Feeling the Moment

by Belden, P. J.

  Taking a deep breath, I walk back inside. Looking around the house, the feel was family, love, happiness. It made my heart ache. It was enough to make it hard to stay inside. Quietly, I snuck into the bedroom, grabbed my swim suit, changed, and went out the front door. Walking down to the dock, I dipped my toes in the water.

  It was beautiful. There was nothing as far as the eye could see from the dock. It was nothing but water. The waves lapped soothingly against the dock and shore. Birds sang in the sky. It was so nice to be out away from the noise of the city.

  Unable to resist the urge any longer, I walked off the dock and down to the shore. The first step into the water was a shock, but a good one. The temperatures weren’t warm yet, so the water hasn’t had time to heat up, but it was still rejuvenating.

  Diving under the water before laying on my back and just relaxing, for the first time in a long time I didn’t have to rush to do something. My head wasn’t clouded with all the things I needed to do. Before long, my mind wandered back to River. Damn that man really brought my body to life.

  After so long of just giving myself freely to whoever, I promised myself that I’d never do that again. But my reckless side was brought out again when River was around. Sometimes, I even felt like I knew him more than for the week I talked to him in the hospital. How could that be?

  Dropping back under the water, I stayed out just floating around for a while before deciding to go inside and cook something. My stomach was growling. River will need to eat too. Once inside, I slipped on the shorts I’d left sitting on the chair. Peeking in the bedroom door, I find River still asleep. So, I head back out to the kitchen and check out what our options were.

  Soon everything was in the oven and cooking, I decided to check on River. If he was at all like me, he’ll need some time to wake up before he ate anything. Food was not an option for me until at least forty-five minutes after I woke up.

  Walking into the room, my breath left my lungs. There laid River with his bare chest exposed as well as his muscular legs. Reaching the bedside, I ran my fingers lightly over his bare chest, dipping into each muscle line.

  Shaking my head from the trance I was in, I placed a tender kiss on his cheek. “River, it’s…”

  Just then strong arms wrapped around me and pulled me to straddle him. “Mmmm, I need a better kiss than that.”

  Without any pretenses, I leaned down and took his lips with my own. His hands sat at my lower back, mine were braced on either side of his head. As the kiss deepened, the stiff hold I had on my elbows began to loosen, lowering myself closer and closer against his chest. River’s hands began to roam my back. Feeling his hands on my bare skin sent goose bumps covering my body. He moaned loudly as his hands run over my bikini top.

  “You’re really testing my control, Kim,” he whispered against my lips. “Please stop me when I go too far.”

  Leaning up, pushing all thoughts (but this amazing man) aside, I reach behind me and untie my top. After shaking my hair out of the bun, I pull the top completely off. Biting my lip, I look at him through my lashes. Nervous was never something I felt with men before, but as with everything else, River was different.

  “Damn, you are so fucking beautiful,” he choked out. River looks up at me with desire burning bright in his eyes. “If this is a test, I might fail in a minute.”

  “No test,” I breathe as I lean down and take his mouth in a fierce, desire induced kiss.

  His grip tightened on me as I began to grind against him. River’s hands move up my sides slowly, barely brushing my skin as he continues to devour my mouth. There was too much between us. Careful of his leg, I move to the side and strip out of my shorts and bikini bottoms, never breaking from his mouth.

  Straddling him again, his hands moved down to my bare ass. Squeezing tightly, he thrust up as he pushed me firmly against him. The sheet was still between us and I growled in frustration. One of his hands left my ass. Breaking from the kiss, I press kisses across his jaw, down his neck, across his shoulder, and then down his chest, where I spent some extra time on his nipples. River’s answering groan only encouraged me to continue.

  Pulling away the sheet, I find him gloriously naked. Needing to taste him again, I immediately wrapped my lips around the head of his cock.

  “Kim,” he moaned. Looking up at him, he held up a condom. “I need to be inside of you. Now.”

