Edge of the Past

by Jennifer Comeaux

  “May we go with you? I like to see where Liza skate here.”

  “Umm…” I hesitated and looked at Sergei.

  “That sounds like a good idea,” he said. “Liza can meet some of the other kids.”

  My heart sank. I’d been looking forward to my first day back on the ice being a peaceful one, away from any personal drama. Everyone at the rink was going to have questions the minute Elena and Liza walked through the door.

  I followed Sergei out to his SUV, knotting the belt tighter on my cardigan. Though not nearly as cold as Moscow, the air had a chilly bite to it with spring still a few weeks away.

  “Are you going to take care of telling everybody at the rink what’s going on?” I asked, setting my hands on my hips.

  Sergei rubbed the back of his neck. “I talked to a couple of people late last night. Not sure if the word has spread yet, though.”

  “I’m sure it has. It was a miracle we kept our relationship a secret as long as we did.”

  Sergei kissed me goodbye, and I went inside to take Elena and Liza through the townhouse. I showed them the kitchen and small den on the bottom floor and then the second-floor living room. With its warm colors and comfy furniture, it was a striking contrast from the sterile living room in Elena’s house.

  We passed Aubrey’s bedroom on the third floor and kept going up the stairs to my room. I deposited my carry-on bag inside, and Liza followed me into the doorway. Her eyes went straight to my Olympic silver medal, encased and hanging on the wall.

  She went over and stared up at it. “That’s so cool,” she whispered.

  “I have a whole box of stuff from the Olympics I can show you,” I said. “I think I have a few extra keepsakes you might like.”

  Liza’s eyes widened even more. “Really?”

  “The T-shirts will be pretty big for you, but you can use them as nightgowns,” I said with a smile.

  Elena had also come inside, but her attention was on another item in the room – a photo on my dresser of Sergei and me at the Gay Head cliffs on Martha’s Vineyard, the site of our first kiss. We’d taken the picture at sunrise, our favorite time to visit, and the orange sky glowed around us as we reenacted the kiss.

  Elena stared at the picture so long that I was about to ask if she’d like to inspect it closer. Instead, I put on my formal host voice. “If you need me for anything, you can knock on my door anytime.”

  She finally turned away from the dresser. “Thank you.”

  “I’ll show you my favorite part of the house next.”

  I led them back into the hall and to the sliding glass door across from my room. Pushing it open, I stepped onto the wood-planked terrace and shaded my eyes from the midday sun. The neighbor’s wind chimes jingled a soft tune, while seagulls squawked to each other above us.

  “The beach is right there.” I pointed to the left, where a small strip of sand divided the large complex of townhomes from sparkling Lewis Bay.

  “It is nice,” Elena said, looking around at the wrought iron table and chairs and the empty flower pots along the railing. “Very quiet.”

  “This is where Sergei proposed,” I said. What are you doing, trying to make her jealous? I didn’t like feeling so unnerved in my own home.

  Elena had a wistful look on her face as she gazed out at the horizon. Liza moved next to the wooden rail, her head barely above it. She appeared to be watching a small sailboat cutting through the bay.

  Before any more random things could slip out of my mouth, I showed Elena and Liza inside. They continued down the stairs to their room, while I went to mine to freshen up. Within an hour we were on our way down Route Six to the rink in South Dennis. Both Elena and Liza were quiet on the drive, and my brain was too tired from the trip to start a conversation. I just wanted the ice. Get me to the ice.

  I parked my sedan next to Sergei’s SUV, relieved he’d beaten us there. He needed to be in charge of our visitors. I didn’t want to have to explain the messy details to anyone who might be in the dark.

  Elena paused on the sidewalk and looked up at the building. “It is small, like where Liza skate in New York.”

  “It’s not as big as your club in Moscow, but it has everything we need,” I said with a slight edge.

  We walked inside, and I smiled as the familiar cold blast of air hit my face.

  Home.

  I pointed out the snack bar and the skate shop in the lobby, and as we approached the ice, my fourteen-year-old student Courtney ran over and tackled me in a hug.

