Lights and Shadows (Oregon In Love)

by Bonnie Blythe

  Putting on a brave smile for what she knew was coming, she followed her sister-in-law across the driveway. “How’s baby Alan doing? Whenever I pop in for a look, he’s asleep.”

  “He’s doing great, growing fast, and he specifically asked to see you this morning.”

  “I look forward to seeing him, too.”

  Inside the house, Sara led the way into the dining room. A huge bouquet of helium balloons graced the center of the table along with a colorful vase of flowers. Brian sat at the table, holding the baby, who was right in the middle of a big yawn.

  “Happy Birthday, Julia!” Brian said when he saw her.

  Julia groaned good-naturedly. “I’d hoped everyone would forget.”

  “See, I told you this would make her grumpy,” Brian told his wife. “She’s always a bear on her birthday.”

  “Well, if I was a year younger instead of older, I might be in a better mood.”

  “Thirty two is very young,” Sara said.

  “That, coming from a twenty-something,” she said dryly.

  Brian laughed. “Big faux pas, Sara. If you insist on giving my sister a party, you must never, ever mention her age.”

  Sara wadded up a napkin and threw it at her husband, hitting him squarely on the nose.

  Julia sat down at the table. “This is very thoughtful. Thank you both.”

  Sara went into the kitchen and returned with a small cake, a lighted candle in the middle. She and Brian broke out into the ‘Happy Birthday’ song, and Julia had to smile in spite of herself.

  “Okay, Brian. You can start in on all the jokes. Let’s see, there’s only a single candle because you couldn’t afford thirty-one more. Go ahead and say it.”

  Brian gave her a hug. “Sorry, sis. I value my life too much.”

  “I know cake isn’t the best breakfast,” Sara said, “but it’s carrot cake with whole wheat flour and low fat cream cheese frosting. Not that you need to worry, but I at least made an attempt at something nutritious.”

  “It’s perfect,” she said, making a mental note to skip lunch.

  Brian helped Alan clap while Sara cut the pieces and served them on pretty plates.

  “This is excellent,” she praised, taking dainty bites. Before she finished, Sara brought over three gifts and set them on the table in front of Julia.

  “You know this was unnecessary.” Julia picked up the first box and carefully slipped her finger under a taped fold.

  “This could take a while,” said Brian. “Remember, Julia’s the one who saves wrapping paper for who knows what.”

  Undaunted, she painstakingly removed the pretty flowered paper from the box. Opening it up and pulling out a vanilla scented pillar candle, she inhaled. “This is my favorite scent!”

  With equal care, she opened the second box and pulled out a framed portrait of her little nephew. “Oh, thank you! It’s darling!” Julia gave Alan a noisy kiss and said, “I’m going to keep this picture on my desk at work.”

  “Appropriate, since you’re there so much,” Brain said bluntly.

  Sara gave her husband a quelling look. She turned back to Julia. “The third gift is from Marc. He dropped it off early this morning.”

  Accepting the beautifully wrapped package, she caught Sara’s knowing grin.

  “My wife wants you to open it up in front of her. She’s dying to know what’s inside.”

  “Brian!” Sara exclaimed, giving him a playful punch in the arm.

  Julia struggled to keep her manner nonchalant, while her heart thundered in her chest. He didn’t say a word about her birthday last night. When she opened the box, she caught her breath. Julia lifted out the silver bracelet studded with the pink and green tourmaline stones she’d seen at the Saturday Market. With flaming cheeks, she slipped it onto her wrist and held it up. “It’s lovely, isn’t it?” she asked, amazed her voice remained steady.

  “Wow,” said Sara. “It sure is.”

  “Well, this was all very sweet of you, but I do need to scoot.” Julia pushed her chair back from the table and stood.

  “Do you have to work on Saturday?” asked Sara, her eyes wide.

  “The more I work, the sooner I’m done.”

  “Until the next job,” Brian said. “If this is you on vacation, I’d hate to see what you’re like when you really work.”

