Lilies

by Addyson Thompson

  “It’s my whole world that is being threatened. I need to be where I feel safe and that is no longer here. I shouldn’t have come back here in the first fucking place but I just can’t think straight. You’re worried about me hurting Gavin, but don’t seem to care that we’re being threatened.”Tears stream down my face as I head to my closet to get my bags and begin packing them.

  “H, you are the only one that can prevent this. You can protect yourself from Kat and still be with Gavin. You are the one preventing your happiness and Gavin’s happiness, no one else.”Her tone is pleading.

  “You’re not fucking getting it and at this point, I’m too tired to keep fighting. Rational thought very well may have escaped me, but I need to feel safe and right now, I don’t feel safe here. Yes, I could take Gavin with me but then Kat won’t stop. At least if we aren’t together she’ll think she got what she wanted and my baby will be safe.”I’m fucking broken.“Get out.”I whisper between sobs.

  Brooklyn threw her hands in the air, shaking her head as she headed for the door. Before she walked out she stopped and turned to look at me. There is an eerie calmness in her voice.“You’re the one standing in your way no one else. I thought you were stronger than this. Maybe you don’t deserve a guy like Gavin.”With that she walked out.

  Fuck that hurt, but she’s probably right. I don’t deserve Gavin. I sunk down onto my bed and sobbed. Trix crawled over and rested her head in my lap. Brooklyn and I have never fought like this. A psycho wants to kill me. I’ve lost my fiancé, the love of my life, and now I’m losing my best friend. My life is a hot mess and I have no idea how to fix it.

  Chapter 26

  Gavin

  A bright light assaults my eyes even though they are closed. I roll over and reach for Hayden but she’s not there. I sit up quickly, instantly regretting the action. My head is pounding and my mouth feels like the Sahara Desert. The pyrotechnics taking place in my stomach is more than I can handle. I rush to the bathroom and spill the contents of my nights’stellar choices.

  “Ahh, paying homage to the porcelain gods I see.”Jeff stands behind me drinking a cup of coffee, smirking. He’s clearly been to the gym as he is still in his sweaty workout clothes.“Been awhile since you’ve done that, huh?”He’s taunting me now but I deserve it after the special breed of asshole I was last night.“Come see me when you’ve cleaned yourself up. I’m going to take a shower. There’s some Motrin and a bottle of water on the nightstand by the bed.”He walks off leaving me to my misery.

  Images of last night plow through my brain…destroying my loft…the bottle of whisky…the picture of Hayden and me from the Alumni event at the Homecoming game…her ring…oh God, her ring…the look on my sister’s face when I yelled at her…the look on Jeff’s face when he threatened to kick my ass. I would have deserved it if he had. Damn, I was an asshole. The worst image, the one that will forever haunt me is the look on Hayden’s face when she ended it and walked out the door.

  After I’m sure there will be no more homage paid to the porcelain god, I drag my sorry ass up. Head back into the bedroom after brushing my teeth and down the Motrin and bottle of water. I see a bag sitting in the chair across from the bed and realize my sister packed me clothes. Bless that girl. Even after the way I spoke to her she still took care of me. When I lift the bag I see the picture of Hayden and me underneath it. I pick it up and rub my thumb over her. I have to figure out how to fix this.

  Grabbing my clothes I head into the shower. As I’m washing off the remains of my brainless choices, I try to process what would have made her leave. There has to be more to it than the letter and pictures. I know the threat is scary as hell. I’m terrified at the thought of something happening to her but that can’t be all. A hint of a whispered conversation sits on the edge of my mind. I think it was Jeff and Amy talking in the car but I can’t make myself remember.

  Well it’s time to face the music. My stomach has settled and my head is no longer pounding, though once Jeff is done with me it might. I head out to the kitchen to find Amy finishing up sandwiches. Sandwiches? What time is it? I look at the clock and realize it’s after one o’clock in the afternoon. I walk over to my sister and give her a hug.“I’m sorry, Amy. I had no right to talk to you like that.”

  “Oh Gav, it’s ok. I understand.”She hugs me back.“Now go sit down. You need to eat and we have to talk.”

  “No Amy, it’s not. I’m sorry.”I say to her. She nods and thanks me as we head to the table. Jeff merely nods at me. We don’t need to rehash anything. We’ve been friends for too many years to let one stupid alcohol fueled night ruin that friendship. He said what he had to last night and he was right. It takes a lot to piss him off and I know I stepped over the line.

