Barefoot

by Ruth Patterson

  ‘It’s none of your bloody business. You moved out, remember?’ Arabella was consumed with rage now and fought him madly.

  ‘You’re out of control.’ He gripped her wrist tightly.

  ‘There’s nothing wrong with me.’ She hung onto the whip, but he prised her fingers off, one by one.

  ‘Please, Bella.’ He spoke more gently now. ‘Let me get you some help.’

  ‘There’s nothing wrong with me,’ she repeated. ‘You’re just pathetic, both of you.’

  Her father shook his head sadly. ‘Toni, get Grace out of the way,’ he said. ‘No one’s going to any shows today.’

  Toni led her quickly across the yard, shaking as the mare flattened her ears, and pranced sideways to give Arabella a wide berth. She put Grace into her stable and she immediately backed into the corner, trying to get as far away as possible.

  ‘How is she?’ Her father appeared at her side.

  Toni rested her forehead against the cool breezeblock, completely gutted. ‘I hate her, Dad. I really do.’

  ‘Come here.’ He held her tight. ‘I’m so sorry. I’d no idea how bad things had got with your mother.’

  ‘Where is she now?’

  ‘She took off in the Land Rover. She’ll be back when she calms down.’

  ‘Did you know Lily died?’

  ‘Oh, God. Lily meant the world to her. And to you. I’m so sorry, darling.’

  ‘I’m scared, Dad,’ Toni admitted. ‘I think it’s tipped her over the edge.’

  He leant back against the stable door and watched as she tried to soothe Grace. ‘She didn’t used to be like this, you know. Before her accident.’

  Toni shrugged. ‘I don’t remember her before.’

  He looked sad. ‘You’d go out riding together when you were little. You had such fun.’

  Toni had a sudden flash memory of being out in a field with her mother leading her on Digger, her first Shetland. ‘I can’t stay here, Dad. Not anymore.’

  He nodded. ‘I know you can’t. Let’s go and pack you a bag.’

  Toni began to follow him then turned and looked back at Grace. ‘No, I can’t leave,’ she wailed.

  He frowned, ‘Why not?’

  ‘Don’t you see? I can’t leave the ponies here with her. Not after how she was with Grace today.’

  He looked frustrated. ‘We can hardly put them on my patio, can we?’

  ‘I just can’t leave them, Dad. Please understand.’

  He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed, then took his phone out of his pocket. ‘Let me see what I can do.’

  Toni went back to Grace’s stable and tried to coax her over to the door, while her father paced up and down the yard making one call after another. Eventually he put the phone away.

  ‘OK, I’ve done my best. I tried the two local farmers in Little Alderley with no joy. I’ve got B on the case now. If anyone can come up with some grazing, she will. I’m sorry, love, but I’m not happy about you staying here tonight.’

  Toni felt torn in two. Part of her wanted to get as far away from Arabella as possible. ‘I suppose I could put Grace in the field down by Hilltop with Buster, out of her way.’

  Will that be enough?

  His phone rang and he took the call. ‘It’s B,’ he mouthed, then nodded. ‘Brilliant job. Well done. OK. Great.’ He rang off, grinning. ‘Good old B. She’s got us a field.’

  Toni was so relieved. ‘That’s fantastic.’ She flung her arms round him. ‘In Little Alderley?’

  He shook his head. ‘Not quite so luck. Hinton. It’s about three miles, I reckon.’

  ‘It’s alright, honest,’ Toni said quickly. I’ve got my bike.’

  He nodded. ‘Good plan. Right. We’d better get ourselves organised.’

  ‘There’s just one problem though.’

  He sighed. ‘What now?’

  ‘How are we going to get them there? She’ll never let us take the trailer.’ Toni racked her brains desperately. ‘Jen! I bet she’ll help.’

  When Jen picked up, Toni found herself hesitating. It seemed a lot to ask, especially after Arabella had accused her of setting fire to the lorries. ‘The thing is we need a trailer. And some-one to drive it.’

  ‘So you’re finally breaking out.’ Jen laughed. ‘About time. Definitely count me in.’

  ‘Are you sure?’ Toni was delighted.

  ‘I can easily borrow a trailer from here. I don’t know exactly when, though.’

  Toni prayed it would be sooner rather than later.

  ‘I’m so going to enjoy getting my own back.’ Jen laughed. ‘You know what they say. Revenge is sweet.’

  Toni hung up. ‘She’ll do it.’

  Her father looked hugely relieved. ‘Right. It’s falling into place. Let’s put Grace over with Buster and then you can go and pack.’

  ***** Fifteen *****

  Half-an-hour later Toni looked round her bedroom with conflicting feelings. She had packed a bag in a completely random way, just stuffing in the first clothes she came across. It would probably cover a few days, but she had no idea what would happen after that.

  Is this permanent or temporary?

  If it was permanent, she would need to take all her school books as well. But that could wait until later in the holidays.

