Always You

by Lizzie Morton

  Five

  It’s early evening before we finally resurface, something I rarely do, but by Sophie and Zoe’s laziness standards it’s nothing. For them working is a means to get by, and life is for socializing with friends, getting wasted and sleeping hung-over days away. We live our lives in hugely different lanes, but it’s what works for us.

  Congregating in my parents’ kitchen and snacking on junk food, I give them a rundown on my plans whilst I’m back in Brooklyn for the summer.

  ‘….so, Shaun dropped me a message on Facebook saying he’d seen that I was going to be back in Brooklyn. He said there was a job available, that the hours were flexible, and he would love to work with me.’ I finish, grabbing a handful of chips and shoving them in my mouth.

  ‘You mean he would love to work IN you.’ Zoe snorts under her breath.

  Rolling my eyes at her response, I reply. ‘Get a grip, it’s Sam’s older brother….’

  ‘Who has always had a crush on you, just like most guys have since we were teenagers. Just because you were too shy to notice them, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.’

  ‘That’s because she’s gorgeous…’ The grin that spreads over my face is instantaneous as my dad walks into the kitchen, heading over to the stool I’m sat on at the center island, wrapping me up in a warm hug. ‘Now who has a crush on my little girl this time?’

  ‘Come on, Dad,’ I pull away, giving him a joking shove to emphasize my point. ‘I’m not your ‘little’ girl anymore. And no one has a crush on me.’

  Not wanting to miss an opportunity to cause me some form of embarrassment, Zoe chirps in, ‘It’s Shaun. Sam’s brother that owns the bar Riffs over in Williamsburg.’

  ‘I know the one,’ dad nods in confirmation. ‘Great place for getting spotted. Always full of new music talent.’

  ‘He offered me a job behind the bar over the summer. It’s super flexible which means I can work it around my photography jobs. Plus, I get to control how much alcohol these two are allowed at the same time.’ I throw him a wink, which he responds to with a knowing smile. I’m poking the bear with the stick, or whatever the saying is, and judging by how Zoe and Sophie are gaping at me open mouthed, it’s working.

  ‘If you shit on my parade, Abby, I swear to God we are no longer BFF’s. There are some things that friendship just can’t survive and cutting off my beer tap is one of them,’ exclaims Zoe dramatically. I can’t hide my chuckle because she’s being ridiculous and over the top.

  ‘Zo, chill. Do you really think I’d be able to get in the way of you and alcohol? You’re a lost cause.’

  All I get in return is a hmmmf, as she begins shoveling food in her mouth, ignoring me. She’s miffed and doesn’t believe I was joking about supervising her nights out over the summer.

  ‘So, when do you start at the bar?’ asks dad, steering the conversation away from what has become a sore subject.

  ‘I’ve a couple of photo shoots set up over the next few days. I said I’d go to the bar to discuss it once they’re out of the way and I’ve settled back in.’

  ‘Sounds great, honey. Your Mother will be back in a few days; her work is hectic at the moment, but you can catch up with her then.’

  Dad left later for an event in Manhattan and we spend the rest of the night binging on Netflix and takeout. When I crawl into bed later, after the girls finally went home, I let out a contented sigh. This is the most relaxed I’ve felt in months, and particularly in the past twenty-four hours. Seeing Jake was just a minor hiccup. Brooklyn is part of New York, one of the biggest, busiest cities in the world. We don’t have to be around each other if we don’t want, and the city can help make an easy job of that.

  ***

  6 years earlier

  Normally I hate the end of summer vacation. I love being on my own when I want, taking photos, spending time with Sophie and Zoe and no one else. The thought of being thrust back into the cliques and daily drama of high school life, usually fills me with dread, but not this summer. Because of him I feel like a different person. I feel stronger, more confident, and excited for life in new ways.

  I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve ended up in a fight with my parents over my cellphone bill. But damn if I care, I can’t get enough of him. We’ve spent the summer talking, getting closer, and now it feels like I know him better than I know myself.