  After we’ve had lunch with very little talk, Amy is the first to speak up.“How are you feeling?”

  “Better now. Actually better than I deserve. Thanks for bandaging me up last night, Jeff.”

  He tips is bottle of water to me.“Few are going to scar.”He smirks

  “Chicks dig scars.”We laugh a little and fist bump. Amy just rolls her eyes at us as she collects our plates.

  Jeff looks at me and his face turns serious.“How much do you remember about last night?”

  “Surprisingly, everything but one thing.”I relay what I remember, making sure to cover everything. Jeff nods in agreement letting me know I covered everything fully.

  “So what’s the one thing you think you’ve missed?”He asks.

  “Well, I feel like you two had a conversation in the car last night on the way here about somebody knowing or not knowing something but I can’t make myself remember.”

  Amy and Jeff share a look before Jeff nods at her. Amy pulls her cell phone out and hands it to Jeff. Jeff starts,“When Amy walked in on you I was waiting in the car. We stopped by to see if you wanted to grab something to eat. So she sent me a text to come up.”I nod but still don’t understand what this has to do with anything.“Anyway, she also sent Brooklyn a text telling her what she found and that she might want to check on Hayden.”I drop my head to my hands. Great now everyone is involved. This shit just got a lot harder, but Jeff wasn’t finished.

  “Brooklyn sent Amy a reply after you and I had our…um discussion.”

  “Okay?”I ask slowly not sure if I want to know but pretty sure I need to.

  “Well, here man. I’m sorry you have to find out this way.”He hands me the phone and I stare in shock. Two words appear on the screen that will forever change my life:

  She’s pregnant

  “She’s pregnant?”I whisper.“We’re having a baby?”I don’t move. I don’t say anything for the longest time. I just sit and stare at the screen. I can’t be seeing this. Hayden’s pregnant? That explains so much. How did I not pick up on it? I’m a doctor. I’m trained to see things like this; the exhaustion, her random appetite, the changes in her body. How did I not catch this? How did I let her talk me into believing she was just exhausted when I knew it was something more? I just didn’t think about her being pregnant since she’s on the pill, but I know that isn’t 100%. It just wasn’t something I even thought about.

  Amy walks over and sits down in the chair next to me and looks at me. She starts rubbing my arm.“Just because you’re a doctor doesn’t mean you should have known. There’s a reason you don’t treat family, sweetie.”

  Shit, I realized I said that stuff out loud not just in my head. I keep playing with her phone. I can’t look away from the words on the screen. She’s pregnant.My girl’s pregnant. I’m going to be a dad. We’re going to have a family. No we’re not, sheis. She left me. The words are a punch to the gut. Tears prick the back of my eyes. I don’t want to miss any part of this. There’s no way I can let her do this without me. We need to be a family.

  The events of last night spin through my head. They are running so quickly I can’t even make sense of them. I can’t. I can’t stay. I’m sorry… She’s already won…I can’t stay…It’s not the same
now…I can’t stay…she’s already won…It’s not the same now. I have to protect us...I have to protect us…I have to protect us..us..us.The last words echo in my head. Suddenly her words make sense.“It’s not the same now. I have to protect us. This is the only way I know how.” The“us”isn’t her and me. The“us”is her and our baby.

  I quickly jump up and get Jeff and Amy to drive me home but I’m too late. When I arrive back home I find out Hayden is gone. Brooklyn said she and Hayden had words and Hayden took off to her parent’s house for a while. No one knows how long she’s planning on staying or even if she plans on returning.

  I called Detective Beston–he’s the detective assigned to our case since the night I was home when Kat broke into my loft–to let him know about the note and pictures from Kat. I also informed him about the pregnancy and that Hayden had taken off to her parent’s house. He said he would let his buddy with the Ambersville Police Department know. Detective Beston is going to get him to put a regular patrol unit on her parent’s house.

  As soon as I was off the phone with Detective Beston I headed to Hayden’s parents. When I arrived her mom met me on the porch. She refused to let me see Hayden telling me to trust her and give Hayden some time. She said Hayden is the same as her father and when they get scared and feel backed into a corner they shut down. How well I know this. She promised to let me know if anything happens. I asked her if she is aware Hayden is pregnant. Sarah solemnly nodded. She said Hayden told them everything when she arrived. She rubs my arm.“Don’t worry honey, it won’t be like last time. She’ll come around. You can call me anytime you want to check on her. Just trust me on this one. I’ve dealt with her father like this before. They don’t know why they run, they just do it out of reaction. If you keep pushing they push back and it only makes things worse.”Sarah told me as she held my hand.

