Forever & an Engine (The Austin Series)

by C. J. Fallowfield

  ‘Where’s Lexi, she’d so get it. We both loved McSteamy in Greys. Where is she Gabe?’

  ‘She had to pop out Mia.’

  ‘Pop out? Where did she pop too?’ I giggled, finding the word “pop” very amusing in my current condition. I watched him as he frowned and rubbed his hand over his mouth and eyes. ‘Gabe, where’s Lexi? I’d like to see her.’

  ‘Mia I …’ he looked up as there was a knock on the door. ‘Come in,’ he called and I looked round and saw Dr Wells come in.

  ‘Hello Mia, how are you feeling?’

  ‘I feel very happy, thank you.’

  ‘She’s a bit high on the drugs Dr Wells. How did it go?’

  I looked at Gabe and then back to Dr Wells and refocused my eyes as she sat carefully on the side of the bed and put her hand gently over my fingers, being careful not to touch the plastic cannula stuck in my right hand.

  ‘Ok Mia, it went well. I managed to drain and remove the large endometrioma in both ovaries …’

  ‘That’s good, that’s good isn’t it?’ I interrupted.

  ‘Yes, but I’m afraid we were right. You do have severe and extensive endometriosis. It was far worse than I expected when I got in there, with many adhesions. I’ve done my best to tidy up, but the scarring and damage to your fallopian tubes and ovaries is too severe. It really was very advanced for someone of your age.’

  ‘What are you saying Dr Wells?’ I heard Gabe ask as he tightened his grip on my hand.

  ‘I’m saying that the disease has caused a lot of irreparable damage, and that it’s highly unlikely that Mia will ever be able to conceive naturally. I’m so sorry Mia, I know this is a lot of information to process, but we’ll get together again tomorrow when you’ve had a chance to rest and I can answer any immediate questions you may have. I’ll also make a follow up appointment to check how you’re healing and we can discuss this in more detail, including what I can do to help you manage the pain and try and prevent the condition from advancing any further.’

  ‘Ok.’ It was a lot to take in, but I just knew from her face it wasn’t what she was hoping to have told me. I looked back at Gabe but he was looking at the floor and I heard Dr Wells talking again.

  ‘Get some rest Mia. One of the nurses will get you standing up and having a walk as soon as possible. I’m very sorry I couldn’t give you more promising news. Once I see you in the morning, I’ll decide if we can discharge you.’ She squeezed my fingers and smiled kindly at me.

  ‘Dr Wells please may I speak to you outside? I think it’s been a lot for Mia to take on board, she’s still a bit groggy and I’ve a few questions.’

  ‘Of course.’

  I looked back at Gabe who quickly kissed my forehead and let go of my hand and walked out of the room. I suddenly felt very tired and tearful, where had my happy buzz suddenly gone? And where the bloody hell was Lexi? I tried to sit up and yelped as I felt my stomach muscles scream at me, so I lay back down. I spotted my phone on the bedside table and reached for it, smiling when I noticed my bangle was back on my wrist. I had no messages and sighed and looked up as I heard the door open and Gabe came in rubbing his face, he looked so sad.

  ‘Gabe are you ok?’

  ‘You shouldn’t have to be going through this Mia, it’s too much at 18. It’s not fucking fair.’ He sounded so angry.

  ‘Are you cross with me?’

  ‘O god no, not with you baby, just this whole horrible fucking situation.’ He leaned back on the door and put his hands over his eyes.

  ‘I’m ok Gabe, honestly I’m ok. Come here, come to me.’ I held out my hand and he sighed and shook himself and sat on the edge of the bed taking my left hand as he frowned.

  ‘Mia have you been lying to me? Dr Wells is amazed that you felt no pain during sex.’

  ‘I don’t feel any … At least I don’t think I do, I don’t know Gabe. Is what I feel normal? I’ve no idea. If it’s painful then god knows how much better it can get if I’m out of pain, because it’s pretty bloody sensational as it is.’ I saw a small smile flash across his face but it was soon replaced by his frown. ‘Gabe I’m ok, don’t be so sad. I just have three small holes and a really REALLY swollen tummy. I sure hope that goes down.’ I watched as his fingers reached over gently stroking my stomach over the sheet.

  ‘God I hate that you’ve had to go through this and to have your beautiful skin marked.’ He leaned over and planted a delicate kiss on the sheet.

  ‘I think scars are sexy,’ I whispered. ‘Will you be turned off by them?’

