One Take Only

by Lynsey M. Stewart

  “You out tonight?”

  “Yep.”

  “Where are you going?” I asked.

  “Just out.”

  “Anywhere good?”

  “Yeah.”

  I laughed, couldn’t help myself. This was painful. One-word answers were difficult to turn into a conversation and I wanted to know where he was going. I needed to know with whom. “Spare me the details, won’t you. Oh, wait a minute, you have.” He put his hands in his pockets and finally met my eyes. “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing.”

  “You’re making this really difficult.”

  “What?”

  “Having a fucking conversation!”

  His sigh filled the small space in the back of my van. “I’m meeting Margot tonight.”

  I stumbled back a little, knocked by his words, thrown off balance by the meaning. “Oh.” I fumbled around trying to feel something that would hold me up. I found the edge of the sink and squeezed my hands against it. “OK.”

  “She wanted to go to that new club downtown.”

  “A club?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You’re a crap dancer,” I replied. “Does she know this? She should know this…really because it can come as quite a shock when you first witness it, truthfully, limbs flinging, legs kicking. I should warn her.”

  He bit his lip.

  Fuck. A truth bite.

  “She’s already seen your dancing?” He nodded. His second sigh filled the corners the first one hadn’t quite reached. “Oh.”

  “We went out a couple of nights ago,” he said. “Had a bit too much to drink.” I covered my ears with my hands, unsure where this conversation would lead, being unable to take it if he even insinuated that anything else happened between them but dancing. Dancing was enough. Dancing was too much.

  “I need to get this place closed up for the night,” I said, shutting cupboard doors and picking up the hairball. I crushed it in my hand and water dripped down my arms wetting my sleeves. I needed that – the cold, wet, awful feeling. “Do you mind.” I held up my finger and twirled it before pointing to the door. “I need you to go.” He almost ran. I threw the hair into the bin and slammed the door behind me. This couldn’t be happening. Everything about this clung to my nerves. I’d seen him with women before, watched him masturbate for fuck's sake, but Margot I knew, and Margot was hot, and Margot…wasn’t me.

  “I’ll call a plumber next time,” I snapped, “because it’s bound to happen again. You always do a half-arsed job. I don’t know why I bother calling you.”

  “Skye–”

  “You didn’t have to meet her again,” I said, the words echoing around the backstreet and hanging in the air. He blinked, looked to the floor, anywhere but me. “I mean…you didn’t need to meet her…tonight.” He followed me as I searched for my keys. “You haven’t even asked me when we’re going to film, Will. How the fuck did you know that I wouldn’t need you tonight?” I held my hand up as he went to speak, stopping him with his mouth open. “You didn’t know, Will. You didn’t ask, you just went along with your social plans without a second thought about me.” I put my hands on my head, blew out a heavy breath. “I mean…the film.”

  “Skye–”

  “No, Will.” I looked him directly in the eye, anger and hurt spilling out when I knew it had no right to. We were nothing to each other. Friends only. He didn’t need my permission to go on a date.

  A second date.

  Why did he need to see her again? Did he like her? Will they fall in love? Would this unrequited bullshit always be a part of my life, as natural as breathing but not as easy?

  “You’re seeing her again?” I whispered, unable to understand and showing my real self to him. Why did I ask? I couldn’t keep the words in. They forced themselves out of my body like a bullet from a gun. And as I walked backwards to my door, the dark sky over us, stars twinkling like scattered gold dust I admitted to myself that I loved him. It was as simple as that. It didn’t hit me like an epiphany, more like a gradual ooze or a warmth spreading over my body. An ooze, warm and sticky. He got me. We got each other. We adlibbed and nodded when we knew what we were thinking. We shared favourites and memories and moments, and I couldn’t imagine living my life without having that safety.

  But he was going on a date tonight. A second date. Second dates meant something. They meant there was something there after the first. Something that made you want to explore further.

  Oh shit.

  He wanted to explore.

