Dangerous to Know & Love

by Jane Harvey-Berrick

  “I thought you might say that,” sighed the doctor, “but if you fall over on your way out of the hospital, it’ll be my ass that gets sued. And wait until your taxi is at the curb.”

  Daniel looked like he was about to argue.

  “Just take the damn chair,” snapped the doctor. “Please.”

  Daniel smiled then cautiously pulled on a black beanie, making sure it covered the gauze as well as both ears.

  “Fair enough.”

  It turned out that the porter was a football fan, and soon forgot that he was supposed to be wheeling Daniel in the chair as they walked along. Instead they talked about the new Falcons signing who could bench press 225 pounds 24 reps, and run a forty yard dash in 4.43 seconds.

  Daniel was so focused on the conversation that he almost missed Lisanne and her parents, as they made their way through the crowded entrance.

  He felt someone grab his elbow, nearly tipping him over. When he’d caught his balance he glanced up to see Lisanne’s worried face.

  The porter hurried away, looking guilty.

  “Hey, baby doll” said Daniel, with a grin. “I got sprung.”

  “Are you sure? You look kind of wobbly.”

  He winked at her, and she sighed.

  “Fine. Mom and dad are here – we can give you a ride.”

  “‘S’okay, I can get a cab.”

  “Shut up and get in the damn car, Daniel.”

  He grinned. “Feisty, baby doll. I like it.”

  She pulled his arm again, more gently this time, and placed it around her waist, where Daniel was more than happy to have it.

  Monica hugged him and kissed his cheek, which made Daniel duck his head in embarrassment. He was much more comfortable with Ernie’s brisk handshake.

  He climbed into the back of their station wagon, trying to ignore the annoying feeling of vertigo every time he leaned forward. That shit could make you nauseous. He gave Ernie the zip code for the GPS, and sat back in the car, feeling Lisanne’s warm hand in his. He wished he could kiss his girl properly, but he knew she wouldn’t want that in front of her parents. He sighed. It was three weeks until the start of the next semester – three weeks before he’d see Lisanne again.

  He felt her fingers tighten on his hand and he smiled at her, before leaning back and letting the streets drift past him, a silent parade of shops, offices, people, cars.

  When they reached Daniel’s house, Monica turned worried eyes toward her husband. There seemed to be a party going on at the Colton home. Cars and motorbikes lined the road and loud music blared out. One guy was urinating by the side of the house, and two more were sitting on the front steps, sharing a bottle of tequila.

  Daniel kept his face neutral, but he could make a pretty good guess what Lisanne’s parents must be thinking.

  “We can’t leave him here!” hissed Monica.

  Ernie nodded, his face angry.

  “Daniel…” Lisanne began.

  “Hey, don’t worry, baby doll,” he said, kissing her cheek lightly. “It doesn’t bother me – I can’t hear any of it, so no problem.”

  Lisanne hated hearing him laugh it off like that.

  He leaned forward to open the door, pausing until the head rush passed.

  “Hey,” she tapped his hand, “do you have any food in the house?”

  “Sure. I stocked up on Pop Tarts. I’m kidding! Yeah, I bought food, no problem.”

  “Is… is Zef home?”

  Daniel shrugged. “Don’t know. Baby doll, don’t worry about me. I’m fine. Text me when you get home? Thanks for the ride Monica, Mr. Maclaine.”

  “Mom!” said Lisanne desperately. “Dad?”

  Her parents looked at each other, a silent agreement passing between them.

  Monica turned around so Daniel could see her face.

  “Why don’t you come and stay with us while you recuperate. You’d be more than welcome.”

  Daniel glanced at Lisanne in surprise.

  “Um, that’s really nice of you, Monica, but…”

  “You can’t stay here!” said Lisanne, desperately. “Who’ll look after you?”

  Daniel started to shake his head, then winced.

  “I’ll be fine, Lis. I wasn’t expecting anything – this is what I’m used to. And I have to be back at the hospital in five days for them to take the stitches out.”

