As Long As You Love Me (Love Me Series Book 4)

by Jaime Russell

  “I ran into your mother today.” I hold my breath for a second. “She wants to get together with us and start reconnecting.” Bennett opens his mouth then shuts it. “Don't clam up on me, we need to talk about this and make a decision.”

  “Sarah, would you be mad?” Bennett looks to Sarah.

  “Honey; why would I be mad?” Sarah squeezes his leg.

  “We have considered you our mom for over a year now and you have done more for us than our own mother has and I don’t want you to stop once we reconnect with her.”

  “Honey, I will never stop despite what happens with your dad and I.” I cough and it’s my turn to shoot daggers at her. “Ella is one of the many reasons we are a family. I think you should meet with her. Your dad told me one night that she has a couple of kids. Now don’t get mad at me but look how you embraced Ella, maybe you will have another sister and brother to read to and fuss over. Family dynamics are forever changing but one thing has always remained, the kids were not asked to be born so whatever happened between your dad and mother shouldn't mean that she shouldn’t be in your life.” Wow I am blown away from her response.

  “She left us too not just daddy.” Jana sniffles through the tears.

  “I can answer that one,” I wink at Sarah, “Your mother left me and trying to be in your life was hard for her because of me and my stubborn attitude. She didn’t know how to ask but now with her grandfather being sick and how life is too short, she wants to try.”

  “We will set up lunch with her but you have to be there. If we choose not to have her in our life, then you need to get her to deal with it.” Jana says in a huff.

  “I think you will need more than one visit with her besides, don’t you want to meet her kids?” Sarah pipes in. The kids shrug. “I bet it’s going to be hard but go in there with an open mind and tell her how you feel. It’s crazy to ask that of you but if you go in with these attitudes,” Sarah points at both kids while I cradle a sleeping baby, “you will not resolve anything.”

  “Someone has the mom voice down.” Bennett mumbles and Sarah kicks him while laughing.

  “Can we sleep in here tonight?” Jana asks bouncing up and down.

  “On the floor; Sarah is still sore and I’m trying to win her over and Bennett’s nasty feet in the face is not the way she should wake up.” I tell Sarah the story of waking up to his foot in my face. The kids run out of the room to get pillows and blankets. “Should we keep Ella in the bed or put the bassinet on my side of the bed?”

  “Why your side?”

  “You still can’t lift her yet. You could pull stitches out.” Sarah nods as I hand her Ella so I can move things around before the kids get back. Ella is looking up at Sarah who has tears flowing down her cheek.

  “Are you in pain?” I ask and Sarah shakes her head no.

  Hearing the kids call me their mom was a shock to my system. I’ve always dreamt of it before I fell for Jensen hard. “I’m okay; still hormonal plus hearing Bennett call me mom was surprising to me.”

  “Why is it surprising?” Jensen crawls into bed after getting the bassinet close to the bed on his side.

  “I never thought that I wanted kids Jensen. I’ve always been about me, me, me and now not only do I have two incredible teenagers in my life who I adore, now giving birth to my beautiful Ella here and to know how they feel about me,” I sigh, “my life feels complete.”

  “What about the three kids’ father?” Jensen pulls me and Ella into him so I can be in his arms.

  “Oh, he is a pain in my ass but all mine.” I smile when he kisses me on the head. “Jensen, marriage was never a priority for me. I had my business which has always been my focus but now, my world is turned upside down. The kids have been my main concern. Jana and Bennett have been amazing to get to know and I can’t imagine them not in my life. Ella is now my life but I'm afraid that the kids will be resentful of it because she is truly mine.”

  “Those are normal fears to have baby. You are going to have a bond with Ella that you don’t have the kids because your bond will be different.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Jana and Bennett look up to you for many reasons but one of the reasons is because you love them without conditions. Jana and you have in common the reading and girly stuff. Bennett thinks it’s awesome how you play game systems but also you teach him to respect his elders. Ella already has your love without conditions because she came from you, but you didn’t have to love my kids the way you do and for that I will ever be grateful even if you don’t marry me.” I laugh.

  “Jensen, do you think we can take the time to date? I love you already but we talked through the phone, text messaged each other and emailed each other. We are compatible there but what about face to face?”

  “I understand and promise to only ask you to marry me once a week.” Jensen laughs then I join him.

  “Your daddy thinks he has jokes but he’s only funny looking.” I whisper to Ella who is fast asleep. Jensen takes her to the bassinet. He climbs back in with me and lays down while I cuddle into him. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “Talking to me about things and giving me a family.” I kiss his shoulder.

  “Ewww.” Jana and Bennett walk into the room just as Jensen puts me on my back to really kiss me.

  “Cock blockers, we are raising cock blockers.” Jensen whispers into my ear and I can’t help but laugh out loud. I hold onto my stomach area because I have pain shooting around my surgery sites. “You okay?” I shake my head. Jensen and the kids start to fuss over me. I get into a position of laying on my back with my legs propped up and my head sort of up since the kids put in the Divergent movie to watch. I notice the time and it’s 1:30 a.m. but having the two older kids laying on the bed with us makes this special. I lean over to Jensen, “Do they have school tomorrow?”

