Rock My World

by Lee Piper

  “Grace—”

  “Fucking nothing, that’s what you know about them.” I turned and stormed towards the door.

  Just as my hand touched the cool metallic knob, Serena whispered, “Monkey, I’m sorry.”

  Her voice was barely audible over my self-righteous angst. But I heard her. And those words truly conflicted me because now I didn’t know whether to leave or stay. She hadn’t called me that in a long time and suddenly realization dawned. Oh my God. I stared at her over my shoulder, dumbfounded. “You planned the whole thing, didn’t you?”

  My sister had the decency to blush.

  “The first class plane tickets, the limousine, the hotel room—” Letting go of the door handle I turned to face her squarely. “You organized it all.”

  “Yes.”

  I rubbed my forehead, trying to piece it all together in my mind. “Hang on, what about Sophie’s illness? Surely you didn’t have a hand in that too?”

  “Ah. Well, that was a happy coincidence.”

  I stared at her, stunned. “But why?”

  She looked at me for a moment, her green eyes impenetrable. “I already told you, because I’m sorry. I’m not proud of my actions, Grace. I threw away the only family I had. So when I saw you and Levi together, I wanted to help. I wanted to see you happy again even if you never knew I was behind it all.”

  I genuinely didn’t know what to say to that, so turned my back and once again made to leave.

  Just as I grasped the door handle she called out, “By the way, Dylan and I are getting a divorce. Thought you might like to know.”

  I stilled, completely shocked at what she’d just told me. I looked down at my hand, my knuckles were white.

  It all came to nothing.

  All the hurt and deception didn’t even have a happy ending. There was nothing to help justify their selfish actions. Shaking my head, I murmured quietly, “Then I’m sorry too. Oh, and consider this my notice. I’m finishing up at the end of the term.”

  I walked out of her office, never once looking back.

  Chapter Eighteen

  You’ve left me waiting,

  You’ve left me waiting,

  Fading away.

  -MONDEZ “Isn’t it Obvious?”

  I honestly tried to get my shit together. Over the next five and a half weeks, I truly did. I worked, drank, read, sat alone at the beach, hung out with Riley. I did everything I normally would have done had I never laid eyes on Levi Mondez. But it was impossible.

  Misery followed me everywhere.

  And a miserable Grace was a horrible housemate. Riley got so fed up with my moping that she even put together a health and fitness plan for me. One that didn’t involve whiskey for breakfast on weekends. She printed it off and stuck it to the fridge. Apparently, day one involved yogurt with summer berries and a five-mile jog.

  Day two could kiss my ass.

  She gave up on me after that. Though I did attempt to mask my unhappiness and even went for a brisk walk with her. Once. While I staggered up what was surely the biggest fucking sand dune in all of Western Australia and she spouted encouraging catch phrases like, “You’ve got this, G,” I even bit back a scathing retort. It was my way of saying sorry.

  Levi still called. Every day we found it harder and harder to pretend that our long distance relationship was enough for our malnourished hearts. It sure as hell wasn’t enough for our rampant hormones. We even tried phone sex, only my phone died just as I was about to come. Didn’t even bother finishing myself off after that. Just had a cold shower instead.

  The only glimmer of hope that kept me from completely losing my mind was Levi’s promise. He was coming home. We would finally see each other on my first day of summer break/unemployment and I was so freakin’ excited. Okay, so my excitement was somewhat mollified by the fact that we’d be together for a grand total of two days. Then he was going to be on tour for three months and after that…

  I had to stop torturing myself.

  Anyway, I was dealing as best I could with the whole situation. Well, until I received a phone call that changed everything.

  “Hey, kitten.”

  “Levi.”

  He gave a deep, throaty chuckle and I had to sit down on the couch before I collapsed in a swoon. “How’s your day been?”

  “Long. Boring. You?”

  “Long. Frustrating.”

  “Why frustrating?”

  Levi took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

  I gripped the leather armrest. “Honey, what is it?”

