Something Like Happy

by Sasha Greene

That was the thing about Jade that always surprised him. She had this kind of tough girl exterior. Swore a lot. But underneath she was so incredibly kind. And polite. She was such a contradiction.

  ‘So,’ he said, leaning towards her, ‘what happened to yoga today? I was expecting to see you.’

  A slightly guilty look came over Jade’s face. ‘Oh.’ She blushed slightly. ‘I had some things to do.’

  Nick wondered if she was having second thoughts about their friendship. But still she would have hardly invited him here, to her house, scratch that, to her parents’ house, if she didn’t want to see him again. Jade, being Jade, would be the first one to tell him to get lost if she couldn’t be bothered. And probably not even as politely as that.

  Looking at them in the same room together, he could see the similarities between the two of them. Random gestures. The way they moved. They were pretty much the same height, although he had to look really closely to see any similarity in their faces. And then it suddenly dawned on him; Jade’s hair wasn’t dyed black at all. It was the exact same colour as her mother’s. Obviously, the sparkly green highlights that shot through it were entirely her own creation, but the rest was completely natural.

  ‘Jade, go and get your dad from the next room, darling.’ Shirley leaned back against the kitchen counter.

  ‘Is it dinner time already?’ Jade sounded hopeful. Maybe she was as hungry as he was.

  ‘No.’ Shirley’s reply was unexpected. ‘But I’m just about to grill this young man about every aspect of his life, and I don’t want him to have to repeat himself when your dad asks the same questions.’

  As Jade disappeared, Nick considered Shirley’s words. She was joking, right? He hoped she was joking, anyway. He didn’t much like the idea of being grilled. He looked up and found her looking at him. She winked. ‘Don’t worry. No challenging questions.’

  Jade’s mum was definitely like no other mother he had ever met. But then, Jade was like no other woman he had ever met either. She was pretty unique. And kind of special.

  He heard the sudden silence as the TV was switched off, and then the kitchen door opened again. Nick wasn’t sure what he had been expecting from Jade’s dad. But when he saw him he knew that it couldn’t be anyone else. Jade had her father’s face in miniature, but without that thick mass of grey hair. It started him wondering what bits of his own parents he had inherited, which wasn’t something he had ever thought about before.

  But the big hand that took his own in a welcoming grip was nothing like Jade’s at all. Rough and slightly calloused, it felt very warm and reassuring. Nick found himself liking this man before they had even said a word to each other.

  ‘I’m Martin. Welcome to our house, young man.’ The big man sat himself down in one of the other chairs, while Jade resumed her seat opposite Nick. The size of the table was such that if he had just stretched out his legs a little their knees would have touched. The thought made him flush slightly, which surprised him. He wasn’t attracted to Jade, was he?

  Shirley set a bowl of crisps on the table, along with a bowl of roasted peanuts. ‘Just so you won’t die from hunger.’ She gave him another wink. ‘So, tell us where you’re from.’

  ‘I grew up in Fort William.’ That was an easy one. ‘My parents run a B&B just at the far end of the town.’

  ‘Brothers? Sisters?’ The older woman snagged a couple of crisps from the table and returned to her cooking.

  Nick shook his head. ‘Nope.’ He paused, wondering how much to reveal. ‘I think maybe they wanted to, but couldn’t.’

  ‘Ah.’ Shirley nodded knowingly, and Nick wondered if she had experienced the same. After all, they just had Jade, and no one else.

  ‘So what brought you down to Glasgow?’ It was Martin this time. The man leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table, the rolled-up sleeves of his bright checked orange shirt stretching over his upped arms. Nick could see where Jade had got her liking for flashy colours. By contrast, her mother was dressed in muted black trousers and a dark maroon jumper. Nick found himself intrigued by these two people, they seemed so different. How had they even met? How had they got together?

  He realised that Martin’s question was still hanging. ‘Work, really. It’s been pretty hard since the recession. I studied up in Fort William, and then had to come down here for work.’

  ‘What did you study?’ It was Jade’s question. And Nick realised that they had spent so much time talking about weird stuff that they had never really done the standard getting to know you questions.

