Hearts' Desires

by Anke Napp

  The thunderstorm came early, and it lasted the whole afternoon. There was no way the work could continue and the team was off the rest of the day. Vance enjoyed the spectacle as usual, sitting at the window of his bungalow and smoking. He would’ve very much liked to go over to Alison’s place to see how she was doing, but he knew that for her it was too early for that much familiarity. He had not even told her how he felt about her.

  A shutter flapped across the little yard, and leaning forward, Vance discovered Alison for a second. Obviously, she was about to ‘secure’ her little place against the forces of nature. Again, the thought of going over and “protecting her” from the elements was very tempting… He had to think about something else! Vance closed the shutters of his own bungalow. He took his script and tried to concentrate on getting into his characters mind.

  Approximately one hour later, the thunderstorm was over, sun was breaking through the clouds and glinting in the mud puddles in the yard. The air was wonderfully fresh and clean again. Vance decided to go on a little walk up the hills. However, in the middle of his stroll that turned out to be a bad idea. Dark clouds gathered again and rain started to come down in heavy drops. While he was still wondering if he should run back or find cover, the clouds literally burst. Vance sprinted across the field, to where a sun shade had been erected for the workers. By the time he arrived he was sopping wet. And he discovered he was not the only one seeking shelter.

  From below the shade, Jake gave him a weak grin.

  “Seems I’m not the only one with a bad idea,” Vance said.

  “Yep, old man. But you were the one pointing out I’d need a little workout.”

  “C’mon, Jake! Since when do you listen to what I have to say? – Ah, crap, look! I can forget these cigarettes!” He held up the soggy package.

  “I needed a walk to get my mind off things,” Jake said now. “And to reach a decision concerning Janice and her demands.”

  “And?”

  “She can have the damned vacation home! She has filled it with her ugly stuff anyway; I don’t care if I never see it again! No need to let another lawyer get rich on this!” He breathed deeply. “Yes, to hell with it! – Vance, what’s going on with you and Alison, you two lovebirds?”

  “It’s that obvious?” He smiled apologetically. “Bad acting skills… I always knew it…”

  “Well, in that case I would suggest some beginner’s drama classes! – Have you spilled your heart to her yet?”

  “I’m waiting for the right moment.”

  “To melt Alison ‘Iceberg’ Cartwright?!”

  They both grinned and stared out into the rain. It wasn’t coming down as hard as some minutes before, but still pouring in a dense curtain of water, which was greedily sucked into the dry ground.

  Meanwhile at the hotel, a thunderstorm of another kind just unleashed its force against Thabo, who had knocked at Lauren’s door to give her his little gift. It was obvious; HE was the last person she wanted to see. Observing the ongoing ‘things’ between Vance and Alison, Lauren was not only in a bad mood, she was irritable like a snake in a trap.

  “What do you want?” she snapped, staring at the unwelcome guest. Hadn’t it been enough she had to embrace this kid three times during the filming today?! Did he have to bother her even now with his presence?!

  “Good evening, Lauren.” Thabo gathered all his courage. “I… uhm… bought you something. Thought you might like it.” He stretched the hand with the bead pendant. “It would look nice…uhm… I think.”

  Lauren was so annoyed, she would’ve loved to shut her door in his face. However, she still tried to keep things civil. “I don’t want any gifts from you, okay? The fact I’ve talked to you does not mean I’m your girlfriend! And I don’t want you to hang around in front of my door like last night!” She grabbed the door knob.

  And a little devil grabbed Thabo. “But you would’ve liked gifts from Vance van Sorel, right?” he called.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Everyone knows you’re running after him!”

  Now, all her precious aspiring-moviestar-manners were gone in an instant, and she was the girl from the New York slums again. “Fuck off, do you get it?!” How she would’ve loved to shout that into Alison’s face right now! “Just fuck OFF!!!”