  Julia returned his steady look, refusing to be drawn into an argument, then dropped a light kiss on his cheek. She hugged Sara, thanking her profusely, and gave Alan a smooch as well.

  On her way to the college later that morning, Julia wondered why Marc didn’t include a card with his gift.

  ***

  The following weeks left Julia more exhausted than ever. She didn’t know if it was physical, mental, or emotional. Physically, she felt rotten and only sheer resolve kept her going. She was more confused about her mental and emotional state. Since receiving the bracelet from Marc, she found herself becoming more sentimental. She wore the bracelet daily and often caught herself staring at it or twisting it around her wrist, admiring the way the light lit up the stones. It reminded her of that day together.

  It also reminded her she was becoming more estranged from him as the job wore on. Instead of attending church with him as was her intention, she ended up more often than not sleeping straight through Sundays. And while she didn’t make it to church as often as she’d like, she’d been praying more than ever—prayer for a way to work things out with Marc—for the energy to continue a job beginning to crop up with more and more problems.

  She and Spencer kept stumbling onto figures not compatible with their research. Finding out that the college records had indeed been audited just a year before didn’t seem to clear up the discrepancies. They spent a lot of time backtracking and double-checking, only to become more muddled than ever. Time they should’ve been spending on the other aspects of her report such as marketing and personnel issues.

  Having to stall for time as they attempted to make sense of their findings made the pressure intensify to produce results. Spencer was wonderful, shouldering as much of the burden as possible and taking any heat that came their way. But she knew it was her responsibility to come up with a plausible explanation. Soon. And at this rate, her relationship was doomed to fail. What concerned her even more was the worry that day was nearer than she supposed.

  Chapter Twenty

  “Go home, Julia.”

  She looked up from her computer, flanked by stacks of paperwork and focused on Spencer’s fatigued countenance softened by a smile. She knew her own countenance mirrored his.

  “That’s an order.”

  Too tired to argue, Julia turned off her computer. “But only if you go home early, too.”

  Spencer glanced at his watch. “If everything works out, I should be out of here by five. But you have to leave now or I’ll call the security guards and have you forcibly removed.”

  Julia quirked her lips at his mock seriousness. “I’m going, I’m going!”

  She loaded up her briefcase, straightened the two pictures on her desk and gave him a grateful smile before heading to the nearest exit. As Julia drove away from the college, she knew she wouldn’t immediately be going back to Buell Creek. Marc was first and foremost on her mind.

  She then realized he wouldn’t be home for two more hours. An idea began to take root in her mind, causing her fatigue to melt away like magic. Before going to his apartment, she stopped at the local galleria shopping center. An hour later, Julia emerged with several shopping bags and drove to Marc’s building. After parking around the block, out of sight, she sought out the landlady. It took some persuading before the woman capitulated into allowing a stranger into one of her tenant’s apartments without prior approval. But after peppering her plea with a romantic flavor, Julia was finally allowed in.

  Inside his apartment, the blinds were all closed and Julia groped in the darkness for a light switch. When the lights came on, she looked around and noticed Marc had become somewhat lax i
n his housekeeping habits. His plants drooped, in need of water, books and magazines were scattered haphazardly about, and in the kitchen she found his trashcan full of take-out containers from nearby restaurants. Unable to resist the urge to clean, she started in while making a few requisite phone calls.

  The blood in her veins bubbled like champagne in anticipation of a long evening spent with Marc. After locating a gourmet restaurant that delivered, she put in an order for dinner. Next, she called a florist to have flowers sent over, all the while keeping an eye on the clock.

  After a quick tidying job, Julia went into the bathroom with her shopping bags. She changed out of her work clothes and slid a cranberry rayon slip dress over her head. She adjusted the narrow straps at the shoulders and brushed out her hair, arranging it in a simple style. From another shopping bag, she retrieved a box from which she drew out a delicate garnet necklace in a silver filigree setting. Julia placed it around her neck and touched up her makeup just as the doorbell rang.