  I was hurt and confused. Unsure what I was even thinking. I knew I’d never have him in the way I’d thought about countless times when I was alone and breathless. I’d already made the decision that I wouldn’t act on my feelings, couldn’t ruin what we had. He was my rock, my support, the one I turned to. He offered advice, a hand to hold, someone to catch me, someone to banter with when I pretended I was bored but really, I was keeping him with me.

  Sex would ruin it all. Sex obliterated rocks and sent them crashing down the cliff face. It wobbled rocks. It cracked them.

  Sex fucked up rocks.

  I need to get away from him. I need to see sense. I’m using rocks as an analogy and God only knows where sex comes into it.

  I fumbled to get the key in the door. It rattled around like a snake and I almost threw it to the ground in frustration. The shaking got worse. I wasn’t in control anymore. I needed him to say something, to make this shit show go away. Finally, I felt his touch. The touch that always soothed me, calmed me. He placed his hand on my shoulder. “Skye. Let me fucking speak.”

  “Go on then,” I retorted, twisting my body to him. Facing him full frontal, chin up, battle ready. “Fucking speak.”

  “I met her because she set an ultimatum. Remember?”

  “I don’t,” I said sulkily, folding my arms and hating myself. “I really don’t.”

  “Don’t do this.”

  “What?”

  He shook his head. “Honestly, I don’t know what this is.”

  “She asked you out on a date to give me the space and equipment to film,” I replied. “But you did that two days ago, didn’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  I pushed the door open. “So, you must like her, you agreed to a second date. Great. Congratulations. I hope you’ll be really happy together.” He reached for me and I pulled away, shooing him. “I’m fine. It’s fine. Go and have fun.”

  “Let me explain,” he said.

  “No need. Really. I’m happy for you. This is fantastic news. Stacey’s found love and…now you. I’ll buy myself two bridesmaid dresses, or maybe you’ll have the same colour scheme as Stace, and I can save some cash. That’s an idea. I’ll suggest it to her right now.”

  “Why are you talking like this?” he asked, frustration laced through his voice. He reached for me again and as I pulled away, unable to take his touch I fell backwards and balanced on the first step of the staircase that led up to the flat. Sitting up, I tried to get my dignity back. A backbone. Something. I pushed the hair out of my eyes and leant back on my elbows.

  “I hope you’ll be happy.” I stood up, afraid to say anymore in case I lost myself completely, spread out the truth and made everything twice as worse. I looked up the staircase and started laughing, a low rumble that was more despair than humour. “Matt’s up there,” I said, pointing up. “If I’m really lucky they’ll have finished shagging for the night, and I might get some sleep without wondering if the walls are going to collapse.”

  “Skye–”

  “Oh, no, don’t worry about me.” I started climbing up on all fours. “It’s fine. It only highlights how very single I am.”

  “Don’t you see this? Don’t you see what’s happening here?” I looked behind me. His eyes narrowed and he quickly ran his hands through his hair. I, however, watched him like he was a hand grenade after the pin had been pulled. “Come down,” he sighed, gesturing with his hands. “Talk to me.”

  “I
don’t need to do the talky thing,” I replied, squeezing my eyes shut as I turned away from him.

  “I do,” he said, folding his arms. “I really do.”

  Staring up at the flat door and biting my lip, I ignored him, deciding this was the best course of action when I had a head full of what the fucks to sort through. “I think I’m going to have a bath and ask Stace if she fancies a Netflix marathon.” He went to speak, but I continued. “Have you seen the cat one? Crazy.”

  “I need to tell you something,” he shouted from the bottom.

  “You don’t need to tell me anything.”

  “Stace and Matt are coming with us.”

  I stopped. Hands on the next step, knees below. I could hear shallow breaths, the rush of blood whooshing through my ears. “I knew they were going and I asked if we could–”

  “Double date,” I interrupted robotically.

  He didn’t reply.

  He didn’t say anything.

  I could hear the shuffle of his feet.

  Now my hurt transferred to someone else. I saw Stacey as I closed my eyes and let my mind wander, Will dancing next to her with a slow-dancing Margot wafting her best assets in front of his face. The hurt swirled and grew and changed into anger. Red mist. Clenched fists. I hauled myself up the next step, somehow getting to the top with my knees burning and a newfound desire to hunt down my best friend of the female variety.

