Play Me: A1pha (Alpha) Part 1

by Blue Ashcroft

  “You know,” Ethan says, rubbing his chin. “He did, after you left. But it, uh, doesn’t make as much as you would think. The rest of it came from… Uh, I guess he just… came into it.”

  Ethan gives me a rueful grin, like he knows how unconvincing that sounded.

  Ollie snorts, but there’s a dark feeling in the room that seems to hover around the subject. “Came into it. That’s one way of putting it.”

  “A lot of it,” Ethan finishes. “Like, an insane amount. Err, not that it really makes him more palatable.”

  “No kidding,” I say. “He probably just uses it to rub in people’s faces.”

  “No,” Ethan says, sitting across from me on the chair by the television. He leans forward over his knees. “Alex isn’t that kind of person. I know he seems harsh, but you know as well as me that the Alex on the outside isn’t the Alex you get on the inside.”

  “Deep,” I say, only slightly sarcastically.

  “That’s me,” Ethan says.

  “Oh, barf, I’m going to be sick,” Ollie says.

  “So just wait until he’s less angry before you judge him,” Ethan says, looking uncharacteristically serious.

  I cross my arms and sigh. “But why is he so angry at me?”

  At this, both guys look up at me, varying levels of disbelief reflected in their expressions.

  “You know, besides the obvious. I mean…” I take a deep breath. “You all have a right to be mad. I abandoned you for a douchebag. I chose him over you and didn’t listen to you about something you were obviously right about. I betrayed our friendship and ran away and was too cowardly to come back before things went bad.”

  My throat tightens up again with some stupid emotion, but I force myself to talk through it. “I wanted to patch things up, but I didn’t know how. I missed you guys. Even before things went down with Nate, I regretted it. I regretted shutting you all out.”

  “Maybe you should tell Alex that,” Ethan says, giving me a patient stare.

  “Wait, like now?” I ask.

  “No time like the present,” Ethan says.

  “But he’s pissed.”

  “He wants you to stay, right?” Ollie asks, one eyebrow raised like I’m being slow about something. “A1pha doesn’t just force charity on people willy-nilly.”

  “Nonsense. You’re all overprotective monsters,” I say, rolling my eyes.

  “You love it and you know it,” Ethan retorts.

  “I guess I’m the only non-controlling asshole,” Ollie says, putting his arms triumphantly behind his head.

  “Only because the other controlling asshole was doing your work for you,” Ethan mutters.

  “Eh.” Ollie shrugs, unbothered.

  “Well,” Ethan says, looking to the side. “In all fairness, that controlling asshole was only doing what he thought was best for you. So an apology delivered in person wouldn’t be out of line.”

  I frown and wring my hands in my lap, afraid to face him again.

  “I’m telling you, Kira, and I promise you this isn’t for my benefit.” Ethan sighs aggrievedly. “You should go talk to him.”

  “But Lulu’s here. It’d be rude to go.”

  “It’s okay,” she says. She doesn’t look at all displeased to be left alone with a couple of hot guys. “These are my friends too. Go ahead and take care of what you need to take care of, and if I’m still here when you come back down, I’ll say good-bye then.”

  “Yes, leave us to be inundated with Yaoi fan service requests,” Ollie says sardonically. But his eyes are laughing and he nods at me to go.

  “Okay,” I say hesitantly, wanting an excuse not to go. I slump over to the stairs, hoping someone will tell me to stay if I look dejected enough.

  “Good luck,” Lulu calls out.

  I ignore her and stomp up the stairs slowly and with bitter resignation. Why should I apologize? He hasn’t been a peach either. He’s the one who said everything was dead between us.

  I knock softly on the door. I won’t mind if he doesn’t hear.

  But just when I’m getting hopeful that he didn’t, the door swings open with a whoosh.

  Chapter 4

  He stares down at me, his handsome face grim and impatient. I hate myself for the shiver of attraction that runs over me as I look up and down his long body. Fresh air from an open window blows over me, cooling my head and making me aware that I’m just standing there awkwardly, staring at him.