  Standing, she pulled me up and hugged me.“Please tell her I love her.”I begged as I fought the lump in my throat.“I just want my girl back and the chance to be a family.”

  Sarah nodded and sent me on my way. So now I’m here sitting in the guest room at Jeff and Amy’s. Hayden won’t see or talk to anyone not even Brooklyn. I can’t go back to my loft because Kat is unaccounted for. I can’t stay at our loft because it is just too hard. For now, I’m camping out in their guest room; at least it’s not packed full of memories eating away at me…my mind has enough of those.

  CHAPTER 27

  Hayden

  “Knock. Knock. Can I come in?”

  “Of course, Dad. Is he still out there?”

  “No. Your mother just sent him home. You know he loves you, right?”

  “Yes, Dad I know. That isn’t the issue. I told you. I don’t know how else to protect us other than this. Kat will see I’m gone from wherever she’s hiding out and hopefully back off.”

  “Did she back off last time?”

  “No, but,”I sigh. I’m so tired.“That's kind of my point for coming here. She was release-“

  “No Deni girl, she wasn’t released. She escaped. Big difference.”He interrupted

  “Oh Dad that makes it worse.”He wrapped an arm around me and hugged me.

  “Deni, sometimes you’re too much like me. Only you know when it’s time to stand up and fight, not lay down and hide. Maybe the time is now.”He hugged me before he stood to leave. When he got to the door he turned,“You think about that.”With a wink he shut the door and I was once again alone.

  ~~~

  Two weeks later I haven’t changed my patterns much. I wake, brush my teeth, lie in bed and read, stare at pictures of us or the wall and ceiling, shower and head back to bed. I don’t feel like eating or talking to anyone. Mom tried to get me to go shopping or sit on the back porch swing, which has been moved to the enclosed patio for the winter, but I won’t. I can’t. I miss him so much. The pain wrenching through my heart gets worse every day. I’ve started to call him so many times but can’t bring myself to hit the send button on my phone. I feel like I’m in purgatory. I know we can’t be together but it still hurts. Maybe I can stop this pain and call him but then what? What if Kat makes good on her promise? No, this hell is the only way I see to prevent disaster.

  I will miss him forever. I will miss everything about him. He will be the only one to own my heart just like he always has been. I miss the weight and comfort of my engagement ring even though I’ve only had it for about a month. I have to charge my phone battery twice a day because I’ve prevented it from automatically going to sleep. I lay and watch the slideshow of our pictures. It’s the closest thing I have to seeing Gavin. He calls Mom two and three times a day to check on me. I don’t think he knows about the baby, yet. I hope my mom and Brooklyn kept that to themselves. He doesn’t need that on top of everything right now.

  The sound of a male voice clearing his throat makes my attention snap to the door. I had been lying on my back one hand on my stomach the other over my eyes lost in memories of Gavin. Raising my arm off my eyes I see the source of the sound. Leaning against the door frame is a very infuriated looking Jeff. His arms are folded over his chest a look of aggravation firmly planted on his face.

  “Hi”I say hesitantly.

  “Hi”He replies tightly.

  Sighing, not interested in playing games,“What do you want, Jeff?”I questioned him, exasperated.

  The irritation radiated off him. His stance never changed.“Hmm, well that’s an interesting question isn’t it? You know what I want. Why are you doing this to Gavin?”

  I pull myself to a sitting position, leaning against the headboard.“Don’t. There is a lot you don’t know. I’m not doing it tohim. I’m doing it forus.”This conversation just started and I already feel defeated.

  He took a couple of steps into my room never unfolding his arms from his chest. I could tell he was trying to control his temper. Jeff rarely let his temper get the better of him. It usually takes someone messing with someone he cares about. Apparently, today I am that person.

  “Cut the bullshit, Hayden. I know about the baby.”He spat at me.

  My head drops as a tear falls. Shit, this is exactly what I didn’t want to happen.

  “Brooklyn?”

  “Yes.”

  “Does he know?”

  “Yes.”His answers remained short, clipped.

  “This is none of your business!”I snap regaining control of myself.

