Barefoot

by Ruth Patterson

  ‘I’ll get a TV at the weekend,’ he promised, then glanced at the boxes of model horses. ‘Though I’m not entirely sure how we’ll fit it in.’

  Toni laughed.

  ‘Are you sure you’re going to be able to manage tomorrow?’

  Manage your mother he means.

  ‘Jen’s going to be with me. And she won’t be there. Don’t worry.’ Toni tried to sound more confident than she felt. She would only relax again when Buster and Grace were safely in the new field.

  Jen arrived just before ten the next morning, driving an old Land Rover and towing a two-horse trailer. Toni was already out on the doorstep, anxious to get going.

  ‘Hey, how are you doing?’ Jen turned off the engine and didn’t seem in any particular rush. ‘This your dad’s new place?’

  ‘It’s just temporary.’ Toni started to shut the door, but Jen peered past her at the pile of storage boxes piled up in the lounge. ‘Bit of a tight squeeze,’ she commented. ‘What’s in that lot, then?’

  Toni blushed. ‘Just stuff to go in the loft. Come on, let’s get going.’ She pulled the door firmly shut. ‘How’s it going at the new yard?’

  ‘It’s a job.’ On went the radio and Jen began to sing along as usual. Toni sat back with a smile. At least some things hadn’t changed.

  When they turned into the driveway to the yard they slowed for two of the liveries to pass on their way out for a hack. Toni waved and smiled brightly.

  ‘If you’re trying not to look guilty, you’re doing a crap job,’ Jen observed.

  The yard seemed deserted and she was relieved to see Arabella’s four by four was nowhere in sight. Toni raced down the track and on over to the field by Hilltop Farm, and was overwhelmed with relief to see both Buster and Grace, grazing calmly amongst the sheep. She smothered them with kisses, then put on their head collars and led them both up to the trailer.

  ‘You’ve taken Buster’s shoes off,’ Jen noticed immediately.

  ‘I’ve decided I want to do things more naturally from now on.’ Toni tried to gauge her reaction. She couldn’t tell if Jen approved or not.

  ‘He’ll probably be fine,’ Jen said, ‘But I would think carefully before trying it with Grace. Thoroughbreds can be more tricky. Especially if she’s going to be out in mud all the time.’

  ‘OK. Thanks.’

  ‘There’s some paste you can get online, to protect the frogs if it’s a wet winter. I can’t remember the name, but I can find out.’

  ‘That would be great,’ Toni said. ‘I’ll be five minutes. I just need to grab some clothes and stuff.’

  ‘I’ll get them loaded.’

  Toni left her to it and ran into the house and, grabbing a couple of bin liners from the kitchen, ran on up into her bedroom. It felt strange being back. She pulled clothes from the wardrobe and drawers and stuffed them into the bags, not giving herself time to think about it too much. When she got back outside, both ponies were safely tucked up in the trailer.

  Toni couldn’t believe it. ‘Don’t tell me Grace loaded first time?’

  ‘Horses are smart,’ Jen laughed. ‘She knows it’s a breakout.’ She was just about to lift the ramp when Arabella drove into the yard.

  ‘Oh shit.’ Toni looked at Jen in alarm. ‘She’s not meant to be here.’

  ‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?’ her mother’s voice rang out.

  Jen continued to shoot the bolts to secure the tailgate.

  Arabella was out of the car now. ‘Stop immediately.’

  ‘I don’t work for you any longer,’ Jen pointed out. ‘Which means, you don’t get to tell me what to do.’

  They glared at each other, hatred on one side, long-term resentment on the other.

  ‘Those are my horses you’re taking away.’ Arabella’s tone was icy.

  Jen hesitated for the first time.

  ‘They’re mine, actually. ’ Toni was amazed to hear herself speak.

  Arabella didn’t even bother to look at her.

  ‘No they’re not,’ she countered.

  ‘They are.’ Toni felt a new courage. ‘You bought them for me as presents. And it’s my name in both their passports.’

  There was an edgy silence.

  ‘But you don’t have the passports, do you?’ Arabella sneered. ‘It’s illegal to transport a horse without one.’

  ‘I do have them, as it happens,’ Toni replied.

  Jen shot her a glance.

  ‘We’ll see, shall we?’ Arabella turned and limped off towards her office where the passports were kept, so convinced Toni was lying she didn’t even bother to hurry.

  ‘Let’s go,’ Toni said as soon as she disappeared.

  Jen didn’t move. ‘I really hope you’re not bullshitting. She won’t hesitate to report me for stealing them.’

  ‘No way. Look!’ Toni pulled the two passports out of her jacket pocket and waved them, victorious.

  Jen grinned. ‘What the hell. Come on. Let’s get out of here.’

  They jumped in the Land Rover and were safely out of the yard by the time Arabella discovered she had completely underestimated her daughter.

