Rediscovered Love

by Celeste Carrara

  He didn’t answer me and looked at Jason instead.

  “Don’t look at him for permission, David. Jesus Christ, it’s just a ride home!”

  David approached the valet and handed him his ticket without speaking to the group. All the guys remained quiet. Finally Joey said, “Well, it was great hanging with you guys. I gotta get home. See ya soon, Tori.”

  Mike and Brian followed his lead, but Jason didn’t move.

  “Come on, Jason, Dave will make sure Tori gets home safe. It’s time to go,” Joey urged him.

  With one last look at both David and myself, Jason said, “Yeah, okay. Take it easy, Dave, have a good night. Don’t do anything stupid. Goodnight, Tori.”

  He didn’t say, don’t leave with him, stay with me. He just gave David a warning and said nothing to me. The anger that built up in me could hardly be contained but somehow I managed.

  “Later, Jay. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of our girl, she’ll be fine with me,” David responded with a smirk.

  Perhaps he shouldn’t have been so cocky. Jason was in his face in an instant. Mike, Brian, and Joey jumped between them to stop things from going any further.

  Joey yelled out, “Just get in the car and take her home!”

  He opened the door for me, and I sat down as Jason’s eyes bored a hole through me. David got into the driver’s seat and peeled out of the spot, tires screeching. It was a scene I wished I could’ve avoided.

  I was silent during the ride, my mind racing with thoughts of Jason. He had always had feelings for me. Everyone knew it, including me. But he never wanted the commitment I wanted from him. I had to settle for the little he could give me. As we drove, it hit me. Jason cared for me. He was certainly attracted to me, but that something more that you needed to make a relationship become a real commitment just wasn’t there for him. He was always the one for me, but I was never the one for him.

  Chapter Six

  We pulled up to my house and David finally spoke. “What the fuck just happened back there, Tori?”

  “Why don’t you come in? I’ll make us some coffee and we can talk about it.”

  “Do you think that’s wise, asking me in?”

  “Yeah, why not?”

  “I can’t help but feel like I’m being used to get back at Jay.”

  “David, that’s not what’s going on here.”

  He appeared uncomfortable as he rubbed his palms up and down his thighs. The usually confident, flirtatious man that was always so bold with me became unsure, and I have to admit it was a turn on.

  “Okay, I’ll come in, but just for a little while.”

  The coffee was made and we sat at my kitchen table across from each other with our cups in hand. We killed the time with casual conversation until David changed direction.

  “Talk to me, Tori. What’s going on?”

  It was easy to open up to him and tell him how I felt, so I let it all out.

  “Jason and I have been over for three years now, David. He can’t claim ownership of me the minute I’m back in town. It is what it is between him and I. He was being an asshole tonight because he was jealous. He doesn’t want me, but he doesn’t want anyone else to have me either. Especially you.”

  “I know you love him, Tori, so where does that leave me? I know I put on the tough guy front and joke around a lot, but I care about you.”

  “I care about you too, David. How could I not?”

  “But you love Jason.”

  Our attraction was strong, but he was right. Part of me wished I didn’t care and could just throw David down and have my way with him. The rational part of me knew it was wrong to even think about it. He was Jason’s best friend.

  “I’m just gonna be honest with you here. This stays between us. I’m attracted to you. Really attracted to you. I have feelings for you, but Jason is my best friend. I would never jeopardize that. I’m not gonna be used for a one time thing with you and lose him as my friend. He’s like a brother to me.”

  I didn’t know what to say or how to react. I had to take a moment to collect my thoughts.

  “I’m going to be honest with you too. I feel the same for you. It’s wrong on so many levels, but I’m really, really attracted to you. But you’re right. My feelings for Jason are too mixed up right now and I don’t want to come between you two.”

  “You know, I’ve always had to admire you from a distance. I’ve accepted that a long time ago. I don’t stand a chance with you and I know that. I’m okay with it. I just want you to be happy. And I always want to be your friend. I’m sorry that I get out of line with the flirting and I promise to cool it with that stuff from now on.”