  ‘Oh, just an HND in computing.’ He had enjoyed the course, he realised. ‘I was hoping to do something locally, maybe with the Navy, but because of the cutbacks then I couldn’t find anything. So I’m working for a small company that does consultancy work in cybersecurity.’

  There, he thought. He had managed to talk about his job without feeling any sense of despair, or panic. He took some crisps from the bowl.

  ‘So what do you both do?’ The question slipped out before he really thought about it.

  ‘Dad’s a taxi driver,’ Jade said proudly.

  Martin nodded. ‘Twenty-three years now. Took it up when Jade was born. Easier to look after a kid when you’re working flexible hours.’

  Nick nodded, impressed. He had casually assumed that just because Shirley was the one cooking that they had taken up traditional roles in the home, but it just showed that you could never tell.

  ‘Shirley works in the CAB.’ Martin, seeing Nick’s puzzled face, added, ‘Citizen’s Advice Bureau.’

  ‘Yeah, there’s still loads of Chinese people in Glasgow who don’t speak very good English,’ Jade added. ‘They were really happy for your skills, right Mum?’

  ‘Not loads of people,’ her mother corrected gently, grinding some pepper into a metal bowl an adding some salt. ‘There are a few. But we help everyone, no matter where they come from.’

  ‘So how did you two meet?’

  At that question Martin laughed, while Shirley just smiled. She motioned at her husband. ‘Go on, you tell it.’

  Martin shook his head. Was the man actually blushing? ‘No, you do it. You’re so much better at stories than me.’

  Jade leaned forward in her chair. ‘Come on, Mum. It’s a great story.’

  ‘OK.’ Shirley resumed her mixing. ‘My parents came over from Hong Kong in the seventies. I don’t really remember much before we moved here. I was pretty young. They set up a Chinese restaurant in town, on Sauchiehall Street. I used to work there after school, and when I left school, I joined them full time. I think my parents were always hoping I would take over the business. Anyway, Martin used to come in on a Saturday night with his mates, before they went out drinking. He became a bit of a regular, but I never worked out if that was because of me or just because of the food.’ She winked at her husband, a big smile on her face.

  ‘So do your parents come down to see you often?’ Martin looked back at Nick.

  ‘Not often. They’re very busy with the B&B.’ Nick frowned. He didn’t want to say that they hadn’t visited him at all, in case they thought that was strange.

  ‘Right.’ Nick jumped as Shirley placed two bowls in front of him on the table. One held something which looked like uncooked pastry, the other was full of mince mixed with grated vegetables.

  He looked at her, puzzled, but Jade had already uttered a crow of delight and was reaching for the pastry. ‘Oh Mum! We haven’t had these for ages. But you didn’t warn Nick that he’d be making his own dinner.’ She looked straight at Nick, and he knew she was thinking of the list. He smiled at her, to let her know it was OK.

  Shirley produced a rolling pin and a large round cookie cutter, and placed them on the table.

  ‘You’re going to have to show me what to do.’ Nick looked back at Jade.

  In the end, Martin rolled out the pastry, as Jade said he had the biggest muscles, and Nick wasn’t about to argue with that. Jade cut rounds out of the resulting thin translucent laye
r, and Nick dolloped a small scoop of meat mixture carefully into the middle of each one. Shirley showed them how to crimp the edges together with just a touch of water, to make sure they didn’t come apart when cooking. Then she dumped the first batch into the water, while Jade cleaned up the table and washed up the bowls.

  Nick had eaten dim sum before, but these were like nothing he had ever tasted. Light and fluffy, they almost melted on his tongue. There was a complex combination of flavours that just blended into a subtle but perfect whole. He ate until he was full, and then managed to squeeze in three more.

  ‘I told you it would be good.’ Jade laughed at him as he leaned back in his chair, totally overcome. ‘You won’t believe it, but Mum hardly ever cooks Chinese food. We usually just have macaroni cheese or pasta or something.’

  ‘It takes a lot of effort to get it right,’ Shirley said. ‘Too much effort for every day.’

  ‘Couldn’t you just freeze these and cook them later?’ Nick wanted to know.