  “Have a great night,” I shouted down to Will as I pushed the door open with my fingers. Faint music danced around the living room, the place that was once my safe space now only held the voices of my betrayer, Stacey Clifton.

  “You!” I slurred as I saw her standing in the kitchen.

  “Hey, fancy a cuppa?”

  “Don’t you dare offer me a cuppa with your friendly voice and your sunny smile.” I pulled myself up from the floor and pointed at her. “Judas!” Stacey came through to the living room and that sunny smile dropped. “How could you do this to me?”

  “What?” she asked, looking genuinely concerned.

  “Facilitate!”

  “What are you talking about?” she asked. “Come here.” She held her arms out and I snarled at her. What the hell was happening? “Did you just snarl at me?” I smoothed my hair back and tried to regain my composure, realising quickly that Stacey knew nothing about my feelings for Will and I was coming across as a goddamned crazy person. I wasn’t going to lose my cool now. I’d already done it crawling up the stairs. I hadn’t even thought about the fact that I was wearing a leather mini skirt. Will would have copped an eyeful.

  Not that he cared.

  “Where are you going tonight?” I wiggled my fingers silently asking her to speak. “Words would help here, Ms Clifton.”

  “Erm, some new club that Matt wanted to go to,” she replied before clapping her hands together. “Oh Christ, is this what it’s about? Because I didn’t ask you?”

  “Yes. Yes, it is.” I nodded my head dramatically, reaching for the opportunity she’d given me to explain why I’d snarled at her without breaking into sobs and admitting I was in love with my best friend.

  And he was going on a second date.

  “Skye, I would have asked you to come, but I haven’t really seen you these past few days.” She laughed to herself before fanning her face. “We’ve been a little bit…indisposed.”

  “You’ve been fucking like rabbits and have barely left your room.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “How are you going to make it up to me?” I asked, cupping my ear and raising an eyebrow. Reggie, Stacey’s bulldog plodded over and sat on my foot. Yes. Clarity. I needed a plan. I needed…

  A man.

  Yes!

  I could get over my crush by getting under an ex. A cure for my sex drought that was obviously causing the malfunction in my brain telling me I wanted to climb Will like a tree!

  “You know I’d love you to come,” Stacey said breaking my thoughts. She was on the floor trying to entice Reggie with a dog treat. Bloody hell, I didn’t realise how heavy he was until he sat on my big toe. “In fact, I need you to come. Will’s bringing someone with him and although you know I can talk to anyone, it would be great to have a wing woman.” Matt came through and slumped on the sofa. Reggie got up and bounded next to him. It seemed like he had a new best friend. I tried not to take it personally but, crap, I was having a pretty bad night. Abandonment all around.

  “Skye’s coming with us.”

  “Are you sure?” he asked. “You’re going to be the filling in a double date sandwich.”

  My heart sank again and suddenly my skirt felt three sizes too small. Shit. No one wanted to be the filling in a double date sandwich, especially if the sandwich was a deluxe meatball foot-long with extra cheese that you’ve been fantasizing about for years. I needed to act fast and bring my plan to life. I had to harden the edges that were softened through love, hope and exasperation.

  How to get over Will? I need to move on, have a distraction. Get laid and get the sexual tension that’s stifling me out of my system.

  “Actually,” I said, thinking on my crushed feet. “Can I bring someone with me?”

  “A date?” Stacey asked. “I didn’t know you were dating anyone.”

  I scrunched my face. “Well…I wouldn’t say date. More, familiarising myself with someone.” I walked through to the bedroom, praying that my fake date would be home and free to help me turn the double date…into a triple.

  14

  Will

  She was wearing stockings and suspenders with tiny little roses and other floral patterns that totally screamed there’s an artist at work here. Sexual florals weren’t usually my thing, but as she crawled up the stairs on her hands and knees, unknowingly flashing them and almost killing me in the process, I realised that those stockings weren’t meant for anyone else’s eyes. She wore them because she liked them. Fuck everyone else. I smiled at that. You could look but don’t touch. Not unless you were invited. God, I wish I was invited.

