A Beginner's Guide To Salad

by Jennifer Joyce

  Of course Gavin remembered. It warmed him to know there was a glimmer of light for Jared, that losing Frances hadn’t destroyed his mate completely, and it had taken every ounce of restraint not to tell his wife. Ally worried about Jared – the whole family did – but he’d promised not to say a word, and he hadn’t.

  ‘I remember.’

  Jared shook his head. ‘I can’t explain it, but there’s something about her.’

  ‘You fancy her.’

  Jared laughed. If only it were that simple. ‘She’s beautiful, yes, but it’s not just that.’

  Could it be that Jared was developing feelings for this girl? Gavin tried to keep the grin off his face. ‘You like her.’

  ‘A lot. She’s great.’ Jared didn’t realise it, but his face began to glow and flashes of the old Jared appeared. ‘But I don’t think she likes me. Not like that.’ The glow dimmed. ‘In fact, I know she doesn’t. She told me so.’

  ‘Oh.’ What else could Gavin say?

  ‘I think she wants to be friends though.’

  ‘That’s good then.’

  Jared nodded. ‘Yeah. I don’t think I’m ready for more than that anyway.’

  ‘Then be friends. Have fun, no pressure.’

  Jared nodded. He could do that. He could be friends with Ruth without his messed-up head complicating things.

  ‘Thanks, Gavin. I can’t talk to the others. They’d go nuts if they got a sniff of me liking a woman, even as a friend.’

  ‘I know, mate. And don’t worry, I won’t say a word.’

  Jared left the flat an hour later feeling much lighter and his head clearer. Friends. He could handle that.

  TWENTY-TWO

  Ruth

  I never thought I would find myself willingly inside a gym, but there I was, pink gym bag slung over my shoulder, a concrete block of dread in the pit of my stomach at the thought of the workout ahead. It wasn’t getting any easier, even though I had been using the gym every day after work. I still dreaded five o’clock when I would have to switch off my computer and meet Jared in reception for my daily torture. I’d even begged Kelvin for extra work that evening – surely he had some urgent filing or photocopying that needed doing – but the lousy bastard had let me go home on time.

  ‘I guess I’ll meet you out here. Seven again?’ Jared paused by the women’s gym and I gave myself a stern talking to inside as I contemplated making a run for it – hey, at least running would be exercise.

  ‘Yep, seven.’ I nodded, trying to convince myself this was a good idea and that while seven o’clock seemed a long time away, it wasn’t too bad. It’d take me a good while to change into my gym gear, and then I’d have to fanny about with my warm-up before I started my workout. Then, before I knew it, it would be time for a leisurely shower. I’d be lucky if my workout lasted half an hour.

  I pushed my way through the door of the women’s gym while Jared continued on towards the weights room. The women’s gym had its own changing room so I didn’t have to risk the humiliation of passing a hot male in the corridor in my shorts and T-shirt. After years of hiding myself away and trying to disguise my figure, I now usually dressed in bright colours and prints, doing my best to stand out in the crowd while sticking two fingers up to my figure. Just because I was fat didn’t mean I should shy away from the world, but I felt the opposite at the gym. My shorts were black while my T-shirts were plain and mostly dark in colour. I wanted to blend into the background, away from the beautiful, fit women who belonged in the gym. This was their territory and I felt like I didn’t belong there, though I needed it far more than they did. I didn’t make conversation or even eye contact with any of the women at the gym apart from the perky receptionist, and I only allowed her a simple hello and goodbye as I passed through. In fact, the only person, other than Jared, who I’d had a conversation with while at the gym had been with Courtney.

  Ah, Courtney. I gave a sigh as I sank onto the bench and slipped off my heels. Beautiful Courtney. It was almost worth the mortification of the fitness assessment to get a good ogle at the man. The assessment would be repeated after six weeks and, while I didn’t relish the idea of stepping on the scales in front of another human being ever again, I couldn’t wait to have Courtney’s undivided attention. He really was lovely, both in body and mind, and if I couldn’t lust after Jared anymore, I would have to focus my attention elsewhere.