  Sitting up, I grabbed the condom from his hand and tore it open, dropping it in my haste to get it on him. The overwhelming desire to have him inside me making me frantic. Dropping it a couple more times before I finally rolled it down over him.

  Standing, I place a foot on either side of his hips. River reached up and began to stroke me. My eyes closed in pure pleasure. He swirled his fingers around my nub before sliding down to my entrance and pushing into me. Tossing my head back, I moan. My knees were shaking, my core trembling.

  Looking down at him, our eyes lock. He sits up and his mouth soon joins his hand. No one has ever gone down on me before. I never allowed it. Too personal. But again, I was breaking every rule I had for myself with River.

  “You taste amazing. I knew you would but this is far beyond my expectation. Cum for me, sweetheart. Cum for me. Let me hear you and taste you.”

  My legs wanted to give out. My hands slowly moved up my body until I reached my breasts. I began to tweak my nipples. I both wanted this release and I wanted to hold off. Unable to stem it off any longer, I shattered under his expert tongue and hand. Crying out my pleasure, my legs shook as wave after wave of pleasure, unlike anything I’ve ever felt before, washed over me. Unable to support me any longer, my legs gave out and I fell to my knees.

  River immediately took my mouth with his. I lifted myself until the tip of his cock was pressed at my entrance. Lowering slowly, River’s was the biggest I’ve ever had. It stretched me more than I thought possible. Stopping, I rose off him a little before lowering myself back down. I continued this motion until I was seated fully on him.

  Breaking the kiss, River rested his head on my shoulder. “Don’t move a minute. You’re so tight…” he breathed.

  Sitting connected to him so deeply, deeper than I really wanted to admit, our arms wrapped tightly around each other, we just breathed each other in. Each throb of his erection caused my muscles to clench around him eliciting a moan from both of us.

  My hips began a slow rock involuntarily. “I can’t st… I need to move…” I said hungrily.

  His hands squeezed tightly on my hips as he started to move me up and down his cock. River moved down, taking my breast in his mouth. Suckling at my breasts, he wrapped his arms tightly around my waist making the movements slow and deep. Tossing my head back, I gasped at the indescribable pleasure he was giving me.

  Nothing was said between us. Our gasps, moans and grunts were the only sounds inside the room. Needing more, I pushed him back to the bed, positioned my feet by his hips and really started to ride him.

  River began to tweak my nipples as I rode him like a cowgirl would ride a wild horse. “Oh Shit!” I screamed out as a sudden orgasm hit me.

  River grabbed my hips and moved me up and down as he continued to thrust into me. My orgasm, ten times better than the last one, continued to go on and on. One orgasm pushed into another one.

  “Oh fuck, Kim. Oh fuck,” he moaned right before slamming me down onto him and groaning long and loud as he shuddered beneath me from his release.

  Collapsing to the side, River rolled with me. That was the most intense sexual experience I’ve ever had. Would I ever admit that to him? Hell no! Do I look stupid? I wanted to have sex again. There was no way I was losing him before I got another taste.

  “Kim,” River said softly, still breathing heavy.

  “Hmmm,” I said, struggling to keep my eyes open.

  “Did you sleep at all?”

  My eyes open then and I’m met right away with River’s sparkling blues. “On the way here. When you fell asleep, I went and soaked in th
e water for a while and then…” I sit straight up. “Oh my God!” I scream as I jump out of bed.

  “What’s wrong?” I hear River yell as I ran out of the room.

  Hurrying into the kitchen, I’d completely forgotten about supper once River kissed me. Praying that it wasn’t burnt or so dry we couldn’t eat it, I pulled it from the oven and saw that it was just over.

  River wrapped his arms around me. “Hmm pork chops. They look delicious. What’s on top of it?”

  “Vidalia Onion dressing. It’s really good, but I think they’re over cooked,” I frown.

  “I’m sure it’s great. What can I do to help get it all together?”

  I smirk at him. “Do you know how to cook?”