  I’m really leaving.

  She had longed to get away from her mother for so long, but this was the only home she had ever known. This bedroom had been hers for fourteen years. The place she brought her friends when she was younger, and more recently a refuge from Arabella, who rarely came up to the top storey.

  Originally the walls had been pink, then she had redecorated it a couple of years ago to a more sophisticated purple. She went over to the fireplace and bent down to where there was still a pink patch she had missed, under a plug. She touched it lightly with her fingers and was overwhelmed by a flood of memories. Sitting with Lauren on the rug and playing with her model horses.

  Her model horses. She had the sudden image of Arabella throwing them all out in a vindictive rage. Toni couldn’t bear that. There were over a hundred and fifty in her collection, the larger ones ranged on shelves, and all the smaller ones now living in storage boxes under the bed.

  She thought of the tiny bedroom at her father’s cottage with despair. There was no way all the models were going to fit in there.

  ‘How’s it going?’ Her father’s voice dragged her back to the moment.

  Toni didn’t try to hide the tears now streaming down her face. He squeezed through the tiny door and came over and sat next to her on the bed.

  ‘Hey. It’s going to be OK. I promise.’

  She sobbed and sobbed and he waited patiently until she could talk. ‘You’ll think I’m stupid.’

  ‘Try me,’ he urged.

  ‘Everything’s changing. Everything.’

  ‘I’ll always be here for you.’

  I thought Cal would.

  ‘It’s my model horses.’ She wiped her face with her sleeve. ‘I don’t want to leave them.’

  ‘Don’t then. Bring them.’ He didn’t hesitate and she loved him for it.

  ‘But where will they go? The bedroom is really cute at your place… ’ She felt embarrassed. ‘But it’s just too small.’

  ‘The cottage has a loft.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Really.’ He nodded at the shelves. ‘Is it that lot?’

  Toni squirmed. ‘There’s quite a few under the bed too.’ She pulled out the storage boxes one-by-one.

  To his credit he didn’t flinch. ‘Good thing it’s a big loft then. Come on. Let’s get this lot down to the car.’

  It was late by the time they got to the cottage and too dark to look at the field. The loft-hatch proved too small to get the storage boxes through, so they ended up piling them in the lounge until she could get different ones.

  Her father lit the log-burner and they ate fish and chips by it, both emotionally drained and lost in their thoughts, until Toni’s phone rang. />
  It was Jen, sounding triumphant. ‘Hi. I’ve managed to get the trailer on Wednesday.’

  Toni’s heart sank. Wednesday. Over three days away. ‘Can’t it be any sooner?’

  ‘Sorry, best I can do. Besides, Arabella is always in Cheltenham on Wednesdays,’ Jen pointed out.

  ‘I suppose you’re right,’ Toni sighed.

  ‘I’ll swing by and pick you up at ten then,’ Jen said, and rang off.

  Toni stood up and leant over and kissed her father. ‘I’m going to have an early night.’

  ‘Sounds like a good plan. I’ll go online and get the bus timetable for you. Try and get some sleep.’

  Toni couldn’t believe she would really sleep until Buster and Grace were safely away from Arabella.

  Upstairs in her new room, she pulled off her jeans, then realised she hadn’t brought any pyjamas, so pulled them back on again. It was chilly and she jumped quickly into the bed under the crisp new duvet cover her father had picked up at the supermarket, the crease marks still in it from the packet.

  She had forgotten to close the curtains and lay there feeling reluctant to get out of the warm bed again. Then she realised the room was so small she was able to lean over and draw them from where she was.

  Her phone pinged and the screen lit up in the dark. Lauren, wanting an update.

  ‘Settling in,’ Toni lied.

  There was so much to get used to. She lay back down again, listening to the unfamiliar noises. Back at home it was the sounds of the horses in the yard. Here it was her father clattering in the tiny kitchen below. She could hear a TV, too, in the cottage next door.

  She closed her eyes and hoped desperately that Buster and Grace would be safe from Arabella. She imagined them both in a field of her own, with two stables and a round pen.

  And, although she knew it was impossible, she put Cal in there, too.

  Leaning on the fence and smiling at her.

  *******************

  ‘Hey, wake up.’ Her father shook her gently and Toni opened her eyes, wondering for a moment where she was. He was standing with his head and shoulders hunched against the sloping roof of the small bedroom, already dressed in his suit.

  ‘What time is it?’ She half sat up, amazed she had slept at all.

  ‘Six-thirty. I’ve got a train to catch.’

  ‘OK.’ She yawned and snuggled back down again.

  ‘The bus picks up on the main road at ten past eight.’

  School.

  She’d almost forgotten.

  ‘I’ll try to be back around seven tonight. Can’t promise, though.’

  ‘Can we go and look at the field then?’ Toni asked.