  I changed into a pair of ugly, black shorts and a sage green T-shirt and pulled my short curls back into something that resembled a ponytail before heading out into the gym to stretch as Courtney had demonstrated. Funny, he didn’t look like a tit as he stretched and lunged.

  I started off on the bike before moving on to the rowing machine and finished with a gentle stroll on the treadmill. I was beginning to think all the people who claimed to love exercise were great big fibbers. I was bored, utterly fed up of cycling and walking towards nothing and rowing away from the computer image of a crocodile. But I had a vast amount of weight to lose before the reunion so I had no choice but to keep at it.

  After running through my cool-down exercises, I showered and changed, feeling more like myself in my navy wraparound dress with tiny brown and turquoise owl print and massive heels. Jared was waiting for me by the noticeboard and we wandered over to H. Woods’ car park together.

  ‘Do you fancy going for a drink?’

  Jared usually gave me a lift home after the gym, but this was the first time he’d suggested we do anything afterwards.

  ‘Yeah. Why not?’ I could do with a drink after my dull workout and I enjoyed spending time with Jared, more so since my silly crush had been put aside.

  The Bonnie Dundee was as dead as ever, with only one other patron, sitting at the bar and playing crib with the landlord. We carried our drinks to what was becoming ‘our’ table by the window.

  ‘So how it’s going at the gym?’

  I took a sip of my diet coke – Jared was driving and I didn’t want to get plastered on my own – and pulled a face. ‘OK, I guess.’

  ‘That doesn’t sound very encouraging.’

  ‘I don’t feel very encouraged.’ I gave a shrug of my shoulders, allowing a long sigh to whistle through my lips. ‘It’s just so boring, isn’t it?’

  ‘It doesn’t have to be. Why don’t you try something different? It’s bound to get boring if you do the same thing over and over again. Why don’t you try the weights room with me tomorrow? You can work on toning up while you lose the weight.’

  Toning up did sound like a good idea and it couldn’t be boring if Jared spent most of his time in there. He must love it, surrounded by all those sweaty men rippling with muscles.

  Actually, maybe lifting weights wasn’t such a bad idea.

  ‘Ok. You’re on.’

  ‘Really?’

  I nodded, picking up my glass to clink against Jared’s. ‘Really.’

  We remained in the pub for a couple of drinks and discovered a dusty old juke box tucked away in a corner. We poured money into it, taking turns to choose songs. It seemed the music hadn’t been updated since the glorious age of The Spice Girls, Boyzone and B*Witched, so I was in heaven. Unfortunately Jared didn’t have the same taste in music as I did and I was both disappointed and surprised – I’d have thought he would have been a huge Spice Girls fan.

  ‘You don’t even like “Livin’ La Vida Loca”?’ Disgust fogged my voice and I selected it anyway.

  Jared ran his finger down the list of tracks. ‘How about “Don’t Look Back In Anger”?’ I gave a shrug and he selected it. ‘Your turn. No way. Please tell me you’re kidding.’

  ‘I never kid about S Club 7, doll.’

  We took our drinks back to our table by the window, Jared continuing to tease me about my taste in music while I maintained there was nothing at all wrong with a bit of cheese or eighties pop.

  ‘Do you not even like early Madonna?’

  Jared almost spat his drink over the grubby table. ‘Not even a little bit.’
<
br />   ‘Kylie then. When she was frizzy.’ I took Jared’s eye rolling as a no and felt offended on behalf of Ms Minogue. What kind of gay man dissed Kylie? She was like their queen.

  We waited until our songs had finished before we headed back out to H. Woods’ car park and Jared’s car. We were still debating music when we pulled up outside my house.

  ‘So you’re definitely coming with me to the weights room tomorrow?’

  ‘Yes. Definitely.’ Anything had to be better than the computerised croc.

  ‘Great. I’ll see you tomorrow then.’

  ‘See you tomorrow. Thanks for the lift.’ I levered myself out of the car and gave a little wave before letting myself into the house. The smile I’d been wearing throughout the evening slipped as soon as I stepped into the sitting room and felt the frosty glower emitting from Clare. Billy looked annoyed, but not quite as pissed off as his girlfriend.

  ‘Where have you been?’

  Who was he, my dad? ‘I’ve been to the gym. Why?’

