Searching for Love: The Complete Story

by Christine Kersey

  “I’m sorry, Brody, but I don’t think that’s a good idea.” His hands fell away from her, and she ached to have him touch her again.

  “What do you mean?” Sheer disappointment shone from his face. “You’re not canceling on me, are you?”

  His reaction shocked her. With so few people in the world who cared about her, she wasn’t used to feeling the sting of someone else’s disappointment in her. Usually no one cared what she did or where she was. Besides her brother. But he was halfway around the world. She was used to doing what she wanted, when she wanted.

  This was a new sensation, this wanting to prevent someone else from feeling let down because of her. “No,” she said. “I’m not canceling.”

  A smile brightened his face. “Good.” Then he frowned. “What did you mean when you said it’s not a good idea for us to spend time together?”

  Reese’s mind scrambled to come up with a reason. She knew why—because the more she got to know him, the more she would fall for him, and then it would be nearly impossible to get on with her life. But she wasn’t about to tell him that. “I’m not looking for a relationship.” Not when I’ve so recently finalized my divorce from the man I married right out of high school.

  “I see.”

  She wasn’t sure what that meant. Was he not interested in a relationship either? Was he just looking for a good time? Because she definitely wasn’t interested in that.

  Brody gazed at her. “What are you looking for, Reese?”

  The sand was soft underfoot as they stood on the beach in the moonlight. Waves crashed on the shore behind them, and a salty sea breeze brushed across their faces.

  “I don’t know,” she said, and realized it was true. But she did know what she didn’t want. She didn’t want to be used and taken advantage of. She didn’t want to have her heart played with like a toy, to be tossed aside when something newer and shinier came along. I just want to be loved. Loved for who I am. Loved forever.

  Tears sprang into her eyes at the sad reality of her life. The only person in the whole world who loved her was her brother.

  How sad for you, Reese. How pathetic.

  Tightening her jaw to keep it from quivering, she turned away from Brody, embarrassed for him to see her fall apart. Ever since she had gotten the RV and headed out on her own, she had managed to live in the here and now. She had kept herself from obsessively going over the mistakes she had made in her life, and from the pitiful circumstances of her childhood. But now, with Brody asking her what she wanted, she had finally allowed herself a moment to consider the answer to that question. And it had taken her mind right to the things she had been trying to avoid—thinking about how truly lonely she was in her sad, little life.

  Now, with Brody standing beside her with his perfect family and perfect life, she felt all the more diminished in comparison. She could never tell him the truth about what a terrible childhood she had had or how stupid she had been to marry a man who later dismissed her as being inferior.

  Brody could see that Reese hurt, and hurt deeply. He had no idea why she was so sad, but he wanted to fix it, was desperate to make her pain go away. “Reese.” His voice was barely above a whisper.

  Her face was turned away from him, but he could see her body trembling, as if she were trying to hold her emotions in check. He knew what that felt like. When he had learned that Megan had been killed in a car accident, it had been all he could do to hold himself together until he could be alone to sob himself to sleep.

  Yearning to take away Reese’s sorrow, to do whatever he could to restore the glimpses of joy he had seen beaming from her eyes on rare occasions, Brody gently placed his hand against her back. Tiny tremors of sadness shook her body, and he wanted nothing more than to wrap her in his arms.

  Nineteen

  The touch of his hand on her back made her want to turn to him, to press herself against his chest, to revel in his masculine strength. But Reese couldn’t allow herself to display her vulnerability so boldly. Fear of being taken advantage of kept her urges reined in.

  She took several deep breaths as she gathered herself, then she turned to Brody with a smile. “It’s getting late.”

  He removed his hand from her back, and though she missed the gentle pressure of his presence, she was also glad not to have the distraction.

  “Of course,” he said. “Let’s get you home.”

  Home. Such a simple word, but so fraught with meaning. Her only home was a small tin box parked on a ridge overlooking the sea. And she had no one to share it with.

  Stop it, girl, or you’re going to lose it again. Save it for when you’re alone, at least.

  With a forced smile, Reese nodded, and they continued toward the PCH. Brody didn’t take her hand again, and though she wanted to slip her hand into his, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

  When they reached the highway, they paused as they waited for a large enough gap in the traffic to safely cross the four lane road. It didn’t take long, and they hurried across the asphalt, then began the short trek to the road that would take them to the RV park.

  A few minutes later, as they ascended the steep road that led to the RV park entrance, they reached the dirt path that ran parallel to, and slightly below, the RV park.

  “This path leads to my RV,” Reese said as she stopped, determined to say her good-byes here.