  When she opened the door, delivery people from both the restaurant and florist arrived at the same time and she waved them into the apartment. Once the accounts were settled and they had left, Julia looked through Marc’s music selection. She smiled when she found a CD of opera arias among the other titles. Julia chose a selection of romantic instrumentals and loaded the CD player.

  With soft music filling the room, she arranged the dinner on the small table in his kitchen and lowered the lights. She just finished lighting some candles when she heard Marc’s key in the lock. She hurried into the front room, clasped her hands together and waited for him to come in the door.

  ***

  Marc nudged the front door open with his foot and hoisted his camera bags inside, letting them settle to the floor in a heap. When he looked up, his heart did a somersault in his chest. The candlelight and music were peripheral to the woman who stood before him.

  He stood rooted to the spot for the space of several heartbeats, unsure of what to do or say next. Why is she here? Why is she doing this to me? Hadn’t he only just decided they needed to have a serious talk? Was this God’s idea of an opportunity?

  “Julia,” he finally said. When he saw the uncertainty in her green eyes, he crossed the room and took her hand in his. Noticing she wore the bracelet he’d given her for her birthday gave him an inordinate amount of pleasure. Marc lightly touched the curve of her throat. The warmth of her skin and rapid pulse under his fingers were his undoing. Nothing could have stopped him from lowering his head and touching his lips against hers.

  Julia groaned against his mouth and wound her arms around his neck. He held her tight, returning her fervent kisses, consumed with his love for her. With great reluctance, he raised his head some time later and looked down at the object of his dilemma.

  “Looks like you’ve been busy. I’m surprised my landlady let you in. I can hardly get in if I lose my key.”

  “I wanted to surprise you,” she said softly.

  “You were successful.”

  She slid her hands down to rest against his chest. “Dinner’s ready, if you’re hungry.”

  “I am.”

  After a leisurely dinner, they sat together on the couch, making up for weeks of mutual deprivation. Marc couldn’t think straight anymore, not when his head and heart were at complete odds within him. Julia, so pliant in his arms, so soft and sweet—how could he humanly resist her?

  He told her about his latest photo shoot at the Metolius River along the Warm Springs Indian Reservation. Julia rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes, making an occasional noise to let him know she was listening. Soon, she felt silent. Her breathing slowed and became even. Marc smiled when he realized she’d fallen asleep.

  He took the opportunity to study her unhindered. The low lighting enhanced the shadows under her eyes and deepening hollows under her cheekbones. The knowledge she pushed herself too hard made him want to protect her from the rigors that caused her weariness. If there was any way I could, I would. But would she let me? He breathed deeply of her honeyed scent. How could I have fallen in love with the woman who I have no hope of a future with? This isn’t the way it's supposed to happen!

  He wracked his brain for solutions to their problem but came no closer to any answers. We’re from two different lifestyles and they might as well be oil and water. Marc closed his eyes, misery leaching into his veins, making him feel sick. I don’t want to live without her, but I don’t see how we can make a life together.

  It’s hopeless.

  Marc ran his hand lightly through her hair, allowing tendrils to slip through his fingers. The movement caused Julia to stir.

  She blinked slowly and looked up at him, her eyes glowing with warmth as she regarded him. She reached up and let her fingers trail down the side of his face. Her voice was husky with sleep when she said, “I love you, Marc.”

  He stared at her, his emotions swinging from euphoria to despair in the space of a second as a thousand thoughts crowded into his brain—all unintelligible. “Julia,” he croaked. “We need to talk.”

  The sleepiness cleared from her eyes at the tone of his voice. Marc had to avert his gaze from the confusion mixed with dawning hurt he saw in her expression. She struggled to a sitting position while he tried to find the right words.

  “Julia, please—” When she got to her feet, he reached out and caught her hand, holding it firmly when she tried to pull away. He took a deep breath, feeling he couldn’t sidestep the issue any longer. “I’m sorry, but I just don't see how this can work.”