  ‘A Beginner’s Guide was on tonight.’

  Was that all? I thought I’d actually done something wrong. ‘Didn’t you record it?’

  ‘Yes. You know I always record it.’

  ‘What’s the problem then?’ I flopped down on the sofa and stretched my aching calves. If I didn’t end up with gorgeous pins after all this exercise I was going to be miffed.

  ‘That’s what I said.’ Clare raised her eyebrows at Billy before she rose to her feet. ‘And now I’m going home. Goodbye, Ruth.’

  ‘Bye,’ I returned, but Clare had already vacated the room. Billy ran out into the hallway after her while I slipped off my shoes and propped my feet up on the coffee table, giving my toes a well-deserved wriggle.

  ‘Thanks for that.’ Billy returned to the sitting room and flopped onto the sofa beside me, folding his arms across his chest.

  ‘What have I done?’ I didn’t understand. Billy knew I was desperate to lose weight and needed to go to the gym. So what if we watched A Beginner’s Guide an hour later than the rest of the UK?

  ‘Clare’s going away for a hen weekend tomorrow. She wanted to go out to the pub tonight but I said we had to stay in because we always watch A Beginner’s Guide together. Except you never turned up and now we’ve wasted our last night together.’

  Jeez, talk about a couple of drama queens. Clare was going away for a hen weekend not a gap year. Besides, I wasn’t psychic. How was I supposed to know?

  ‘She’ll calm down.’ I picked up the remote from the arm of the sofa. ‘So shall we watch A Beginner’s Guide then?’

  ‘You’re doing what?’ Erin paused, a Malteser hovering between the packet and her gaping mouth. The weather had made a sudden change, deciding to be kind and emitting warmth from the sky instead of the drizzle that had plagued us for the past couple of weeks, so Erin and I had decided to take a break from the office and were sitting on our bench in the furthest corner of the car park.

  ‘Lifting weights.’

  Erin crumpled at the middle, her curtain of black hair obliterating her face, but it couldn’t mask the sound of laughter. I snatched the Malteser that was still between her fingers and popped it into my mouth. Well, if she wasn’t going to eat it, I may as well. Even I could work off a Malteser.

  ‘I thought that was what you said.’ Erin straightened, wiping smudged mascara from beneath her eyes with her fingers.

  ‘It’s not that funny.’ Miffed, I snatched another Malteser from the bag and shoved it into my gob. Erin turned to face me, her lips still twitching.

  ‘Ruth, you struggle to lift a tin of beans with both hands.’

  ‘I do not.’ I did. ‘And anyway, that’s one of the reasons I’m doing it, to build up my strength.’

  ‘And what’s the other reason?’

  ‘To tone up.’ My own lips twitched into a grin as I nudged Erin with my elbow. ‘And to ogle all the fit men. The weights room will be full of them.’

  Erin gasped and all the mirth drained from her face, replaced by admiration. I thought she was going to give me a round of applause. ‘That is a brilliant plan. I wish I could come with you.’

  ‘Why don’t you?’ It would have been great having Erin there to compare notes with. Jared would be with me but he was pretty shy and closed off about men. He never spoke about them or eyed them up and I knew nothing about his past relationships. I knew Courtney wasn’t his type, but that was the extent of my knowledge. Being shy – and possibly firmly in the closet – I didn’t think Jared would make a great ogling partner.

  ‘I can’t tonight. I have plans.’

  ‘Doing what? Can’t you cancel?’ I couldn’t imagine anything Erin would prefer than a room full of sweaty, burly men, probably with their tops off.

  ‘I have a date.’ Erin flicked her hair over her shoulder, feigning nonchalance, but I knew my friend and instantly picked up on the brief but definite pink tinge to her cheeks. She was blushing. Erin didn’t blush, ever.

  ‘Who with? Someone I know, obviously.’

  Erin shook her head, her eyes a little too wide to be telling the truth. ‘No, it’s nobody you know. I met him at my salsa class.’

  ‘Liar.’ I giggled as I popped the last Malteser into my mouth. ‘Who is it? And don’t forget I’m your very best friend. I can tell when you’re telling porkies.’