  “I’m so glad you’re back!” she cried.

  “Me, too.” I gave her a tight squeeze.

  Courtney smiled at Liza and Elena, seemingly oblivious to the situation. I glanced around for Sergei. He was probably upstairs in the lounge getting coffee. Now, I’d have to do the introduction for him.

  “Court, this is Elena and her daughter Liza. They’re visiting from Russia.” I decided to leave it at that for the moment. “This is Courtney. She’s part of the junior pair Sergei and I coach.”

  “Hi!” Courtney waved and then turned to me. “I don’t know any Russian except nyet and spasibo.”

  “Oh, they speak English. Liza actually grew up in New York. She’s a skater, too.”

  “Cool!” Courtney said. “Are you related to Sergei?”

  Liza looked to me for a cue, and I twisted my hands together. “Umm…” I cleared my throat. “Why don’t you take a walk with me to the locker room? I need to stash my stuff.” Turning to Elena, I said, “Sergei should be down in a minute.”

  I rolled my bag quickly toward the locker room with Courtney matching me stride for stride. Inside the musty room littered with skate bags and warm-up jackets strewn across the benches, I stopped in front of my locker and faced Courtney.

  “Sergei is Liza’s father,” I said.

  For once, my chatty student was speechless. Her mouth hung open, and her big green eyes were unblinking.

  As I pulled open the locker door, I continued, “Liza’s going to skate here while she’s in town, so it would be great if you could introduce her to some of the other kids.”

  Courtney slowly raised her jaw. “Yeah… I can do that. Is Elena Sergei’s old partner?”

  “Yes,” I said, shedding my jacket.

  “How come Liza hasn’t come to visit before?”

  I shut the metal door and retied the laces on my sneakers. “We just met her in Russia.”

  “So, Sergei didn’t know he had a daughter?”

  “We knew. It’s a long story, Court. Can you just make sure Liza feels welcome here? She’s been through a lot, so she needs some fun.”

  “Definitely. I’m on it.”

  “Thank you.” I gave her a hug, probably harder than she was expecting, but I felt the need to hold on tight to all things familiar in my life.

  Courtney’s long blonde ponytail bounced behind her as she left the room, and I followed soon after. I set off on my warm-up jog around the rink and saw Sergei taking Liza and Elena upstairs. They were in my house, they were in my room, they were at my rink. There was no escaping them.

  Jogging with extra speed and intensity, I rammed into Chris as he exited the weight room.

  “Sorry!” I exclaimed.

  “You running away from something? Your house guests maybe?”

  “You heard?”

  “Aubrey filled me in. You’ve got Sergei’s kid and his baby mama crashing at your place?”

  I stared at him for a moment and then burst into laughter. Loud, body-shaking laughter. Chris looked at me like I’d lost it, and I covered my mouth with my hands. I felt as if I’d just been uncorked. As I continued to laugh, the release of emotion opened the door for more bottled-up feelings, and my laughter turned to sobs. Deep, rattling sobs. I spread my hands to hide my entire face.

  “Em, what…” Chris said and quickly grabbed my waist. “Here, come with me.”

  I blindly let him guide me until I heard him open a door, and I peeked between my fingers.
We’d gone through the side exit and were out in the sunshine. My tears continued to flow like a hard rain shower.

  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” Chris moaned. “I’m an idiot.”

  I dropped my hands and shook my head. Through sputtering breaths, I said, “It’s okay. It sounded really funny.”

  “But it’s obviously not funny. This can’t be easy for you.”

  “I was doing okay. I just…” My face crumpled again. “I guess I’ve been holding a lot in.”

  Chris lightly took my arm. “Let’s sit.”

  We sat on a low cement wall next to the building, and Chris rubbed my neck. “Vent all you need to.”

  I rested my forehead on my hands, slowing my breathing and sniffing back the tears. Picking up my head, I said hoarsely, “I just wanted to see what Sergei’s life was like growing up in Russia. And I was hoping he could feel some closure on the stuff that went down all those years ago. Instead, we opened every closet and brought all the skeletons home with us.”