  Instead, I was trying to kill my Skye-induced erection as I stood beside my date for the night.

  “Who are we waiting for again?” Margot asked for the fourth time.

  “My friends, Stacey and Matt.”

  “And just remind me why we’re meeting them?”

  To form a barrier. To save me from you.

  “They were already coming tonight,” I replied. “I thought it would be fun to join them.”

  She trailed a sharp, red nail down my arm. “Anyone would think you don’t want to be alone with me, Will.”

  “Oh, no,” I laughed, trying to find a word, a phrase, anything to throw her off that she was exactly right but I caught sight of Stacey and Matt in the distance. Before I could attempt to breathe a sigh of relief, I was thrown. I could have sworn there was another couple behind them. It was dark and my glasses could do with a clean, but there was definitely someone else. I squinted, trying to make out who it was, but before I could fathom it, I heard a laugh like sweet angels and baby unicorns. The woman I adored who had rainbow syrup running through her veins.

  Skye.

  She was wearing black trousers and one of those tops that looked like the most splendiferous underwear. Fabric lined her breasts, lace covering the parts I wanted to see the most. She’d covered her shoulders in gold glitter and her bubblegum hair lay in thick curls down her back. She laughed again and pushed her hair behind her ears to reveal rainbow flag earrings. She was wearing vintage Chanel shoes, the ones with the gold logo and a single pearl as the heel. I knew that because I was with her when she found them in a second-hand designer clothes shop and almost orgasmed when they fit. She looked like a goddess, a woman I could worship for life and felt like I had. As I focused in on her, Margot started speaking, but I couldn’t hear, didn’t want to. And as they got closer, my focus shifted…to a guy on her right.

  “Oh my God, Skye!” Margot shouted, pulling her in for a hug. “It’s so good to see you.”


  “Margot,” Skye replied, a half smile appearing that brought out the dimples in her cheeks. Fascinating. She returned the hug, before pushing her away. “How are you?” Before she could reply, I moved forward.

  “And this is?” I asked, holding out my hand to the Jesus impersonator beside her.

  “You don’t remember me, man?” He flicked his long hair over his shoulder. “It’s me, Karma.” Fuck me. Karma. Of course. Skye’s brief dalliance with this man hurt me like a mother fucker. Maybe I’d shut him out of my memory to forget the pain.

  “Yeah,” I replied, fiddling with my glasses. “Sorry, I didn’t recognise you without your Buddhist robes.”

  “Lost the look a long time ago, man. I’m a born-again Christian now.” I wanted to ask if that meant he didn’t have sex before marriage, but I could only phrase it in my head as, Don’t you dare fuck her. Don’t even think about fucking her, and decided to leave it for another time.

  “Well, I for one am really pleased to see you again,” I said sarcastically. “We’ll welcome him back into the fold won’t we, Stace.”

  “Always,” she replied as Matt whispered into her ear. A smile appeared and I knew she was lost to the conversation. Didn’t I have any allies here?

  “William,” Skye said, stepping forward. “I’m sure you don’t mind us crashing your double date.”

  “Not at all,” I replied as she threaded her arm through Karma’s. I followed them, trying not to fixate on where their bodies met. It was chaste and not at all sexual, but I was wrestling with wanting to drop kick him if he fell in love with her tonight and wanting to do the same if he didn’t.

  Fuck, we’re complicated.

  “Who the hell is that?” Margot whispered against my ear. I froze at her touch, wanting to shake her off me like a spider. I couldn’t believe I’d agreed to a second date. The first one was like torture. I counted down the minutes to what would be considered an acceptable time to suggest we end the night and mumbled my way through letting her down gently. When I uttered the words, Let’s end it on a high, she wanted to take it higher, inviting me back to her flat. The thought of kissing her let alone doing more left me cold. A quick peck on the cheek was a trial and jail time was her text, reminding me that the use of her filming equipment was still up for debate. A second date may seal the deal. This seemed to be a good compromise. A second date with Stacey and Matt acting as my buffers.