A Billy or a Dan, or an Old Tin Can

by Paul Kelly

  “Aggie”

  She turned to face him, her cheeks aglow with joyful anticipation.

  “Yes Father?”

  “Pray for me, Aggie Will you please?”

  Aggie smiled shyly and nodded her head.

  As she strolled back home she felt as if all her cares and worries of the past few years had gone from her. She felt light and her heart was at peace. She wanted to sing as she walked, but she knew that extravagance would be unbecoming to a Nun and a Carmelite Nun in particular, but the temptation of levity was too strong. She side-kicked the wall when she knew she was alone and no-one was looking ...but God.

  ***

  Aggie arrived indoors as Sadie was ushering a young man out of the door and she smiled at him as they passed each other, but Sadie said nothing of her visitor as Aggie began to take her coat off. It was a few seconds of embarrassing silence before Sadie spoke.

  “I suppose you are wondering who that was?” she said, looking very tired and her hair hung loosely and uncombed around her head. Aggie sense there was an embarrassment.

  “The young man ... no, is he a friend of yours?”

  Sadie put Fiona across her knee as she pinned the nappy and drew down the little girl’s night-dress as two chubby feet kicked happily in the air.

  “I’ve met him once or twice and we’ve been out for a drink together a few times,” she said, lowering her head as if she had some sort of guilt on her mind.

  “That’s nice Sadie ... Do you like him ... a little?” Aggie prompted the question, trying to make her sister feel happier about the situation.

  “Yes He’s nice but as I’ve said, I don’t know him that well and I can’t have much of a social life with little Miss happy-feet, here, can I?”

  “You should ask him round again and get to know him better, Sadie. I don’t mind baby sitting if you want to go out with him at any time,” said Aggie and Sadie laughed.

  “You’re a right match-maker, Aggie Blair. You’ll have me married off yet.”

  Aggie blushed.

  “Sadie I didn’t mean that ... What I mean is if you like him and he likes you, where’s the harm in getting to know each other better and what better way can you do that, than seeing more of each other.”

  Sadie grinned as she reached for the telephone.

  “I might just do that,” she said and her whole character changed from the pensive, silent person she was before Aggie came back to the house and she straightened her hair and threw her head back as she stared intently into the mirror.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  The picnic makers arrived home, tired and weary, but content for all that and Willie had broken off from the party as they came into Glasgow, knowing that he wanted some time on his own to think of what he would do at 8.30 that evening. It was only 6.45 when he found himself alone and with some time to think through what he wanted to do with his life. Love me or leave me, he thought and the phrase rattled round his mind ...jeering at him in his confusion ... It seemed such a final decision to make as he strolled casually along the street until he came to a telephone kiosk and opened the door with nervous hands. He wanted to phone, but he was unsure of himself nevertheless, he lifted the receiver and dialled the number.

  “Queen Victoria Hospital, can I help you?” A young, efficient voice came through on the line.

  “Yes Can I have the Nurses Home please?”

  “Yes Sir, I’m just putting you through.”

  It seemed an eternity before anyone spoke again and the silence taunted him as he cleared his throat before a thin little voice came through to him.

  “Hello ... Hello, is there anyone there. This is the Nurses Home. Nurse Gilbert speaking....” Willie’s confidence had left him in that moment. “Hello, can I help you caller?” the little voice persisted.

  “Can I Can I speak to Nurse Peters, please?”

  Again there was a long silence as Willie swallowed hard and hoped that Lindsey would be in a different frame of mind. He wanted to love her, but how can you want to love, when you can’t he thought. Whatever is wrong with me ... She is beautiful and yet I feel this way. Maybe we are taking things a bit too fast, he concluded in order to console himself as he waited.

  “Hello,” A voice spoke to him from the hospital again.

  “Is that you, Lindsey?”

  “This is Nurse Armstrong here. Who did you wish to speak to?”

  “Sorry Nurse I wanted to speak to Lindsey Peters ... Is she there, please?”