  “You’re a great guy, David, and your friendship is very important to me. We’re both adults. We should be able to reel in the hormones and keep things platonic.”

  “Yes. We should.”

  He stood and towered over me. He was close to my chair and I quickly got up to follow him to the door. It was time for him to leave. Once at the door, he turned to say goodbye. He leaned in to kiss my cheek and his lips landed at the corner of my mouth. All I had to do was move my head an inch and our lips would’ve met. It took every ounce of strength to retreat. My nerves caused my legs to shake and I could feel my heart race. My need for him was so strong.

  He placed a hand on my face. “Tori.” He whispered.

  My eyes were closed and all I could think of was his body so close to mine.

  “I gotta go.”

  That was it. He was gone in a flash and I was left panting yet breathless at the same time. It was crazy and my feelings made no sense. It was David, Jason’s best friend. There was no way I could be so attracted to him. It was wrong and I convinced myself that my grief coupled with my lack of male attention clouded my judgment. That was the only logical explanation for my feelings.

  Chapter Seven

  It took a couple of weeks, but I got my head on straight and secured a part time job at a local office that provided speech, occupational, and physical therapy. It helped pass the time while giving me some hands on hours I needed for my P.T. degree. It was a nice office and the staff was all friendly, but there was only one problem. Gossip ran rampant there. Everyone knew everyone, and that included my guys, as I liked to call them. The gossip proved helpful because I found out a lot about my old friends that I didn’t know. Mike had a serious girlfriend he failed to mention, and I knew that Brian, Mike, and Joey all worked together for the local utility company, but I wasn’t aware that Brian was their boss.

  The women at my job knew about Jason and I, most people in the neighborhood did, but they knew something about him that I didn’t. It seemed they couldn’t wait to share the dirt they had on Jason with me. The information I received was something I wasn’t ready to hear. Jason had been in a serious relationship with a girl for almost two years while I was gone. The news was like a smack in the face.

  He could never commit to me, but apparently he easily did so with someone else. The thought of him being serious with anyone other than me turned my stomach. My mind couldn’t help but think of his eyes looking into someone else’s and saying, “I love you.” I imagined a beautiful girl in his arms, her meeting his mother, hanging out with my friends. I wanted to find the girl who was so special he gave her everything he couldn’t give me and kill her. Why didn’t he tell me? Did he think I wouldn’t find out? Did he care if I did? So many questions swirled in my mind. But I mostly felt betrayed. I held on to hope for so long for nothing. Someone else beat me to it. He found her worthy, not me.

  * * *

  ***

  The area I lived in had changed while I was gone. It caught up with the times, and there was a Starbucks not too far from my house. It was a godsend. It was my favorite indulgence, and it was inside the store that I ran into Brian on a Saturday morning.

  “Hey Tori, how are you?”

  “I’m good, Brian. How are things with you?” I was such a good liar.

  “Good. I haven’t
seen you for a while. I heard you got yourself a job. Does that mean you’re staying here for good?”

  “No, I’m just here till school starts back up.”

  “Oh, that’s too bad. I’m glad I ran into you. Do you want to come hang out with me and the guys tonight?”

  “After what happened last time? I don’t think that’s a good idea, Brian.”

  “Fuck that, Tori. They were just being babies. I can assure you it won’t happen again. Besides, David and Jason are fine. I saw them at the gym together two days ago.”

  Skeptical, I said, “I’m glad they made up, but don’t you think my presence will stir things up again?”

  “No. Come on, it won’t be the same without you. Mike will be there with his girlfriend. You can finally meet her. I think he’s been hiding her from you. His face will be priceless when he sees you there,” he said with a laugh.

  “You’re terrible. Poor Mike, his poor girlfriend. Oh God, she’ll probably hate me!”

  He continued to laugh, and it was contagious. It was common knowledge Mike had never gotten over me. It wasn’t nice and I didn’t want to cause problems for Mike, but I was so curious about his girlfriend.