  ‘No of course not Mia.’ He leaned down the bed and felt my toes, which were poking out from the bottom of the sheet. ‘Your feet are cold baby.’ I watched as he grabbed a spare blanket from the wardrobe and draped it over me and sat back on the bed looking at me.

  ‘Gabe where’s Lexi, I thought she’d be here.’

  ‘O Mia.’ He sighed and took my hand and kissed it.

  ‘Gabe what’s going on, something’s going on isn’t it?’ I suddenly felt sick, he was hiding something from me, no way would Lexi not be here when I came around.

  ‘While you were in surgery Lexi had some terrible stomach cramps. She went to the toilet and shouted for me to call a nurse … ’ he stalled and looked down at my hand in his.

  ‘O god Gabe, is she ok? Where is she?’

  ‘She’s going to be fine. I took her back to my house, she’s sleeping in one of the spare rooms. Mia I’m so sorry, she’s had a miscarriage.’ I heard myself gasp and pulled my hand out of his and put it over my mouth. ‘The nurse said she’ll be fine Mia. She needs rest and could expect some bleeding for up to ten days. She was fine, honestly, even joked about it saving her having to go through with the abortion.’

  ‘Gabe she needs me. I told you to look after her, to stay with her, you promised me. You promised me that you wouldn’t leave her, you shouldn’t be here with me.’ I felt tears rolling down my face.

  ‘Mia, you’re my girlfriend. This is exactly where I should be.’

  ‘I don’t care. I need you to go and look after her, please Gabe. I know Lexi, she’ll say she’s fine to you when she’s not. She’ll need a hug, someone to stroke her hair and she loves a cup of tea with three sugars and some chocolate hobnobs to dunk when she’s upset. Gabe please, she’ll be so scared all on her own.’

  ‘She’s not alone Mia. She was so mad with me because I drove her home and sat with her while you were still in surgery, so she insisted on ringing Doug. She told him everything and he agreed to look after her so I could come back here and be with you ok?’ He reached out and wiped the tears from my cheeks with his thumbs.

  ‘She told Doug?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘O no, that’s going to ruin that for her now as well and I really thought she had a chance with him.’

  ‘He’s ok, he’s fine about it. He got an ex knocked up once and had to go through the process with her so he’s not going to judge her or stop pursuing her for another date, so you don’t need to worry about either of them ok. We just need to focus on you baby.’

  ‘O god Gabe it’s all too much in one day,’ I groaned. ‘Are you ok?’

  ‘I’m fine Mia, I’m just worried about you,’ he sighed.

  ‘Now you’re lying to me,’ I said looking at his face. He looked seriously tired and beaten down and I realised just how much he’d been through. Seeing me go into the theatre and then having to go through a miscarriage, of all bloody things, with my best friend. The memories that must have brought back for him made me shudder. ‘Gabe, you can talk to me,’ I whispered.

  ‘I don’t want to talk right now Mia, I just want to sit here with you baby.’

  ‘I’m so sorry that you had to deal with that. Thank you for taking her home and making sure she was safe, that must’ve been so awful for you,’ I said quietly as I stroked his forearm. He smiled weakly at me and I choked up when I saw his eyes welling up. He may be my confident bossy Gabe most of the time, but I kept forgetting he was only a 1
9 year old boy under all the swagger. I quickly let go of his hand and reclined the bed slightly, reached up and grabbed the pulley and gasped in pain as I lifted my bottom and moved over to the right edge of the bed.

  ‘Mia, what the hell are you doing,’ he snapped as he stood up. I looked up at him, he was upset, worried, frustrated and angry all rolled up into one package. Talk definitely wasn’t what he needed right now. I remember that he said his favourite memory of his mum was when she held him and stroked his hair while she talked to him to calm him down and right now that was exactly what he needed. He needed me to hold him and tell him it would all be ok, but he’d never ask me to that, not when he’d assumed his male protector mode.

  ‘I need you to climb on the bed with me.’

  ‘Mia.’

  ‘Gabe please, I need you.’ I pleaded. It wasn’t a lie, I’d love to have him cuddle up to me, but he needed it more than I did. ‘Come and lie here with me.’

  ‘I don’t want to hurt you Mia.’