  “What do you want?” He clenches his jaw, and a muscle at the side of his cheek twitches. “I’m busy.”

  “Can I come in?”

  He stares at me for a long moment, as if he expects that simply looking at me angrily will make me run away. When I don’t, he sighs and steps back, sweeping a hand out in sarcastic welcome.

  I ignore him and go in, restraining a gasp at the luxurious surroundings. Beautiful blue-and-gold upholstery on the drapes and bedspread, deep-brown carpet soft under my feet. A huge desk takes up one side of the room, with multiple computer monitors atop it, all currently on sleep mode. What was he doing in here? Working? Pouting?

  I walk in and sit on the edge of the bed. He frowns slightly, like it bothers him, and I stand up. “Where should I sit?”

  He pushes a chair over with one foot, and I sit down, slightly off balance. It’s soft and warm. He must have been sitting here. The thought is a bit unnerving.

  He sits on the bed across from me, and for a moment, the sight of his beautiful, tall, elegant body on a bed has my mind venturing where it shouldn’t.

  “It’s beautiful in here,” I say, turning my focus to the drapes, the window, anywhere but him.

  “I’ll make sure your bedroom is furnished quickly. I’m not trying to keep you in a prison,” he says grimly.

  “Aren’t you?” I ask, a bit of a grin pulling at the corners of my mouth.

  “Funny.” He stares back, not amused.

  “So Alex Dumont has a mansion now. How did that happen?” I ask, leaning forward with clasped hands.

  He shakes his head, ruffling his thick hair. “Don’t worry about it.”

  “You can tell me,” I say. “Remember, I know you.”

  “Knew me,” he says.

  I swallow and focus on the soft sunlight streaming over the carpet. “If you let me, I can know you again.”

  He sighs and looks off to the side, giving me a refined, angular profile. I love the tip of his nose, the long lashes I can see so well when he’s looking away. When he turns back, uncertainty swims in those ocean-green eyes. Eyes I could get lost in. “I don’t know if I want that, Kira.”

  “Oh,” I say. We stare at each other. I’m not sure if I should take comfort in the fact that his eyes are confused and a little guarded, rather than cold and angry like they have been since I got here.

  I want to remember what a smiling Alex looked like. Why isn’t Alex ever smiling anymore?

  “Anyway, I came up to tell you I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for what happened between us.” I look up into his eyes so he can see I’m sincere.

  He freezes, eyes widening slightly, as if my words mean everything to him. “For what?”

  I take a deep breath. “I should have listened.”

  “About what?” he asks.

  “About Nate.”

  “Okay, good,” he says. “Apology accepted. For that. Now what else?” His eyes narrow. His lashes and brows are so dark compared to his hair.

  “What else? What kind of response to an apology is that?” I ask scornfully.

  “It’s the perfect response to an inadequate apology,” he says.

  “Inadequate?” I ask, anger rising. “What else is there?”

  “Are you kidding me?” He shoves a hand through his hair and exhales loudly.

  “No, I’m not, and I obviously have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  He sighs and kneads his forehead. When he looks up, it’s at the window, that faraway look that makes me think he’s gone away somewhere in his mind. T
hen his face hardens and a slight smile creeps onto his lips. When he turns back to me, there’s a gleam in his eyes, hiding the fatigue I saw there previously. He’s just had an idea, and I don’t think I’m going to like it.

  “What is it?” I ask. “I don’t like that look.”

  “I said you could stay here, but we never did talk about rent,” he says smugly.

  “I—” I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. “How much do you want?”

  “Six fifty a month,” he says, tilting his head and folding his arms, waiting for my move.

  “What? That’s…”

  “Totally fair for a bedroom in this place.” He leans forward, rubbing his palms together slowly as he thinks. He meets my eyes, and I feel a shock like there’s electricity in the air waiting to be diffused. “But I’ll tell you what. Since you’re a friend, if you can remember how to properly apologize, I’ll waive rent.”

