Say It Again

by S. Moose

When I finish my beer, I check the time and leave Aiden’s. It’s not too late so Carter will still be up. Going over to Brenda’s parents’ house to get him isn’t the easiest. I get along with them and they’re great to Carter. There are times when I go there, and I’m cautious because I don’t want Brenda blindsiding me like she did when she left Pittsford, leaving her family and Carter behind.

  Parking my car at the end of the driveway, I head to the front door and hear it opening.

  “Daddy!” Carter yells and runs to me. “How are you?”

  “I’m good, buddy. Did you have fun?” He nods. “That’s great. Let’s go back inside so I can talk to Grandma and Grandpa.”

  “Okay.”

  We head inside and I chat with Tom and Elaine. The conversation is normal and sometimes I wonder if our relationship will ever stop making me uncomfortable. I want Carter to have a relationship with Brenda’s parents. It’s not their fault she’s a damn bitch.

  “Carter, why don’t you go with Grandma and get your things together.”

  This doesn’t sound good.

  When Carter leaves the room, it’s just Tom and me. I look at him and wonder where he’s going with this conversation.

  “Brenda called us the other night,” he starts to say. “She’s married now with a baby on the way. We didn’t know anything about it until yesterday. Son, that look on your face says it all. I know you’re worried. She won’t be coming back to Pittsford. The girl,” he pauses and rubs his face. “She’s grown up a lot over the years and now she’s living with the regret of leaving Carter, but she knows she can’t waltz back into his life. Now she’s our only daughter and I won’t speak poorly of her. If there does come a day she does want to meet Carter what will you do?”

  “I honestly don’t know.” And that’s the truth. I’ve raised Carter with the help of my family and I don’t want to confuse him. I don’t want him to wonder why his mom left and have him think it was his fault she left. There’s too much damage that can be done and I need to focus on what’s right for Carter.

  “No matter what, I’m always going to protect Carter. If that day comes, then we’ll talk and I’ll leave it up to him. She left him, Tom. No note, no phone calls, nothing.”

  “Son, I get it. She knows she messed up.”

  “And now she’s married with another baby on the way. Congratulations to her and her new family. The one thing I will not do is send Carter to her. If she wants to meet him and get to know my son, then she’ll have to come here and it’ll be under my supervision.” I didn’t mean to sound angry. Thinking about how Brenda abandoned Carter and now has another family kills me. I don’t miss her. I don’t love her. It kills me because I don’t want Carter thinking he wasn’t good enough.

  Carter and I get home not too much later and while I’m getting him ready for bed he stops me and his question throws me off guard.

  “I overheard Grandma talking. She was crying and kept saying the name Brenda. When she got off the phone, she and Grandpa were talking.”

  “Buddy, you know you’re not supposed to eavesdrop.”

  “I know. Why was Grandma crying?”

  Shit, here we go.

  “Here.” I pick Carter up and we sit on his bed. “Remember when I told you about your mom?” He nods his head, still looking at me and I’m about to cry. Fuck. The look in his eyes says it all. “Brenda’s your mom and she called your Grandma and Grandpa to talk to them.”

  “But she didn’t want to talk to me?”

  “I think it’s hard for her to because she misses you a lot and has to deal with her decision about leaving you.”

  “Oh.” He hangs his head and I need to think of something soon before we’re both crying.

  “Carter. Look at me.” He does and I wish there were words to comfort an innocent five-year-old who doesn’t know malice or regret. “Your mom loves you. She made a decision, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t in her heart.”

  “Do you love me, Daddy? Will you leave me too?” His bottom lip quivers and I quickly answer him.

  “Carter.” I bring him in my arms and tears prick my eyes. “I promise I will never leave you. It’s always going to be us and no matter what I’m going to love you and protect you.”

  “Promise?” he whispers and holds me tighter.

  “I promise.”

  I’m lying in bed with Carter and I don’t want to leave. He’s been sleeping for the past few hours and each time I look at him I’m thankful he’s here. Thinking about how easily Brenda can move on, get married and have another baby kills me. I don’t want her back for myself. I want her back here for Carter. Frequently I ask myself if I regret Brenda.