  ***** Sixteen *****

  Half an hour later they pulled in by the field. Toni jumped out and unlocked the shiny new padlock and swung back the five-bar gate and Jen reversed the trailer in, then pulled down the side-ramp to let the ponies out. Buster came trotting down first, full of confidence. He raised his head for a moment to sniff, before prancing off to explore, with his tail held high in excitement.

  Grace, as always, did things more cautiously. She picked her way down the ramp, hesitating every couple of paces, finally standing paralysed at the bottom, with her hind hooves still on the ramp and her front two on the grass.

  ‘Come on.’ Toni tried to encourage her, tugging gently on the lead-rope. ‘This is your new home.’

  Grace stood still, trapped by her indecision. She knew she didn’t like the trailer. But she didn’t like this strange field either.

  ‘Let her take her time.’ Jen looked round the field, critically. ‘It’s a bit different to the yard. How are you going to get here?’

  ‘Bike.’

  ‘That’ll be fun in winter.’

  ‘I’ll manage.’ Toni didn’t want to be reminded about how tough it was going to be. Right now she was just concentrating on getting through one day at a time.

  ‘Don’t get me wrong,’ Jen said. ‘I think you’ve done the right thing getting away from Arabella.’

  ‘It’s just…’ Toni hesitated.

  ‘What?’ Jen asked.

  ‘Well, I’ve been thinking. I was the lucky one, wasn’t I? My injuries were only temporary. She’ll probably never ride again.’

  ‘It’s sad. But it’s no excuse for how she behaves.’ Jen was adamant. ‘Stuff happens. It’s how you deal with it that matters.’

  Grace took a step forward, one eye on Buster who had already trotted all around the perimeter of the field and was checking out the field shelter. He lifted his head and whinnied to her. She trembled and stepped off the ramp. All four of her hooves were firmly on the ground at last.

  Jen patted her. ‘See. It’s not so bad, is it?’

  ‘Come on.’ Toni led Grace on across to the field shelter and took off her halter. She stood still for a few moments, nostrils dilating, ears flicking backwards and forwards, then suddenly seemed to relax and trotted off to join Buster.

  Toni allowed herself to breathe out finally. They were both safely in the field and there had been no disasters. She checked the water buckets were full and the tape was firm where she had fenced off the rusty old machinery, then walked slowly back to the gate, feeling the weight of responsibility on her shoulders.

  ‘So…what’s your plan?’ Jen’s voice brought her back to the moment.

  ‘I think I’ll leave them to settle for a few hours.’ Toni looked at the older woman for her approval. ‘Then cycle over later and see how they are.’

  Jen nodded. ‘Sound
s good to me.’ She had already put up the ramp. ‘I’ve got to get moving anyway. Take this back.’ She patted the trailer.

  ‘Thanks so much.’ Toni felt whatever she said would sound inadequate.

  ‘No sweat.’ Jen climbed back into the driving seat. ‘Come on. I’ll drop you back at the cottage on the way.’

  Toni shut the gate and locked the padlock, then found it was really hard to leave. At the yard there had always been someone around to keep an eye on the ponies. To just drive off and leave them on their own felt so wrong. But she was going to have to get used to it.

  ‘Come on. I’ve got to get going,’ Jen called. Toni pulled herself together and got back into the Land Rover.

  ‘They’ll be alright.’ Jen glanced sideways at her.

  Toni nodded. ‘I know.’

  ‘Ready?’

  Toni took a deep breath.

  ‘Ready.’

  *************

  Jen dropped her back at the cottage and Toni made some hot chocolate and looked at her phone. There was a message from Nola on her voicemail which was a surprise.

  ‘Your mother told me what had happened ...’

  Her version I bet, Toni thought bitterly, but then was astonished when the message went on…

  ‘… I think maybe it’s for the best. Your grandfather sends his love. We both do. Take care, darling, and call me if you need anything.’

  Toni was touched. She tried to resist scrolling through the rest of her texts, but couldn’t.

  Over twenty from Cal. She was determined not to open a single one, or she knew she would cave in. There were only two days left to Saturday. Two days and then he would be gone. If she didn’t say goodbye, would she always regret it.?

  But how can I ever forgive him?

  She stared out of the window at nothing. It was boring being off school, Toni decided.

  The next day she caught the bus, clutching an absence note from her father. With any luck they would think it was for Monday as well and he’d never know she skipped school. She was relieved when she walked into the tutor room to see Lauren was back.

  ‘Hey. How are you feeling?’

  Lauren looked pale and had dark circles under her eyes. ‘Pretty foul still. But at least I’ve stopped throwing up.’

  ‘Poor you.’

  ‘How did it go? Moving the ponies?’

  ‘Bit hairy,’ Toni admitted. ‘Arabella turned up unexpectedly.’

  ‘No!’

  ‘But we got them out in the end. They seem to be settling in OK.’

  ‘Has Cal been in touch?’ Lauren asked, carefully.

  ‘We haven’t spoken.’ She wasn’t about to admit he’d texted about a billion times.

  But Lauren knew her too well. ‘You should talk to him, Toni. While you’ve still got the chance.’