  Brody looked down the path, then met her gaze. “Are you sure you’ll be okay by yourself?”

  Lights on posts stood along the path, illuminating the way. “Yes. I’ll be fine.”

  With a slight frown, Brody nodded. “Text me when you’re safely inside your RV, okay?”

  At the same time that his demand irritated her, it also warmed her to know someone was aware of her and cared about her safety. “All right.”

  Brody gazed at her a moment, and she wondered if he was going to kiss her. Not that she would mind if he did, but the thought also worried her. What if his kiss drew her to him even more?

  Wanting to kiss her, but sensing it was just too soon, Brody hesitated.

  “Well,” Reese said after a moment, “good-night, Brody. And thank you for such a nice evening.”

  He slowly nodded, knowing he had missed his chance. “You’re welcome.” Then he smiled, eager to see her the next day. “Nine am tomorrow, right?”

  “Yes. I’ll be there.” As his blue-green eyes stared into her brown ones, she found she was very much looking forward to their date.

  With a last smile, Reese turned and began the walk to her RV. After walking a hundred feet, she turned to see if Brody was still there, and to her delight, she saw that he was. She waved, and he waved back, then she watched him turn and head back the way they had come.

  When she reached her RV, she unlocked it and climbed inside. The loneliness she had been feeling earlier crept back in, but she held it at bay by thinking of Brody and the tender way he had looked at her.

  I think he’s a good man. And I know I like him.

  She pushed away the insistent voice that told her she wasn’t good enough for him, that she had too much baggage, and instead focused on the here and now.

  After sending him a quick text telling him she had made it home, she got ready for bed, excited to see him the next day.

  The sun shone brightly as Reese made her way onto the beach the next morning, her towel in one hand, a tote in the other. As she had eaten breakfast it had crossed her mind that she could have been eating with Brody, but she didn’t regret turning him down. And anyway, she was about to spend time with him now. Or at least watch him play in the ocean. She had no desire to go in herself. Not after her near-drowning. She knew she was being dramatic, but it really had scared her.

  It was a beautiful day, and there were several people on the beach already, but Reese was only interested in seeing Brody. It didn’t take long to find him. He was in the same spot where they had first met—the place where she had crawled out of the ocean after being k
nocked down by a huge wave.

  He was wearing his wetsuit, which Reese noticed emphasized his muscular body. She had worn her only bikini, although she had put a cute cover-up on over it. She didn’t know why she was reluctant to show off her body, although she suspected it had something to do with not growing up on the beach.

  When Brody saw Reese walking in his direction, he headed her way. He hadn’t been able to get her out of his mind, not since he had left her the night before. Now, seeing her coming towards him, his gaze went to her face. She was smiling—so different from the previous evening when she had seemed sad at his question of what she wanted.

  When she was less than twenty feet away, his gaze skimmed over her body, and even though she was wearing a cover-up, her curves were evident, bringing a surge of desire to his body.

  “Good morning,” she said with a smile as she stopped in front of him.

  He returned her smile. “Hello, Reese. Are you ready to brave the water?”

  She laughed. “I don’t know about that.”

  He held up his board. “I’ll show you how it’s done, then maybe you’ll want to give it a try.”

  Her lips pressed together in a small smirk. “Yeah, that’ll convince me.”

  With a laugh, he set his board on the sand, then turned to her. “We can just sit in the sun for a while first, if you’d like.”

  “Okay.” Reese spread her towel on the sand, then sat on it.

  Brody sat on the sand beside her, happy to just be with her.

  “I can make room on my towel,” she said.

  “That’s okay. The wetsuit keeps the sand off of me.”

  “The water’s not that cold,” she said, “so why wear it?”

  “It’s for more than the temperature of the water. It’s for protecting me from getting scraped up when I’m body surfing.”

  “Oh. I see.”

  He looked at her thin cover-up. “If you’re going to try body surfing, we’ll have to get you a wetsuit.”

  She laughed. “I doubt that will be necessary.”

  The morning sun was warm, and Brody was hot in his wetsuit. He stood, then unzipped the front and pulled the wetsuit off to his waist. “Much better,” he said as he sat back down.

  Twenty

  Reese hadn’t seen Brody’s bare chest before, and as he settled in beside her, she tried not to stare. Bronze and chiseled, his body demanded her attention, but after a brief look, she forced her eyes upward to meet his gaze. He hadn’t seemed to notice her ogling him, and she wondered if he knew how spectacular he looked.

  His blue-green eyes appraised her, and she wondered what he was thinking. That you’re too much of a chicken to go into the water, most likely.