  “Recording hasn’t gone well. Turns out, I can’t concentrate. All I think about is how much I fucking miss you. Jimmy and the boys are pissed.”

  “Levi, I can’t get in the way of this recording, I’d never forgive myself if I did. Please don’t tell me I’m screwing it up for you.”

  He sighed. “It’s just, the more I try to focus, the worse my music gets. I’ve got no patience, my timing’s off, I’m playing like shit.” He groaned. “I just wanna see you, hold you, bury myself inside you. This whole situation is fucking killing me.”

  “Me too,” I murmured. “But at least we’ll see each other this weekend. That’s something, right?”

  Silence.

  “Levi?”

  “Kitten, I’m so sorry.”

  Silence.

  “We’ve still got three more tracks to go.”

  Silence.

  “Grace?”

  I hung up, threw my phone across the room and then burst into tears.

  I didn’t even bother going to work on the last day of school. To be fair, the kids had already left and it was just a staff lunch complete with farewell speeches for myself and other employees whose contracts had finished. I didn’t even know the names of half the people I worked with, so I seriously didn’t give a flying fuck if they were coming or going.

  Riley was on an early shift at the hospital and had already left by the time I dragged my sorry ass out of bed. I wandered into the kitchen to make myself some coffee. A strong one. After that phone call from Levi, I’d switched my phone off. I refused to think about anything other than the bare essentials, like breathing. And drinking. It didn’t work though. Sadly, my head refused to switch off quite as easily. So I hadn’t slept all night because my father’s words from two years ago kept circling my brain.

  Over and over again.

  “Love is being able to set them free. And if they don’t come back, I guess they never belonged to you in the first place.”

  I was being selfish.

  I had to set Levi free. I was trying to keep him all to myself and it was jeopardizing his future career. Music was something he was ridiculously good at. He was destined to do it. And by coveting Levi, I was also threatening the childhood dreams of the other guys too. I couldn’t do that to them. Hell, I couldn’t do that to Levi. I loved him too much.

  Fuck, this is going to kill me.

  After drinking my coffee and staring at the black screen of my phone for a good forty minutes, I finally plucked up the courage to call him. He didn’t answer. There was no use even pretending I wasn’t relieved. So instead, I read a chapter from The Adventures of the Final Problem, then took a deep breath and called again. Still no answer.

  I scrubbed my face with my hand and sighed. He must have been recording, which meant his phone was on silent. So I did what I never thought I would do. Ever.

  I messaged him.

  Once I pushed the send button, I felt like such a fucking coward. Hiding behind a text message made me no better than Dylan, and that truly disgusted me. So I turned my phone off again, crawled into a ball on the couch and cried for the rest of the day.

  Riley arrived home later than usual that night. Which was lucky because it meant I could shower, dress and pretend I wasn’t the most chickenshit person of all time. When she stepped into my room, I was propped up against the headboard of my bed, freshly changed, eyes only slightly puffy and reading. I looked up. “Wow. Girl, you look
sensational.”

  Riley patted her hair. “Really? You’re not just saying that?”

  “Hell no.”

  She’d had her long blonde hair cut into a short, wavy bob with a cute fringe. It looked freakin’ awesome. Riley smiled and something glinted as it caught the light.

  “Hang on.” I stood up and moved closer. “Riley Sears is that a nose ring?”

  She flushed, looked down and mumbled, “I’ve always wanted one.”

  “Love it.”

  Her head shot up. “You do?”

  “Absolutely. Do you?”

  “Yeah.” She smiled again.

  “Not sure your mum will though.”

  Riley stuck her chin out defiantly. “Fuck her.”

  Grinning broadly, I clapped my hands. “Bravo, it’s about time you took ownership of that sexy body.”

  Riley looked at me closely. “G, what’s wrong?”

  I moved away.

  “You’re doing that thing where you’re upset but trying to hide it. I don’t understand. For the last month and a half, you haven’t bothered hiding your emotions at all.”