  “Sorry ... Nurse Peters is on duty in the Emergency Wing and I don’t know when she’ll be free. Can I suggest that you ring tomorrow?”

  “Won’t she be free this evening about 8.30 or so?”

  “I doubt it, but if you are anxious to talk to her this evening, you might try again about 10.30 or 11.o’clock.”

  “Thank you Nurse ... thanks again. I’ll ring her tomorrow.”

  “I can take a message for her, if you like?”

  “No ...no thanks ... That’s alright ... No message.... Goodnight.”

  “Goodnight.”

  Willie was relieved and angry at the same time, as he walked along aimlessly and found himself nearing the church. He decided to go in.

  “Oh! God, what is wrong with me? I feel so strange. I love Rachael Harris and I can’t have her and anyway, you wouldn’t approve. She is a Jew, you see, but I can’t get her out of my mind and my brother, Charlie He’s the one she wants and he’s really handsome is Charlie. You’d like him ... You really would ... I like Lindsey a lot, but I don’t think I’m in love with her. Tell me what to do God ... PLEASE.”

  He stopped jabbering and looked about him. The church was in darkness except for a few votive candles that burned themselves out in a corner, making mellow evening shadows across the walls and up into the great arches that looked down on him in scorn .What was he doing there, he thought? Why was he talking to himself like an idiot?

  “I’m goin’ round the bend,” he called out and his echo repeated after him “I’m goin’ round the bend ...”

  “Women will be the death of me,” he muttered as he genuflected and started to leave, “The death of me the death of me the death of me “

  He shoved his hands up his ears and screwed his face up in fear, as his words repeated time after time in his brain.

  “Hello Willie ... It is Willie Blair, isn’t it ... Haven’t seen you for quite some time Willie ... How are you getting along?” Father Kane appeared from nowhere and startled Willie.

  “Oh! I’m fine, Father Just came in to say a wee prayer, that’s all.” he replied, ashamed that he had been caught in the act and hoping the priest hadn’t heard his stupid ramblings.

  “Prayers?” asked the priest, “Well that is nice Willie. Not many young people pop into church these days, just to say a wee prayer. I’m pleased with you.”

  Willie could feel his face getting red by the moment and he was glad the lights were out and that the darkness held his secret.

  “Well Not exactly prayers, Father. I mean, not Our Fathers or Hail Marys, if you know what I mean. They weren’t real prayers. I was just having a wee chin wag with God Well that’s what our Aggie is always saying.”

  The priest smiled and shook his head slowly.

  “I think your Aggie is a bit of a theologian, Willie and I wish more people would come in to church just to have a wee chin wag with God. I’m sure God would be delighted. Is there anything in particular that you are praying for? Is there anything I can do to help you?”

  “No thank you Father. I’d better be getting home now.”

  “Are all the family well?” the priest asked without saying anything about his meeting with the potential Nun.

  “Yes Father but you know we’ve moved out to Rouken Glen now It’s just that we’ve always come to
this church when we lived near here and I was passing and “

  Father Kane put his tongue to the side of his mouth and leaned his head to one side.

  “Got a girl friend?” he asked and Willie blushed again. My God, he thought ... the bugger’s heard me and he’s keepin’ quiet about it. What the hell should I say now?

  “One or two, Father,” he mumbled.

  The priest’s shoulders raised a little and his eyes widened as his face took on a look of amusement and bewilderment. He hadn’t expected an answer like that.

  “Great ... That’s just great, Willie. See you again soon, I hope.”

  “Yes Father.”

  Willie Blair departed quicker than he had arrived. How could he have told the priest about his problem ...if he didn’t already know ...Father Kane wouldn’t know what had hit him if a girl kissed him and asked him to love her, would he. He wouldn’t know what she meant, would he? He stopped quickly in his thoughts and his mother’s face appeared before him in the darkest corners of his guilty mind

  “How dare you think about a holy priest in that way Willie Blair ... You should know better than that ...”

