Rediscovered Love

by Celeste Carrara

  “Thanks Maggie, but I don’t have to be the only success story.”

  She looked at me without saying a word. What I could read from her expression was that she felt I would be the only success story. That broke my heart. I loved my sister. I wanted so much more for her. She was my older sister, but I had become the one she looked up to. It should’ve been the other way around.

  “Come on. We’ve got a lot of stuff to go through. We should pack up her clothes and give them to the poor. You know grandma would like that,” Maggie said with optimism. “Oh, maybe we can drop them off at her church instead. They could probably find someone in need of them.”

  “That’s a great idea, Maggie. She’d love that. Hey, let me ask you something. Why do dad and uncle want to find the will so badly?” It was a question I had to ask.

  Nonchalantly she answered, “They just want to see whom she left the house to.”

  It made sense, but it should’ve been obvious she would’ve left it to her sons. They would sell it for the profit. That thought made me feel sick. I wasn’t ready to let her house go. It was bad enough we were already clearing out some of her things.

  My father and uncle came down the stairs and I waited to hear the bad news. They would probably have the "for sale" sign outside by tomorrow. “Here,” my father said as he shoved some papers in my hand. I couldn’t understand his animosity.

  When I read my grandmother’s will, I couldn’t help but smile. She didn’t leave the house to them. She left it to me.

  * * *

  ***

  A week passed. My time was spent in New York with lawyers managing paperwork, dividing up assets, and clearing out the house. Many of the furnishings were kept as they were because I didn’t have the heart to let them go. My school and job couldn’t be put off any longer, so I went back to Boston. There was only a month left of my junior year of college and I had to finish the semester. It was a relief to be back to my normal surroundings. It was also a blessing to be able to talk to my counselor. A day didn’t go by without Jason on my mind. He even haunted my dreams. I should’ve been mourning my loss. Instead, I was pining for a man who didn’t want me. My counselor said it was my way of dealing with my loss. I hoped she was right. It wasn’t healthy to get sucked back into Jason.

  Right before my classes ended, Jason reached out to me. It was a short Facebook private message, but it was enough. Enough to give me hope that maybe, just maybe I had a chance at something real with him. Miracles did happen, at least that’s what I told myself as I packed my things to go back home. He had asked if I was okay and gave me his number in case I didn’t have it and needed him. Jason said he was thinking of me and hoped I was well. He thought of me. That had to mean something.

  Back to New York I went. I tried to convince myself it was so I could make a final decision on what I was going to do with the house. School was over. I had the whole summer free. Deep down, I knew what it was really about. Better yet, whom it was really about.

  Chapter Four

  Along with her home, my grandmother left me money. She was a saver and had a substantial amount to give. Everything had been left to me. Her house had been paid off long ago and recently renovated so no money was needed for it. I was left with enough to pay off my debts and still have some left over to live off of for a while. It was a relief to be able to have money to pay off my car and the small school loans I had. It wasn’t in my nature to keep my good fortune to myself. The rest of the money went to pay off some of my father and sister’s debts. They were grateful and it made me feel good, but I wished I could do more. But no amount of money could change them.

  After successfully getting my things from Boston brought into my grandmother’s house, I unpacked and decorated a bit to keep myself busy. The hurt of losing my grandmother lessened with each day that passed, but I was still lonely. There was only one person that could fill the void. Jason.

  Every night my dreams included him. In them I would run to catch him, only to be left empty handed when I reached him. When awake, I would be left with a deep feeling of loss and loneliness. I tried not to read too much into it, but the dreams spoke for themselves.

  * * *

  ***

  On an average Sunday afternoon, I strolled through the aisles at the pharmacy and filled my basket with my favorite creams and shampoo. I took my time. It was the mundane tasks that helped me deal with my loneliness. Loud voices caught my attention. One sounded familiar. As I rounded the corner, I nearly walked right into David and two of his friends whom I didn’t know.