  I walked back over to the bed and sat. Staring at my hands, I mumbled, “I broke it off with Levi.”

  She gasped and moved to sit beside me. “What? Why?”

  “It was never going to work. Had to admit it sooner or later.” Riley looked at me, shocked, so I continued, “Levi told me their recording wasn’t going well. They’re running behind schedule and still have more tracks to lay down. Which means…” I sighed. “I won’t be able to see him before he goes on tour.”

  Riley’s short bangs swayed softly as she shook her head, blue eyes sympathetic.

  I stood and began to pace. “I mean, for a relationship to work you actually have to catch up at some point, right?” I turned to face her, hands on my hips. “Six weeks has felt like a lifetime and now he’s leaving for another three months.” I threw my hands up. “Christ, and after that he’s moving to goddamn Melbourne.” I stopped, panting. “I was kidding myself. We were never going to work.” My voice lowered. “I just wish it didn’t hurt so much.”

  Riley was quiet for a minute, her manicured nails tapping against one leg. I looked at them warily. Just as she was about to say something, her phone rang.

  I rolled my eyes. “Seriously, Riley? They’re your ringtone now?” She smiled sheepishly and answered the call, walking out to the kitchen. By the animated chatter on the other end, I assumed it was Brea, so turned my attention back to the book I’d previously discarded.

  A few pages later, Riley reentered. She stood in the doorway with a look on her face I didn’t trust. Not one bit. “Well, you can either stay here in your bedroom and wallow in self-pity or you can take charge of your life and go live it.”

  “You’ve been reading motivational books again.”

  Riley’s eyes narrowed. “What’ll it be?”

  “Self-pity.”

  They narrowed further.

  I sighed. “We’re going to The Hole, aren’t we?”

  “Yes, we are.” She rummaged through a pile of clean laundry at the foot of my bed and threw me some clothes. “Now get dressed.”

  I smiled gently. “Love you, Riley.”

  She returned my smile. “Love you too. Now hurry up, we’re leaving in twenty minutes.”

  When we entered The Hole two hours later, I screwed up my nose in disgust. “God, this place stinks.”

  Riley laughed, grabbed my arm and led me through the dense crowd of people standing between us and drunken salvation. “You’ll forget all about the smell after a few drinks.”

  While waiting to be served, I tried to ignore the sense of déjà vu that washed over me. I mean, this very spot was where Levi and I first met. To my left was where I first heard Mondez play, and on my right was the booth where the whole world slipped away and it was just us … eye-fucking each other. Good times.

  I sighed.

  “Girls, so glad you made it. What can I get you?”

  “Hey, Brea.” Riley smiled. “Can I have a beer? And G here,” her eyes slid to mine, “needs a double whiskey, neat.”

  I tried to smile back at her, though was pretty sure it came off as a grimace.

  Noticing my pained expression, Brea popped the cap off Riley’s beer, set it in front of her and then poured me a triple instead. She winked.

  I smiled. A genuine one this time. “I owe you one.”

  “Try to enjoy yourselves, okay?”

  We both nodded. “Will do.”

  Brea waved our cash away and moved on to the guy standing next to me. He showcased a decadent array of facial piercings. They were truly impressive. We then elbowed our way to an empty booth and sat. The first band was just finishing up and to be honest, I didn’t mind their sound at all. This whole live rock music thing had grown on me.

  Damn it.

  We sat in silence. I stared down at my whiskey and Riley started picking at the label of her beer. Shit. Not her too. Her evident restlessness only added to my current sense of foreboding. In my peripheral vision I saw her eyes, they darted between me, her drink and the stage. After squaring her shoulders, she turned to me, cleared her throat and declared, “G, I need to tell you something.”

  I slowly unclasped the glass and placed my palms flat on the sticky wooden table. “Sounds serious.”

  But she didn’t get a chance to respond, because the opening chords of the next song began.

  I froze.

  My eyes widened.

  My breath caught.

  And I almost burst into tears.