  “Sure, and if I knew what I needed to apologize for, I’d do it now,” I mumble, frustrated. I don’t even want to know to waive rent. I want to know just because I feel like I can somehow help the man behind those haunted eyes. But not if I don’t know what’s wrong.

  “Well, if you remember and you’re actually sorry about it, maybe we can be friends again. And I wouldn’t charge my friends rent.”

  “You’re insane,” I say bitterly. “You should just tell me. But if you won’t, I won’t be able to make rent.” I give him a bitter grin. It’s so bitter that he’s trying to manipulate me. “I guess I don’t have to stay here after all.”

  “Actually, I happen to know a way you can pay it… while you’re trying to jog your memory.”

  I curl back from him. “I don’t want your charity,” I mutter.

  “Oh, don’t worry,” he says, walking over to my chair. He rests his hands on either side of me, caging me in with those long, strong arms and that long body. His clean, masculine scent overwhelms me, like the smell of the ocean during a storm. His lips part slightly as he looks me over and a small chill runs down my spine in response. “I’ll make you earn it.”

  Chapter 5

  For a moment, I just stare at him, controlling my breathing and trying to ignore the frisson of arousal at his commanding tone. Something about it just lights me up, even though I know after Nate I should be done with controlling men.

  “Excuse me?” I ask, tamping down on the emotion welling up in me. “Make me earn it how?”

  He looks me over, searing my body with his gaze, and then his eyes flick to mine. I’m lost in their hypnotic depths. This man is impossible to be close to. Somehow, in the time I’ve been gone, he’s become worse. More cold, more powerful, and more un-ignorably hot.

  “How, Alex?” I ask, running my tongue over my dry lips. He draws a sharp intake of breath as his eyes flick to my mouth, and his tongue runs slowly over his bottom lip, making me ache. He seems to feel it too. His eyes are burning hot when we make eye contact. Then he sighs and pushes away from me, going over to the window to stand in front of it.

  “I’m not sure yet. I’ll figure it out.”

  “And I’m just supposed to stay here and wait to find out what you want from me?” I shake my head with an exasperated sigh. “Don’t play games with me, Alex.”

  “But all we ever did was play games, Kira.” There’s another meaning there.

  “At tournaments, sure,” I say. “At LAN parties sometimes.”

  He nods. “We were a good team, weren’t we?”

  “We were,” I reply quietly. “The best. It was mostly you, though. With those crazy reflexes. Did you get those from your parents?”

  He flinches slightly, all over, like he’s just been hit by a small shockwave. For a split second, strong, conceited Alex is gone. For a split second, I see a mask, broken down the middle.

  “No. No, my parents didn’t have great reflexes at all,” he says carefully, composing himself but trying to look like he never lost composure. I can almost see the microscopic building blocks rebuilding him to what he wants to be, what he normally is.

  “They didn’t?”

  “No.” He grabs a chair, sits in it facing the window, and goes silent.

  For a moment, it’s just the tick-tock of a desk clock and the sound of gentle wind through the open screen of the window. The sunlight waves through far-off trees and streams over the carpet in moving lines. I can’t pull my eyes from Alex’s back, wide and strong against something I can’t see.

  If only there wasn’t this distance between us, I could run to him and comfort him. Help him forget whatever he’s remembering. I wish I could go back, be the friend he needed whenever he needed me. I won’t say I was selfish because I was barely surviving. But I will say perhaps I could have done better, reached out somehow, swallowed my pride.

  I almost don’t even want to know. Perhaps it would be too painful to know how I failed.

  Maybe it’s not my place to interfere anymore. I have other things I need to focus on right now, like my game plan with Nate. But then he lets out a weary breath, and it does in the last of my reservations. I sigh and reach my feet out in front of me, pulling the rolling chair forward in small scoots accompanied by tiny squeaks.

  Alex stops, freezes, then throws a glance over his shoulder. When he sees what I’m doing, he raises an eyebrow.

  I take another loud scoot forward, and his shoulders rise and fall with silent laughter. When he turns to me this time, he has a bright smile on his face. One I haven’t seen in a long time. Damn, I forgot he’s most beautiful when he’s smiling. I stop mid-scoot, mouth hanging open.