  Without realizing, he’s crept his way in, gotten under the skin of the shy girl that barely spoke to anyone. He’s become my rock, my everything. Sometimes, on days where I’m so happy I feel like I might explode, when we’ve caught rare moments alone together and he’s really looked at me, I’ve dared to let myself believe that I’m his everything too.

  It’s been one of those long, hot, perfect days that I thought nothing could ruin. But as I look over at Jake, I see he’s standing close to Zoe and insecurity begins to flutter in my stomach. Zoe leans in towards him, her long blonde hair falling over her shoulder as she giggles at something he said, and I feel a huge stab of jealousy.

  I continue watching them and my mind races with a million different thoughts. Does she like him too? She knew how I was starting to feel about him. I love her like a sister, but she’s so confident in her own skin, especially around guys. I wish they looked at me with the longing that they do her.

  The memories of what had the making to be a perfect day feel tainted by my own insecurities and leave a bitter taste in my mouth.

  Jake always feels close, but not quite in my grasp. Today though, the fight’s left me. So instead I do what Abby does best, I turn and walk away.

  Six

  It takes longer than I thought it would to get settled back in to being in home, so I wind up pushing back my photo-shoots. Maybe it was optimistic to book them so soon after arriving, but luckily the clients are laid back and happy to delay them by a few days.

  It’s surprising how time can get away from you, and before I even realize, I’ve been home for over half a week. Half a week of being consumed by all things Brooklyn. My time’s been filled with unpacking, letting off steam running, catching up with old friends and spending time with dad.

  Finally, I feel like I’ve settled in, and I’m ready to face clients and get some good roots for work laid down. I book my first client of the day for mid-morning, as it’s an outdoor shoot and the light tends to be better around this time of day. Making sure not to be late, I arrive an hour early. Killing time before the shoot, I meander around Carol gardens with my camera, attempting to get in the zone and familiarize myself with the area I’ll be working in shortly.

  When I was younger, I’d spend hours wandering the streets of Brooklyn with the cheap digital camera my parents gave me for my fourteenth birthday. That was around the time I took a real interest in photography. It was the perfect hobby for someone as shy as I was at the time, someone that liked to stay off people’s radar and observe from the sidelines. It allowed me an insight into people’s lives and a view of the world that most don’t get to see. It still does, and I wouldn’t change what I do for the world. Even though it literally does take me all over the world, and sometimes life on the road can be lonely, it’s what I’m passionate about and what I’ve wanted to do since the moment I developed my first set of photos.

  My first job in Brooklyn is with an up and coming blogger in the New York fashion scene. We spend hours moving from location to location and changing outfits and hairstyles with the rest of the team. Before I know it, it’s late afternoon and I get a message on my cell from Sophie asking if she and Zoe can come over for food later when I’ve finished working. I quickly shoot back that I’ll pick up some goodies from the local farmers’ market.

  ***

  ‘Oh my God, Abby, it smells so good in here,’ says Sophie, as she wanders into my parents’ kitchen-diner later that evening, after letting herself into the house with Zoe.

  ‘I didn’t know you could cook. I thought we agreed on takeout.’ Zoe seems anything but disappointed at the change in
menu, as she begins picking at some of the food already laid out on the table.

  Swatting her hand away I respond, ‘It’s Italian. But we’ll end up having to get takeout if you keep eating it all. And most people learn to cook when they live on their own, how else would you eat?’

  ‘Order takeout and eat cereal, obvs,’ Zoe responds and rolls her eyes as she slumps down in a chair at the table.

  ‘Clearly we didn’t get the growing up memo,’ snickers Sophie.

  ‘Well that’s obvious,’ I mutter.

  We’re interrupted as both my parents arrive, dropping their work gear by the door as my dad chuckles, ‘Look what the cat dragged in…again.’

  ‘John, be nice. Girls, it’s great to see you. It’s been too long,’ my mom smiles warmly at them both. She doesn’t attempt to hide the emotion shining in her eyes when she looks over at me. It’s the first time we’ve seen each other since I returned home, and it hasn’t felt right being here without her around. ‘Baby, come here,’ I stumble over quickly, falling into her outstretched arms, as she envelopes me in the warmest hug only a mother knows how to give. Letting out a deep sigh, I feel the anxiety and stress of being home evaporate.

