His Lullaby Baby

by Airicka Phoenix

  “I don’t need to be impressed!” Addy cut in sharply. “I love him. I would never hurt him.”

  Beth shook her head slowly, features impassive. “That’s wonderful, but he’s not ready to be a dad, okay? I can appreciate your circumstances. I understand that we all make mistakes as children and you’ve clearly taken responsibilities for yours. I applaud that. I think you’re an amazing mother and you’re very sweet, but Toby shouldn’t be asked to raise another man’s child.”

  “I see,” Addy whispered, feeling her heart breaking in her chest. “I’m really sorry you feel that way, because I really love your son, Mrs. McClain. He’s the only other person to ever care about me. But I know things will never work between us if you don’t want me here. I won’t put Toby in a position to choose between you and me and I won’t be responsible for friction in this family, not when everyone has been so good to me. So thank you for having me in your home. Have a wonderful evening. I’ll see us out.”

  She grabbed her coat and hurried out before she could be stopped. She swung on her coat and circled the sofa.

  “Addy?”

  Willa, Lily and Calla all looked up when she gathered Hanna up into her arms.

  “What’s going on?” Calla asked, glancing from her to the kitchen.

  “I’m not feeling well,” Addy lied. “I think I’m going to head home. Can you call me when they—”

  The front door opened. Raised voices and stomping feet filled the house. Addy winced.

  “We’re home!” Cole shouted.

  “Mommy, are we leaving?” Hanna mumbled, stirring awake.

  Setting her down, Addy nodded. “Yeah, just gotta get your brother.”

  Addy made her way to the door, careful not to run into anyone coming in. Sean was on the porch with Toby when Addy pushed through. Both looked up.

  “Hey!” Toby beamed, but it was short lived when he noticed Hanna half slumped against Addy’s hip. “What’s going on?”

  “I’m … we’re going to head home,” she said, refusing to meet his eyes. “I’m not feeling well and the kids have school in the morning so I should get them to bed.”

  “Addy.” Toby moved into her path. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. Toby, please.”

  Setting her free hand on Sean’s shoulder, she propelled both kids to her van.

  “Mom, I don’t want to leave,” Sean protested. “What about my things?”

  She opened the backdoor and urged Hanna in first. “We’ll get them later, okay? Please, Sean?”

  He peered at her with those too adult eyes and nodded without another word of question. He climbed into the seat next to his sister and reached to help her strap in. Then he did his own and waited for the door to shut.

  “Addy!” Toby cornered her at the hood of the van. “Tell me what happened.”

  Addy shook her head. “Nothing. I really just don’t feel well.” She offered him her best smile and knew it must have looked as horrible as it felt. “I’ll see you at the home, okay?”

  “Stop!” He caught her wrist and restrained her when she tried to make a run for it. “Did someone say something to you?”

  “Toby, please.” She pulled her hand free. “I just really want to leave.”

  He made no further effort to stop her and she climbed in behind the wheel.

  Chapter 19 ~ Toby

  True to his promise, Jim sent the divorce papers. They arrived a week later with the morning mail. The sight of the lawyer’s name stamped against the yellow envelope nearly sent her heart out of her chest with excitement and dread. It both freed her and drowned her with old and new worries, but neither was going to stop her from following through.

  Toby was in the kitchen, pouring coffee into a mug when Addy barged in and began scavenging for a pen.

  “What are you doing?”

  “The divorce papers came in.”

  They hit the island between them and she held them flat with a trembling palm as though terrified they might grow wings and try to escape.

  “Should you read it first?” Toby advised.

  Addy shook her head. “I don’t care what it says. I’m going to sign it and then send them right back today.”

  “Baby.” His hand settled over hers, the one holding the pen with unsteady determination. “Read it. Then we’ll go together to mail them.”

  Everything in her wanted to ignore the suggestion and just get it over with, but he was right. She did need to read it and make sure it was what she wanted. She set the pen down and picked the papers up.