  I’d heard that melody before. Fuck, I even knew the lyrics. It’s my song. The one Levi worked on in the hotel room after our first argument. I recognized the beautifully soulful cadence of his acoustic guitar and the anguished emotions it conjured. I knew what this meant. I’d hurt him. Again. And that’s when I heard his voice.

  I know a girl and her secret was told

  The Devil came and it pleased him so

  But you don’t want me singing about this, do you?

  Well listen close

  I speak the truth, you gave your heart and it’s living proof

  Of a hurting soul demanding retribution

  Retribution, retribution…

  “Levi?” I stumbled out the booth, blindly pushing my way through the confused people crowded in front of the stage. They’d been expecting a song significantly heavier than this one and stood about awkwardly, staring at each other. If it had been under any other circumstance, I would have found their bafflement hilarious.

  I roughly shouldered past the last person standing in my way and there he was.

  Oh my God.

  Levi was singing Retribution. Levi was here singing Retribution.

  Holy fuck.

  Dressed in dark ripped jeans, combat boots and a figure hugging faded green t-shirt was the love of my life. He sat perched on a bar stool, guitar resting on his lap as he sang. And he sang about me. Him. Us. I quickly looked heavenward, breathing out a heartfelt ‘Thank you’ to Dad.

  When the final echo of his vocals ceased and the last strum of his guitar faded, Levi looked up, blinded by the stage lights. The crowd erupted. I wasn’t at all surprised. For some reason this man worked pure magic wherever he went. Audiences loved him if he played heavy music or something altogether sweet. Levi stood, stowed away his instrument, jumped off stage and purposely searched the crowd until he found what he was looking for.

  Our eyes locked.

  I forgot to breathe.

  He slowly made his way towards me.

  And he looked as angry as all hell.

  Yikes.

  At last, Levi towered over me. “A text message, Grace?” he ground out.

  I gulped.

  “You wanted to break up with me by fucking text message?” His jaw was working overtime and I couldn’t remember ever seeing him this angry.

  What the heck happened to the guy on stage a few minutes ago? I wanted that ver
sion of Levi back. He was much less … terrifying. I cautiously took a step away from him. When there was enough distance between the two of us, I yelled, “Well, I tried calling, but you didn’t answer your damn phone.”

  He stepped closer, speaking dangerously low. “And do you wanna know why?”

  “Not really.”

  His eyes narrowed.

  I kept moving backward, not at all liking the fury blazing unchecked in his gaze, until I finally bumped against solid brick. Levi sauntered up to me then, an evil smile on his lips. He deliberately put one hand on either side of my head, leaning in so close I could smell the sweat on his skin.

  I couldn’t help it. Closing my eyes, I breathed him in.

  Heaven.

  “I didn’t answer my phone, Grace, because I was trying to record three fucking songs in two fucking days.”

  My eyes popped open. “You were?”

  He nodded harshly. “A promise is a promise, I don’t break them. And neither do you.” He stepped closer again, until our bodies were flushed with one another. I looked up at him.

  Shit.

  “Levi—”

  He grasped my face. “We’re not over, Grace. We’ll never be over. You know it and I know it.” He leaned forward and I could feel his warm breath on my face. “Now admit it.”

  I stood frozen.

  He bit my bottom lip. “Admit it.”

  I didn’t move.

  He licked my mouth. “Admit it.”

  Nothing.

  His lips scorched mine. “Damn it, kitten. Admit it.”

  I wavered, at last breathing. “We’ll never be over, Levi.”

  “Thank fucking Christ.” And with that ragged exhale, his lips crashed into mine. We were lost. Completely. I moaned, reaching up to tug his hair. He groaned, reaching down to grip my ass. Our tongues fought, our teeth clashed, our hearts realigned. It wasn’t a pretty kiss, by any means. It was desperate, fierce and powerful.

  Ours.

  When we eventually broke apart, and mercifully with clothes still intact, Levi’s breathing was heavy.

  “You forgot, Grace. You forgot the meaning behind my lyrics. You said you wouldn’t, but you did.”