  The next day, a scene with Thabo was scheduled early in the morning. Originally, the boy was supposed to sneak through high grass. Now, on location, that turned out to be a bad idea. It was too windy, and the camera only caught moving grass and foliage, and not a glimpse of the actor. They considered cutting some of the grass and then try again. But in the end, they chose another spot to film the sequence. Cameras and light had to be reinstalled. Alison glanced at her watch nervously. If Thabo made any mistakes - and he seemed quite preoccupied today - they could hang it up! The familiar sharp line showed up between her brows, while the scene was unfolding. Yes, the new spot away from the grass was definitely better… The boy walked forward, occasionally glancing behind and acting nervous. The idea was to make the audience think Louis going to do something bad in his desperation.

  Alison gave Jake a silent sign to switch to the second camera, when Thabo made the wrong move. She suppressed a loud sigh. The boy turned towards her, sorry written all over his face.

  “Thabo, what’s wrong with you today? You need to concentrate!”

  “I’ll talk to him,” said Jake, securing his camera. “I have an idea what’s going on.”

  With that, he walked over to the young man, who stood apart from the team now, shoulders and head hanging.

  “Hey! Girls are not worth so much stress, remember! - Look, I wanna tell you something! When I was a bit younger than you – and a lot more stupid, at least I think I was more stupid…” He laughed, thinking of the lawsuit awaiting him back in L.A. No, he definitely was not the right person to give advice how to work things out! However, perhaps he could prevent certain things from happen at all?! He gestured Thabo to sit down on a cable box.

  “Anyway… I fell totally in love with a girl from across the street. I literally thought I would die if she wouldn’t respond to my advances!” Jake cleared his throat. “Well, the little bitch ignored me, and obviously she had quite a good time seeing me get more miserable every day. I so wished she would feel at least a little bit of the pain she was inflicting upon me without realizing it! I sat around for weeks like that… until one day, I found a way to get her attention!”

  Thabo looked at him as if a revelation of religious importance was going to follow.

  “I pulled myself together and acted as if I didn’t have a care in the world. I figured she would get upset once she thought she had lost her doormat! I went to parties, the movies, football games … well, eventually I actually started to feel a lot better for real.”

  “And she noticed you, then?”

  Now Jake laughed and patted on Thabo’s shoulder. “You know what, pal, I don’t even remember! It didn’t matter anymore. I had a marvelous time. I met new friends, new girls, and some months later I graduated and moved away. Just try to feel better, even if you have to fake it in the beginning! Don’t let her get to you this way! Maybe you’ll crack her shell if she thinks you’re not interested anymore. In any case, it will be much better for you!”

  Waiting for Jake to finish his little talk with Thabo, Alison took a walk across the area to calm down a bit and center herself. Near the Bungalows, she discovered Vance, who was occupied explaining to one of the smaller village kids how a movie production worked, literally using his hands and feet and producing some special sound effects. Alison had to smile, seeing how closely the little one paid attention to this rather boring subject. Vance had a way with children, obviously! Seeing her approach, the little girl ran away.

  “I’ve scared her away, I’m sorry!”

  “Oh, no problem, I had reached the end of my technical knowledge anyway!” Vance replied and stood up. “Unbelievable how curious kids can be!”
/>
  Alison discovered the child now some distance away behind a tree, watching her a bit anxious –or was it jealousy that someone else got the attention of the ‘fairy tale uncle’?

  “Look, there she is! There must be something very unsettling about me! I suppose I’m simply no mother-and-family-type!”

  “Maybe you just didn’t get the chance to find out if you are.”

  “Well – I don’t know, maybe my family’s constant pestering about the subject made me dismiss it forever!” She drew a deep breath. “All my father wanted was for me to get married and raise a bunch of kids and later take over the horse ranch. And he hated that I had other plans for my life.”

  “Would that have been so bad? Getting married and having children, I mean.” Vance regretted these words immediately, but it was too late to take them back. Nervously, he searched her eyes. Alison avoided his gaze and let her eyes wander over the surroundings instead. She felt uncomfortable.