  “Come on.” Taking his coffee and her tea by the handles in one hand, he motioned her out of the room. “Bring those with you.”

  Pen and papers in hand, Addy followed him into the parlor. He set the drinks down on the coffee table and patted the cushion next to him.

  “You sure you want to be here for this?” she partially teased, taking the spot.

  “Baby, I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”

  She gave a nervous giggle. “I’m so excited and terrified.”

  He set his warm palm on her thigh. “Come here.”

  His arm snaked around her middle and he dragged her back against his chest. He reclined and she nestled into him, head pillowed on his shoulder as she started the first line.

  “You know what I was thinking?” His lips whispered against the side of her head, interrupting her. “Christmas, we should rent a cabin for two weeks and go skiing.”

  Distracted, Addy tipped her head back. “A cabin?”

  Toby nodded. “I was talking to Sean about the cabin we normally drive up to for Christmas and he seemed really into it.”

  Bemusement crinkled her brow. “Well, aren’t you going to spend Christmas with your family?”

  Those electrifying blue eyes never wavered from hers. “I intend to.”

  Papers forgotten, Addy stared. Her heart danced in her chest, making her entire body tingle.

  “Us?”

  He smoothed away a lock of hair off her cheek. His fingers closed in her chin and tipped her face back.

  “Yeah, you and the kids.”

  “I’d like that.”

  “All right then.” He kissed her. “Let’s get you unhitched. Then I want to take you to bed to celebrate.”

  That was exactly what he did the moment the pen lifted off the dotted line. He took her hand and dragged her into his room where he spent the entire morning celebrating with multiple orgasms and zero baking.

  The first frost hit that weekend. The world glimmered with a fine crystallization that shone like diamonds along the fields and clung in little spikes around the leaves still hanging on to their branches.

  Addy smiled as she imprinted every moment of that day to the rolodex of her mind as she’d been doing every day for weeks. Everything was perfect. Every moment was perfect. Her life was perfect. She couldn’t possibly imagine how it could possibly get any better. Her children were happy. Sean was a whole different kid. Hanna hadn’t brought up Nancy or Margi once since starting daycare and Toby … God, Toby was incredible. He kept her smiling and when she wasn’t smiling, he was terrorizing every inch of her willing body. The man was a beast in the bedroom and an angel outside it. And she was so in love with him it hurt.

  Grinning, she yanked open the glass doors of Under The Willow and stepped into the warm scent of espresso and chocolate. The café was filled with people crowding the round tables and cutting a line from the doorway to the front counter. Willa was the only one behind the register, but she seemed fine with that. She moved quickly from register to espresso machine to customer without missing a stride. All the while, she laughed and talked and made each person leave with a smile.

  “Well, look who’s joined the party!” From one of the tables in corner, Calla slipped off her reading glasses and grinned at her. “What brings you all the way out here?”

  “I need to run to the market for supper and thought I’d stop in and see you guys.”

  “Well, we’re good.�
�� Calla gestured to where Willa was passing a plastic cup over to the woman waiting. “Willa, make Addy some tea.”

  Addy shook her head before Willa could follow through. “I’m not staying. I just wanted to say hi and talk to you about the maze.”

  “Then you definitely need tea.” Calla pushed out one of the chairs. “I’ve been making some notes and I think I got some ideas I’d like to run by you.”

  Intrigued, Addy walked over and sat. She kept her coat on and her purse squished in her lap, a retardant to keep from staying longer than she could.

  “I made some calls and Mr. Ketch has agreed to loan us four hundred cubes of hay, which I think should be plenty to make a proper maze. I also talked to Dale down at the market and he’s agreed to give us as many pumpkins as he’s got left the day before and we just pay him half of what we make and return whatever we don’t use. So, I’m thinking we could charge five bucks for pumpkin carving, five bucks for the maze and twenty dollars a family of four for the hay ride.”

  “Wow,” Addy whispered. “You’ve really thought this out.”