  “I’ll let them stay home. They don’t miss a lot as it is but this is a special occasion.”

  “Ella is worth a day off from school, she is something magical.” I wink.

  I remember falling asleep to Jensen and Bennett snoring and Jana doing something with pursing her lips and breathing through her mouth. I wake up to Jensen being gone and Jana sleeping in his spot. I gingerly get out of bed to pee and I make a mental note to get my prescription filled. I hate being in pain and I usually get sick with it. I’m surprised that I am not throwing up yet. I grab my cell phone and walk into the bathroom. I might as well check my text messages and I groan as I see my mother’s name pop up quite a few times. They are all the same message too, when am I coming home? She never cared this much about me growing up but now that there are other people in my life, she’s like a child jealous of someone else playing with a toy that she didn’t want until someone else gave it attention. I stand up and start to walk to the door when I get a sharp pain and end up falling to my knees. I am so glad that I brought my phone in with me.

  Me:

  I know that we have seen each other naked twice now but I need help. I’m in your bathroom

  Jensen:

  On my way up.

  I hear a knock on the door, “Yeah?” I wince in pain.

  “Coming in.” Jensen yells through the door. “What seems to be the problem?”

  “I'm in so much pain that I can’t even move. When I do it hurts that I see stars.” I cry. My grandmother would always make me tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. Jensen lifted me up off the floor like I weighed ten pounds but made sure that my ass is fully covered and that he wasn't squeezing me so hard.

  “I woke up early, took care of Ella, and my grandmother is doting over her while I ran to get your pills. What would you like to eat so I can give you a pain pill?” I smile as he gently lays me down. I didn’t even take notice of him in his shorts and t-shirt. “I see that smile so you must have an idea.”

  “Whenever I was sick, in pain or heartbroken, my grandmother always made me grilled cheese and tomato soup.”

  “Then that is wha
t you will have.” Jensen starts to get up to leave but I get his attention before walking out the door.

  “How is Ella? I feel like a bad mom.” I cry into my hands.

  “You are not a bad mother. You had major surgery and need to recover from it. If you push yourself, you could end up in the hospital or dead. Focus on healing then you can take care of Ella however you want to and never let her go. But to answer your question she is good and I think my parents and grandmother are excited that we stayed. They love having her here.” I grab Jensen’s face to pull him into me and I give him a kiss.

  “How do you know the right things to say to help me? I’m glad that they are loving up on her and making those memories but my mother is blowing up my phone about getting over to the apartment for her to spend time with Ella. I can barely walk to the bathroom without assistance. How am I going to get up all those stairs?”

  “We can stay here until you can climb those stairs without help. There is someone always here and the kids would love it.”

  “Are you sure your mom won’t mind and will they be okay with people coming and going to see Ella?”

  “I can ask them but I don’t think they will mind. If you can remind your parents that this is my family’s home and to show some respect would that would be greatly appreciated.” Jensen says as he walks out of the bedroom before I could respond.

  “I can tell her but she won’t listen to me.” I grab my phone to text Reagan.

  Me:

  I’m in too much pain to come home so I'm still at Jensen’s family’s home. Can you bring me some tank tops, my sweats, and my laptop?

  Also, some clothes for Ella too. Grab some onesies and whatever else you think that she needs. Also, can you grab the blanket in her bassinet and maybe that stuffed owl too.

  Reagan:

  Are you okay? Is this something that I should be concerned about it?

  Me:

  No. I need to be cautious and I have so much help here and I love that Jensen’s grandmother is here. I love her making the memories with Ella.

  Reagan:

  I can do that; can I bring it by after Jonathan gets out of school so he can guide me over there plus he wants to see Ella and maybe a certain teenage girl

  Me:

  Lol

  Thank you so much. I owe you.

  Reagan:

  Babysit for me when I can convince Max to take me out.

  Me:

  Deal!

  I put my phone down when I see Jensen coming in with a tray of soup, sandwiches, and water. There is enough for the two of us. “Ella is asleep with Gram Gram. Jana is watching over both so I could spend some time with you before the chaos ensues. My mom said your family and friends are welcome here anytime that you are feeling up to it. If it gets to be too much stress on you or Ella, then she will boot them.”

  “I can understand that and I’m thankful she is protective me already.” We eat as we watch my favorite show Criminal Minds. Jensen hands me my pain pill so I can take it. I hope it kicks in so I can get downstairs at some point today. The bed is comfortable but I’m bored.

  “Jensen,” I sigh, “when I feel better, do you want to go shopping for stuff for your house so we can get it done. I know the kids were itching to get into their rooms?”

  “I would love to but I don’t know if I would be any good at it.” I laugh.

  “You would be my muscle. I already have on my laptop everything that I am going to buy. I could even buy some of it online. Are you going to redo the downstairs? What about a nursery?”

  “Does that mean you are moving in with me?” Jensen’s voice is full of excitement and hope. Am I moving in with him? I want to say yes, but what happens if things don’t work out with us? “Get out of your head. What does your heart say?”

  “My head is telling me that we are not nearly ready for it but my heart is telling me to take the leap.”

  “I would go with your heart.” Jensen laughs and I punch his arm.

