently. Suddenly they were surrounded by doctors and Callum was being escorted out of the room.

  Kate was rushed back into surgery again that night and once again was placed into a coma.

  Callum shivered as he remembered the weeks and months that followed. He had tried everything to reach Kate, but if he was honest, his Katie died with Emily in the car that day.

  He looked back over at the house and thought of his beautiful wife. He loved her more than he loved another living soul in this world. He knew she loved him too but he also knew he was a daily reminder of everything they had lost.

  He wondered, as he had so many times before, did she blame him for what happened. The argument was his fault. She took Emily with her that day, because of him. He had always regretted the things he said to her on that day. This was all his fault.

  He slipped the key into the ignition and started the car. Then, after one final glance at the house, he drove away.

  By the time he reached his hotel room, he was emotionally and physically exhausted. He didn’t even bother stripping, instead he just climbed on the bed and past out.

  *********

  Callum sprung up in bed as the sound of his mobile phone ringing echoed through the room. He frantically searched for it, having no memory of where he had left it the night before.

  He finally found it on the floor, at the foot of the bed but it had stopped ringing. A minute later, it began to ring again.

  “Hello,” Callum said, answering it quickly.

  “Callum,” James’ voice sounded relieved at the far end. “I called and called last night, where the hell were you?”

  “I got back late and just passed out,” Callum replied still half asleep. “What time is it anyway?”

  “It’s almost midday,” James told him. “So, how did it go? Did you find her?”

  “Yes,” Callum sighed, as he wiped the sleep from his eyes.

  “And?” James asked.

  “And nothing,” Callum replied abruptly, as the events of the night before came screaming into his head. “It’s over, I wasted my time coming here. And your time too. I should have left well enough alone.”

  “Did she actually say that?” James replied, his heart breaking for his younger brother. He knew how much Callum had to be hurting because he knew how much he adored Kate.

  “I didn’t talk to her,” Callum said as the image of the guy kissing Kate the night before filled his head.

  “I don’t understand,” James replied, completely confused by what his brother had said. “Did you actually see her?”

  “James, I am grateful for all your help,” Callum snapped unwilling to discuss this with his brother any longer. “It is what it is. Kate and I are over. I really don’t want to discuss this any longer.”

  “Callum, wait,” James quickly replied. “I don’t understand. You’re just going to give up. I thought you loved her? I thought you wanted her back?”

  “I DO LOVE HER!” Callum shouted angrily and instantly regretted it. “James, I don’t expect you to understand. I don’t really understand it myself. All I know is I have hurt her. I let her down so badly, and I don’t just mean because I cheated. I mean in every way possible. Yes, I do love her. I love more than words can even explain, but I love her enough to let her go, so she can be happy again.”

  “Okay,” James sighed but then added. “If you want to take the cowards way out, who am I to stand in your way? You think this will make her happy and so it will make you happy, but you are so wrong. You love her and she loves you. You have both been through hell and you are both very broken, but this will pass and you will be miserable without her and she will be miserable without you.”

  “James, I wish that were true,” Callum said sadly. “But she doesn’t want me. She has already moved on, and all I am to her is a reminder of everything we have lost.”

  “Just think about it,” James asked, hoping he might be able to make his brother see sense. “Don’t do anything stupid. Cal. She is the love of your life, are you really ready to walk away?”

  Callum didn’t reply.

  “I will call you later this evening,” James said, knowing Callum was thinking about what he had just said. “Hopefully by then, you will feel a little better and we can see where we go from here.”

  “Okay,” Callum replied. “I will speak to you then.”

  He hung up and flopped back into the bed. He thought about what James had just said. Callum knew his brother was right. Kate was the love of his life. He just couldn’t imagine his life without her. Could he really just walk away from her? Leave without even trying.

  He closed his eyes and he could see her standing there on the front step the night before. He remembered her smile, but then he remembered the sadness that crept back onto her face. Maybe not all was lost. Maybe he could still fight for her. Fight for them both.

  He climbed up of
f the bed and headed to the mini bar. He took out a tiny bottle of whiskey and poured it into a glass.

  Sitting back down on the edge of the bed, he thought about the guy kissing Kate, once again. Could he really win his wife back? He honestly wasn’t so sure.