  A moment passed in silence, then she answered with a forced little laugh: “I’m a director; here today, there tomorrow, with often a 16-hour day. When on earth would I find the time?!”

  Although she unwittingly used almost the same words as his late wife in dismissing the subject, it did not even sound remotely as cold from Alison.

  “If you put as much commitment and energy into being a mother as you do being a director, you would be a wonderful one,” he said.

  By chance, their eyes met again. The wind was playing with a strand of her hair, making it dance in front of her face, and Vance reached out to tuck it back behind her ear. His mind was lost in lovely visions of Alison with a child in her arms, when Jake called from the set; Thabo was ready for another take.

  The next weekend, while Alison was busy making flight arrangements for her crew and equipment to the next filming location, Vance used the opportunity to make some ‘preparations’ of his own. He needed Max’s help, so he had to let him in on his plans, and they huddled together for some time like two conspirators, before Vance vanished inside the hotel with a list and settled down next to the phone. When filming started that afternoon in the garden he arrived late – one of the rare times that ever happened in his career so far.

  “Where have you been, man?!” whispered Jake in his direction. “Everyone is waiting for you!”

  “Sorry,” Vance answered with equally low voice and grinned to his friend. “Working on the ‘Iceberg-melting-project’!” He signaled Chang he would be with him in a minute.

  “Looks as if you’ll need some extra fire, Alison is a bit mad at you! If she hates one thing, it’s being late!”

  “She’ll forget all about it!” He hurried to Chang.

  The day dragged on, at least in Vance’s opinion. Would everything work out as planned? He had been up since 4 in the morning getting everything ready before Alison could catch on that anything unusual was going on. He was so nervous that he even messed up his dialogue and said “Avocados” instead of “Ammunition” which caused some laughter. But Alison was not in the mood for having fun!

  “Vance,” she asked after she had set everything on pause for the second time. “Aren’t you feeling well?”

  “No no! I’m sorry! Only a bit tired. I try to pay attention next time, I promise!”

  She stepped back to her place and looked around in the faces of the actors and crew. “I know the stress of the past days is getting to us all! But we are on schedule. Every one of you has done a great job so far! I just need you to hold on for a few more hours, and then everyone will have two days off! So pull yourselves together and give me all you got!”

  Someone clapped hands. They all knew Alison worked as hard as every member of the crew, maybe harder. To disappoint her was out of question!

  “Raise your banners and swords, comrades!” Jake joined the speech. “Once more into the breech!”

  Finally, at 9 PM, the work was done. Alison was tired and did not feel like doing anything but put her legs up and close her eyes, when Vance asked her to follow him into the hotel.

  “What’s going on?” she asked, curious.

  “I want to show you something.”

  I hope it’s not a problem with the electricity somewhere that could affect us… or anything we could be held responsible for. She was close to saying he should just take care of it and leave her alone.

  But then he opened the door to one of the rooms. “Welcome to the paradise-suite!”

  The place was a charming mixture of nature, craftsmanship, and sublime style represented by the porcelain dishes on the little table besides the window. A carpet with a tribal pattern covered the floor. Candles were burning and the light danced over the scene, enhancing the overall feeling of coziness.

  Alison stopped in the doorway, not really daring to look at the lovely scene. “What…”

  “I thought you deserved some down time Alison, after all your hard work.”

  “Vance, our contract stated we are not allowed into the hotel rooms!”

  “I spoke with the owner in Cape Town. I rented the room just like any tourist. - You may enter.”

  She was still hesitating. “We cannot do this. We are on the set. The crew will talk. They will think…”

  “Well, I don’t care what they think. Let them talk if they want, Alison. This has nothing to do with them, only with us. We are not kids who have to ask permission before going out for dinner. Am I right?”

  Alison was partly ready to decline nonetheless, but the charm of the place was working on her. It folded around her with its warmth and light and literally drew her in.

