Dangerous to Know & Love

by Jane Harvey-Berrick

  The mood as they left the hospital was somber. They’d arrived with such high hopes and now Lisanne was feeling not only deflated, but concerned, too.

  “Honey, would you like us to stay one more night?” asked Monica, sensing her daughter’s anxiety. “Then we could drive Daniel to his house when he’s released. Harry will be fine with the Milfords for another night. We can all travel home together.”

  “Thanks, mom,” said Lisanne quietly.

  Her dad gave her a hug.

  “He’ll be fine. It’s still less than 24 hours since his operation. Give him time.”

  While Ernie called the motel to reserve their room for another night, Lisanne and her mom waited at the entrance. Monica tried to persuade her that worrying wouldn’t help.

  “Daniel needs you to be positive right now. I can’t imagine what he’s been going through – and without any real family support from what I can see,” she added, frowning. “Despite what has been going on between you two.”

  “I… I thought he was going to break up with me. Mom, I was so horrible to him. I feel so bad. And now this…”

  She passed her mother the letter Daniel had written, and watched her face as Monica read it through. When she’d finished, she hugged her daughter tightly.

  “Daniel is a very special young man,” she said. “I’m glad he’s found my very special daughter.”

  Lisanne managed a small smile, mostly to reassure her mom.

  When they returned to the hospital several hours later, Monica and Ernie decided to wait in the lounge again, giving their daughter a chance to see Daniel alone. But as she entered his room, he’d only had a chance to smile and say hi, before she was overtaken by a young doctor, tailed by a bevy of medical students.

  “Mr. Colton, I’m Dr. Mendez, I’ll be taking a look at your wound.”

  “Where’s the other guy – Palmer?” said Daniel, sounding defensive.

  The doctor turned and looked at Lisanne when he answered. “Doctor Palmer has instructed me to supervise your recovery period.”

  “Well, you can start by looking at Daniel when you speak to him,” snapped Lisanne, “as he’s just had a cochlear implant and he still needs to lip read you because he’s still deaf.”

  The doctor looked irritated and flustered, but turned to repeat the information to Daniel. Lisanne noticed that several of the students were holding back grins.

  “Are you family?” he said to Lisanne, trying to reassert his authority.

  She crossed her arms. “Yes.”

  The doctor sniffed and looked disgruntled, then directed his attention to Daniel’s wound. The students stood in a semicircle around him, dutifully taking notes.

  “This patient presented with idiopathic sensorineural hearing loss from the age of 14, and chose this elective procedure after losing hearing below 110 decibels, at the age of…”

  “Fuck!” yelped Daniel, as the doctor knocked his ear while pulling off the bandage.

  Lisanne took a step closer, ready to act as a bodyguard, should it be needed.

  The doctor probed the wound, more carefully this time, but Daniel still winced. Lisanne’s face lost some of its color when she saw the jagged six inch incision snaking upwards from behind his left ear, sewn together with small, precise stitches. Either side of the wound, his head had been completely shaved. She could see now why he’d opted for the buzz cut.

  The skin looked pink and angry to Lisanne, but the doctor seemed pleased.

  “Yes, that’s healing up nicely. No sign of infection. Any tenderness?”

  Lisanne sighed and stood in front of Daniel. “He wants to know if there’s any tenderness?”

  “Of course there’s fucking tenderness! Are you sure this guy’s a doctor?”

  This time the medical students chuckled quietly and the doctor flushed with anger.

  Lisanne giggled. Daniel winked at her, and a slow smile stretched across his face.

  “Lis, can you check to see if my brain is hanging out? I’m not sure this guy would recognize it.”

  She slapped his arm.

  “Stop it!”

  He just grinned. “Take a souvenir picture for me, baby doll?”

  Lisanne grabbed his phone and took a couple of shots of the grisly sight. She couldn’t wait for it all to be a dim and distant memory.

  “Any numbness? Can you feel that?”

  The doctor touched the tip of Daniel’s ear.

  “Huh, no, nothing. That’ll be a cheap piercing.” He raised his eyebrows at Lisanne, who tried to look cross.