  ‘It’s really great to see you again, Mr. and Mrs. West, but can we please tuck into the food or I swear I’m going to die of starvation?’ Zoe throws her arms in the air, collapsing across the table, to emphasize her point.

  ‘Still dramatic I see,’ Mom chuckles, voicing the opinion of everyone in the room.

  Once we’re settled around the table, the food is devoured, and the atmosphere is light and friendly. My parents aren’t exactly conventional, Dad works in the rock department for a major record label in Manhattan and Mom…I guess you could say she’s a bit off the wall, being that she’s a sex columnist. Between them both, they’re relatively chilled out.

  ‘I swear, this is better than an orgasm,’ Zoe groans inappropriately with a mouth full of food.

  Mom being mom responds before I get chance to tell her to be quiet, ‘Well you’re clearly not getting the right kind of sex, Zoe.’

  I begin choking on my last fork of pasta, ‘Can we not do this at the dinner table? Gross, Mom.’

  ‘Tsk, always such a prude, Abby, you’d never know you’re my daughter.’ She smiles into her glass of red wine, knowing exactly how to push my buttons.

  ‘No, really though,’ Zoe continues. ‘If your photography ever tanks, you could totally try your hand at cooking, this is great.’

  ‘Nice to know you have such faith in my career,’ I reply, rolling my eyes.

  ‘What’s got your panties in a twist? Or has nothing? Is that the problem?’ She snipes back.

  ’The food’s great, honey. Anyway…’ Mom steers the conversation in another direction, ‘I saw Shaun the other day and he seemed excited that you’re back and going to be working with him.’

  ‘I bet he was,’ laughs Zoe into her glass of water. Seriously what is her problem? It’s like she’s on a mission to annoy me this evening. I throw her a dirty look and glance at Sophie, who I notice is doing the same, unimpressed at the comments being made.

  ‘Oh, he’s interested?’ Mom looks like a little kid at Christmas, fueled with gossip regarding my love life.

  ‘No, Mom, it’s work. Please remember I have a boyfriend. A boyfriend I’ve been with for four years,’ I place emphasis on how long we’ve been together hoping this will distract them from the idea of Shaun and I together. Silly of me, as they’re vultures.

  ‘You mean on and off for four years.’ I throw another dirty look at Zoe’s remark.

  ‘Ah yes, Michael…’ Mom has a funny look on her face, as if there’s a bad smell in the room.

  ‘What’s that supposed to mean? And why are you pulling a weird face?’ Really, I know why. It’s no secret that my family and friends aren’t Michael’s biggest fans. They’ve supported our relationship over the years but haven’t necessarily fallen in love with him.

  ‘Nothing, sweetie.’ She reaches into the middle of the table, opening another bottle of wine and filling her glass, refusing to meet my eye.

  ‘We bumped into Jake the other night,’ blurts out Sophie.

  I put my head in my hands and groan, ‘Why am I even friends with you guys? I swear I need to sew your mouths shut or something.’ The frustration I feel at the mention of Jake’s name is instantaneous, and I’m not sure I’m going to be able to keep my emotions in check if this conversation continues with its current subject. Both my parents look at me, without attempting to hide the alarm on their faces.

  ‘You saw Jake?’ Mom asks, looking suddenly pale and weary. All the humor has gone from the conversation. Out of everyone in my life, my parents are the most anti-Jake, so to them this news isn’t good.

  ‘Yes, and before you ask, it was fine.’ A small lie, but they don’t need to know the details.

  ‘Okay.’ Her response takes me by surprise. I expected at least more prying.

  ‘That’s all you’ve got to say?’

  ‘You said it was fine, so I believe you. Your father has had some contact with him over the years for work purposes. He’s still a nice guy. I will never understand what happened with the two of you.’ Hearing her speak positive about him seems so wrong. When everything happened between me and Jake, her words were anything but.

  ‘You’re not the only one,’ Looking at my plate I begin tearing chunks of bread apart angrily, when the full extent of what she said registers, This time I turn towards dad who has been unusually quiet. ‘What does she mean you’ve seen him for work purposes?’

