Chat Love

by Justine Faeth

  Autumn corrects me. “Lu, you did find someone, but you’re not willing to give them a chance. You won’t allow yourself to be loved.”

  “That’s not it at all,” I argue. “What he did was shady, and it wasn’t fair to me.”

  Autumn replies, “Did you ever think that maybe he was nervous, too? Especially if he likes you as much as he said he does.”

  Danni chimes in. “I agree with Autumn. Lu, if you like him then stop fighting it and go for it. The opportunity is right in front of you.”

  “I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” I say, raising my glass. “I just want a refill.”

  Chapter 24

  For the past two weeks, I have been avoiding Jackson. He has been sending me flowers and leaving me messages in an attempt to convince me to talk to him, but I’ve been refusing. I try to keep distance between us at work, even though he tries to find every opportunity to talk to me. I just can’t seem to forget that he had known that I was his mystery woman and chosen not to tell me. He keeps telling me that he wasn’t playing games and that he’s fallen for me, but I’m just not sure what to believe.

  These past few months have revealed a different side of Jackson, and I’ve learned that even he has experienced heartbreak. In just a few weeks, I had fallen for both Jackson and Jack, and I’m still having difficulty accepting that they’re one and the same. Half of me wants to believe that Jackson is telling the truth about his feelings for me, but my other half continues to doubt his every word.

  At work, everyone can sense the tension between us, and Caitlin couldn’t be happier with the drastic change in our behavior. She flirts with Jackson constantly, but he ignores her advances.

  Skyler thinks that I’m an idiot for not giving Jackson a chance, even though I continue to remind her about his deception. She can’t believe that I’m turning my back on potential love, regardless of my reasons for doing so. I’m more confused than I’ve ever been in my life, and my heart, brain, and friends are all telling me different things.

  Work has been especially stressful because it’s difficult being so close to Jackson while still remaining emotionally distant. He only adds to the challenge by sending me flowers and messages at home as well; I can’t escape the situation, even in my dreams. Jackson haunts my every moment and thought.

  Although I would normally dread my high school reunion, I’m actually thankful for the distraction. My friends have tried to take me out in an attempt to free me from my thoughts, but something always reminds me of Jackson anyway. It seems that he is everywhere, always waiting to pop into my mind again. At home, Autumn has taken down the painting that Jackson gave me, but I’m still reminded of him when I see the empty spot on the wall.

  The reunion is tonight and I am sharing a limo with Ian, Danni, Autumn, Wayne, Corey, and Sandy. Once again, I am the only person without a date, but I try to focus on enjoying the ride. We had decided to hire a limo in order to make it feel as though we were going to prom again, and we’d all dressed accordingly, with all the women in dresses and the men in suits. Looking around at my friends, I’m already reminded of Jackson as I remember how nice he had looked in a suit at Skyler’s wedding.

  I feel something hit me in the head and fall into my lap, and I look down to see a balled-up napkin. I look up and see everyone staring at me.

  Danni says, “Lu, we’ve been trying to get your attention for the past five minutes. Are you OK?”

  I feel my face flush with embarrassment. “Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry.”

  Ian hands me a glass of champagne and we all toast to memories. I take a large sip, wishing that I could shake certain memories of Jackson from my mind.

  Corey leans over to me and whispers, “Lucia, you have got to get your mind off of that asshole, OK? You’re depressing us all!” I turn and give him a frown, wishing that he could understand just how upset I actually am.

  “Lucia?” I hear a timid voice call my name and I turn to see Sandy giving me a small smile. I know we don’t know each other very well, but may I ask you a personal question?”

  I nod reluctantly.

  “Did you have a crush on anybody when you were in high school?” she asks.

  “I guess that you could say I was dating my crush,” I say, wondering what she’s getting at.

  “Well, then I have a suggestion for you. I think that you should find him at the reunion and go have wild sex with him. It’ll help to take your mind off of that other guy.” I just look at her, not quite sure how to respond.