  He could see her disapproving finger wagging at him as he walked away from the high steeple building, silhouetted boldly against the clear night sky.

  “Lucky Father Kane doesn’t have my problems. That’s all I can say ... Lucky sod!”

  Chapter Forty-Three

  Meggie’s letter arrived and everyone was delighted, with a feeling that at last, they knew she was alive and hopefully well.

  Dear Mammy and Tom and All at Home,

  Hope you are all well and happy, as I feel sure you are. I am fine and I have settled in here nicely. The weather is great and everyone has a glorious tan. Tell Willie he should hurry up and join the navy. The food is excellent and we were surprised when we were asked how many eggs we wanted for breakfast. No rationing here; plenty of everything, fruit, chocolate, sweets, although I don’t think the quality of the chocolate is as rich as good old Cadbury’s. Even the cigarettes are free. We get them supplied in round tins and I think there are about fifty to a tin and I take them for a mate of mine here, who smokes like a chimney. I haven’t started smoking, Mammy and I know you’ll be pleased to hear that. Now just before I dry up talking about my own lifestyle here, let me just say that I have been very lucky to have a friend of mine; a native of London, posted here with me. I honestly don’t know how that happened as he is not of the navy, but an officer of the Royal Army Medical Corps. He is a doctor or Medical Officer as they are called in the Forces and he is twenty-four years of age I know Mammy will want to hear all this and especially that he is of ‘OUR persuasion’ He is handsome very handsome, but very, very shy. I like him a lot and as I have said, I was surprised when I saw him here. We were on the same Draft and I didn’t know it until we arrived at our destination. So you can see, I am not lonely and you needn’t worry about me as I have a doctor to take care of me if I get sick ... His name is George C. Ambrose. Don’t know what the ‘C’ stands for but I think it might be ‘cute’ Ha! Ha ...

  I am sending you all some tinned fruit, as we can get it here easily and the NAAFI will post it home for us, so expect a parcel or two soon. I am also sending some sweets for Fiona. I miss her terribly and think about her a lot. Hope she is well and has got over her teething troubles. Is Sadie able to get a good night’s sleep? I miss everyone at home more than I ever thought I would and I know I will give no offence to anyone when I say I miss Charlie the most ... Well, I would do, wouldn’t I, he being my twin. I guess that’s natural although he can be a ‘devil’ at times. CHARLIE, I LOVE YOU. Take care of Rachael and give her my love also. Is Willie courting yet? Big Handsome Willie ... He’s going to tear some little girl’s heart apart one of these days, I know it bless him. Love to my special sister and friend Aggie. Darling Aggie ... I do miss you and our little heart-to-heart talks. I wish you well, with every joy and happiness ... and to my darling Sadie you should take more care of yourself and get out a bit more, whenever you can. You never know if Errol Flynn or Tyrone Power might be waiting by the bus stop in Girvin Street unless you take a look now and again ... I love you, Sadie. Take care.

  Now Mammy I want to tell you how happy I am for you and Tom. You know we all love Tom and we are happy for you both. I wish you long years ahead of happy companionship and love and tell him you are the luckiest of women to have got him and that he should realise how lucky he is too. I’m sure you both realise that without me telling you, but I think it’s nice to be re-assured don’t you?

  I’m meeting ‘Cutie pants’ in half-an-hour so I had better go now and get ready for the dance he has promised to take me to. All uniforms, of course, but never mind. The war will soon be over, we hope. I miss you all and send my fondest love, hoping it won’t be long before we are all together again. With lots of kisses to everyone ... and a special big one for Fiona ... Your daughter,

  Meggie.

  P.S. This letter is full of ‘alls’, but I am so excited. Forgive me!

  P.P.S. George is looking forward to meeting the family when we can get some leave.