  I don’t.

  If I regret Brenda, then I regret Carter. He’s the best thing that’s happened to me. He makes me a better man and I’m going to cherish the gift Brenda gave me. Just the thought of Brenda possibly wanting to see and meet him pains me. Different scenarios go through my head.

  What if she files for joint custody?

  What if Carter wants to live with her?

  What if she kidnaps Carter and I never see him again?

  I push all those thoughts out and focus on what matters . . . Carter.

  GRACE IS GOING through her closet because she doesn’t approve of my outfit to wear after the game. The Rhino’s soccer game starts at seven p.m. tonight and today’s game doesn’t start until one, so I’ll be spending the day with Jacob and Carter. I won’t have time to come back here and get ready again, so I’m bringing clothes with me.

  “Okay, so you’re going to wear that shirt with those shorts. I approve. After Carter’s game you can change into,” she pauses and goes through her closet, looking at each summer dress and I want to roll my eyes. “This number right here, baby!” she smiles and hands me the dress. When I check the size, I roll my eyes.

  “This is a size four and I’m a size six so . . .” I tap my foot and wait for her response.

  “So? It’s stretchy and plus I’ve worn it a million times. It’s super cute.”

  It is really cute. The soft pink, thin strap dress is on the shorter side and most likely will hit my mid thighs. I’m fine with short dresses, but I don’t want Jacob to think anything of my outfits. Today we’re hanging out as friends.

  Friends.

  Friends.

  Friends.

  “Then at the Rhino’s game, you can wear those shorts again, this tank and oh! Borrow this wristlet. It’s super cute too.”

  “Grace I don’t know. I’m not trying to impress Jacob.”

  “Yeah, I know. Listen I don’t have a sister and I never got the chance to share clothes. You love my style so just think of it as sisters helping each other and borrowing clothes. Okay?”

  “Fine.”

  There’s no winning with Grace and I get what she’s saying. I’m an only child so I know how lonely it can get. Plus Grace is my girl and I’m happy she’s helping me. Even though I don’t need help, but I won’t tell her that.

  “You look beautiful.” She claps her hands together and smiles. “Time to head downstairs! You ready?”

  “Of course.”

  We get downstairs and Grace’s parents, Nathan and Barbara, are fixing breakfast and tell us to sit down at the table. It’s at that moment everything freezes. When he walks into the kitchen with Carter in his arms, I melt. He’s tall and sexy as hell with his beautiful dark brown eyes and dark brown hair. He’s dressed in navy blue shorts and a white tee. Even his outfit makes my mouth water. How can something so simple make everything inside me blow up?

  “Cameron!” he yells and runs to me. “Today’s game day!”

  “Yes it is, buddy.” When he notices my shirt and what everyone else is wearing, Carter freaks out and jumps around.

  I had shirts made for everyone to wear at his games. Team Carter on the front and on the back it says It’s not just a game. It’s a way of life. Grace’s parents, Grace, Aiden, Jacob and I have the same shirts in white.

&nb
sp; “This is awesome,” Jacob says when he sits down next to me and puts his arm around my shoulders. “You just made his day.” When his lips touch my temple, I don’t move away or push him.

  After breakfast, we head out for Carter’s game. Grace rides with Aiden while Nathan and Barbara take Nathan’s motorcycle. Aiden’s car can only fit two people and he wanted to drive so that leaves me riding with Jacob and Carter, which I knew would happen, and I’m kind of glad it’s working out that way. I miss being close to him.

  Jacob starts driving and I turn on the radio to fill in the silence. When I look back, I see an intense stare on Carter’s face.

  “Is that your game face?” I laugh when he gives me a nod and closes his eyes.

  “He does that a lot. I’m not sure where he picked it up from,” Jacob explains.

  “Ah, interesting.”