  David and I had a brief relationship when we were in our teens. The only way to describe him was HOT! The guy was sexy as hell. Tall, built, tan, shaved head, and green eyes. The girls drooled over him and threw themselves at him with no shame. His nickname was “Big D”, and it fit him. His biceps were the size of my head. He was a playboy, and I knew that even when we were just kids. The funny thing was, our relationship didn’t end because he cheated. He was actually faithful. I broke up with him because he took a path I didn’t approve of. A boyfriend who smoked weed every day was not something I could put up with. It was a phase that didn’t last long, but by the time he cleaned up, I had already moved on. Not long after David and I broke up, Jason and I started to date. David and I never had sex, and I was happy we didn’t. I don’t think Jason would’ve given me the time of day if I had slept with his best friend.

  Even though David knew my history with Jason, he never missed an opportunity to flirt with me. He couldn’t help himself, but it was all in good fun and I never thought much of it.

  “Hey beautiful, how are you?” he said with a sexy grin.

  “I’m fine, David, how are you?”

  He pulled me close and planted a kiss on my cheek. If I said I wasn’t attracted to him, I would be lying. But it was only physical. It was nice to be flirted with.

  “I’m better now that I just ran into you. Shit, Jason’s a lucky bastard.”

  Laughing, I replied, “What does that mean? I’m not with Jason and haven’t been for a long time.”

  He brushed his hand lightly across my cheek and said, “I know, but he had you at one time. He’s a dumbass for letting you go.”

  With mixed emotions I answered, “Yeah well, his loss, right? I’ve moved on.”

  Unconvinced, he responded, “Moved on? Who do you think you’re fooling, Tori? I’ve known you for a long time. You’ll never be over Jason.”

  What could I say to that? Nothing, and that’s exactly what I did. I was silent and stood there awkward with no defense.

  “Well, David, it was nice talking to you, but I’ve got to get going.”

  “You’re leaving already? Here, let me hold that basket for you.”

  The flirting resumed in full force. With my basket in hand, he walked me to the counter, emptied its contents on the conveyor belt, and paid the bill. It didn’t end there. He carried my bag out for me and placed it in my car. The gesture was very kind and I thanked him before I went on my way.

  Chapter Five

  June arrived and the summer was in full swing. Girls strolled the avenue with barely-there shorts while the guys drove by in their cars honking at them. It felt like ninth grade all over again, and I couldn’t help but laugh at their immaturity. When I walked to the corner store to pick up some cold cuts and earned a few honks of my own, I’ll admit it was a nice ego boost. There were few things that helped make me feel better since my grandmother’s passing. A couple of catcalls by strangers became one of them.

  Another way to keep myself busy was my weekly nail appointment. After I left the nail salon, I took the short walk back to my house. All the shopping, pampering, and decorating could only occupy my time for so long. It was time to either get a job for the summer or take a few extra classes at the community college. My mind wasn’t made up yet.

  It was on my walk home that I bumped into Joey and Brian. Joey and I had lived across the street from each other. He was my first boyfriend an
d the first boy I kissed. Curious as we were at thirteen years old, we experimented sexually but never went all the way. We came close once, but I was too scared. Mike had been my first, but no one but he and I knew that. Brian and I had a drunken one-night fling during one of my many breakups with Jason. Brian promised not to tell anyone, and I assumed he didn’t because when Jason and I got back together soon after, he never said a word about Brian.

  My past with all the guys was filled with hook ups and break ups, friendships and fights, but one thing remained. They were always there for me. I considered them my closest friends and they always looked out for me. My tumultuous childhood was something they were all aware of. We all lived within close proximity, attended the same school, even though they were two years older, and hung out with the same crowd. I shared something different and special with each of them. But none of them compared to Jason.

  “Hey Tori! What’s up?” Joey asked after he kissed my cheek.

  “Nothing much, what’s up with you guys?”

  Brian answered, “All of us are getting together tonight. Do you remember Butch?”