  He looked down into the glass in his hand and sighed. Maybe he was just too late. He brought the glass to his lips and knocked it back in one gulp. How had his life ended up such a mess?

  Chapter 14

  Kate woke early the next morning. Something had been bothering her about the night before, or more specifically, about Jack. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but she knew something was wrong. Sure, for the most part, he seemed happy the day before, perfectly content to spend time with his family. However, every now and then, Kate thought she saw something that gave her cause for concern.

  She thought she saw him wince as if in pain, on more than one occasion. He would change positions slowly, holding himself tightly, almost as if he was afraid to move. Kate caught his eye a couple of times and gave him a questioning look, but he just gave her a reassuring smile.

  She hadn’t wanted to question him in front of his family, but being a doctor, or at least she used to be, she could see all the tell-tale signs, that there was definitely something very wrong.

  When she got out of bed, she jumped into the shower, before quickly dressing. She didn’t even bother to have breakfast, instead she chose to go straight to Jack’s house. She needed to check on him for her own peace of mind, if nothing else.

  She decided to walk the ten minute journey to Jack’s house as it was far too beautiful a day to be stuck in a car. When she reached his house, she took a deep breath before she rang the doorbell. She really had no idea what she would say, much less what she was even doing here.

  When Jack opened the door, he was surprised but seemed very pleased to see Kate standing there. He immediately invited her into his home and led her out to his back porch where is was having his breakfast. He grabbed a coffee and a couple of extra croissants for Kate on his way through the kitchen, and insisted she join him for breakfast.

  “So,” Jack said when they were both finally seated. “What brings you here this morning?”

  “I wanted to see if you were okay,” Kate replied, deciding it was better to get straight to the point. She slipped her wrap from her shoulders and sat it on the small, wooden table in front of her.

  “And why wouldn’t I be okay?” Jack chuckled softly, surprised by her response.

  “I think you know what I mean,” she replied, knowing full well he knew she had noticed something the day before. “Something is wrong, I could see that clearly last night.”

  “Oh, I am just old,” Jack replied and waved his hand dismissively, as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Nothing for you to be worrying about.”

  “I think it’s more than that,” Kate replied with a knowing smile. “Besides Jack, you aren’t that old. I think you are sick but you don’t want your family to know.”

  “Do you now,” Jack replied with a half laugh and Kate knew he was trying to make light of the situation and brush her off. “And are you a doctor now, then?”

  “Actually, yes, I am,” Kate replied and instantly regretted it. She was so determined to leave her past behind her, where it belonged, but here she was, blabbing her business. She mentally scolded herself.

  “Oh,” was all Jack replied. He sat for a moment staring out over his garden, lost in his thoughts. Kate regretted her direct approach now. She knew she had caught him off guard and now he was panicking.

  “Jack, I’m sorry,” Kate said pulling her chair closer to him. “I know what it feels like to want to keep things private. There is so much you don’t know about me and if I am honest, that’s the way I want it to stay, but the truth is, I like you. You remind me so much of my dad. He was the only one who I could turn to without feeling the need to pretend I was okay when really, I wasn’t. I know something is wrong and I know you don’t want Finn or Sara to know. But you should not go through this, whatever this is, alone.”

  Jack didn’t reply. He just continued to stare out over his perfectly manicured back yard.

  “Jack, let me be the one you talk to,” Kate said reaching over and taking his hand. “I promise, I will never breathe a word to anyone.”

  “There is nothing much to tell really,” Jack said with a deep sigh, finally looking at Kate and the sadness in his eyes almost broke her heart. “I was diagnosed with stage four cancer the day I met you. They said there is nothing they can do. That it is just a matter of time.”

  “I am so sorry Jack,” Kate said, giving his hand a soft squeeze.

  “It’s okay, honestly,” Jack said giving her a half-hearted smile. “I’m not worried about me, I get to go see my Kathleen. It’s Sara and Finn I worry about. Who will be here to watch over them, once I have gone?”

  “And they don’t know?” Kate asked, but she already knew the answer.

  “How can I tell them?” Jack asked, looking Kate in the eyes, as he blinked hard, trying to fight back the tears. “Losing their mother, it nearly destroyed them. It nearly destroyed me. How can I tell them, they have to face this again? And this time, I won’t be here to look after them.”