  ‘Gabe I’ll be fine, just climb on gently and lie on your side and hold me, please.’ I pulled out my best blue eyes pout, looking up at him through my lashes. His face was torn, torn between his need to protect me and his need for some comfort. I definitely needed to make him think it was all about me, not him. ‘Gabe Austin I won’t tell you again, get on this bloody bed now.’ I held out my arm and gave him a don’t fuck with me look. ‘I’ve just had surgery and I really want a cuddle from my boyfriend, come and make me feel better.’

  ‘You’re one stubborn bloody woman Mia Page,’ he sighed and slipped off his shoes and carefully lay down, my arm in the crook of his neck and he put his head on my shoulder and nuzzled my breast. I stroked his back and kissed his hair and he carefully put his arm over my ribs and slid his fingers into mine careful not to push the cannula in the back of my right hand.

  ‘That feels so nice,’ I murmured into his hair as I moved my free hand up to caress the silky strands between my fingers. ‘You’ve been so busy looking after everyone else today. Now you can rest Gabe.’

  ‘Mia ... ’ I heard his voice catch.

  ‘Gabe, I’m ok, Lexi will be ok too, thank you for looking after her so well for me.’

  ‘I was so scared Mia. Seeing you leave me, then with Lexi … it was just too much.’

  ‘I know that, but it’s all over now. I love you so much for being so brave and strong Gabe Austin, but now it’s your turn to be taken care of. It’s time for me to look after you, even if it’s only for a little while. Close your eyes for me baby, everything’s going to be ok.’ I felt him bury his face into the side of my breast and he started to sob and I bit my lip really hard to stop myself from crying in sympathy. I was going to have to think of a way of making it up to him when I got out of here. I held him as tightly as I could while I rambled on about what movies I wanted to watch while I was off, anything to keep me talking as it really did seem to soothe him. We lay there for about twenty minutes while he got it all out. There was a knock at the door and Ann put her head in. I looked at her and shook my head, she hesitated for a moment, looking at Gabe buried in my side, then closed it again leaving us alone.

  ‘I’ve got you Gabe, it’s ok baby,’ I whispered.

  ‘Don’t ever leave me Mia,’ he mumbled as he caught his breath and rubbed his nose up and down my breast.

  ‘Like I could go anywhere. I’m full of holes, have an IV in, I’m bloated like pot bellied pig with a very irritating blood pressure cuff that keeps inflating and cutting off the circulation in my arm. Besides, how would I get anywhere without my motor?’ I felt him laugh. ‘Gabe as soon as I’m better I’m going to show you just how grateful I am for what you’ve done for Lexi and I today.’

  ‘Then we better pay close attention to what the Dr Wells has to say about your recovery, as I’m going to want to road test you as soon as possible, anything in the name of a speedy recovery.’

  ‘You’re so selfless thinking of my welfare like that,’ I grinned as he lifted his face up to look at me. I tried to conceal the effect his tear soaked cheeks had on me. I could imagine him as an 8 year old standing there with that very look on his face as he was told what happened to his mum and it was like ice had pierced my heart.

  ‘You must think I’m such a fucking girl crying on you,’ he said as he wiped his eyes.

  ‘I love that you feel you can, I feel closer to you when you share your emotions with me, happy, sad or even really, really mad like yesterday. I’ll take you any way I can get you Gabe.’

  ‘Ditto.’

  ‘So fancy snogging and petting me for a while? My boobs aren’t off limits.’

  ‘You’re so funny on drugs,’ he laughed and tilted his head back and I leaned mine down over him and we kissed gently, then more urgently until I gasped and pulled away. ‘Mia what?’

  ‘You kiss too well and owwww, I can’t go there yet.’ Just his kiss had my core clenching and it was too painful.

  ‘Well I’ve got another bloody hard on, you need to stop doing this to me while I can’t touch you,’ he grumbled.

  ‘Go and sort yourself out in the bathroom, but keep the noise down as I need to call the nurse,’ I ordered. He got off the bed and I smacked his bottom and giggled as he jumped.

  ‘You are feeling better trying to boss me around and smacking me,’ he smiled as he shut the bathroom door. I rang the buzzer and Ann appeared in seconds.

  ‘Hi, sorry about before, it’s just been a lot for him with my friend and I. Was it you who helped her?’

  ‘Yes,’ she smiled.

  ‘Thanks so much. Will she be ok?’

  ‘Yes, she was just a bit shocked at first, but dealt with it really well. She may need a shoulder to cry on over the next few weeks, as you might. Don’t under estimate the effects of the anaesthetic, drugs and your procedure. How are you feeling?’

