REMEMBRANCE

by Nicole Maddison

  She snatched away from him angrily, “Don’t use such fickle words with me, Richard Matthews. You don’t know the meaning of the word ‘love’; and, as for the ‘we are good together’ bit, all I can say is, what a callous, selfish man you are! You only ever thought of yourself! We were never ‘good together’ because we never ventured any further than heavy petting.”

  “That’s not my fault; you were the one that wanted to wait, always turning frigid whenever I wanted to take things further.”

  “Oh, so now it’s my fault for wanting to keep my virginity!” she stormed.

  “No, no, that’s not what I’m trying to say,” Richard tried to calm her down.

  “There was never any room for me in the bedroom because it was taken up with your ego, Richard! You want someone to blame for it not going any further, then you only have to take look at yourself. I suppose, you’re going to say that it was because of me that you ended up with that woman?”

  “No.”

  “What happened, Richard? Did Cheryl finally, after all this time, find out that you were a complete self-centred ass and decided to dump you?”

  He stepped back from her, realizing that she was not the young naïve girl he had known; she was cold and unyielding. She had made too many correct assumptions about him and he did not like hearing the truth about himself.

  “You will come home with me, Maria; I will not take no for an answer!” he warned her, now practically yelling. Suddenly, he changed his tone and, almost in a whisper, added, “I want to have children with you. I want you by my side. I want to show you that I love you.”

  She almost felt sorry for him, standing there, lying through his teeth, saying things that he thought she wanted to hear.

  “I could never be with a man that could only bow to his own vanity. You never loved me; all you saw was a plaything that you could sweep aside whenever the fancy took you. Richard, all you crave is power; you have to have control, but I will not be the one you will exercise your will on—no more!” Bitterness stung her words.

  Finally, she had spoken the words that she had been unable to say when she had caught him in the arms of another woman. She had been too shocked at seeing their naked bodies entwined to utter a single word. However, she had thought of plenty to say on her four-hour journey back home, but then she hadn’t had a lot to distract her except the scenery as it passed by the train window. Still, much had changed since then.

  She now knew what true love was—it was something that you could not turn on and off like a switch. It was a burning, passionate longing that enveloped your very being. You would have no control over it, it would eat you up, consuming you until you lived and breathed the sensation. You would die for love.

  Her voice was quiet when she spoke again, “I’m sorry Richard. I do not have the energy to fight with you. But I cannot come home with you; I do not love you.”

  His face distorted with anger, “Don’t be silly, M, you know that you love me. You always have. What could have changed in such a short time?”

  She sighed deeply, “I do not love you Richard, and you know that you don’t love me. We have nothing to gain by making each other unhappy any longer. I will not come home with you and that is final.”

  As she turned to walk to the door, his hand reached out and grabbed her arm painfully.

  “You cannot mean that, M! I will not accept rejection,” he whispered in a threatening tone.

  She looked at the hand that held her, easing his fingers away from where they dug into her skin.

  “Unfortunately, Richard you do have to, for that part of my life is now dead. I intend to get on in this world without your presence and I suggest that you do the same.” And with that, she strode out of the house.

  He followed her. “You cannot mean this, M! We could make things right between us; I deserve a second chance… M?”

  She was halfway down the drive when she turned to look at him one last time, “Yes Richard, you are right; everyone deserves a second chance.”

  His face beamed, as he assumed that her words meant that she had finally come round.

  “And that is exactly what I am going to have with Tom. I have been given the chance to put things right and I shall endeavour to do my very best so that we can spend the rest of our lives together. So, if you will excuse me, I am going riding.”

  “Tom? Who the hell is Tom?” he shouted, as he started after her, fury surging through his veins. “Answer me M! Who is Tom?”

  She didn’t even look back when she said, “Tom is the man I love.”

  “WHAT?”