  “Calla’s really good with planning.” Willa appeared with a cup of tea and a platter of cookies. She set them down in front of Addy. “She’ll make this incredible. You’ll see.”

  Addy nodded. “I don’t doubt it.”

  With a smile, Willa went back to the line.

  “Oh!” Calla dug through her papers and emerged with a bright, orange flyer that she handed to Addy. “What do you think? I was going to bring it over tomorrow for you to have a look and approve before I have more printed.”

  The black font was bold over the grinning face of a pumpkin. Witches, zombies, mummies and bats dominated the space in front of a wide maze. It announced the single night of actives for children of all ages.

  Addy was very impressed. “You’ve been busy.”

  “Do you like it?”

  “I love it. Everything is so amazing.” She handed the flyer back. “What do you charge for all this?”

  Calla stilled. Confusion masked her pretty face.

  “Charge? I don’t charge anything.”

  It was Addy’s turn to look bemused. “But you get paid somehow, right?”

  Calla shrugged. “The joy of helping plan a fun event?”

  “But the money we’ll be making…”

  “Goes to the inn.”

  Heat slithered up Addy’s neck. “But you’re the one doing all the work. You have to at least let me split whatever we make.”

  Calla thought about it, then nodded. “Okay, but I don’t want the money. I do, however, have a request.”

  Addy nodded. “Anything.”

  “I’d like for you and the kids to come over for dinner tomorrow.”

  Addy froze. “Oh…”

  Calla put her hand up. “I know things ended weird last weekend between you and Beth, but I’ve known her my entire life and I can promise she’s not really like that.”

  “I know,” she told the woman. “But I still don’t feel comfortable going to someone’s house when they’re clearly not comfortable with me.”

  “Look, she’ll get used to you. Just don’t let her run you off.”

  “I’m not,” Addy promised. “I’m not going anywhere, but I’m sorry. I can’t.”

  Calla leaned back. “Family dinners aren’t the same when the whole family isn’t there.”

  “If it’s Toby, I never asked him not to go,” Addy cut quickly. “I would never ask him to stop seeing you guys.”

  “Addy.” Calla squeezed her hand. “We know. Yes, we want Toby to be there, but we want you and the kids too.”

  “I appreciate everything you’re doing helping me with this maze, but no. I’m sorry.”

  She rose quickly and left. She went to the market, her mind in a muggy daze as she wandered the aisles. A throbbing had started in her temples and was branching out behind her eyes. All she wanted to do was grab something for supper and go home, but all she could do was walk up and down the aisles while trying to decide what supper should be. Normally, she had an idea, but her brain refused to work.

  Other shoppers moved around her, not saying anything, but smiling at her in passing. It was the thing she loved most about the town, the close family feel of it.

  She rounded into the can section and came to an abrupt halt. There, several feet away, was Beth McClain, surveying a can of diced tomatoes. She hadn’t noticed Addy and Addy couldn’t help wondering if it was possible to escape without detection. She even started backing out when Beth’s head came up. Her blue eyes widened.

  “Addy, hi.”

  Struggling with her facial features, Addy reflexively smiled. “Hello, Mrs. McClain. How are you?”

  The diced tomatoes were set down. “Good, thank you. How are you?”

  As polite conversation went, it was the worst. It was physically painful.

  “Good, thank you.”

  Silence rippled between them and Addy fought not to just turn and leave.

  “I should—”

  “I was hoping we could—”

  Both chuckled as their words jumbled together across the distance.

  Beth moved closer. “I was actually hoping to come by the inn and talk to you sometime this week.”

  “Oh?”

  “Do you have some time today? We could grab some lunch and really get everything out into the open.”

  It was on the tip of her tongue to say no and walk away, but this was Toby’s mother and, no matter how much Addy wanted to dislike the woman, that meant something.

  “I’d like lunch.”

  Abandoning their empty carts, they left the market and made their way to the diner. No one paid them a lick of attention as they claimed a booth near the back.