  “Any loss of taste?”

  “I’ve been eating hospital food all day – how the hell am I supposed to know?”

  Lisanne snickered.

  “So, doc, can I get out of here?”

  The doctor walked around to face Daniel again, obviously annoyed.

  “Let me see how your balance is, Mr. Colton.”

  Daniel swung out of the bed smoothly, but wobbled as he stood up, another attack of vertigo sweeping over him.

  “And walking?”

  Daniel grit his teeth and made it across the room, swaying slightly.

  “Hmm, Dr. Palmer has recommended one more night in hospital, Mr. Colton,” said the doctor, ignoring Daniel’s curse, “and I concur. We’ll see how you are in the morning. I’ll send in a nurse to dress your wound. You’ll need to keep the gauze strips for another week.”

  The doctor swept back out of the room, his head held high, the flock of students lagging behind.

  Lisanne heard one of the students whisper, “He was cute! He can be my patient any day.”

  She threw an angry look but it bounced futilely off of the girl’s back.

  Daniel was oblivious and sitting back on the bed, looking mutinous.

  “Hey,” she said, stroking his cheek. “It’s only one more night. You were expecting that, right?”

  “Easy for you to say,” he said sulkily. “Seeing you is the only good part of the whole fucking day.”

  She smiled happily. “Kirsty says ‘hi’ and Harry said something that I didn’t understand: he’s practicing. Does that mean anything to you?”

  Daniel smirked. “Guy talk. Don’t worry about it.”

  “Ugh, I don’t think I want to know.”

  “Did you tell Kirsty?”

  Lisanne sighed as the shutters came down, and Daniel’s expression resorted to the careful blankness that she found so frustrating.

  “She drove me here – I had to tell her.”

  “Has she… told anyone else?”

  “I don’t know. Vin maybe. I could ask her…”

  He lifted his hand to his head then dropped it again. “Yeah, I don’t want anyone else to know…”

  “Okay.”

  He rubbed his forehead tentatively.

  “Have you got a headache? Sorry – dumb question.”

  He lay back, wincing as his head touched the pillow.

  “It’s weird – talking feels sort of uncomfortable. It feels like the vibrations from my voice are moving the implant. I don’t know. I know that’s not possible. It’s freakin’ bizarre to think I have a chunk of metal in my head.”

  Then he opened his eyes again and smiled up at Lisanne.

  “You know what’s good for curing headaches?”

  “What?” she said, wary of the wicked gleam in his eye.

  “Hey, come here.”

  He held out his hand and pulled her down until she was sitting on the bed next to him, smiling the sexy smile that always got Lisanne hot and bothered.

  “Sex,” he said.

  “Excuse me?”

  “Sex is great for headaches. Just sayin’.”

  “Daniel! We can’t… I’m not… I can’t even believe you’re suggesting it! You’ve just had surgery! No. Definitely not.”

  He kissed her neck and licked the base of her jaw.

  She moaned softly.

  “I’ve missed you, baby doll,” he whispered. “Feel what you do to me.”

/>   He moved her hand down, and she felt him becoming hard beneath the hospital sheet.

  She gasped and glanced toward the door, but she didn’t move her hand away either.

  He shifted his hips upwards.

  “Lis…” His voice was almost pleading.

  Keeping her eyes on the door, she slipped her hand underneath the sheet.

  She glanced quickly at Daniel. He was watching her intently, his lips slightly parted. He was hot and hard under the sheet and she ran her fingers along his length, seeing his eyes darken with need and lust. She grasped him firmly and a soft noise broke from his lips. She moved her hand more quickly, feeling his body responding.

  And then her mother knocked on the door. Lisanne jerked her hand away so quickly, Daniel gagged and nearly swallowed his tongue.

  “Is everything okay in here?” said Monica, staring anxiously at Daniel’s flushed face.

  Then she looked at her daughter, who seemed to be finding the floor of extreme interest.

  “Daniel has a headache,” Lisanne stammered.

  There was an appalled silence.