  ‘Alright.’ He reached over and put a key on the bedside table with some money. ‘Spare front door key. There’s no food in the house, I’m afraid. I didn’t expect to be here during the week.’

  It suddenly occurred to Toni what having her there meant to her father. He would have to come home every night.

  ‘But there’s a village shop,’ he went on. ‘You can pick some bits and pieces up after school. It’s expensive, though, so watch it.’

  ‘Thanks. Have a good day.’

  She heard the front door bang shut as he left and stretched the full-length of the bed, feeling the most relaxed she had in ages. She was going to miss the bus and she didn’t care. She felt herself drifting back to sleep.

  After everything that had happened lately, she deserved a day off. A day without anyone on her case.

  *************

  It was just past seven that evening when her father got home again. Toni jumped up as soon as she heard his key in the lock, and gave him a huge hug. The last few hours alone had dragged, and she was glad to see him.

  ‘Hey. That’s a nice welcome.’ He put his laptop case down on the table. ‘Did you get the bus alright?’

  She nodded, turning away so he didn’t see her blush. ‘Do you want a cup of tea?’

  ‘I’m good, thanks. I had a coffee on the train. Any word from your mother?’

  Toni shook her head. She was itching to get going and didn’t want to think about Arabella. But he collapsed onto the sofa.

  ‘Aren’t we going to look at the field?’

  Her father rubbed his face wearily. ‘Oh. Yes. Of course.’

  He’d forgotten.

  He heaved himself back up again and headed for the stairs. ‘I’ll just change and we’ll get going.’

  Three miles seemed a long way, even in the car, and Toni began to feel daunted about the prospect of cycling it every day. Six miles there and back. She put the thought to the back of her mind. The first thing she noticed when they arrived was an old five-bar gate propped shut with a catch that didn’t work properly.

  ‘Hang on a minute.’ Her father returned to the car and came back clutching a carrier bag. ‘I got this earlier.’

  Toni found a chain and a new padlock inside. He hadn’t forgotten at all. ‘Thanks, Dad.’ She hugged him hard, grateful for so much.

  He was touched, she could tell. ‘Well, we don’t want anyone stealing them.’

  The second thing she clocked was a pile of rusty farm machinery in one corner. Buster had the experience to stay well clear. But Grace might injure herself if she was in a panic. Toni made a mental note to bring extra tape from the yard to fence it off.

  In the opposite corner there was a dilapidated field shelter, with a corrugated-iron roof. She saw immediately it wasn’t big enough for two ponies. But it was shelter of sorts. And they could take turns. If Buster let Grace get in at all.

  The water trough was thick with green slime from disuse, but when she pressed the ballcock fresh water flowed in and it seemed to work fine. If they had a hard winter and it froze, she had no idea what she was going to do, though.

  Toni sighed deeply. There was so much to think about.

  ‘I can drop by and check on them on my way to the station in the morning,’ her father said. ‘Then you can cycle over after school.’

  She nodded.

  ‘So. What do you think?’ he prompted, trying to read her face, she could tell.

  All in all it was a long way from her romantic image. But she knew she had to be positive. The first step was to get the ponies here, and then later maybe they could find a livery closer to the cottage instead.

  ‘It’s going to be fine.’ Toni rolled up her sleeves and began to scoop handfuls of slime out of the water trough.

  I’m going to make this work.

  I have to.

  *****************

  It was a different bus route to school and Toni sat there alone, not even able to text Lauren as she had no credit on her phone. When she arrived in the tutor room, she discovered Lauren was off sick anyway. The teacher asked for her absence note from the day before and Toni claimed she had forgotten it.

  ‘Remember it tomorrow,’ he warned. ‘Or I’ll have to get in touch with your parents.’

  Toni nodded, trying not to look panicked.

  Tomorrow was Wednesday and she didn’t plan on being in school then either. She slipped out at lunchtime to get a top-up for her phone, breaking the rules again. Twice in one week.

  Then she texted Lauren.

  ‘How r u?’

  ‘Crap. Been puking all nite’

  ‘Yuk. Poor you.’

  ‘What’s new?’

  How could Toni reply to that? Just about everything.

  ‘Not much. Hope u feel better soon.’ She added a smiley face.

  It was past eight before her father got home that night and Toni was starving. He had stopped on the way and done a supermarket shop and she helped him unpack it, squashing the food into the tiny fridge under the kitchen counter.

  ‘Have you got everything you need?’

  He sounded really tired and Toni felt guilty. ‘I can manage. I’ll get some more clothes tomorrow,’ she avoided saying from home. ‘When we pick the ponies up.’

  They cooked pasta together and Toni washed up wh
ile he plugged in his laptop and settled down to more work. ‘You must be bored.’ He looked around the room. ‘I hadn’t really planned this as a proper home. It was meant to be for weekends. Just till I got sorted.’

  ‘It’s fine. I’m fine. Really, Dad,’ she tried to reassure him.