  The music fills the car and I can hear myself humming to the song playing. I’m beginning to feel relaxed. I don’t realize Jacob’s hand is resting on my bare upper thigh until I look down. Instead of freaking out and pushing his hand away, I place my hand on top of his and continue humming to the song. Turning my head to the side, I see the smile on his face and it’s a nice smile. Well not nice, more like hot, and if he were to turn his head and look at me I’d be done. That’s one of the things I like about Jacob—his smile. It’s a smile that’s genuine and reaches his eyes. When he smiles at you, you feel his presence and want more.

  Oh, Jacob Shea what are you doing to me?

  “So my parents are going to watch Carter tonight. Aiden’s friend is throwing a huge party at the Hilton Hotel downtown. I think he’s asking Grace to go with him and I’d love it if you came with me too. Don’t worry it’s not a date. Just something to do. Something fun.”

  “Yeah, that sounds good. What time is it at?”

  “It starts at eight with dinner, but we don’t have to go until later. The party is going to be until one a.m. so we can get there around ten.

  “I can’t wait.”

  We get to the field the same time as everyone else and the guys unload the cars, holding lawn chairs and a cooler.

  “How long are his games?” I ask Jacob and help Carter get situated.

  “His last game was a little over an hour. It’s fun watching him play. He’s actually really good and I’m thinking about getting him into some camps.”

  I listen and watch as Jacob explains soccer and how much Carter loves playing. The pride in his eyes when he talks about Carter is infectious. He loves his son so much and it makes me happy that they have a great relationship.

  Before the game starts, I see Brad waving to me and suddenly Jacob’s by my side and his arm is around my waist.

  “What are you doing?” I hiss and refuse to look at him. If I look into his eyes or see that smile, shit even both, then I won’t be pissed. I need to stay on my game and remind myself Jacob and I are friends.

  Friends.

  Friends.

  Friends.

  Jacob doesn’t answer me and I try to move away. His grip around my waist tightens and this time I do look at him, ready to chew his ass out. When his eyes look into mine, I stop thinking and stop fighting him. His once beautiful, calming and peaceful blue eyes have been replaced with angry blue eyes and if I’m smart I won’t push him.

  “Hey, guys,” Brad says as he jogs over. “Ready to watch a great game??”

  “Oh yeah.” Grace smirks, looking at Jacob and me, then to Brad. “Let’s get a win today, Coach.”

  “Sure thing.” Brad smiles at everyone then turns to look at me. “It’s good to see you again, Cameron. Maybe we can get coffee again sometime.”

  “She’s busy,” Jacob answers for me and now I’m level ten irritated.

  “Maybe,” I tell Brad and feel Jacob’s grip grow tighter around my waist. I hear Aiden and Grace laughing behind me and I’m ready to kill them. This isn’t some show and I’m not playing this stupid game. If I want to hang out with Brad then Jacob needs to stand down his alpha claim on me.

  Shit. Claim on me? Did I just say that? Pfffft, ain’t no man has a claim on me. Well, the idea of Jacob staking claim is hot. Fuck!

  “Good luck today, Brad. We’ll definitely be cheering you guys on! I know Cameron can’t wait to see you coach the kids,” Grace says and turns to smirk at me. I don’t know what’s so funny or what her place is but I’m ready to kill her.

  When Brad leaves, I pull Jacob away from everyone so I can make sure he understands the meaning of friends. We’re near a tree, away from the crowd, and I cross my arms and glare at him. I make sure I have my best resting bitch face on so he knows I’m not playing around.

  “What the hell was that about? I’m not your girlfriend. I’m not some tree you can pee on and claim that it’s yours. My God Jacob, do you need a definition of a friend.”

  “He was eye fucking what’s mine.”

  “Yours?!” I poke Jacob’s hard chest and instantly regret it. How many days a week does this guy workout? Holy shit his chest is rock hard.

  “I know what friends means and honestly I don’t care. He was eye-fucking you and that’s not cool. When will you get it through your head I only agreed to this friendship with you to show you I’m willing to wait for you, Cameron? And I am. But don’t think I’m going to stand there and allow another man to crave you the way I do. You are mine.”

  Jaw meet floor. Floor meet jaw. I’m not going to lie, this alpha male dominance Jacob’s showing is really fucking hot. My belly flutters and there’s an ache between my legs. Holy shit I’m really turned on.