  Sandy is a very polite woman, and I just can’t understand how she and Corey get along so well. Corey enjoys sex, and he enjoys having it frequently. I know for a fact that he can be wild and kinky, and Sandy seems to be very conservative despite what others have told me. According to my friends, however, she’s a lady in public but a whore in private, making her Corey’s perfect woman.

  Corey looks at Sandy with adoring eyes and says, “Baby, you’re so intelligent. That’s a great idea!” She blushes and hides her head in the crook of his neck, whispering something into his ear that makes him grin excitedly.

  I look at Sandy and thank her for her suggestion, politely informing her that Matt is now married and is therefore off-limits. She pulls away from Corey and grins. “Who says that he’s off limits? Maybe you guys could have a threesome; that’d really distract you from your worries.”

  Autumn coughs, nearly spitting out her champagne as I shake my head. Meanwhile, Sandy winks at me as Corey nibbles her ear, obviously turned on by her boldness.

  I reply, “I’m not really that wild, and I also haven’t spoken to Matt in years, so I have a feeling that it might be a bit awkward for everyone involved.” Sandy laughs and shrugs her shoulders.

  As I watch the couples interacting around me, I can’t help but wonder what Jackson and I would be like if he were here with me. Would he be rubbing my back, kissing my neck, or even just holding my hand like everyone else here? I feel the familiar sting of heartbreak and quiet it by taking a large gulp of champagne.

  I hear Danni and Ian laughing loudly and I lean toward them, trying to listen to their conversation. The two of them are excitedly chattering about which of our high school classmates have gotten “fatter, uglier, or more pathetic.” As Danni says that she bets one particularly awful girl, Helen Longo, became all three, Wayne and Ian laugh. Autumn glares at Wayne and he quickly quiets down, putting his arm around her shoulders.

  Autumn chimes in, “I don’t like this game. It’s mean, cruel, and rude. Did you only come to the reunion to make fun of old classmates?” she asks Danni, a grumpy expression on her face.

  Ian and Danni look at one another for a moment, and then both burst out laughing as they turn back to Autumn, nodding.

  “Autumn, you don’t understand,” begins Danni, “most of the girls at our school were complete bitches to Lu and I during senior year. They thought that it was fun to tease us for being Italian.” She looks to me for support and I just roll my eyes, already tired of reminiscing.

  Autumn frowns.

  “Well, I still think you’re being mean,” she says, addressing both Danni and Ian.

  “No, honey,” Danni replies, “we’re just being honest.”

  After the limo drops us off, I follow my friends into the same reception hall that we’d danced in at our prom. However, I’m no longer met with young faces and prom dresses. Instead, I’m greeted by a collection of adults, most of whom I no longer recognize. Balloons, streamers, and pictures decorate the room, and I feel a rush of emotions as I remember all of my high school experiences.

  Danni grabs my arm excitedly. “I was totally right about Helen Longo,” she says, nodding in the direction of a larger woman wearing a tight dress. “Look at the size of her ass! Come on, let’s go say hello.”

  She drags me over to where Helen is standing and we awkwardly say hello. Danni is being incredibly fake, and I try my best to remain silent, not wanting to hurt Helen’s feelings.

  Of course
, Helen only adds to the superficial exchange by offering a showy hug to both Danni and I. I can’t help but roll my eyes as I listen to the two of them discussing their lives, each trying to outdo the other as they brag. As they compare careers, houses, and salaries, I can tell that Danni is growing more competitive. Finally, she decides to pull out all the stops.

  “So, you’re married?” she asks Helen sweetly. “That’s so great! I’m currently dating Ian Smuckler. You remember him, don’t you?” Danni smirks smugly.

  Helen’s face drops. It’s no secret that she’d had a massive crush on Ian in high school, and we all knew that she’d never fully gotten over the heartbreak he’d caused her. In an attempt to change the subject, Helen suddenly turns to me.

  “Are you dating anyone, Lucia?”

  Danni answers for me, explaining that I have an incredibly attractive British boyfriend. I don’t bother to correct her lies.

  “Where is your husband, anyway?” Danni adds.