  Toni was relieved when the tutor walked in. She didn’t want to talk to Cal, or about Cal.

  In fact, the sooner he was three thousand miles away, the better.

  When her father got home that evening, he looked grim. ‘Your mother’s been harassing me all day at work.’ He dropped his laptop bag on the floor. ‘I suppose I should’ve expected it.’

  Toni felt sick. ‘I can’t believe she really wants Buster and Grace back.’

  ‘She doesn’t. But she’s determined to make it as difficult as possible for me.’

  ‘What did she say?’

  ‘I have to take over legal responsibility for them. Insurance. Vet. Farrier. I’ve spent half the afternoon on the phone.’

  ‘I’m sorry.’ Whatever Toni said sounded inadequate.

  ‘Just don’t let me down,’ he said. ‘That’s all I ask. Take good care of them.’

  ‘I’ll do my best. I promise.’

  *************

  Toni found she could manage the cycle ride to the field in less than half an hour, which wasn’t too bad. It was pretty flat all the way and the weather had been dry for the first few days, making it quite pleasant. On Friday afternoon she headed straight over there after school, desperate to keep her mind off the fact that Cal was leaving the following day.

  She decided to clean the old field shelter out completely and make it as weatherproof as possible before the autumn arrived. She set to work, emptying one wheelbarrow after another, until she got to the very back, where she found a mouse nest, neatly made from sheep’s wool, with three hairless babies inside. She carefully covered it up again and was just filling the water buckets, when Dizzy hurtled into the stable, squirming with delight.

  ‘Hey, girl.’ Toni bent to stroke her, and looked up to see Jen, silhouetted in the entrance. She pulled Dizzy out of the shelter quickly, before he could sniff out the mice. ‘Hi. What are you doing here?

  ‘I thought I’d stick my head in. See how things are going,’ Jen said.

  ‘They seem to be settling fine.’

  Grace instantly came over, stretched out her head and let Jen scratch her neck.

  ‘I think she misses you.’ Jen was the only person Grace didn’t shy away from, Toni realised.

  ‘I miss her too. Though I can’t say I miss your mother.’ Jen laughed. ‘Buster’s looking good.’

  Toni nodded, pleased she’d noticed. ‘I’m not clipping him this year.’

  Jen nodded. ‘Probably a good idea if he’s out twenty-four-seven. Especially if you’re not working him much. Here.’ She fished a bit of paper out of her pocket and handed it over. ‘I asked around. Found the name of that hoof paste. And a barefoot trimmer for you.’

  Toni was touched. ‘Thanks.’

  ‘How’s the guy?’ Jen asked.

  Toni’s heart sank. ‘He’s leaving for Canada tomorrow.’

  ‘Permanently?’

  She shrugged. ‘Three months, he says. He had a big row with his dad.’

  ‘Maybe he just needs some space.’

  ‘But what about me?’ Toni asked, miserably.

  ‘Doesn’t sound like it’s about you,’ Jen pointed out.

  Toni picked up a piece of straw and twisted it into a knot. ‘Do I say goodbye?’

  ‘Do you want to?’

  She nodded. ‘I guess.’

  ‘So what’s the worst that can happen?’

  Toni remembered Lauren asking her that. Total humiliation, she’d replied.

  ‘I look stupid.’

  ‘Well, if that’s the worst thing… ’ Jen looked at her watch. ‘I could take you over there now if you like.’

  Toni glanced down. She was wearing her oldest jods and a T-shirt covered in poo.

  Jen sighed. ‘Trust me. He’s not going to care how you’re dressed.’

  Toni knew it was what she wanted. Deep-down. ‘OK. Let’s go. Before I have a chance to change my mind.’

  When they turned into the car park at Poplar Farm, the first person Toni saw was Matt, moving a sow and her piglets into the outdoor pen.

  Jen switched off the Fiesta’s engine. ‘Do you want me to wait?’

  Toni hesitated. She would quite like back-up if she was going to have to deal with Matt. ‘I don’t know how long I’ll be.’

  ‘I’ll grab a coffee,’ Jen said.

  Toni wanted to tell her how great she’d been. ‘Thanks,’ she said instead.

  ‘No sweat.’ Jen slammed the car door and headed over in the direction of the café.

  Matt glanced over, recognised Toni and glared, but then one of the piglets broke loose and he had to concentrate on driving it back into the litter. The sow ambled through the gate first and the piglets followed, squealing and falling over each other.

  Toni counted them as they went. Eleven, and all a good size. Matt would be pleased. He shut the gate before turning to face her.

  ‘What the hell are you doing here?’

  Toni had forgotten just how aggressive he was.

  ‘I’m not here to cause trouble… ’ she began, but he cut across her.

  ‘You’ve caused plenty of that already.’

  He obviously still hadn’t forgiven her
.

  ‘I’m sorry about taking the lorry. Really I am.’

  Matt took a step towards her. ‘I’m not on about the bloody lorry.’