  He watched her depart without a second glance towards him. He stayed still, bewildered by this astounding revelation, staring at her back as she strode towards the stables. He was all for going after her, making her see reason, begging her to come back to him, when she suddenly vanished before his very eyes.

  “M?”

  Bertie was at his side. He hadn’t even noticed her approach. She smiled happily to herself.

  “Where did she go?” he said, turning to the old lady. “She just vanished.”

  She saw the confusion on his face. Oh dear, how was she going to cover this one up? Maybe Margaret could track down some of her ‘forgetfulness’ potion? She laughed to herself at her little joke.

  “There are some things, Richard, which even I cannot explain to a person like you. Come, let us go and have that tea.”

  “But M?”

  “M is in a place where she belongs. Now come.”

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Maria stopped suddenly. Although she was sure that she had just been talking to someone, when she looked back, there was no one there.

  “I must be going mad,” she muttered to herself, “I could have sworn…?” She shook her head as if to rid herself of something dirty.

  “Good morning, Miss Austin. Have you come to ride?” Peter, the stable hand, asked on her approach. “I shall have Blaze made ready for you.”

  “Thank you, Peter.”

  She stood on top of Upper Bank, looking down on the valley below. The wind blew on her face and she held out her arms as it rushed against her body; she felt as if she was flying, cruising the skies above the fields she loved so much. Not a sound passed her ears except that of the coming storm on the distant horizon, its low rumble echoing across the land.

  The darkened clouds tainted the air in its yellow haze and the wind became stronger. Blaze became skittish and she knew that she should return him to the stables before the storm hit.

  It was as she was coming down the hill to the flat lands that out of nowhere Mr Lewis appeared on his hefty brown mare, as if he’d been lying in wait.

  “Miss Austin, you should not be out, for there is a storm coming,” he said loudly, so that he could be heard over the rushing of the wind.

  “I was just returning,” she too had to shout.

  “If you do not mind, I shall see you safely back to Whitmore.”

  “Really Sir, there is no need for you to trouble yourself. Blaze and I will do just fine. After all, it is but half a mile,” she tried to dissuade him, but she had the feeling that this gentleman was not going to take ‘no’ for an answer.

  “It’s no trouble at all, Miss Austin,” he smiled.

  The rain had started and it wasn’t long before the downpour started getting stronger and Maria could already feel the cold raindrops piercing her skin like sharp needles. Lightning lit up the blackened sky and, moments later, the ground shook with the roar of thunder. Blaze took flight and she had to fight to hold onto the reins. Mr Lewis tried hard to keep up with the frightened stallion and eventually brought his mare to a halt, as Maria was thrown from its back. Blaze was gone with the next clap of thunder and she was left mud-soaked where she sat.

  “Miss Austin! Here, let me help you,” he shouted, “I can see Whitmore gates.”

  Mr Lewis grabbed her hand. He held it so tightly that she felt that he might crush her bones. She tried to snatch her hand from his,
but he refused to let it go. “Mr Lewis, you’re hurting me!” she shouted. He turned his head to look at her with a smirk, loosening his gip, without releasing her hand from his strong clasp. He practically dragged her behind him as they ran the rest of the way, darting in and out of the shelter of the trees, the brown mare taken from his other hand as they reached the shelter of the doorway.

  “Blaze?” Maria shouted to Peter.

  “He made his own way back, Miss.”

  Upon entering the house, they were immediately surrounded by several servants, who came rushing forward with dry towels. After they dried themselves off as much as they could, they made their way through into the sitting room, where the large fire crackled and flickered, casting them in welcome warmth.

  “Thank you, Mr Lewis,” she laughed nervously, as she ran the towel over her damp hair. “I do not think that I have ever seen a storm quite like it.” It was the only thing she could think of saying to him, for she suddenly felt very disturbed by his presence. Where was her uncle when she needed him? For some reason, she feared being alone with this man and would rather not endure his company for longer than was necessary.

  “Nor I,” he too was laughing as he watched her closely.