  I had to wrack my fuzzy brain. It finally came to me. Butch was a neighborhood kid a few years older than us. “Yeah, I remember him.”

  Brian said, “He just opened a restaurant over on College Ave. We’re all going there tonight to help him celebrate. It’s a private party for all his old friends from the neighborhood.”

  With honesty I said, “Oh, I don’t know, guys. I’m not sure if I’m up to seeing everyone.”

  Joey insisted. “We won’t take no for an answer. It’s been a long time since we all hung out. We’ve got a lot of catching up to do. Besides, you could use a night out.”

  Still unconvinced, I said, “I’m not sure if it’s a good idea. Will Jason be there?”

  Brian said, “Yeah, of course, and trust me Tori, he’ll be happy to see you there.”

  A night out with them would be a great time, but I knew it was dangerous to hang out with Jason. Somehow, their hopeful faces changed my mind.

  “Okay. I’ll go.”

  “Great,” Joey exclaimed. “One of us will come by your house at eight to get you.”

  We went our separate ways. I headed home to plan my outfit. If I was going to be around Jason, I wanted to look my best. I rummaged through the closet and settled on a short sundress paired with sandals. At eight sharp, my doorbell rang. Of course it was David who came to get me. I took a moment to take him in. The black shirt he wore clung to his muscles, as I was sure he intended. Dark jeans hung slightly off his hips and black boots completed the outfit. Tribal tattoos peeked past his short sleeves. I knew exactly how they crawled up his arms and met on his back. That tanned skin of his highlighted his green eyes. The stubble of his shaved head begged to be stroked. He was so sexy and looked at me with lust-filled eyes.

  I couldn’t help but wonder what he saw when he looked at me the way he did. To me, I was just an average girl. Yeah, I guess my hair was long and pretty, but it was brown and straight, nothing fancy. My eyes matched my hair and my skin was naturally tanned, but not as nice as David’s. At only five foot four inches, I was much shorter than most girls. My weight was always something I struggled with because of the insecurities caused by my mother, but I was at a healthy weight for my height and maintained a toned appearance thanks to the gym in my campus apartment building. But I never thought of myself as anything special. The way David looked at me made me rethink my assumption.

  “Hey gorgeous. You wore that dress just for me?”

  I replied, “Yeah, you wish!”

  With a flirtatious smile he said, “Yeah, I do.”

  “David, stop,” I said with a giggle. “You’re making me blush! Stop playing around and let’s go.”

  He stole a quick kiss on my cheek, ran to his car, and held the door open for me. Before I entered, I eyed him carefully.

  “You better keep your lips to yourself, mister!”

  “I know, I know. Don’t worry, I’ll be on my best behavior, I promise.”

  He was true to his word and kept his hands to himself on the ride over to the restaurant. It was a shame. He was probably incredible in bed and I would never find out. It crossed my mind on more than one occasion to just go along with his advances to see where it led. Thankfully, I thought better of it and kept my distance. Our group had enough baggage; I didn’t need to add to it. That didn’t mean that at that moment I didn’t fantasize about his strong body between my legs. Sweat beaded on my brow as I thought of him, and I fumbled with the air conditioner to cool myself off. It wasn’t like David to miss a beat.

  “What’s the matter, Tori? Am I getting you hot? It’s my sexy body, isn’t it?

  He laughed uncontrollably at his own words, and I smacked him on the arm. I shouldn’t have touched him. With just that short contact I could feel his smooth, strong skin. Damn, I needed to get laid. That had to be why I responded to him in such a way.

  “Shut up, David. When are we going to be there? I don’t remember College Avenue being so far away.”

  Just then, we pulled up to the restaurant. I was so thankful to get out of the car. Butch really classed it up and had valet parking for his guests. The young valet attempted to help me out of the car, but David raced around and beat him to it. With his hand casually at the small of my back, dangerously close to my ass, David walked in with me as if we were a couple. Funny how I didn’t protest. When we walked in, everyone looked in our direction. My guess was no one expected me to show up. The girls pretended to be happy to see me, but I saw right through them.