  “I see,” said her mother tightly. “Well… we should be going now, Lisanne. We’ll give you a ride back to campus. You feel well, Daniel.”

  Lisanne raised her eyes to Daniel, who seemed to be having trouble forming words.

  “Yeah, yeah,” he gasped.

  “Um, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Uh huh.”

  Monica grabbed her daughter’s arm and marched her out of the room.

  * * *

  Daniel wished to hell and back that Monica had waited just another two minutes before deciding to check on them, and interrupting what was proving to be a very enjoyable hospital visit. Two goddamn minutes! That woman could win a gold medal at cockblocking.

  It had felt so good to have Lis’s hands on him. He hadn’t been sure he’d see her again after she’d slapped him that night – he’d really thought it was all over for them. She wasn’t the first woman who’d hit him and he knew it didn’t usually mean anything good. He’d just held onto the hope that Lisanne would relent once she knew the truth – once she’d read his letter.

  It had been hell not touching her after Thanksgiving, but somehow it had felt wrong when he knew what he was keeping from her.

  Seeing her again at the hospital, it had been a relief. More than that – it had given him some peace. But now his frustration was at an all time high. Sighing, he shuffled into the private bathroom to finish the job in hand, then cleaned himself up.

  While he was there he brushed his teeth, even though it hurt to open his mouth fully. Everything in his head ached and he wondered if he could have more painkillers yet. He’d have given his left nut for a smoke – or some weed.

  The bathroom door opened a fraction and he saw Zef peering cautiously around the door.

  “Hey, man. Thought you might be on the can. You okay?”

  “Yeah, but I’ve got to stay another night. Balance is all shot to hell.”

  Zef frowned. “Bummer. Can you ride Sirona like that?”

  “No, not till the doc says so. Could be a week or so.”

  “How you gonna get around, man?”

  Daniel shrugged. “Walk. Take the bus. Maybe you could give me a ride?” he said, looking at Zef hopefully.

  “Well, yeah, but I’m pretty busy.”

  “With what?”

  “Don’t ask.”

  “Come on, Zef. You said you’d talk to me after Thanksgiving, but I’ve hardly seen you.”

  “That’s because you were planning to get that junk shoved in your skull.”

  Daniel felt angry. Not this again. “Don’t start.”

  “All because of some piece of skirt! What is going on with you?”

  “Don’t talk about her like that!” Daniel’s voice held a quiet warning.

  “You want to talk, so let’s talk!” Zef said angrily. “You always said you never wanted the operation, then you meet this chick and suddenly you’re having surgery on your head. Explain it to me.”

  Daniel took a deep breath, trying to order the words that he’d thought a thousand times.

  “If this works, I’ll hear music again. It’s about the music. Lis – she just… I see what music means to her.” He shrugged. “She reminds me of me… how I used to be.”

  Zef sighed, and his shoulders dropped as his aggressive stance relaxed.

  “Yeah, I get that. I just hated the way you snuck off and did it. I mean, fuck. I’m your brother and you told that bitch but you didn’t tell me.”

  “If you call her that again, we’re going to have a serious fucking problem.” Daniel paused. “And I didn’t tell anyone. It was my decision – no one else’s.”

  Zef shook his head. “Whatever. Just tell me that Medicaid covers everything. We’re not going to get landed with any big hospital bills or shit.”

  A bitter expression crossed Daniel’s face. “No. It’s covered.”

  “Good.” Zef stared at his brother. “Look, I’ve got to get going. I brought you some smokes and a little something extra.” He winked. “See you at home tomorrow.”

  After Zef left, Daniel dragged himself back to bed. Despite bitching like crazy about having to stay in for another night, he was secretly relieved. Everything at the hospital was in order, everything was calm. He didn’t have to worry about who the hell was in his house, or what shit his brother was getting into. If his Baby Doll could have been there, it would have been damn near perfect – except for feeling like he’d lost a fight against a bad-tempered rhino, and now had a hangover that could have felled a Canadian hockey team.