  “I was glad to hear Blaze had made it back safely. I had a terrible feeling that he might have been lost for good.” She turned from his stare. God, where is Uncle?

  “Ah well, horses do have a good sense of direction, and if they know the lay of the land, they will always find their way home.”

  “I am so glad to hear it,” she laughed falsely again.

  Garth was in total awe of her. How could anyone look as good as she did, even now that she was half-soaked with dirty water? He had to have her! Willing or not, she would be his!

  “I shall ring for some tea; that will warm us up.”

  “I know what will warm me up,” he suddenly said, as he came towards her, gripping her by the arms, forcing his harsh lips on hers. She was taken completely by surprise and she struggled to free herself, but he persisted with the cruel force of his mouth, binding her body to his so that she could not mistake his intentions or his arousal.

  She brought her foot down hard onto his and he leapt away yelping.

  “Mr Lewis, how dare you!” she shouted as she backed away from him.

  He had a nasty smirk on his face. His eyes were dark with evil emotions, as he spoke ominously, “Is this not what happens between a husband and wife?” he said crudely.

  “I have no idea,” she replied angrily. “But I can assure you that I will not put up with this sort of behaviour.”

  “Pray, tell me, why not?”

  “Because I did not give you leave to do so and, we are not, or will ever be, husband and wife.”

  He laughed at her words. What he said next sent shivers down her spine. “My dear Miss Austin, although we are not yet, I can assure you that Sir John thinks quite differently.”

  “WHAT?”

  “Oh pray, please forgive me, has Sir John not spoken with you yet?”

  She stood quite still. What did this man mean? Why would her uncle even consider forcing her onto someone like this? It had to be some sort of a joke. She knew now why she had never liked this man—he was arrogant and assumed too much. She was right when she thought he would not be kind to anyone in his employ. Had he just shown her the extent to which his cruelty would stoop, or was there more in store? She had to get away from him, for she did not trust him. There was no doubt that he was capable of being utterly ruthless.

  “If you will excuse me, Mr Lewis,” she said angrily as she made to pass him.

  “You will be mine, Miss Austin,” he sneered as he held her fast, his face only a few inches from her own. She could smell stale tobacco on his breath, “Mr Bradley will not be the only one to taste your wares.” There was a determined gleam in his devilish dark eyes as he delivered this last ominous sentence.

  Fearfully, she snatched her arm away from him; his laughter that followed her was drowned out by the sound of thunder that shook the very foundations that the old house was built on, as she took the stairs two at a time in her haste to reach the safety of her room.

  So he did know about Tom! But how? She cursed herself for not mentioning it to Tom before, when she had the chance; but as always, when they were together, she thought of nothing but him.

  “I will not put up with this,” she hissed. “I will speak to Uncle in the morning.”

  Lightning flashed through the room and the candle that sat on the edge of the dresser flickered, causing her to jump, as its shadows danced against the walls. She was becoming jittery. What had this man done to her that made her feel scared of the dark now? The candle flickered again and drew her eye to the large oval mirror. A draft blew through the old wooden window frame and the candle suddenly went out.

  She squealed with shock at finding herself in darkness broken only by the spitting embers in the fire’s grate. It was then that she heard a faint voice drifting through the darkened void.

  “Remember?”

  The blue sharpness of the storm suddenly lit up the entire room. She became very still. A cold dampness crept onto her skin as her eyes stared disbelievingly at the face that appeared in the reflective glass of the mirror.

  “M, you have to remember! You must remember!” the haunting voice called out to her.

  As the room was thrown back into darkness once more, the heavy door suddenly opened and her scream echoed through the air in front of her.

  “Oh Miss, it is me, Bella,” the familiar tones came from the silhouetted figure that seemed to fill the entire doorframe. The light of the candle Bella brought in sent its warm glow to her chilled skin. “There is nothing to be afraid of, Miss. I have brought you more candles.”