  His hands cup my face and I inhale his scent. He smells really clean and there’s a hint of expensive cologne. A little sigh leaves my lips and fuck this is bad, really bad.

  “I’ll be your friend, Cameron,” he tells me and his lips are dangerously close to mine. Part of me is screaming for him to kiss me and the other part, the very tiny part, is screaming for my legs to run away. “But not for long.”

  “Oh.”

  “Is that all you can say, beautiful girl?”

  “That’s really hot.” I did not just say that. I did not just say that.

  A laugh leaves his lips as he kisses me on the forehead and turns away to go back to the game. Jacob Shea does not play fair and I’m in so much trouble.

  STANDING IN THE middle of Grace’s room I check out the little black dress I have on and feel more than beautiful. I feel sexy and seductive. Grace took the time to do my makeup and wow it looks really good. Smokey eye shadow, fake lashes, she contoured my face and added a nice pinkish gloss to my lips.

  “So how was the date today? Carter can’t stop talking about the Rhino’s game. You’re freaking awesome for doing that, girl.”

  I smile and sit down to finish adding wavy curls to my hair. After the game, which Carter’s team won, we went out for ice cream and to walk the beach. The conversation between Jacob and me was comfortable and easy. We didn’t talk about Brad or the conversation we had before. Instead, Jacob gave me some space and didn’t attempt to touch me while we were walking the beach. We talked about his work, what I plan to do when the summer is over, and a little about summer plans.

  When I told Carter about the game, the look on his face was priceless and he jumped in my arms, giving me the biggest hug and kiss on the cheek. He thanked me several times and it really made me happy to make his day.

  The game was fun. It was my first soccer game and surprisingly I want to go again. I purchased more tickets and made sure it was convenient for Jacob and Carter. Giving Carter the tickets and hearing him thank me again made me smile. I’m not sure what it is about that little boy, but I’m slowly falling in love with him. He’s sweet and caring, and is just like his dad so if that’s any foreshadowing of what’s to come, then maybe I should give in and let it happen. Throughout the whole day, minus the showdown between Jacob and Brad, he gave me space and didn’t act like a macho boyfriend. He acted like my friend. There were glances on both our parts,
and sometimes our eyes met. That hunger in his eyes that I’ve seen before was replaced with friendly eyes and just that—friends. I know this is what I wanted and what I pushed him to be with me. I must be an idiot because I miss the hunger and ugh, I wanted him to desire me.

  But people always leave and he’s left before.

  WE GET TO the hotel and I can’t stop looking at Cameron and how she looks tonight. Fuck me. This girl just came back into my life and she’s already thrown me in a swirl of desire and want. This girl who has me twisted up inside and wanting more. A lot more.

  The four of us find an open table and sit down. Aiden meets his friend and excuses himself to mingle for a little while.

  “Can I get you ladies a glass of wine?”

  “Red, please,” Grace tells me and leans back in her chair.

  “No, thank you. I’m fine.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Jacob,” she says, “I said I’m fine.”

  Without another word, I head to the bar and get myself scotch, red wine for Grace, and ice water for Cameron. I look back at the table and wonder why there’s been a change in her attitude.

  When the bartender passes me the drinks, I place a nice tip for her in the tip glass and take the drinks when someone taps me on the shoulder.

  “Jacob Shea.”

  “Miranda Faure.”

  Miranda and I went to school together and dated for a few months before she was offered a modeling contract and left for New York City. Since we weren’t together long and feelings weren’t too deep, it wasn’t a big deal for us to part as friends. We stayed in touch and when she had her first show, Aiden and I went to show her support.

  “Aren’t you handsome as ever,” she coos and places her hand on my arm. “How have you been?”

  “Great. You look beautiful tonight. Fancy seeing you here.”

  “I’m in town for a little bit before heading to Chicago for another show. I’d love to get together for lunch or something. Call me sometime.” She slips a piece of paper in my pocket and leans over, gently kissing my cheek.

  “Good seeing you, Miranda.”