  After sharing a knowing look with Mom, he sighs. ‘We didn’t think we’d need to tell you, but things always have a way of coming out, so it’s best you hear it from me.’ Closing my eyes, I struggle to swallow thanks to the huge lump that’s formed in my throat, as I wait for what’s going to come out of his mouth next. ‘The record label has been following Jake’s group for a while, and we’re in talks of a record deal. It’s not going to be an issue is it?’

  Fuck. Of course, it’s an issue, not that I say this aloud. I’m seriously beginning to question whether everyone in my life is insane. They’re making out like Jake and I being near each other again isn’t the end of the world, like I should just get on like normal. They seem to have forgotten I literally moved state to get away from him, but I guess they weren’t the ones that had their heart broken by him.

  Quickly getting it together, I force a smile on my face, ‘Of course, it’s not going to be a problem. It’s not like we’re even guaranteed to see each other again. It’s one summer, and Brooklyn is a big place, I’m sure we’ll get by. If we do see each other, we’re grown-ups now; we can be civilized.’

  ‘Yeah, because that was evident the other night,’ Sophie laughs, referring to our constant bickering after less than a half hour together.

  ‘I was in shock and now I’m not,’ I narrow my eyes at her, hoping she gets the hint to leave it. ‘Jake and I will spend the summer not seeing each other and everything will be fine.’

  ‘I’m sure it will,’ Dad says quietly. ‘But for that to work, you have to not want to see each other.’

  Pretending like I haven’t heard his comment, I stand and begin frantically clearing the table to signal that dinner and this conversation have come to an end. Sophie and Zoe both remain seated with their heads down, not daring to look me in the eye, whilst Mom does the opposite, watching me like a hawk with concern written all over her face.

  It’s not until later, when I’m lying on my bed in my room, willing for sleep to come, that I find myself mulling over the conversation from dinner and wondering what the hell my Dad meant. Jake and I clearly hate each other, so why would we want to be near each other? Everything feels so confusing, and if I thought coming home and running away from my relationship issues with Michael would give me a break, I was very wrong. If I want this summer to go without a hitch, I need to stay away from all things Jake related.

  Seven
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br />   I make my way over to Williamsburg to see Shaun the following afternoon. Zoe and Sophie are in tow, refusing to be left behind with such a good excuse to go to their favorite bar.

  It’s not at all what I expected, despite seeing pictures online. It’s in a huge, old warehouse that’s been converted into a mix of bars and eateries. Shaun’s bar takes up a good chunk of a side unit and even has outdoor space, unheard of in New York.

  The space is amazing. As we enter, I’m seriously impressed with what he’s set up. The high ceilings are perfect for live music, providing good acoustics, making it obvious why it’s become the go to venue for bands. There’s a large outdoor area that has been landscaped with shrubs, tables and chairs, and an open-air stage for in the summer months. There’s also a retractable ceiling which is genius, meaning no matter the weather, the space is still useable.

  ‘Welcome to Riffs,’ a gruff voice says from close behind. I failed to notice Shaun making his way over to us, too absorbed in taking in the surroundings. ‘How you doing, Abby? Glad you could make it,’ he smiles down at me, finishing up with a nod in the girls’ direction, ‘Soph, Zo…’

  I realize it could be inappropriate bringing them along if we’re treating this as a formal interview. ‘Hope you don’t mind they came along? They refused to be left behind,’

  He lets out a genuine chuckle. ‘No need to explain, they’re part of the furniture,’ I notice his smile reaches all the way to his eyes. He’s aged well in the time I’ve been away, filling out considerably like the rest of the guys. Photos don’t do him justice.

  Glancing around the three of us, his eyes linger a second longer on Zoe, but I don’t have time to analyze it before he’s directing us to a quiet table near the bar. Sophie and Zoe grab a separate table, and some drinks, whilst Shaun and I spend the next half hour going over the job position he needs filling. I’m pretty much sold on the job as I’ve done bar work in the past, and he reassures me the shifts can be on a casual basis, and work around my freelance photography work.