  Maria was sure that her heart was to burst through her chest at any moment. It was beating so fast that she had to drag the air into her lungs to try calming it down.

  “Err… thank you Bella,”

  “Nasty storm we are having, Miss. Would you like me to build your fire up?”

  “No Bella, it will be fine.”

  “Well, would that be all, Miss?”

  “Yes, Bella. Thank you.”

  “If you need me, just ring the bell.”

  Maria lit more candles and came to sit in front of her mirror. Her heart raced painfully as the storm brought its vengeance on the land, and her mind was in complete trepidation as she tried to come to terms with what she had seen just before Bella had entered the room. She had seen her own face in the mirror. How was that possible when she stood on the other side of the room? Still, she had no doubt that she had heard those words; she couldn’t have been mistaken about that. What had the words ‘you must remember’ mean? “Remember what?” she asked herself. “What is it that I have to remember?”

  She shook her head and lowered her face to her hands. Mr Lewis must have upset her more than she thought with his high-handed tactics, and her state was only enhanced by the storm, for there was no way that she could have seen herself. “Damn that man!”

  It was the following morning and, as she burst into the breakfast room to have it out with her uncle, she was shocked to find Mr Lewis sitting at the table, enjoying his breakfast, as if nothing was amiss.

  “Good morning, Miss Austin,” he said brightly, “I hope you slept well?” He helped himself to another slice of toast, smearing it with butter. “Did you have any more thoughts on my proposal?” He didn’t have the audacity to look at her as he delivered his last words, which angered her even more.

  She didn’t even honour him with a reply and just sped from the room.

  “Where is Sir John?” she asked the first servant she came across.

  “I believe that he went into town, Miss.”

  “He may have gone into town, but I want that man out of the house, do you hear me?” she said with full rage at the poor servant girl. “I do not care if you have to get some of the stable hands to remove him, but I want Mr Lewis
out by the time I come back!”

  “Yes, Miss,” the young girl was rather taken aback, for she had never seen her mistress this angry and it scared her. “I will see to it straight away, Miss.”

  She was still fuming when she reached the tranquillity of the Crystal Pool. How dare her uncle force this on her? How dare he? She picked up a loose stone and tossed into the water. How dare Garth sit there as if he belonged; how dare he assume that she would even consider his proposal? “How dare he?” she shouted angrily. Her life, she thought, was getting worse by the minute.

  She spent the best part of the morning sitting on the pool’s bank, contemplating what she should do. She did not want to return to the house, in case Mr Lewis was still there. Tom, she felt, had deserted her in the time of need. Why did he have to go away when she needed him the most? She must get away from this madness, for everything felt as if it was crushing in on her. She wondered whom could she go and visit for a while. She needed to get away, just to get her thoughts together. Was there any distant relative of her uncle’s that lived away from Shropshire?

  She could go to London; she had always been promised a season there. It would be good for her to mingle with those who sought a different circle, to go to the theatre or the balls, even the opera. Yes, that is what she shall do! Her mind made up, she decided that she would broach the subject with her uncle as soon as she was back at the house.

  Eventually, the heat from the sun drove her into the shade of the oak. She sat upon the dry ground; the touch of its bark was rough against her back as she leaned on it for support. She felt tired of this game. Why did she find herself battling with everything and everyone? She closed her eyes for just a second, her thoughts already planning her escape…

  She was floating, like on a cloud, practically weightless—just a feather blowing in the breeze. Everything was hazy; she could not focus. The light distorted across her face—it was like heaven—she felt no pain. She was gasping, but there was no air. Then there was Tom, kneeling in the sunshine at the edge of the Crystal Pool. “Tom,” she called out, but it was if he did not hear. Slowly she moved towards him and touched her hand to his shoulder. “Tom,” she repeated, but he still did not move. Suddenly, she saw tears streaming down his cheeks, his face full of sorrow. “M, I cannot live without you,” he sobbed into his hands. There was a loud noise—then smoke—and she watched him fall.