  She nodded, then shook her head. ‘You could. But once you taste them fresh, the frozen ones just miss something.’ She rose, bringing the fruit bowl from the sideboard to put on the table. ‘Dessert is just fruit. Good to have something fresh after all that meat.’

  They ate the fruit, Nick enjoying the sharp contrast of fresh orange slices to the rest of what he had eaten. Shirley showed them how to carve an apple into beautifully artistic shapes. Nick wanted to take it home, but by the time everyone had finished admiring it then it was already starting to go brown, so Jade and he divided it in half and ate the delicate curls slowly, savouring the paper-thin strips.

  Nick could feel the usual knot of tension in his shoulders slowly unwinding. It was almost as if the three other people in the room were bleeding away the darkness that usually eclipsed his happiness, and he thanked them all silently for it. This all seemed so normal. So cosy. Almost like home.

  The thought made him still for a moment. He missed home terribly. He longed for the mountains. But tonight had shifted things somehow. Until this evening, he had thought there was nothing to tie him in Glasgow. But these people, these three people who had taken him into their home so naturally, were starting to make him feel like there might be something worth staying for.

  When they had finished, Nick offered to help with the washing up, but Shirley waved him away. Martin left for work, but not before he had said goodbye to his wife with a kiss that left Nick not knowing where to look.

  ‘Do you have to still do that when we have visitors?’ Jade complained when her father had left.

  Shirley stopped, her hands still in the washing up water, and looked straight at her. ‘Do you know why we do that?’

  Jade shrugged, looking at her mother.

  A faint smile appeared on the other woman’s face. ‘I thought I told you this story before.’

  Jade shook her head, obviously puzzled. ‘No, never.’ She leaned forward, elbows resting on the table, chin in her hands. ‘Is it very romantic?’

  Her mother laughed, drying her hands and sitting down at the table again. ‘Yes and no. You see, just after you were born, I found it very hard. It was the middle of winter, things were very cold, the sky was always grey. Being a new mother is always hard. Your father and I used to argue all the time. He had just started his job with the taxi, and was working all the hours he could to pay for the three of us. We were both so tired.’

  Jade reached across to find her mother’s hand and squeezed it. Nick saw the other woman give a quick squeeze back.

  ‘So one night we argued as usual. He left. About one in the morning I got a call from the hospital. He had been stabbed by someone who he picked up. Of course, I rushed to the hospital with you, terrified that I was going to lose him.

  ‘You won’t remember, you were too young.’ She patted Jade’s hand. ‘But I swore after that whenever he left, I was going to show him how much I loved him. Every time.’

  Jade swallowed, her eyes suspiciously shiny. ‘That’s a scary story, Mum.’ She rose from the table, obviously uncomfortable. ‘I was just going to show Nick my room, then I thought we could watch some TV. Is that OK?’

  Shirley laughed. ‘You’re a grown up now, darling. You can do whatever you want.’

  Then, as Nick also got up, she added, ‘I forgot to tell you. Carina called. She said she really needs to speak to you.’

  Nick caught a glimpse of Jade’s face as she turned back towards her mother, and the look he saw there suddenly scared him. Her eyes flashed like granite in a winter sun. Whoever this Carina was, she definitely wasn’t popular.

  ‘I told you I wanted nothing to do with her.’ Jade’s voice was taught and barely controlled. ‘You shouldn’t even be taking calls from her.’

  Shirley’s shoulders slumped and Nick wondered what was going on. The tension between the two women drew out like a thin rope that was close to snapping. ‘I just thought–’

  ‘Well, don’t just think.’

  Nick couldn’t believe the change that had come over Jade. Her face was white like he’d never seen it before. Her tone was harsh and unforgiving. And rude.

  ‘Darling, she said it was important. Said she had something she needed to show you. She was your best friend. Won’t you just talk to her?’

  ‘I don’t give a shit about anything she needs.’ Jade’s voice rose. ‘And how can you even speak to her? After what she said at Ruby’s funeral.’

  Nick just stood in the corner, not knowing what to do. He felt like he was intruding in a very private conversation. Ruby? Who the hell was Ruby?