  “But…”

  “I should stay near the hospital where the surgery was done, Lis. Just in case.”

  Which was the winning argument.

  Lisanne bit her lip. “But you’ll come after that? Mom, Dad, he can come for Christmas, right?”

  “Of course,” said Monica, looking to her husband for confirmation.

  “You’ll be very welcome,” said Ernie.

  Daniel still looked surprised as he turned to Lisanne. “I just gotta get through the next week, baby doll.” Then he looked at Monica. “Is it okay if I let you know?”

  “Yes, of course. Be well, Daniel. But… you know you can call if you need anything?”

  He gave a wide, genuine smile. “Thanks, Monica.”

  Moving slowly, he climbed out of the car and made his way up to the front door, turned carefully and waved.

  Chapter 20

  Daniel made his way past the men sitting outside his house, who glanced at him with slight curiosity, then pushed his way through to the hall. It was jammed full of strangers – and even more trashed than usual. He hadn’t thought that was possible, without actually torching the place.

  The living room was full of gyrating bodies dancing, drinking and snorting fuck knows what. His eyes narrowed on a woman who was shooting up in the corner. Nobody noticed, or if they did, nobody cared. Fuck, he had to admit that things had gotten a lot worse recently.

  For the first time he felt disgusted with what his home had become. He could put up with people drinking, smoking weed and snorting coke – hell, he’d done all of those things and often. Well, not so much since he’d started college – or rather, since he’d started seeing Lisanne – but he didn’t count it as anything too serious. If people wanted to party, that was their choice. But this – this was different. He thought back to what Detective Dickwad had told him – that Zef was dealing meth. As far as Daniel knew, that shit could be smoked, snorted, injected or just plain swallowed. Maybe Dickwad was right, and this had all been going on under Daniel’s nose, so to speak. Maybe Daniel had closed his eyes to all of this for too damn long. He tried to push the thought away but it was like a virus, working through his body, spreading its insidious poison.

  As he trudged up the stairs, the whole scene happening in the rooms below made him wonder if he didn’t need a better lock on his bedroom door. Or maybe just reinforced steel plate. He wished again he could afford to move out, then felt guilty for thinking about leaving Zef. His brother was all the family he had left.

  Instead, he sent him a text letting him know that he was home.

  His head was pounding and the skin on the left side felt tight and sore. All he wanted to do was lie down in his own damn bed and rest. Tired as he was, his brain was twisting with thoughts and ideas, trapped in the whirlpools and eddies of his consciousness. He’d learned that you can run from everything but your own sweet self.

  He tried to focus.

  When had Zef changed his business pattern? Daniel searched backward through his memories: when, when had things started to accelerate toward the bad?

  He sat up suddenly and had to clutch his stomach, as a brief wave of nausea rushed through him.

  Fuck, he’d been so blind!

  He lowered himself down carefully, and knelt on the dusty floorboards, pulling out a box from under his bed. It was filled with financial documents, many from his parents’ time: their Wills, along with health insurance, college fees, bank statements, bills, credit card statements – and details of his college trust fund. He’d gone through it all when he’d decided to have the CI operation. He’d needed to confirm that Medicaid covered it, a
s it turned out – at least until he was 21. But now, he couldn’t find the trust fund documents. He searched through the papers but they’d vanished. Frustrated and starting to see double, he went through each document for a third time. Still nothing.

  Daniel sat back on his heels and tried to look at all the possibilities, but everything was pointing in one obvious direction – he’d just been too self-absorbed and preoccupied to see it before.

  Fact one: his brother had dropped out of college when their parents had been killed. He always said it was because studying wasn’t for him and he’d rather be out in the ‘real’ world, but now Daniel wasn’t so sure. Zef was a bright guy – before he’d gotten into ‘retail’, he’d been as interested in engines as Daniel, and had been studying mechanical engineering.

  Fact two: Zef had always insisted that their parents’ life insurance had paid off the mortgage on the house, with money left over for living expenses for a few years. Daniel had been 17 and away at school, so it hadn’t occurred to him to challenge it – but what if Zef had exaggerated the amount of money as a way of protecting his little brother from an uglier truth?