  Helen quickly replies, “He’s at home with the baby. Where’s your Brit, Lucia?” she asks me.

  “He couldn’t make it,” I lie.

  Helen raises an eyebrow. “Of course.” She gives me a fake smile. “I saw Matt Davis walking around earlier; you should go and say hello if you get a chance. I heard about him breaking up with you over the phone. That must have just been terrible.” She feigns concern, “I can’t imagine how humiliating is must have been to have your boyfriend break up with you over the phone for another woman. He’s married to her now, isn’t he?”

  I nod politely and remain silent, not knowing what to say. I finally decide to just leave the conversation, and as I turn away I hear Danni start to brag about her and Ian’s sex life. I grab her arm and drag her along with me, offering my apologies to Helen.

  “Would you just give it a rest already?” I hiss to Danni as we walk away.

  Danni smiles widely at me. “Lighten up; I was just having a little fun. Come on, let’s go get some drinks.”

  After a few cocktails and some socializing with other classmates, I make my way to the bathroom. As I come out of the door, I hear a woman moan, and I’m almost positive that I recognize the voice. Sure enough, I turn a corner and see Ian pressing Danni against the wall, her legs wrapped around his waist. She leans her head back as Ian kisses her neck, and her hands squeeze his arms, working their way southward. I clear my throat loudly and they both look at me, still clutching one another. I quickly apologize and ask what time we’re planning on leaving.

  Still tangled in Ian’s arms, Danni ignores my question and instead asks, “Was Helen Longo still in the bathroom when you came out?”

  “Yeah, she was busy putting on more makeup. Why?”

  Ian chuckles. “Danni wants to make her even more jealous, so we’re waiting for her to come out and see us going at it.”

  How tacky, I think to myself. I wish them luck with their devious plan and walk away, making my way over to a table near the dance floor. A slow song is playing and I look on as Autumn and Wayne dance together, both gazing lovingly at their partner.

  “Isn’t it strange how everyone has changed so much?” says a voice out of nowhere. I recognize it instantly, and I feel my stomach twist into knots. I turn around and see Matt standing there looking extremely handsome and mature. He gives me a big smile and looks me up and down. “You look stunning, Lucia! How have you been?”

  I finally locate my voice and reply, “I’ve been doing well. How are you? You look very nice.”

  “I’ve been OK,” he replies. “Things have been different, but in a good way.” He rubs his face and I see his silver wedding band glinting in the light.

  “I heard you got married,” I say. “Congratulations!” I hate having to feign genuine excitement— just one more reason why I’m not a fan of reunions.

  He face turns red and he looks embarrassed. “Yeah, we got married last year.” He takes a seat at the table. “Lucia, I would have invited you, but to be honest, I thought that you hated me.”

  Corey and Sandy pass us on their way to the bar, and Corey says a quick hello.

  As they walk away Matt says, “You know, I caught the two of them having sex outside earlier. I would never have thought that Corey would be in a committed relationship.” He shakes his head, chuckling.

  “I wouldn’t have either,” I reply, once again reminded that I’m the only single one in my group of friends.

  Matt then asks me the question I’ve been dreading. “What about you? Are you dating anyone?”

  “Not really,” I say. “I mean, there’s a guy I’ve been seeing here and there, but I don’t really know if I actually want to date him or not.”

  Matt’s face takes on a confused expression. “Why not? Do you like the guy?”

  “Yes, I do,” I reply.

  Matt continues, “And do you think that he feels the same way about you?”

  “Yeah, I think so.”

  “Then what are you waiting for? You deserve to be happy, Lucia.” He smiles at me, revealing that he genuinely means what he’s saying.

  I turn to look at all of my friends, each enjoying the company of their partner. Watching them causes my heart to ache with loneliness, and I turn to Matt and ask, “Are you happy? Being married, I mean.”

  He clears his throat, “Yes, very.” He puts his hand on my shoulder. “Please understand that I wasn’t ever unhappy with you, Lucia, but I think that we just grew apart over time. It wasn’t meant to be, and that’s OK.”

  I add, “And then you met Cindy.”