  ‘Better,’ I nodded. ‘Hungry in fact. No, not hungry, starving.’

  ‘Right well I came to tell you afternoon tea was ready. Would your boyfriend like some? He didn’t touch his lunch.’

  ‘Yes please. If we could have some black coffee for him as well, that would be great.’

  She checked my blood pressure and oxygen readings and I kept praying that Gabe wouldn’t make a noise in the bathroom. Once she was done she carefully manoeuvred the sliding table over my stomach.

  ‘I’ll be back in a minute with your tray.’

  ‘Thanks.’ I grabbed my phone and rang Lexi’s number and it went to voicemail.

  ‘Lexi it’s me, Gabe’s just filled me in. I’m so sorry, I feel awful that I’m not there with you. Please call me as soon as you get this, I need to know you’re ok. I love you, call me please.’

  ‘Gabe are you ok in there?’ I called.

  ‘No, it’s not happening and he’s not going down.’

  ‘What?’ I asked, surprised.

  ‘I know, I just can’t do it. It’s just not happening and I can’t seem to get him to go down.’ He appeared from the bathroom buttoning up his jeans with his erection jutting out through the material.

  ‘Is that normal?’

  ‘No. Until today I’ve never not been able to finish myself off. I just can’t concentrate when I’m alone in a clinical bathroom and every visual I conjure up of you has you full of tubes and holes.’

  ‘Well you need to do something. Ann’s coming back with some food for us. She already has designs on you without seeing that huge bulge in your pants.’

  ‘What am I supposed to do Mia?’ he sighed frustrated.

  ‘You’ll have to go back into the toilet when she comes in.’

  ‘She’s going to think I’m fucking incontinent the amount of time I’m spending in there today.’

  ‘O so you suddenly care what she thinks now do you?’ I snapped.

  ‘O shit, I didn’t mean it like that Mia,’ he gasped as his face fell. ‘I promise baby, I don’t like her.’

  I burst out laughing. ‘You should have seen your face then, it was
classic.’

  ‘Mia that’s not funny,’ he frowned.

  ‘Kind of was,’ I giggled. I felt all over the place, I was crying a while ago and now I was all high and giggly. There was a knock at the door and I looked at him and he shook his head and went back in the bathroom. ‘Come in,’ I called.

  ‘Here you are,’ she said depositing a large tray on my table. ‘Are you ok for water?’

  ‘Yes thanks.’

  ‘Ok, well I’ll leave you in peace and see you tomorrow. Agnes is due on duty at six and will get you up and moving, so enjoy some peace and quiet for a while.’

  ‘Thanks.’ I looked at the tray in front of me. Wow, it was like luxury hotel room service. Bone china and silver cutlery, with silver tea and coffee pots and domes over the plates. Gabe reappeared checking it was safe first.

  ‘Excellent, is that food? I’m starving all of a sudden.’

  ‘I bet, did you have any breakfast or lunch?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘You’re spending too much time with me Gabe, you’re picking up my bad habits. So food or erection first?’

  ‘What?’ he looked at me with his eyes wide.

  ‘I’m still able handed, on one side at least, I can help you out.’

  ‘Mia I’m not taking advantage when you’ve just come out of surgery.’

  ‘Gabe I think you need some tension release. We have some time alone so come here.’ I pushed the table back and raised my eyebrows at him.

  ‘Mia, you’re not bloody touching me,’ he said with a scowl. ‘What sort of boyfriend would I be to let you give me a hand job when you’re lying in a hospital bed and drugged up?’

  ‘Gabe you’re frustrated I can see it. If you won’t let me touch you, then try yourself again.’

  ‘It’s no good baby, I’m just not feeling it.’

  ‘Then close your eyes and I’ll talk sexily to you while you do it. You’re going to implode.’ He sighed and unbuttoned his jeans and set himself loose. It was very erotic to see him so hard in his own hand and I let out a little groan, which finally put a smile on his face. ‘Ok forget where we are, close your eyes and just listen to my voice. Good … now imagine we’re in a hotel bar, we’re two strangers. You’ve just walked in and seen me sitting alone in a very slutty dress. You sidle over to chat me up, we flirt outrageously and you take me back to your room. You want to fuck me so badly, but I tease you first. I slip off my dress and stand in my Basque, stockings and suspenders and push you back against the door, kissing you, slipping my tongue into your mouth.’