  Fact three: Zef had totally lost his shit when Daniel had gotten the $1000 speeding fine – the fine Daniel had said he’d pay for out of his college trust fund. He’d even hit him – something Zef had never done before.

  Fact four: the paperwork about his trust fund had mysteriously gone missing.

  Fact five: only one person besides himself knew where he kept those documents – and had a key to his room.

  Which, as far as Daniel could see, added up to one, clear, indisputable fact number six: they were both neck deep in shit.

  A cold, sick feeling swept through him – one which had nothing to do with his recent operation.

  He picked up his phone to text Zef again.

  * D: need see you. am at home. *

  He stood up slowly and hunted through his cabinet for the food that he’d bought before going into hospital – crackers that he’d stashed along with a bag of apples. He stared at the food items that were supposed to constitute his eating plan for the next two days. What a moron: he’d bought two items that were going to require some serious jaw action – and consequently hurt the most to eat right now. Idiot. Hungry and depressed, Daniel continued to rifle through the cabinet, hoping that something more palatable might emerge from the depths. Finally, he unearthed two packets of instant soup at the back. They were only six months out of date, so consequently nothing he was going to worry about.

  He left the room briefly to fill his kettle from the faucet in the bathroom. When he returned, Zef was sitting on his bed, looking tired and slightly strung out.

  “Hey, bro. They let you go.”

  “Nah, had to dig a tunnel.”

  Zef gave the ghost of a smile. “Let’s see it then.”

  Daniel pulled off his beanie and showed Zef the line of gauze and tape.

  “Whoa, impressive. Makes you look like a double hard bastard.”

  “Thanks, I think.”

  “Just sayin’, man. When do you get hooked up to the sound system?”

  “Not till after the holidays.”

  “Think it’ll work?”

  “Maybe. No one knows for sure.”

  “Bummer.”

  Daniel nodded, then winced.

  “So, you said you needed to see me. What’s up?”

  Daniel stared at his brother without blinking. “How much do you owe?”

  “What?”

  “I’m not a fucking idiot, Zef. All that shit downstairs, this isn’t you. Or it didn’t use to be. Is all the money gone – what mom and dad left?”

  The silence stretched out between them until Zef exhaled in one long, sour breath.

  “Yeah, it’s all gone.”

  Daniel closed his eyes, having seen the words that confirmed everything he’d been dreading.

  “Did… how much… did they really leave what you said – or was that a lie, too?”

  Zef looked down. “No, they left us in pretty good shape. I was the one who fucked up.”

  “Were you going to tell me?”

  Zef pulled a face. “I was hoping I wouldn’t have to. I’d planned to wait until the end of the school year. I kept thinking I’d be able to make the money back, but I just got in deeper. I’m sorry, bro.”

  Daniel rubbed the side of his head carefully. “How much have you borrowed?”

  “It’s not like that.”

  “What’s it like?”

  “I owe some favors to some people you don’t say ‘no’ to, okay.”

  Daniel’s temper exploded, sending a pulse of pain through his skull.

  “Okay? Are you fucking kidding me? This is so far from ‘okay’ I don’t even know what fucking planet you’re on!”

  Zef’s fierce expression softened as he saw his brother’s physical and mental pain. “Look, I made some bad business decisions, but the house is safe. I wouldn’t risk that. You’ll always have a home here, bro.”

  “You call this a home? Full of strangers shooting up? I have to lock my bedroom door – I have to lock the fucking bathroom door to stop it getting trashed. I can’t bring any friends back here. I mean, have you even looked at this place lately?”

  “I knew this would fucking happen,” sneered Zef. “As soon as you got your little middle-income bitch of a girlfriend, and started visiting her place in the burbs, pretending you’re… whatever the fuck you think you are now – too good for your own home… college boy.”

  Daniel clenched his fists, and Zef saw a moment flash across his brother’s face when Daniel thought about hitting him – about beating the crap out of him.