  “Everything must’ve happened really fast. You were only in Moscow three days.”

  “As soon as Sergei found out Liza was his, he went into Super Dad mode. He was on a mission to get her here, and there was no stopping him.”

  “What’s she like? Liza?”

  “She seems like a good kid, which makes this harder. If she was a total brat, I could hate her.” I covered my face again. “Ugh, what’s wrong with me? That was a horrible thing to say.”

  “No one would blame you for feeling that way. You’ve been thrown for a pretty big loop.”

  “If it was just Liza, it would be easier. But with Elena in the picture…” I dabbed at my eyes with my fingers. “Liza’s going to be skating here, so that means Elena will be here every day, too. I’m never going to be able to get away from her. And I know I brought it on myself by inviting them to stay with me, but the other options just didn’t work for me.”

  “You can ignore Elena while you’re here at the rink. You’ll be busy practicing without me and thinking how much you miss me and my awesomeness.” He grinned.

  I frowned. “It’s going to suck practicing alone. I need your humor now more than ever.”

  “Except when I’m at therapy, I’ll be around as much as always. I started a killer new lower body workout program.” He patted his thighs. “I’m gonna have incredible power down here.”

  I choked on a laugh. “I’m sure Marley will love that.”

  I cracked up and didn’t start crying that time. Chris laughed and said, “I walked right into that one.”

  “It feels good to laugh. The last three days were one never-ending intense conversation.”

  Chris put his arm around me. “If you need a break from the craziness, you can hang out with me and Mar anytime.”

  “Thanks.” I stood and wiped my face with the back of my hand. “I should go. The sooner I’m warmed up, the sooner I can get on the ice.”

  “I wish I could get out there with you. I don’t know why I can’t just skate without doing any of the high-risk stuff.”

  “Sergei said the doctor doesn’t want you anywhere near the ice. If you fall, you could do more damage to your shoulder.”

  He sighed. “Yeah, I know. It’s just annoying to be stuck on the sidelines.”

  I opened the heavy blue door. “But think about how powerful you’re going to be from all your workouts.”

  He laughed and shoved me ahead of him. I resumed my jog, breezing past Sergei, Elena, and Liza as they returned from the lounge. A few parents on the bleachers were already whispering and staring at them and then me. It reminded me of when Sergei and I had gone public with our relationship a year ago. Mostly everyone at the rink had been supportive, but that didn’t stop the usual gossipers from huddling and gawking at us. The novelty of our situation had worn off, but now we were at the center of a juicy new story. Thanks, Sergei.

  After I’d run, stretched, and prepared all my muscles, I ditched my sneakers and donned my skates. My first few crossovers around the rink brought me a serenity I hadn’t felt in forever. I unzipped my warm-up jacket and leaned over the boards, tossing it onto the bleachers. Building up speed again, I skated around my training mates and did a few easy waltz jumps. The icy breeze on my skin invigorated every part of me.

  I practiced my jumps, spins, and footwork over and over until it was time to teach with Sergei. Courtney and her partner Mark glided over to me while Sergei finished putting on his skates. Elena and Liza had taken seats on the top row of the bleachers. There was a big space between them, which I guessed was Liza’s doing.

  “I showed Liza the locker room and we talked a little,” Courtney said quietly. “She asked me about you and Sergei.”

  “What about us?”

  “She said you guys seemed really nice. She asked if you’re nice when you coach, too. Of course, I told her you’re like the most super awesome coaches ever.”

  I smiled. “You remember that when we ask you to do triple run-throughs. Did she say anything else?”

  “Hmm… not much. I told her about some of the fun stuff there is to do around here.”

  Sergei joined us, so Courtney and I cut our chat short and got to work. The hour of working on choreography for the kids’ new programs flew by. When Sergei and I went to change out of our skates, he brought up dinner plans.

  “I was just going to order a pizza or something,” I said. “We have to unpack, and I’m sure Elena and Liza are tired from the trip. I’m waiting for the jet lag to hit me once I get home.”

  “Yeah, we should definitely keep it low-key tonight. I won’t stay long at your place. I just want to spend a little time with Liza.”