  His smile softens slowly, like holding it for too long is painful, and I ache for him a little.

  “Alex, what happened while I was gone?”

  His face hardens swiftly, eyes instantly cold. All shields up. For one moment, I saw behind them. Then I dared to see more and he shut me down. Why does he really not believe that I don’t know?

  “I can’t believe you would play dumb about this,” he says.

  “I—”

  “I guess if you pretend not to know, you aren’t responsible, right?”

  “Responsible for what? I’m so lost.”

  “I’m sorry, but I find that hard to believe since half the world seems to know.”

  “Know what?” I burst out, emotions gone haywire. What is this thing I don’t know?

  “I’m done talking about this,” he says, a slight catch in his deep voice as he turns away from me.

  “So you want me to work for you and you’re going to keep secrets from me?”

  “It’s no secret,” he says begrudgingly.

  I stare at his back, marveling at the wide muscles there that taper to a trim waist. What is he bearing on that back?

  “Fine,” I say grumpily. “So what am I doing for you and what are you paying me?”

  “I’m not sure yet.”

  “So you’re asking me to accept a job where I don’t know what I’m doing or what I’m getting paid?”

  “I guess you have to trust me.” He’s wearing his pride again, looking at me with the same imperious expression he had when he first saw me on the porch. He thinks he’s so far above everyone, so magnanimous and in control of everything.

  “Should I trust you? It seems like all you want to do is punish me.”

  “It’s not all I want,” he says softly, his voice velvet as he looks me over.

  “What does that mean?”

  He turns back to the window, avoiding me once again. He’s king of the one shot. He fires. He runs. He’s safe.

  “Do you want to stay here or not? At least we could protect you,” he murmurs.

  “You know, maybe I don’t want to be protected by people who wish me harm. Maybe I get to choose who I let protect me.”

  “I could never mean you harm,” he says. “In fact, most of the dumb things I’ve done have involved trying to prevent that.”

  “Still, given the rockiness between us, maybe you aren’t the best cand
idate to be my protector.”

  At this, he turns slowly, pinning me with that arrogant gaze. “Could anyone do it better than me?” he asks seriously. “I am the perfect candidate.”

  My eyes widen. How does he say stuff like that with a straight face? “Oh? And what makes you so perfect for the job?”

  “Ah, so now it’s my job interview,” he says, leaning against the sill, looking like a dark angel with the sunlight behind him. “Fine. I understand Nate and he can’t get past me. I’m rich. I know you and the stupid things you do. I’m strong. I’m fast. And no one who wants to hurt you will ever, ever be able to get past me.” He studies his nails lazily before looking up at me again, making me catch my breath at his perfection. “That good enough for you?”

  I need to find my stomach. It just fell out of my body to an unknown location. My heart is beating double time in its absence.

  “And in return, you want me to work for you.”

  He nods. “My protection for your trust.”

  “I don’t know,” I say.

  “What else did you want when you came to my doorstep?”

  “Friendship,” I mutter.

  “Well, maybe we can have that at some point too. After you jog your memory.”

  “I don’t have the memory so I can’t jog it.”

  “Hmm.”

  “But fine,” I say, looking beyond him to the beautiful yard, the perfect trees blowing in the breeze. The smell of fresh-cut grass wafts through the window. “I’ll work for you. On one condition. No funny business. I’m not a prostitute.”

  One eyebrow lifts. Alex Dumont is not amused. “I don’t think you need to worry about that.”

  “Oh yeah,” I say. “I forgot you’re not interested.”

  He nods with a cold shrug of his shoulders.

  “I guess I’m going to go unpack, then,” I say, standing and pushing the chair away from me, toward him.

  “Do you have much to unpack?”

  “Just some clothes. I just got them back from Lulu.”

  He goes to his desk and turns on the monitors, like he’s going to start work the minute I leave. “Fine. I’ll think about the terms of our agreement and get back to you.”