  “I do, but I’ve never cooked with a drop dead sexy naked woman in my kitchen before.”

  Just as I tried to run off and cover myself, River stops me. “Come on River. Let me go get some clothes on.”

  “Nope, I declare this vacation a clothes free vacation,” he grinned.

  He walked over to the stove and it was then I noticed that he, too, was naked. This could be a great vacation after all.

  Chapter Five

  We quickly finished up the mash potatoes and Swiss shard. Sitting down Indian style on the living room floor, we both kept shooting each other glances.

  “So, um,” he clears his throat. “What else do you do for work? You’d said before that the hospital was one of your jobs.”

  “Oh, um, I’m a silent partner for a shelter a few towns over. I handle the numbers and make sure they are balanced. I’m sure I’m going to come back to a huge mess when I’m finished with this vacation,” I laughed.

  “They can’t handle the numbers on their own?”

  “Yes, which is why I don’t understand their need for me, but they make it worth it. I actually donate part of my check to the shelter. It’s my way of making peace with my past ensuring no one else has to suffer anything like it,” I shrug.

  “Is it too soon to ask about your past?” He asked softly and sincerely.

  “Um, I lived on the streets from age eight on. My apartment I have now, I only just bought a month ago.”

  River moves closer to me, wrapping me in his arms. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. No one should be left like that.”

  “My parents weren’t the greatest, but I loved them. They had an addiction that ended up costing them their lives, and mine. They were actually having a party for me for my eighth birthday. I was so excited when I woke up that morning. It was my first party…”

  River pulled me on to his lap and held me there. “You don’t have to talk about it,” his voice cracked.

  “I’ve never talked about it before.” I look at him, meeting his eyes. “I’ve never let anyone close enough to tell.”

  “Am… Am I close enough?”

  “As scary as it is to say this, I think so.”

  “Why is it scary?”

  “Because… It’s only ever been me. Now here you are. We only met a week ago and look what I’ve already done for you. It leaves me open to be hurt.”

  “But what makes you think there is always pain with being vulnerable?”

  “That’s all it has brought me.”

  He shifted me around so that my legs wrapped around his back and I was facing him. River tips my chin up until our eyes meet.

  “I know, like you said, we’ve not known each other long. To me, though, it doesn’t matter. Something happened to me that first day you walked into my room a month ago. I understand that you’re scared and this is all new to you. It is for me too. But Kim, no one has ever interested me as much as you. No one has ever held my attention as long as you. I don’t know where this is going, but I really want to go along for the ride and see where it goes.”

  Resting my head on his shoulder, I took a few cleansing breaths. “They were sitting on the couch. I called their names when I got into the room. Mom smiled at me and my dad opened his arms for me to step into a hug when they started shaking. What looked like foam started to bubble out of their mouths. I was panicking. Running I grabbed the phone, but it had been shut off for nonpayment,” I broke off as my voice cracked.

  “You don’t have to tell me,” he reassured.

  “I remember crying and asking them what I should do. Their eyes were big. They weren’t responding to me. Blood was coming out of my mom’s nose…” I shudder going back to that moment in my life. “They died right in front of me and I could do nothing to help them. If I could have called someone, gotten them help…” Tears fell as the pain filled me again.

  “Oh sweetheart, you did everything you could. You were only a child.”

  “I was screaming loud and a neighbor heard. Police came knocking at the door. One held me while the other looked at my parents. I remember his face dropping as he shook his head. Somehow I managed to get out of the officer’s hold and ran off and hid from them. They ended up finding me. I bounced around several different homes. In a three month time period I was in twelve different homes. Apparently, I was too risky for most of the homes because my parents were druggies.”

  River’s arms tightened around me for a second, and then he rubbed my back in a comforting gesture. “Is that when you ran away?”