  “The hell it isn’t!”He bellowed at me.“You weren’t there Hayden! YOU didn’t pick him up off the floor. AMY and I did! YOU didn’t clean up the room he destroyed over losing you. AMY and I did! YOU didn’t bandage up his cuts from the glass coffee table laying in pieces all over the floor where he sat on his knees crying and staring at a picture of you two together. I did! YOU didn’t deal with his drunken ass because he couldn’t take losing you again. AMY and Idid! He’s not eating. He’s not sleeping. He’s a fucking mess, Hayden.”His chest heaves as he tries to catch his breath and control himself.“Why do you think I did nottell him when I ran into you at the university three years ago? I knew how much he wanted to find you. I knew the only thing he wanted in life was you, but you were so cold. The anger I saw in your eyes that day when I mentioned his name sealed my lips shut. I wasn’t about to put him in the situation of getting hurt because I knew you would hurt himand that’s exactly what you did. You’ve destroyed him and now you’re trying to hide his child from him? Fuck, Hayden, that’s low.”His expression is cold, seething with anger.

  That was like a punch to the gut. All the air left me before sobs racked my body. I buried my face into the pillow and let them come. After a few minutes I lifted my head up and looked at Jeff.“I don’t want to hurt him. I love him but I don’t see how we can be together. You don’t understand. You act like I set out to hurt him. You know I’m not that kind of person, at least at one time you knew.”

  Jeff dropped his arms from his chest moving to sit on the other side of the bed. His large frame rested against the footboard.“Then make me understand
, Hayden, because he may have screwed up 15 years ago but there hasn’t been a day he didn’t regret it. There wasn’t a day that he didn’t feel like something was missing until he found you. He’s been happier over the last year than I have ever seen him. He’s been in love with you since we were little kids. So you need to make me understand because I can’t see that shattered guy I saw on his loft floor the day you left him again.”

  “I don’t know how, Jeff. I don’t understand it myself. Kat is never going to leave us alone. She’s threatened to kill me and maybe even Gavin if we stay together. I have a baby to think about now. It just has to be this way to protect us, all of us.”I throw my hands up and then let them fall to my lap. I’m so tired. I’m so lost. I really do not know how to make other’s see my point of view because right now all anyone is focused on is how hurt Gavin is.

  “Let the police worry about Kat. They will catch her but punishing Gavin for what Kat is doing is bullshit and you know it.”His tone is harsh again which is starting to piss me off.

  “Like the police have done such a stellar fucking job so far, Jeff. I’m not trying to punish Gavin. Don’t you see? If Gavin and I aren’t together then Kat gets what she wants. She’ll leave us alone and my baby will be safe. I’m just trying to keep our child safe. What’s bullshit is you coming here and chewing my ass. Don’t forget at one time you were my friend too, not just Gavin’s. You chose to bail on our friendship. Not the other way around. What’s bullshit is that everyone keeps throwing Gavin’s past mistake, which I don’t even give a flying fuck about anymore, by the way, in my face and ok’ing it because he missed me for 15 years and looked for me for 10. However, everyone keeps forgetting my fucking heart was broken, too. I missed him every fucking day, too. I stopped living my life, Jeff. Other than Gavin I’ve had one boyfriend, who was a real dumbass. I didn’t date because I couldn’t get Gavin out of my heart. I can guarantee he didn’t stop living his life because I wasn’t in it. He may not have had many‘serious’relationships but he sure as shit didn’t stop dating or sleeping with other women when I wasn’t around. What’s bullshit is everyone is damning me for being scared that some fucking psycho is going to make good on her promise to kill me and my unborn child just because she wants the person I’m with. She has pictures of us, Jeff! She was in our loft with our dog and took pictures when we weren’t home. She took pictures of Gavin and me together making love on the couch. She CAN get to us. This isn’t a FUCKING GAME TO ME, JEFF! I’M NOT TRYING TO HURT GAVIN! I DON’T WANT TO BE ALONE NOW! I DON’T WANT TO BE HERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT MY LIFE WITH A BABY, MINE AND GAVIN’S BABY AND HIM NOT BE HERE WITH ME. BUT I DON’T HAVE A GODDAMNED CHOICE!”I’m now screaming at the top of my lungs at Jeff. Bawling as I try to regain some semblance of myself.