  I nodded, but a twinge of jealousy struck again. She’s his daughter, I reminded myself. She deserved all Sergei’s attention the next few weeks.

  But I was already missing him.

  Chapter Ten

  “Is dinner going to be super awkward? Maybe I’ll take my pizza to my room,” Aubrey said.

  I pulled a bag of ready-made salad from the refrigerator and tore it open. “Please stay. I have no idea what to expect. Liza’s been so quiet that I don’t know if she’ll even talk to us.”

  Aubrey brushed her long blonde hair to one shoulder. “It must be so weird for her, to all of a sudden find out your cousin is your mom, and this coach you’ve seen on TV is your dad. How does a kid process that?”

  “She’s still barely talking to Elena.” I lowered my voice as I looked toward the stairs. “I haven’t heard a peep out of them while they’ve been unpacking.”

  “I swear, this whole thing is like some really bad Lifetime movie.”

  I laughed and shook my head as I dumped the salad into a bowl and tossed it with oil and vinegar. Aubrey scooted past me in the narrow kitchen and reached into the oak cupboard, taking out five glasses. I’d never been so glad to have a roommate. I couldn’t imagine dealing with Elena and Liza on my own. Aubrey had been my best friend since we met at summer skating camp on the Cape when we were thirteen. She’d told off some girls who were making fun of my dress, and she’d had my back ever since.

  Elena appeared at the kitchen door, and I gave her a little smile. “All unpacked?”

  “Yes.” She came closer and glanced down at the salad before settling her eyes on me. “I need to speak about something with you.”

  I lifted one eyebrow. “Okay.”

  She threw a look at Aubrey, who returned it and then went back to gathering silverware.

  “I know you and Sergei to be married, but I am not comfortable if he stay here with you at night. I do not want bad example for Liza.”

  Aubrey snorted. “Like the one you set getting knocked up at seventeen?”

  My jaw dropped, and Elena’s eyes crinkled, like she didn’t quite understand what Aubrey had said but knew from the tone it wasn’t good. I set down the silver tongs and coughed a little.

  “Umm… Sergei doesn’t stay here. We’re–”

 
; “Because Em stays at his place,” Aubrey piped up. “It’s more private.”

  I gave her a what-are-you-talking-about look, but she kept going, “I’m sure Em will be here every night while you’re visiting, though. Right?” Her eyes appeared to be sending me a telepathic message.

  “Right,” I said slowly.

  “See?” Aubrey said to Elena. “Nothing to worry about.”

  Elena continued to study her before backing toward the door. “I tell Liza to ready for dinner.”

  I waited a moment and then peeked up the stairs. With the coast clear, I turned to Aubrey. “Why’d you say that?” I asked in a hushed voice. “I’m not ashamed that Sergei and I aren’t sleeping together.”

  “I know, but Elena doesn’t need to know the intimate details of your relationship. She’s got nerve, coming into your house and telling you how things are going to be around here. Don’t give her any reason to feel like she has power over you.”

  I picked up the pepper grinder and paused with it over the lettuce. “I wonder if Liza’s the only reason behind her request.”

  “You think she doesn’t want to see you and Sergei together?”

  “I don’t know.” I twisted the grinder. “She had a weird look on her face when she saw the picture of me and Sergei in my room.”

  The doorbell rang, and I wiped my hands on a dish towel before bounding up the stairs. Sergei stood on the doorstep with a large pizza box.

  He gave me a kiss on his way inside, and we went down to the kitchen. Aubrey smiled as she passed us with an armful of plates. “Hey, Sergei. You know, most people just bring back souvenirs when they go on a trip. You went a little crazy there.”

  He slid the pizza onto the counter with a little smile. “Very funny.”

  Elena and Liza came down the stairs, and Liza wandered into the breakfast area where Aubrey was setting the table.

  “Do you wanna help?” Aubrey asked.

  Liza answered by picking up the forks and placing them precisely next to each plate. Sergei watched her over the bar, looking pensive, and I put my arm around his waist. He gazed down at me.