  “Alright, you talked me into it. Where are you guys going?”

  “There’s a lounge that opened up a few months ago, it’s not far from your house, on the Avenue.”

  “I think I know the place you’re talking about. Is it Roma’s?”

  “Yeah, that’s it.”

  “What time should I be there?”

  “How about I come pick you up? Is ten okay?”

  “Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll see you later.”

  “See ya later, Tori,” he said as he walked out the door.

  Going out with the guys was asking for trouble. I knew it, but I couldn’t help myself. I was lonely and needed to be around my friends. Deep down, I knew I was jumping at any opportunity to be around Jason again even though it was stupid of me. I couldn’t let it go, I had to find out about the girl he was with, and there was only one way to do that. I needed to confront him.

  * * *

  ***

  Brian showed up on time at ten sharp. He was so cute with his messy hairdo and rocker attire. Brian was probably the smartest in the group, which was probably why he worked his way up in his company. However, he dressed like a punk. His skinny jeans fit his thin figure well, and he paired them with Doc Marten boots and a band t-shirt. He had gages in his ears and a spiked belt to complete his look. We were complete opposites. My short fitted black dress and heels were not rocker style at all. They were slutty, and that was on purpose.

  “You look hot! Damn! Why do I have a feeling you were right? That outfit is definitely going to cause problems tonight.”

  He said it jokingly and I laughed along with him.

  “I had to sex it up, show Jason what he’s missing,” I told him as I winked before getting in his car.

  “Things would be so much easier if the two of you were a couple. Jason is such an asshole.”

  “Hey Brian, tell me about the girl he was with when I was gone. How serious was it?”

  He looked taken off guard by my question. “I don’t know if we should be talking about this.”

  “You owe me one, Brian. I know you told Jason about our night together.”

  Shocked, he answered, “How do you know that? He told you?”

  I nodded. “Yes. He threw it in my face the first chance he got.”

  “I’m sorry. He dragged it out of me! You left and I really thought you weren’t coming back so I told him.”

  Curious about Jason’s girlfriend, I asked, “It’s fine, don’t worry about it. So, do I know this girl?”

  He fidgeted in his seat as he drove us the short distance to the lounge. “No, she’s not from around here. She lives in Connecticut.”

  “So did she… take my place? Did she hang out with all of you?”

  “Tori, no one could take your place. Jason kind of kept her to himself. We only hung out with her a handful of times.”

  His words didn’t make me feel any better. “Was she pretty? Did she meet his family?”

  “Tori, stop. No one will ever compare to you. I don’t know the details of their relationship. If you want to know more, you’ll have to ask him yourself, but not tonight. Let’s try to just have a good night, like old times, okay?”

  He was so sweet, and I didn’t want to upset him so I agreed. I shoved my emotions down as I exited the car and entered the lounge with Brian with a smile on my face. The guys were gathered on a couch that was across from the bar. They appeared surprised to see me. Poor Mike almost dropped his drink. It didn’t take long for his girlfriend to guess who I was. She was the first to approach me.

  “You must be the infamous Victoria.”

  I didn’t know how to reply other than to say, “Umm, yeah.”

  I gave her my best harmless smile, hoping it conveyed what I wanted it to. She had nothing to worry about. I wasn’t a threat. I didn’t want her man. She stuck her hand out and I shook it in greeting.

  “I’m Amanda, Mike’s girlfriend. It’s nice to finally meet you. I feel like I know you already from all the stories I’ve heard from these guys,” she said with a smile.

  With relief I replied, “It’s nice to meet you too, Amanda. I hope they only told flattering stories because unfortunately, these guys can tell some really embarrassing ones too!”

  We shared a laugh. The mood was light and I was grateful. One by one the guys stood to kiss me hello. David and I acted as we naturally would, but I couldn’t help but think back to the last time we saw each other. As I looked at him, I knew he thought about it too. The guys started in with talk about our crazy times as teens and my attention was taken off David. Amanda seemed to love hearing the stories and laughed along with everyone. It made me so happy for Mike. She was a great girl and appeared to really care for him.