  He climbed wearily onto his bed, pulling Zef’s gift toward him: the plastic bag contained two packs of Camel, a lighter, blunt wrappers, and a small cube wrapped in tin foil. Daniel sniffed it – resin dope. It explained the blunt wrappers. Jeez, he was tempted.

  He hadn’t told Zef, but he’d tried to give up smoking before the operation – an additional reason that Lisanne had found him jittery and with a short fuse. It wasn’t the best timing, what with feeling so fucking stressed, but he figured he’d feel shit enough in hospital without being desperate for a smoke, as well. Trouble was, three weeks hadn’t been long enough to break a three year, 20 a day habit.

  He checked the window by his bed. Typical hospital arrangement – it would only open a few inches. Not enough room to lean out and have a smoke. Or take a fucking dive. Sighing, he dropped the bag on the floor where it was out of sight, and lay back carefully. His head hurt like a bitch and he could only lie comfortably with his face turned to the right.

  He knew he wasn’t the world’s most patient person, in fact he’d go so far as to admit he was an impatient son of a bitch – which meant that the next few days of sitting around were going to be a pain in the butt. And it would be well into January before the audiologist first attempted to tune in the processor and transmitter, followed by more weeks of waiting to see how much – or if – he’d be able to hear.

  He hated the thought of having to deal with a hearing device, batteries, and all of that again. He remembered when he’d first worn hearing aids to high school. His real friends had treated him pretty much the same, but there was all the usual name-calling: ‘soundproof’, ‘earwax’, ‘cyborg’, ‘Dan Deaf’ – short conversations with fuckwits that Daniel had ended with his fists. Conversations that had driven his parents crazy because of all the times they’d been called in to speak to the Principal about another fight he’d gotten into.

  But worse than the fights had been the pitying glances. Girls who’d flirted with him and thought he was hot, now looked like they felt sorry for him and wanted to bake him cookies instead of making out behind the gym. He never wanted to see that sort of pity on Lisanne’s face. He couldn’t help worrying how she’d react the first time he wore his new hearing processor. He knew from experience that it was one thing to know that someone was deaf, but a whole other thing entirely to see the physical manifesta
tion of that disability. Would she look at him differently? Would he start to see the sideways glances? Would he read regret in her face? Regret for getting involved with someone like him.

  And while he was still concerned to maintain his privacy at college, he didn’t care so much anymore about the negative comments from people he didn’t know. They could all just fuck right off.

  His thoughts turned to Zef. He’d never seen him wound so tight. Whatever was going on was serious.

  He rubbed his forehead again. It was the only part of his head that didn’t hurt.

  A nurse came in with more Tylenol and looked like she wanted to stay and chat, but Daniel was feeling drained and his eyes were closing.

  He slept fitfully, dreaming that Lisanne’s disappointed eyes were turning away from him.

  By morning, Daniel was desperate to leave. His headache had lessened, and he’d practiced walking across the room, testing his balance and fighting off sudden attacks of vertigo. He was left kicking his heels until the doctor made his rounds again. Daniel was just thinking of heading the hell out, when the same guy as the day before wafted in.

  “Good morning, Mr. Colton,” said the doctor, trying to sound severe.

  “Yeah, can I get out of here now?”

  Dr. Mendez checked the wound again, declaring himself satisfied – but wouldn’t sign off because of the fact that Daniel was still lurching as he walked across the room.

  “I think one more night just to be sure, Mr. Colton.”

  “Not going to happen, doc. Things to do, places to be.”

  “That would not be sensible.”

  “Come on, give me a break. You want me out of here just as much as I want to go.”

  The doctor finally cracked a smile.

  “Will you have someone to look after you for a couple of days until you’re back on your feet?”

  “Sure. My brother is… home.”

  “Fine,” said the doctor, resigned. “I’ll get the pharmacy to send up a pack of gauze so you can have your brother dress your wound. You’ll need to return in five days to have the stitches removed.”

  Daniel nodded.

  “And I’ll have an orderly bring a wheelchair to take you down.”

  “Fuck that! I’m not going to be wheeled out of here!”