  He nods seriously. “Then I met Cindy.” He looks up at me and I see genuine concern in his eyes. “I know that I handled that situation badly, and I’m sorry for hurting you. Cindy was—and is—the one for me. I know that someday you’ll find that too, Lu. You’re too good not to.”

  The feeling of closure is comforting, and I’m actually glad that Matt and I found an opportunity to talk. Losing him as a friend had always upset me more than having lost him as a boyfriend, anyway.

  Suddenly we hear a woman scream and turn to see Helen stomping into the room, followed by a smug-looking Danni and Ian. I roll my eyes and explain the situation to Matt as he laughs.

  “Lucia, I want you to meet my wife,” he suddenly says. He motions to a petite woman standing near the drink table, and she comes over. Her brown eyes reveal intelligence and she politely offers her hand to me as an introduction.

  “Cindy, this is Lucia Fabbo. She’s the one I’ve told you about.” Matt is practically beaming, and I’m glad to see him so genuinely happy.

  Cindy smiles warmly. “It’s so nice to finally meet you! Matt has always spoken of you so fondly.”

  Matt smiles and wraps his arm around her waist lovingly. As he pulls her closer, I notice a small baby bump showing through her dress. Once again, it seems that I’m the only one without someone special to share their life with.

  Chapter 25

  After the reunion, I spend the night at my parents’ house. Frankly, leaving my friends—who are all getting hotel rooms with their lovers—to go stay with my parents just adds insult to injury. When I walk into the house, I see that both my mother and father are patiently waiting up in the living room, just as they used to when I’d go out in high school. As I walk by, they both notice the tears running down my cheeks and ask if I would like to talk. I decline, telling them that I’m just tired, and go to my old room to get some rest. I toss and turn all night, once again plagued by dreams of Jackson.

  I wake up the next morning with a pounding headache, my eyes red and sore from crying. I sit up and look around my room, rubbing my eyes. It’s been left untouched since I moved out to go to college, and my old pictures and paintings still cover the walls. I look at a few of them, realizing that I’m no longer the innocent and naïve girl who thought that she would marry her high school sweetheart, no longer the girl who thought she had it all figured out and had no fears about the future.

  I take a few of my favorite painti
ngs off the wall and set them down near my suitcase. I’ll take them home and put them up in my apartment; they’ll be a nice reminder of what it was like being young and carefree. I hear a quiet knock on my door and see my mother standing there, watching me with curious eyes.

  “What are you doing with your paintings?” she asks.

  “I thought that it would be nice to take a few of them home with me,” I reply.

  My mother smiles. “I see.” She walks into my room and gives me a hug. “I’m about to make breakfast for everybody. Are you hungry?”

  “Yeah, breakfast sounds good, Mom. Just give me a few minutes so I can shower, OK?” She nods and kisses the top of my head, padding off to the kitchen to start cooking.

  After my shower, I walk into the kitchen and see my mom generously heaping scrambled eggs onto my father’s plate. He has his glasses on and is busy reading the newspaper. There is already a plate full of food at my seat, and I lower myself into the chair as my stomach growls with anticipation. My mother makes herself a plate and we begin to eat in silence. I can tell that Mom has something to say by the way she keeps glancing at my father. Finally, she speaks.

  “Lucia Pia, would you like to come with us to the hospital after breakfast?” she asks. “We’re going to visit Antonia.”

  I look up and see her giving me an encouraging smile, trying her best to cheer me up. “Of course,” I reply. I turn to my father and ask, “Dad, would you be able to drop me off at my apartment after we leave the hospital? I want to take some of my paintings home with me and I think I’ll have trouble carrying them all on the train.” He nods and continues eating.

  My mother decides to change the subject by asking, “How was your reunion last night?”

  I bite my lip, trying to decide what to say. Overall, the reunion had been an unusual experience. I’d felt more emotions in those two hours than most people feel in an entire week, and it had been odd seeing people that I hadn’t heard from in years. Although it had been nice to see that others were happy, it was also depressing, as each contented smile reminded me of my own loneliness.