  The lounge started to play music and pretty soon it turned into a full-blown club. The place was packed, and people danced on the small dance floor. It had been a long time since I had danced and enjoyed myself. I took Joey up on his offer to go with him to the dance floor. The guys and Amanda joined us as well. The beat of the song “Up All Night” by Alex Clare penetrated the crowd. The music flowed through me and I swayed my body along with my eyes closed. It made me feel free. It was a time to let go and just enjoy the moment. When my eyes opened, Jason was dancing in front of me.

  He grabbed me by the waist and hauled me closer to him. His forehead was against mine as we swayed in an intimate dance. My hands rested on his neck as we grinded into each other. He was hard for me, and I wished the crowd away so our dance could become more, but they remained. Our lips were an inch away from meeting. I froze, afraid to move. He took over and brought our lips together. That was all it would take to get me hooked on him again. We both knew it. I didn’t dare pull away. It had been three long years since we last kissed and his lips against mine brought me back to a place where I felt loved.

  No one interrupted us as our kiss intensified. Jason pushed me off the dance floor and never broke our connection. My back hit the wall, but I felt no pain. His hands roamed and I didn’t stop him. He disconnected his lips only to bring them to my neck. His body continued to grind into mine, and the friction built my desire for him. I opened my eyes while Jason continued to feel me up and kiss my collarbone. My gaze met with David’s as he stood on the other side of the bar watching us.

  My heart stopped beating. It felt like I was doing something wrong. David didn’t look angry or jealous. That was what I expected his features to portray. His expression was filled with longing and…sadness. Jason grabbed my face and kissed me passionately, bringing my full attention back to him.

  “Bathroom,” Jason mumbled through our kiss.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Get in the bathroom, Victoria.”

  Excited, I made my way to the bathroom as he followed closely behind. Inside, we skippe
d foreplay, skipped a condom, and had sex like animals against the sink. The dress I wore forced me to go commando so Jason had easy access. He slipped into me easily because I was already wet. As he pushed into me fast and hard, my screams were probably heard over the music.

  “Fuck, Tori, I’m gonna come. Are you on the pill?”

  “No, but I use something else. Don’t worry, it’s okay, just come.”

  He trusted me (rightfully so) and we climaxed together in a beautiful release. After I washed up, I tried to fix myself, but I was a mess. My neck looked like a crime scene, my hair stuck out in different directions, and my dress was twisted around my body.

  “I love how you look right now,” Jason said as he smiled at me.

  “What? You like that I look like a train wreck?”

  He responded with a laugh, “You look like you’ve been properly fucked. I love it.”

  “We should probably get back out there.” I said.

  Jason replied, “Hey Tori, wait!”

  He stopped me from leaving and I asked, “What? What’s wrong?”

  He said, “Nothing. I just want you to know it’s good to have you back home. It’s like old times.”

  That worried me. He was right; it was exactly like old times. I wasn’t good enough for a relationship, but I was good enough for a quick lay. As usual, I made it easy for him. Feelings of regret crept in and I tried my best to douse them, but it was no use. I felt terrible. It was just sex and it meant nothing to him. When I was a teenager, it would’ve been enough. At twenty-two, I needed more. I deserved more.

  When we returned to our friends, silence fell over the group. Jason sat and pulled me onto his lap. I didn’t resist him. We were greeted by smiles all around.

  “Ah, now everything feels back to normal,” Joey said.

  Normal was not the word I would’ve used to describe the scene. Awkward was more like it. David didn’t take his eyes off of us, yet he made no eye contact with me. Jason didn’t engage him in any way. With me on his lap, he lazily moved his hands up and down my legs. David’s eyes finally met mine and in my head I screamed for forgiveness. His eyes betrayed him because they told me exactly what he felt. Hurt.