  “This is the longest Toby’s ever gone without talking to me,” Beth said once they were seated and a full five minutes had passed in silence. “Not even when he’d been overseas. He wrote every week. He called. He skyped. He never lost contact with us. It was the only peace of mind I had during those months he was gone.”

  Guilt pierced through her, slivered with dread. This was where the woman would tell her it was Addy’s fault.

  “I’m really sorry, Mrs. McClain. I never once told him not to talk to anyone.”

  Beth shook her head. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine.” She sighed. “I hurt him by hurting you and I don’t blame him. He made some valid points that night and I’m ashamed to admit that he was right. I acted poorly.” She folded her hands on the table between them and stared at the knuckles. “I don’t know how much you know about our family.”

  “Not much. I don’t listen to gossip.”

  Beth chuckled. “Then you’re in the wrong town.” Her smile slipped when Addy said nothing. “Cole and I were dating when Calla was born. Neither one of us knew Lily was pregnant. I was furious, but mostly, I was hurt. Cole hadn’t cheated on me. What happened between him and Lily was a onetime mistake that gave us a beautiful, vibrant little girl to raise and love. It never once bothered me that he had a daughter with another woman. I mean, in the beginning when I first found out it did, but once Calla was born and I looked into her little face, I was done. I probably loved her more than I loved Cole at times, and Lily’s my best friend. Together, we raised four incredible children. It never mattered that Calla and Willa weren’t mine, just like it never mattered that Damon wasn’t. In my heart, they were. They still are.” She bit her lip and furrowed her brows. Her eyes lifted and fixed on Addy’s face. “You make my son happy. He loves you and your kids. I don’t know what your story is. I don’t know where you came from or why you’re here, but I’m willing to listen if you’ll let me.”

  Addy immediately wanted to say no. Her past wasn’t something she wanted to tell a woman who wanted Addy out of her son’s life. It was ammunition. But ammunition to what? Toby already knew. The divorce papers were sent. By now, Jonathon would have received a call from his lawyer and the police would be knocking on Addy’s door wit
h a warrant for her arrest. What more could she possibly be afraid of happening? There was nothing else left.

  “I was raped at fifteen.”

  She didn’t go into full details. She told the woman everything, deciding that if being honest and open didn’t get her on the woman’s good side, Beth didn’t have one and Addy was better off. She laid it all out on the table and waited.

  Beth said nothing. She sat in mute horror. The expression would have been comical if Addy hadn’t been dying for a response.

  “Oh…” Hands lifted and pressed into her face. “Oh God…”

  “Hey Mrs. McClain, can I take your order?” The waitress appeared at the table, pen and pad in hand.

  Beth shook her head. “Give us a few more minutes, please, Ginny.”

  The girl gave a shrug and left.

  Beth’s focus returned to Addy. “I didn’t know.”

  “I know,” she whispered. “Toby was the only one I told. Then Cole, but only because Toby thought he could help.”

  “Christ, I…”

  “Please don’t.” Addy shifted in her seat. “I don’t want your pity or your sympathies. I don’t want your apologies either. I only told you because I’m serious about your son, Mrs. McClain. I really love him and I want to be with him, and if knowing my past will help you get some closure or peace of mind, then I’m fine telling you. I also want you to know that I don’t need Toby to take care of me or raise my children. I’ve done it on my own for ten years. Now, I don’t want an olive branch from you today. I don’t want your hand in friendship or an invitation to weekend dinners. Anything you say now will be tainted because of what I told you. But one day, hopefully real close in the future, I want us to at least be civil. I’d like to see you at the store and not get the urge to run. I’d like to do that because Toby means the world to both of us and I know we can both agree that his happiness is all either of us want.” Addy slipped out of the booth and stood. “I’m making something for dinner tonight. I’m not sure what, but I would really like for you and Cole to come. If you’re not busy. Dinner’s at six.”