  As a kid, I never got along well with others, especially other girls. I naturally gravitated towards men, and most of my friends were boys (I attribute that to my need to fulfill the emptiness that my father’s absence left. Thank you to the University of Boston’s counselors!). Girls in the neighborhood didn’t like that. They thought I was after their boyfriends and accused me of sleeping with every guy I was friendly with.

  “Come on, Tori, the guys are at a table in the back, let’s go.”

  “Okay,” I replied.

  David held my hand and led me to the large round table ahead of us. As we approached, I glanced around at the guys who stood up to say hello. Mike, Joey, Brian, and Jason. My heart raced in my chest. Hugs and kisses were exchanged. They saved me a seat next to Joey and Brian, which placed me directly across from Jason. Whatever gratitude I had that they saved me a seat disappeared. I spent the entire dinner trying not to make eye contact with him.

  The restaurant was great, and I was happy to be surrounded by my friends. As I sat with them in Butch’s restaurant, I realized how much I missed their friendship. In Boston, I had few friends and didn’t really trust anyone. With the guys, our conversation flowed easily; it was like no time had passed at all since we all hung out. They were a funny, rowdy bunch and knew how to have a good time. Butch treated us all like royalty. We ate till we were stuffed, and the guys drank their wine or beer responsibly. After cappuccinos and dessert, hours had passed and it was time to leave.

  “You ready to go, Tori?” David asked.

  “Yeah, I’m ready,” I answered.

  Jason interrupted. “I’ll drive her home, Dave.”

  Everyone fell silent and looked at Jason. The guys seemed more surprised than I was. Their heads turned towards me and waited for my response.

  “Okay,” I said softly.

  Disappointed, David said, “Sure, man. Drive safe. Goodnight, Tori.”

  We said goodbye to the guys and Jason led the way out of the restaurant. It seemed everyone was watching us as we left. Jason handed the valet his ticket and I stood quietly as I waited for him to speak.

  “You know, Dave would’ve hit on you non-stop if he drove you home.”

  “Is that why you want to drive me home, to save me from David?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why do you care? You know I can take care of myself and to be honest, if I wanted to sleep with Davi
d, I would have a long time ago.”

  Intense eyes glared at me. “Like you did with Brian, right? Yeah, I know about that. Don’t look so surprised, Tori.”

  Angry, I shouted, “That was years ago, when we weren’t together, and it was one time and it was a mistake. You know what? I don’t need your ride home. I’ll take a cab.” Hastily I walked down the block and fished my cell out of my bag. Jason caught up to me.

  “Tori stop it. You’re not taking a cab. Come on, my car is right there. Let me take you home. It’s late. Forget about Brian, I shouldn’t have brought that up. I’m just trying to save you from being taken advantage of. I know you’re vulnerable after losing your grandmother and I don’t want you doing something you’ll regret.”

  I faced him, furious but unable to come up with anything to say.

  Jason said, “I’m sorry, okay. I’m sorry. It was stupid and immature of me to bring that up now. It’s none of my business what you did or what you do. I’m an ass sometimes when it comes to you. I can’t help it. I’ve always been like this with you, you know that.”

  It took me a minute to reply. He said nothing as he looked back at me. He was right. Jason was always like that with me: protective. I always mistook it for more.

  “I think it’s best if you didn’t drive me home, Jason.”

  “Yeah. Okay. Shit, Tori. I’m sorry I fucked up your night. Stay here, I’ll get Joey to take you home.”

  I nodded and he ran back into the restaurant. When he came back out, he wasn’t alone. All the guys were with him, and they didn’t look happy. Especially David.

  I shouted, “David!”

  He looked at the guys and then at me. With confidence, I walked up to where they stood.

  “You’re driving me home, David.”