  “The last home I was in. They were abusive. I’d tell the social worker when she’d come and check on how I was adjusting, but they were always on their best behavior while the investigation was going on. One night, after doing my chores, they ‘found’ dirt on a dish I’d washed. A screaming match ensued and I tried to leave the room and the plate hit me in the shoulder then crashed to the ground.” I looked up at him. “That’s where that scar came from that you’re rubbing right now,” I gave him a sad smile.

  “I’m so sorry. What happened next?”

  “They literally threw me out the door by my hair and told me to kill myself like my parents did. Maybe I should have gone to the police station or back to the social worker, but they hadn’t helped me to that point, why would they care after that? Anyway, I ran. I scavenged as much as I could for food and tried to find shelter as often as I could.”

  “How did you ever manage to survive?” He sounds shocked.

  “I did a lot of things that I didn’t like to survive. Many things that others would look down on me for, but it was life or death sometimes. I’m not proud of them, but,” I shrug, “I had to do it.”

  “You had to do what you had to do to survive. I’ve come across many people who have no other choice to steal food to feed their family because times were hard. It doesn’t…”

  “I gave men my body for money, food or a warm safe place to sleep.” Climbing off his lap, I collected our dishes and carried them into the kitchen.

  Resting on the counter with my head hanging between my arms, I try to control the disgust that ran through me every time I thought about the things I’ve done to get to this point. River touches my back and I jerk away from him.

  “Don’t. Don’t touch me,” I say as I move out of the room and quickly put my suit and shorts back on.

  River had just walked into the bedroom as I walked out. My head was jumbled with all the times, all the men, every piece of me lost in the wind because I was unloveable, unwanted. I tell myself that it was all necessity in order to survive, but it never made the disgust go away.

  I walked out of the kitchen doors and off the deck. Going into the trees would be my best way to hide as I broke down for the first time in all the years I’ve been alone.

  “Hey pretty girl. What are you doing?”

  “Trying to find some food. Do you have some?”

  “I do. Would you like some, maybe even a place to sleep for the night?”

  It was cold. I heard some people say that the temperature tonight was going to be below zero. Even at my age, I knew I wouldn’t survive. Shelter for the night is exactly what I needed. This man, who looked about as old as my last foster parents, so maybe forty ish, was offering me both food and a warm place to sleep
. It’s been almost a week since I’ve had something more than a few slices of bread. Honestly, I don’t remember the last time I had enough to eat that I felt full. I’m not even sure I know what full is anymore.

  “You would do that for me? No one else seems to care.”

  “Well I do. Come on sweetie, let’s get you warm.”

  He led me to a car and we drove for a while before we arrived at this huge house. I’ve never seen a house so big before. This man would not only have food, but lots of it. Excitement started to build inside of me. I was going to be able to eat.

  He opened my door and walked next to me as we walked up the steps and into the house.

  “Wow,” I breathed as I looked at the entry way of this house.

  The man chuckled. “Let me show you where you’ll be sleeping. Then we can get your food. Okay?”

  “Yes, please.”

  We walked up the staircase that lead in two different directions. He turned left. I’m trying to remember this so I could make it back when I was finished eating. Soon we arrived at a door, he opened it and let me walk inside.

  It was huge with a big bed in the center of the room. I wandered around looking in the doors and touching all the nice things.

  “Why don’t you take a shower. I’m sure you haven’t been able to bathe properly in a while.”

  Looking down in shame, “I don’t have anything else to change into,” I whispered softly.

  “I’ll give you one of my shirts. It’ll be really big, but should be good until we can wash these. Right?”

  I nodded my head. He told me to go ahead and get in the shower. He’d leave the shirt on the bed for me when I got out. So, I climbed into my first shower I’ve been in since I was eight years old. I’ve cleaned up the best I could in the little creek in the park or in public restrooms, but never a full clean like I was right now.

  When I turned around to rinse my hair the man stood in the shower with me. He was naked and playing with himself. Swallowing hard, I looked up at him. I suddenly realized what he wanted for all this kindness. I’ve been on the streets for five years. I’ve seen far more than most kids my age. He wanted sex in exchange for all the hospitality he’s giving me.