  “I think you have raised them well enough that they will be just fine,” Kate said, trying to reassure this old man sitting in front of her. “I really think that is one thing you don’t have to worry about.”

  “You are a good girl, Kate,” Jack said with a smile, patting Kate on the back of her hand. “So, a doctor?”

  “Used to be,” Kate replied, feeling uncomfortable that the spot light was now, suddenly on her.

  “Used to be?” he asked. “I would have thought that was something you couldn’t walk away from easily.”

  “It’s… very complicated,” Kate said. It was now her turn to shift uncomfortably in her seat. Her eye’s dropped to her skirt as she pick invisible fluff from it.

  “You know,” Jack said as he watched Kate closely. “I have been known to be a good listener in my time, too.”

  “Oh, you don’t need to hear all my nonsense,” Kate said half laughing, as she waved her hand dismissively, trying to make light of things. There was no way, she was going to talk about herself. That was the last thing she wanted to do right now, and the last thing Jack needed to hear was her troubles. “I think you have enough to be worrying about.”

  Jack nodded, but studied Kate closely. He knew there was so much more to this girl that was sitting in front of him, than he really knew, and in his heart, he knew it was something sad. He wondered if he would ever get to know the real Kate Greyson. Would he have the time?

  “Jack,” Kate said cautiously pulling him from his thoughts. “Don’t you think you need to talk to Finn and Sara, give them time to process this news? They love you so much. If it were my dad, I would want to know.”

  Before Jack could reply, the sound of Finn’s voice echoed through the house. Jack gave Kate a pleading look.

  “Dad, it’s just me,” they heard him say, as his voice got closer and closer. “I hope you have the coffee ready, I have so much to tell you. Last night was one of the best nights of my life. When I dropped… Kate!”

  He stopped mid-sentence when he reached the door and seemed really surprised to see Kate sitting on his father’s back porch. He blushed slightly, but then a huge grin filled his face. His eyes dropped to the ground for a moment, but then when he looked back up, his eyes danced as they found Kate’s. When their eyes connected, Kate could feel her heart race and her cheeks flush brightly.

  “I’m sorry,” Finn finally said, with a broad smile. “I wasn’t expecting to find you here.”

  “I…eh…I forgot my wrap,” Kate replied, thinking quickly on her feet. She picked up her wrap she had placed on the table when she arrived a short while before. “Yesterday, I left this behind me.”

  Finn looked at her for a moment and Kate’s heart raced even faster. She thought for
a second, he didn’t believe her, but then he smiled and Kate felt herself relax.

  “You should have called,” Finn said moving closer to Jack and Kate, then, taking the seat next to Kate, he gave her a cheeky grin. “I could have dropped it by for you.”

  “Oh lord!” Jack sighed and laughed as he stood up. “Wipe your chin son, you’re drooling.”

  Kate’s blush deepened, but she couldn’t help but smile and then laugh when she saw the look of horror on Finn’s face, that his dad actually said that to him.

  “Dad!” Finn said, pouting like a little boy. This just made Kate laugh harder.

  “Come on, Romeo,” Jack replied without missing a beat. “Help me clear these things away.” Finn glanced at Kate and gave her a smile before he stood up and followed his father.

  It was almost midday when Kate kissed Jack on the cheek and promised she would drop by very soon. They shared a knowing glance and each knew that their secrets would be kept safe.

  Finn, of course, insisted on walking Kate back home. Her heart almost stopped when, as they walked, Finn reached down and took hold of her hand. When she glanced up at him and met his gaze, he gave her an uncertain smile, as if he was checking that what he was doing was okay. She returned his smile, giving him the permission he was searching for.

  They walked for a couple of minutes in silence and it felt comfortable and easy. It was Finn who was the first one to speak.

  “So,” he began, nervously glancing at Kate as he searched for the right words to say. “Are you going to tell me why you really called into my dad today?”

  Kate could feel the blood drain from her face. She was never a good liar, but she thought that he had believed her when she said she had called for her scarf.

  “I told you,” she swallowed nervously before she continued. “I forgot my wrap.”

  “See that’s the thing,” Finn said looking directly at Kate. “I remember what you wore yesterday, because I remember thinking no one had ever looked more breath-taking than you did, when you stepped out of the car. You didn’t have a wrap.”