  “Don’t, Zef. Just… don’t. Can’t you see what’s going on here? You are so fucking close to getting your ass thrown in jail. The cops know you’re dealing. Hell, I get stopped at school every other day by some fucker trying to score. The cops could take you down any moment, but they’re waiting for you to fuck up big time or something. You think they’ll stop at you –when they finally get a search warrant for this place? I’m just as likely to go down as you are. You even care about that?”

  “Yeah, because you’re so fucking snow-white! I’ve seen you totally wasted, man, don’t pretend I haven’t.”

  “I don’t fucking deal!” shouted Daniel.

  Zef was silent. “No, you don’t: you just live off the proceeds of it.”

  Daniel’s expression was stricken as he stared at the stranger with a familiar face.

  Zef stood up and brushed past him. Without facing Daniel he said, “I’m so fucking sorry, brother.”

  The door closed and Daniel slumped down onto his bed. So many feelings swept through him, that he didn’t know which one to deal with first. Anger was the dominant emotion, but there was also fear and disappointment, along with a strong sense of betrayal. He’d trusted Zef.

  Daniel’s progressive and rapid deafness had isolated him in so many ways. At a time when his school friends were worrying about zits and wet dreams, sounds were becoming misty, and jokes lost in waves of words where he could no longer distinguish consonant from vowel. Even when he’d gone to the special school, he’d been largely alone, refusing to see himself as part of the deaf community. When he’d gotten the news that his parents had died, it had been Zef who’d driven through the night to tell him, brother to brother. Through it all, through every dark moment, Zef’s large presence had offered humor at the blackest times, and strength at Daniel’s weakest.

  But at that moment, sitting in the bedroom of his family home with his brother mere feet and inches away, Daniel’s sense of loneliness had never been greater.

  Right now, he had one good thing in his life.

  As if thinking about her had conjured her, Daniel’s phone vibrated in his pocket. He smiled when he saw the message.

  * L: we’re home. mom & dad fought 3 hours solid.

  I have headache – how’s yours?

  wish I could help with pain reli
ef ; ) LA xx *

  * D: me too, you have no idea. offer still open?

  could come up Friday after check-up. *

  * L: YES! – shouting – you safe to ride? LA xx*

  * D: will take bus. *

  * L: can’t wait! LA xx *

  * D: : ) x *

  Now he had things to do, decisions to make. But not yet.

  Tomorrow was soon enough.

  Over the next few days, Daniel’s strength began to return. His headache withered and gave up, although the wound was still tender, and trying to dress it himself was a bitch – ‘fiasco’ was an equally apt word. He refused to ask Zef for help. The spells of dizziness decreased, too, although they were still debilitating when they happened.

  Occasionally, he’d forget to be careful – which was a good sign in some ways – but then he’d whack his ear or his head and spend the next five minutes cursing loudly, colorfully and imaginatively.

  Zef had stayed out of his way, and Daniel spent most of the time sitting in his room reading, only heading out on foot to forage for food, careful how much money he spent. His bank account was already on the critical list – he didn’t want it to expire during the holidays. He had plans for increasing its health as soon as possible.

  Which meant that the first visit he made as soon as he was able, was to the auto repair shop where he’d worked over the previous two summers.

  The workshop area was dark and every piece of woodwork was slick where oily hands had touched it. But Salvatore Coredo had an enviable reputation as a restorer of classic cars. Motorcycles were a profitable sideline.

  “Dan! What you doing here? You finally get religion and decided to make me a happy man? The offer on your Harley is still open.”

  Daniel smiled at the familiar banter. Ever since Sal had set eyes on Sirona, battered as she’d been, he’d coveted her. And every time he saw Daniel, he tried to talk him into selling.

  “Maybe, Sal, but I’m looking for work. Can you give me some hours?”

  “Thought you were going to school? You drop out already?”

  Daniel scowled and Salvatore laughed.

  He’d known Daniel for two years and had helped him rebuild Sirona – he knew exactly which buttons to press.