  ***

  Mary sat quietly as Aggie read the letter aloud and she reached for Tom’s hand when Meggie mentioned him. Aggie was thrilled that her little sister was so happy and especially now when she had a goal of her own to achieve and of course, someone out there with her to look after her. Sadie sighed in despair of ever meeting Errol or Tyrone at the bus stop, but a colour came to her cheek at the thought of meeting Robert Wells that evening if she could get a baby-sitter, so as soon as the family had digested all the news from Meggie’s letter, she took the opportunity.

  “Can anyone look after Fiona this evening, Mammy? I’d like to go out, if you don’t mind.”

  “Of course I don’t mind Sadie. I’ll be delighted you know that and you don’t have to ask.”

  “There’s something else, Mammy.”

  “Yes Darling. What is that?”

  “There is a young man who is interested in me at the moment and I rather like him too ... Would you mind if I asked him round to tea, one day?”

  Mary beamed her delight.

  “Sadie, I’m so pleased for you. Of course you must bring your friend to tea. Shouldn’t she Tom?”

  “Of course you should Sadie. You know your friends are always welcome here at any time.”

  Against Mary’s usual reserve and sagacious caution to meddle in the affairs of any of her family, she asked,

  “Do we know this young man, Sadie?”

  Sadie lifted Fiona on to her knee and diddled her as her little head swayed contentedly from side to side and she gurgled as Sadie put the baby’s head closer to her own, to tease her by ‘eating’ her fingers. Fiona chuckled with joy and excitement.

  “No Mammy, I don’t think you do,” she answered briskly as she thought again about Meggie’s letter. “He’s not of ‘our persuasion’ Mammy. He’s a ‘Billy’ “

  Mary’s brow puckered for a moment. She did not understand, nor want to understand the expression Sadie had used.

  “Darling Sadie ANYONE is welcome here at our home if he is your friend, but I wish you wouldn’t use that word. It sounds well, disrespectful and I’m sure your friend is anything but that.”

  “Sorry Mammy. He is a Protestant he’s not a Catholic.”

  “He will be welcome Darling. You know that. Would Wednesday evening be alright?”

  Sadie reflected before she answered.

  “I think that will be O.K. Mammy but I’ll ask him and let you know.”

  Willie had just heard the tail end of the conversation when he came into the room.

  “I can baby-sit, if you need me, Mammy. I mean, if you and Tom want to go anywhere. I’m not doing anything this evening.”

  “That’s kind of you Willie, but Tom and
I will be here and we’d love to look after Fiona. Aren’t you taking that nice nurse Peters out in the evenings?”

  Willie hesitated and looked from Tom to Mary and then to Sadie.

  “No I won’t be going out well, not this evening anyway.”

  He could have added that Lindsey Peters was ‘not of his persuasion’ but he knew it would only complicate matters more deeply. Willie’s persuasion had nothing to do with Religion. His persuasion was Rachael Harris, the Jewess ... Rachael first Rachael second and third ...just Rachael.

  ***

  Willie passed his driving test just two weeks before Charlie sat his. The examiner put Charlie through his paces and he failed on the three point turn.

  “I never stood a chance. The bugger got me into such a small area that it would have needed a six point turn to get out. I was sweating my balls off by the time I got the bloody thing straight and then I knocked shit out of the pavement as I backed. I’m fed up. I had hopes of taking Rachael to Inverness this weekend too.”

  “I’ll take her if you like, Charlie?” Willie intercepted the dialogue with enthusiasm, perhaps knowing he might annoy Charlie, but he had hopes nevertheless.

  “No thanks. I won’t go gooseberry on any joy ride. I’ll pass that bloody test next time. You see if I don’t.” Tom and Mary could not stop laughing, although Mary was a little distraught at the rude anatomical descriptions of her elder son.

  “Will you give me a few extra lessons, Tom?”

  Tom looked up from his newspaper. He wasn’t reading it, but it hid his laughter.

  “Delighted Charlie, but please don’t knock shit out of my tyres, will you please?” he said and Mary dug him in the ribs.

  “You are like a set of schoolboys,” she said, “Bloody this and shit that disgusting.” she complained and minced into the garden as she spoke whilst Charlie closed the French doors behind her.