  “No one likes a gloater.” I stick my tongue out at him.

  “Okay what do I need to buy for the nursery?”

  “Nothing if we just move everything of mine into your house. I already have the bassinet, which is what my gram used to put me in for the first year of my life. I have the changing table, dressers, crib and lots of little toys. Oh I will need to see about building a closet in the spare room. Wait, do you want to stay there or look at something else?”

  “We need to ask the kids their take on it.” Jensen tells me and I agree with him.

  “Ella’s vote is “I go where mommy goes” so I vote for some place new that we can make it our own so we can do new memories.”

  “I vote that I don’t know. My parents bought that house when Michelle and I were first married, the kids grew up there. I have a lot of good memories there.” Jensen’s starting to get upset so I need to change the subject.

  “Um Reagan and Jonathan are coming over tonight with some clothes for me and Ella.” Jensen just sits there grunts every time I try to talk to him so I fake a yawn.

  “I'm going to go play some basketball with Bennett while you rest.” Jensen tells me as I lay down. Once he is out the door, the tears start to flow and I fall asleep feeling like a failure. My decision is made; I’ll be staying at the apartment with Reagan and Max until I feel comfortable with being a mom to look for a house for Ella and me.

  I hear her crying through the shut door and I grab the knob to turn it but I'm frozen. I need to go work out or do something to burn off this anger that I'm feeling. I run downstairs and walk right out of the house with my mother calling my name. I’ve been out here for at least thirty minutes and I'm just running around the block trying to get her crying out of my head. I stop at the house to grab a drink of my Gatorade when I hear the door shut.

  “Want to play one on one?” My dad is standing there in a suit holding a basketball. He must have been at the school.

  “I don’t think you want to play me right now. I have a lot of anger and aggression built up.” I’m bent over trying to get my breathing under control.

  “What are you so angry about? You have a beautiful baby girl, a woman who loves you, and two teenagers who are your entire world.”

  “Sarah is ready to move in with me but she wants to look at a different house. I don’t know if I want to leave that house.”

  “Why wouldn't you want to leave that house?” My dad is now standing in front of me while I’m drenched in sweat.

  “My kids grew up in that house. Jana took her first steps there. Bennett lost his first tooth in that house. You and mom bought that house. Why wouldn't I want Ella to be raised in that house?”

  “Your wife left you and your kids. If I recall that house is full of drunken nights and random women coming in and out of that house. Jana’s first step was in this house not yours and Bennett lost his tooth at a restaurant. The house is full of hurt, anger, love, and family but you are asking Sarah to move into a home that you lived in with another woman. You both have money to look at something different to start your family off right. A new beginning for everyone, it might be what you need. But hey I’m just an old man. Oh, if you run three blocks north then take a left then take the first right at the end of the street is a beautiful house for sale.” I laugh at my dad as he throws me the basketball. “Talk to your kids before making a decision.”

  “I will dad. I need to come in and get a shower. Reagan should be here soon and I need to help Sarah downstairs.”

  “She’s already downstairs. Your mother helped her get dressed and I walked with her down the stairs. She’s in there with Ella and the twins. Your grandmother is having so much fun with the kids. When I came out here your grandmother was talking to Sarah about teaching her to cook. I guess she is a horrible one.”

  “She told me she was horrible but Max always cooked for her and Abby when they lived together and now that she lives with him again, between him and Joan Stewart, she never goes hungry.”


  “Sarah is out of her comfort zone here. She's here because of you. She wants to be here with you and you treat her like this, walking out on her while she was crying! I didn’t raise my son to treat a love like that and if she decides to stay where she is, then I will support her. You are an idiot sometimes.” With those words, my dad walks into the house yelling who wants to go out to eat or order takeout. I hear the kids yell Chinese. I take a few breaths before heading in. I walk in and my mother, children, and grandmother are giving me dirty looks. I raise my hands in surrender. I grab a white doily from the stand next to the door and start waving it around.

  “I’m a man and I'm stupid.” I run up the steps before anyone can say anything to me. I jump into the hot shower. I am drying off when I hear a knock on the door.

  “Jensen?” I hear Sarah’s voice so small. I wrap the towel around my waist and open the door. I see her standing there with one of my tank tops and boxers. “Can we talk?”

  “Uh. Sure.” I walk into my room to see that we are alone. I pull on a pair of jeans but no shirt as I go to sit on the bed to put my socks and shoes on.

  “I’m going to my apartment tonight when Reagan gets here. I think right now emotions are too high for us to be in the same space. Your mom and grandmother promised to come over to see me and Ella. Go back to work and take vacation another time. We can email each other to work out a schedule for you to have Ella. Obviously, I won’t stop you from seeing her but having her for weekends and overnights, I would like for her to be a bit older.”

  “Wait, I don’t have a say in any of this?” My voice rises.

  “You do, but right now, I need to do what is best for all of us not just you.” Sarah is wincing as she walks around the room picking up things. She starts to get dressed in the outfit that she was wearing of sweatpants and a pink t-shirt.

  “I don’t understand what happened. We were talking about moving in together and being a family, the five of us and now you’re leaving me.” I snap at her.