  Erin crumpled the empty Malteser bag and turned to drop it into the bin next to the bench. ‘It’s Stuart from Accounts. But don’t say anything, will you? I don’t want it being spread around.’

  ‘Stuart from Accounts?’ Wow, this was big news. Not only had Erin slept with him on more than one occasion, she was going on an actual date with him. Erin never dated once the deed had been done – she didn’t see the point. Perhaps this was it, the one who could change Erin and show her how wonderful it was to fall in love. My little Erin was growing up.

  ‘Ssh!’ Erin’s eyes darted around us, but we were far from civilisation in the outer depths of the car park. ‘Please don’t say anything to anyone.’

  ‘I won’t. I swear.’ I made a little cross over my heart and mimed zipping my lips. ‘So where’s he taking you?’

  Erin pulled a face. ‘The theatre.’

  ‘Stuart from Accounts is a fan of the theatre?’

  Erin clamped a hand over my supposedly zipped up chops. ‘Will you stop saying his name? What if someone hears you? Please don’t say anything, not even to Stuart. I don’t want him getting a big head, thinking I’ve been talking about him.’

  I peeled Erin’s hand away from my mouth. ‘Sorry. I won’t say another word. I promise.’

  With Erin out on her date with you know who, the ogling was left to just Jared and me but, to be honest, it wasn’t worth the effort. The men were undoubtedly fit and sculpted and I imagined doing some very naughty things with each and every one of them, but they were more interested in their own reflections than anything else. I wasn’t expecting them to swoon when I rocked up in my baggy sweat pants (no shorts in front of the blokes), but they didn’t even converse with one another or lift their eyes away from the mirrors. I was bored after five minutes but tried to keep going for Jared’s sake. Finally he’d had enough and, after taking a couple of sneaky photos on my phone for Erin, we went to the changing rooms to shower and change.

  ‘Well? What did you think?’

  We’d met back in reception after our showers, clean and appropriately dressed. I thought about lying to Jared, but couldn’t bring myself to do so, mostly because if I did, I would have to endure the whole experience again.

  ‘I was bored senseless. Sorry.’

  ‘Really?’

  I nodded. ‘I think I’ll stick with my own gym from now on. There’s some weightlifting-type equipment in there. Enough for me to be getting on with. I don’t want to end up looking like Jodie Marsh.’

  ‘Why don’t we try one of the classes? It’ll give your workouts a bit of variety and stop you getting bored and demotivated.’

  I h
adn’t really thought about taking part in any of the classes. Although I was aware that there were many on offer, I didn’t want to look like a pleb, so I’d dismissed the idea. But if Jared was willing to have a go with me, it didn’t seem so bad.

  ‘Alright then.’ We wandered over to the noticeboard where a timetable displayed the various classes. The spinning class caught my eye straight away, conjuring up images of when I was young and carefree, twirling in the back garden with Stephen and Billy until we all fell over into a giggling heap on the grass. The class took place every Monday and I found myself looking forward to a gym session for the first time.

  TWENTY-THREE

  Billy

  Billy and Clare had barely spoken since she’d stormed out of the house the previous night. They usually exchanged a gazillion texts and emails throughout the day, but apart from a terse ‘good morning’ in reply to Billy’s text there had been silence. Billy didn’t want Clare to go away for the weekend while still angry with him so he decided to take action. Instead of sending an apologetic email, he took an extended lunch break, planning to make up the time later, and headed to Clare’s office.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ Clare’s tone was harsh as Billy stood beside her desk but he could see her features were already beginning to soften. And he hadn’t even produced the bouquet of flowers from behind his back yet.

  ‘I thought I could take you to lunch. To make up for last night.’

  ‘Oh. Maybe.’ Clare gave a non-committed shrug but her face lit up as Billy swept the blooms from behind his back. ‘Oh, Billy, they’re gorgeous. Thank you. Let me put these in water and then we’ll get going.’ Clutching the flowers to her chest, Clare dipped her face into the bouquet and breathed in deeply, sighing at the scent. Billy made a mental note to email his thanks to Ruth as soon as he got back to the office. Her suggestion was working a treat.

  ‘What time are you off tonight?’ Billy and Clare were seated in a café close to her office, waiting for their food to arrive.