  The words dropped like stones in the quiet of the room. Her eyes widened.

  “I've looked at this from every angle I can think of. I know you see it, too. We're fooling ourselves to think we have a future together.”

  “Let go of me,” she said in a strangled voice.

  Marc released her and watched helplessly while she began grabbing her things. The way her hands shook and the moisture in her eyes tore at his heart. But what else could he do? He got to his feet. “We both knew this would happen, Julia. It was inevitable.”

  She stopped and looked at him. “Oh, really?”

  “Your priorities don’t include me.” Marc hated the flat tone of his voice, hated the words themselves, but they’d eaten at him like poison for so long.

  Color flooded into Julia’s cheeks. “Is that what this is about? You’re threatened by my job?”

  “There are twenty-four hours in a day and I get to see you maybe two hours a week. It's not just this job. It's the next one, and the one after. All more important than the last, all more demanding. How long can our relationship take a back seat?”

  “Maybe you should give up photography and cater to me, Marc. Maybe it’s you who doesn’t have the right priorities.”

  He shoved his hands in his pockets, feeling incapable of articulating what had seemed so obvious in his mind a short time ago. “I'm not asking you to give anything up. You're so good at what you do. But there's no room for anything, or anyone else. If we were to marry and have children, where would they fit in?”

  “Aren’t you getting a little ahead of yourself?”

  Marc felt his face flush. “Think it through. What hope do we have of making a relationship work when we’re never together?”

  Julia resumed gathering her bags and purse. She headed for the door. He followed, despising himself for the pain he’d caused her. He rubbed the back of his neck, now desperately wanting to stall for time. “Maybe we could try to talk this through.”

  “I don’t know, Marc. Sounds to me like you have it all figured out.”

  He followed her to the door and reached out for her. “Julia—”

  She turned. When she saw his outstretched hand, she backed up until she bumped into the wall behind her. “Don’t touch me.”

  Marc felt as if he’d been slapped. His hand dropped to his side. Julia wrenched open the door and walked out. After a moment, he followed, determined at least to see that she safely
made it to her car.

  When he reached the ground floor, the manager’s door opened. His landlady came out into the hall and stopped him. He flicked a glance in her direction, impatient to continue after Julia, but she blocked his way.

  “I hope it was all right to let that woman into your apartment. She seemed very nice and said she had something special planned for you. Is that your girlfriend, then?”

  Marc’s shoulders drooped in defeat. Was, he thought bleakly. Was.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Julia stole quietly through the back door of the bed and breakfast the next morning to make a phone call before leaving for work. She’d forgotten to put her cell phone on the battery charger the night before.

  Her brother’s truck was gone, so she knew he’d already left for the day. Julia could only hope Sara and Alan were still asleep. The kitchen was empty. So far, so good. She reached out for the phone and suddenly heard a noise behind her.

  “Good morning, Julia.”

  Julia spun around. “I’m fine!”

  Sara surveyed her with a raised brow. With a sinking sensation, Julia realized her sister-in-law hadn’t asked her how she was doing. She plastered a smile on her face. “Sorry. I wasn’t expecting you to be up so early and you startled me.”

  Sara shrugged. “You and my husband both. But for once, I’m up early.” She came closer and peered at her face. “How are you, anyway?”

  Julia looked away. “Like I said...fine. I just need to make a quick phone call, then I’ll be out of your way.”

  “You’re not in my way. As a matter of fact, I was hoping to talk to you. Stay for coffee. Please.”

  “Oh, goodness, I wish I could,” she said brightly. “But I really do need to get going.”

  Sara placed a hand on her shoulder. “No offense, but you don’t look so good. Have a seat.”

  Sara’s firm but concerned tone brooked no argument. Suddenly Julia didn’t have an ounce of fight left in her. She sank onto a chair at the kitchen table and stared sightlessly into the middle distance.