  Then something clicked in his brain. Jade had said her grandmother had died not that long ago. That must be it. And whatever Carina had said, it couldn’t have been good, to get Jade into such a state. He shifted uncomfortably, the tension in the room suddenly too much for him. The knot in his shoulders had reappeared and was twisting painfully.

  Jade must have remembered that there was a third person with them. ‘I’m really sorry, Nick. I didn’t mean to drag you into this.’ She suddenly deflated. She looked so lost that Nick wanted to just pull her into his arms and hug her.

  She went across to her mum and put an arm around her shoulders. ‘Sorry, Mum. I didn’t mean to shout. I just don’t want to talk to her, OK?’

  Her mother reached up, smoothing a stray strand of hair back behind her daughter’s ear. ‘It’s OK, darling. I know this is hard on you.’

  Jade dropped a kiss on the top of her mother’s head, then turned to Nick. ‘Are you coming?’

  The intensity of the longing that had sheared through Nick as he watched their exchange had surprised him. He missed his mum. And his dad. As a grown man he had a hard time admitting that, but it was true. He missed their cosy evenings in front of the big range in the kitchen, putting the world to rights while his mother did the ironing and his father folded towels. And to his horror he found he was close to tears.

  ‘Actually, I think I’d better go home,’ he mumbled, stuffing his hands in the pocket of his jeans. ‘It’s getting late. And I have to get up early tomorrow.’ It was a lie, but he just had to get out of there.

  Jade’s face fell, as if she had been hoping for him to stay. The disappointment on her face speared his heart, just adding to the sadness he felt inside him. But now all he could think of was getting out of the house. He managed to hang on to his control long enough to thank her mother for the dinner, and then he turned away, desperate to get out before he made a fool of himself.

  ‘Wait,’ Jade called as he opened the front door. ‘I’ll walk you to the station.’

  Nick wanted to tell her no, but found that speech was too much for him. Jade had already grabbed a jumper and followed him. It would be easier to just let her walk beside him, he thought. He could stop himself splintering for five more minutes, as long as he didn’t say anything. After all, how different was it from what he had to do every day? He focused his mind on the steps he was taking. Of the feel of the pavement beneath his feet
. He walked in silence, counting in his head. One hundred. Two hundred. Three hundred. They were almost at the station now.

  ‘I know what you were doing on that bridge.’

  Jade’s statement almost made him stumble as he took the next step, her words so unexpected that they literally caught him off-balance. His brain whirled as he absorbed the weight of what she had just said. If she had figured that out, what else did she know?

  He turned towards her. ‘You what?’

  Jade shrugged. ‘I know. And I don’t judge you for it. Life is hard sometimes.’ Her tone of voice sounded as if she had some experience of what she was talking about. ‘And I’m sorry about what happened back there. This thing with Carina is a bit of a sore point and I just flamed up. I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable.’

  How could he tell her that it wasn’t the anger that had almost destroyed him, but the tenderness instead? Desperate to distract both Jade and his own mind from his own problems, he blurted out the first thing that came into his head. ‘What did Carina say to you, that made you so angry?’

  Jade looked at him, as if that was the last thing she’d expected him to ask. She hesitated a few moments. ‘She said she wasn’t surprised.’ The shape of her mouth, and her arms that went to wrap around herself, told him how hard it was for her to relive the words.

  ‘That she died? What an awful thing to say.’ Nick felt a flash of anger at this person, who was supposed to be her best friend, but had caused her so much grief. But he could be a friend to Jade; he could be there for her. If he managed to hold himself together. He had to leave. Now. Before he totally broke apart.

  ‘Look, Nick, I need to talk to you about Ruby.’ Jade’s words were rushed, as if it was something she had been waiting to say for a long time.

  He forestalled her by touching her shoulder, feeling the bones barely covered by a thin layer of flesh. ‘You don’t have to. I worked it all out.’

  Her face, still visible in the deepening twilight, showed its confusion. ‘You did?’

  ‘Yes. Losing anyone from your family is hard, but to lose someone so close to you must have been awful. My friend Jamie lost his dad a few years ago. He found it really hard too.’