  She shook her head with a resigned little smile, then finally stepped up to the table where Vance was holding a chair for her. Seeing the table settings, Alison was astonished.

  “You didn’t fly all this in by chance, did you?!”

  “Actually, I bribed the chef from our catering company. I’ll probably be in debt for the rest of my life, but…”

  “Filled Avocados are my favorites. And the cakes from ‘Charley’s Bakery’ in Cape Town!” She glanced over the funny looking bright colored pastries, which each had a letter on its sugar crust. They spelled ‘Alison’. She shook her head in disbelief. “I love them, and Grandma loved them… - How did you know? You have talked to Max about this?!”

  “Yes, I did. And he revealed all your favorite foods.”

  “You are…” She missed the words.

  “What? Crazy? I know that already.”

  Vance had poured some wine and now lifted his glass in a toast. “To the accomplishment of the past days, to our brave crew and to the force behind it all: Alison.”

  The glasses clinked and Alison blushed. This is like in a stupid movie, she thought. But still – it felt wonderful.

  They were eating, drinking and talking. They laughed about childhood memories and ranted about annoying colleagues. Alison didn’t even censor herself anymore, stopped worrying about what to say and what was better left unspoken. So she told him about her non-existing plans after the current movie project.

  “You want to retire after this is done? I don’t think this is a wise idea,” Vance said, while distributing the dessert. “You have far too much energy and creativity to put it on hold for long, believe me. You’re just like me. I get totally grumpy when there’s no work and purpose!”

  It was the feeling that floated in her own mind, the one creating little panic spikes now and then, when she tried to plan for the time ‘after’. She had postponed the thought further and further, refused to think about it at all, the closer the deadline came she had set for retirement.

  “I actually thought I should stop at the height of my career, before… ending up on the sidelines,” Alison defended her decision half-heartedly. At the moment, she couldn’t figure out why she had made it at all. No, she didn’t want to stop directing! Nevertheless, she was not satisfied with the way things had been going since her last production. There was this… uneasiness and unrest, she couldn’t calm by bringing
yet more perfection into her work.

  “I just think I have reached the point of no return. The peak, you know? I can only go downhill from here.”

  “Perhaps with projects like this one! You should do something different; a movie about this country, for instance. There is such a rich, dramatic and deep history; this soil is soaked with tears and blood – the stories are just waiting for you!”

  “But I doubt Hollywood is waiting for social dramas about South Africa – least of all directed by me. You know what typecasting means. Alison Cartwright has to deliver beautiful romantic stories in gorgeous landscapes with happy endings!”

  “Maybe you should tell these fools good-bye and come back here.” Vance looked at her seriously.

  “With you?” The moment the words were out of her mouth, she realized what she had said and tried to retract them. “I should stop drinking; I don’t know what I’m saying anymore!” She pushed her wine glass back so hastily, it nearly tipped over. Then she stood up and walked to the window.

  “I could use some fresh air…”

  “I’ll go anywhere with you, Alison,” Vance answered, stepping behind her, lightly resting his hands on her shoulders. “To be honest, I can’t imagine being anywhere without you.”

  His voice had become a whisper caressing her neck. Alison’s heart was pounding and he was close enough she could almost feel his heartbeat too. She longed to touch him, feel him, to just melt into him. However - that meant giving up control and taking a chance! What if she gave in and he found her lacking, decided she wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, young enough? What if she could not be as perfect as she wanted to be? She did not want to disappoint him. Especially not him.

  “That’s very flattering, but I don’t think you know what you’re saying. I’m not the woman you may think I am. You barely know me…”

  Alison stared into the still closed window and saw her own nervous, frozen features mirrored in the glass. Hoping Vance would simply step back to the table, or perhaps grab a cigarette, she closed her eyes and nearly stopped breathing. She felt trapped like a deer in the headlights. And still she could sense his presence very close.