  Embarrassed by her fear, she decided she would try to gather the courage to go out there. She found she wanted to impress Brody, to make him proud.

  “What do you think?” he asked, then he looked toward the ocean.

  I think you’re super hot. But she knew that wasn’t what he meant. “I might . . .” She smiled as she looked toward the waves.

  “Oh yeah?”

  She turned back to him. “Yes.”

  He jumped to his feet and held out his hand. “Let’s go.”

  The terror she had felt at being helpless in the wave’s grasp flooded her, and she didn’t move.

  Brody squatted in front of her. “I’ll stay right by you the whole time.” His eyes were tender. “I’ll keep you safe. I promise.”

  The candor in his face reassured her, although she didn’t know how he could be so certain that he could protect her. The waves seemed to have a mind of their own. But still, if she was ever going to get past this fear, he would be the one to help her.

  “Okay,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper, then she placed her hand in his.

  With a grin, he helped her up, then he zipped his wetsuit back up.

  Reese pulled her cover-up over her head and dropped it on the towel, and when her eyes went to Brody’s, she couldn’t miss the obvious interest she saw there. They stared at each other, and a spark of energy passed between them.

  “Ready to give this a try?” Brody asked after a moment.

  “Yes,” she said, her voice soft.

  He held out his hand, and she placed it in his, and they walked into the water up to their calves, then stopped.

  “It’s a little colder than I remember,” Reese said with a shiver.

  “It won’t take long for your body to get used to it.”

  “Says the man wearing a wetsuit.”

  He laughed. “I can get you one if you’d like.”

  Uncomfortable with the idea of him buying anything for her, she shook her head. “That’s okay.”

  “I’m sure my sister has one you can borrow. You’re about the same size.” He smiled. “I’ll have her bring it when she comes for the dinner party.”

  Reese found she wanted to meet this sister of his. “So she can come?”

  “I talked to both her and Logan last night. They’re available Friday night.”

  That was the next night, and Reese was looking forward to it. “It sounds like fun.” In all reality, Reese had never been big on parties, but this would be a small group, so it didn’t seem so overwhelming.

  They walked a little farther into the ocean, this time stopping when the water reached Reese’s stomach.

  “Are you getting used to the temperature?” Brody asked as he smiled at her.

  “I think so.”

  “Okay. Let’s go a little deeper.”

  “I’m not quite as tall as you, so I don’t want to go much deeper.”

  “Can you tread water?”

  Reese laughed. “Yes. But the idea that . . . creatures . . . could be swimming beneath me kind of freaks me out.”

  Brody laughed. “Well, at least go where the water reaches your shoulders. Okay?”

  “All right. I can try that.” So far the waves hadn’t been too big and she had been able to jump up when they rolled in, allowing them to flow past her, but as they went out farther, the fear she had been holding at bay reasserted itself, and panic flared inside her. “I think this is deep enough.”

  Brody felt Reese’s grip on his hand tighten, and he knew she was scared. Despite that, she had pushed herself to come out here, which impressed him. Their bodies faced each other, sideways to the incoming waves. He watched her face, which was turned to the waves coming in beside them.

  “I’m right here,” he said as a sense of protectiveness rushed through him, even stronger than before. This wasn’t emotional protection, but actual physical protection. Something he had failed to manage for Megan. He hadn’t been with her when she had crashed her car, but he couldn’t help but wonder if things would have been different if he had been.

  This was a tiny opportunity to try to make up for that. If he could keep Reese safe and help her overcome her fears, he would feel he had accomplished something useful.

  Whenever a wave came in, Reese’s grip on his hand tightened as she jumped up to allow it to flow past her, and when the wave had safely passed, her grip loosened, just a bit.

  The water came to her shoulders, but on him it only reached his chest. Confident he could keep the waves from knocking her down, he kept an eye on them, careful to brace himself whenever one came in.

  “If a big one comes,” he said, “take a deep breath and go under it.”

  Her gaze shot to him, panic in her eyes. “Under it?”

  “Yes. You basically dive into the wave, and it will pass you right by.”

  Twenty-One

  Reese didn’t like the sound of that. She wanted to stay above the water. At all times. She hated to get water up her nose—one reason she had never done much swimming.

  “Do you think you can do that?” he asked.

  Having him beside her steadied her nerves, although every time a wave came towards them, her heart rate shot up. “I guess so.” She didn’t sound convincing, even to herself.

 
; “Try it on the next one.”

  She glanced at him, then looked at the incoming wave. It wasn’t terribly large—she could easily jump and let it pass—but she agreed that practice would be a good idea. “Okay. Here goes.”

  As the wave approached, she sucked in a lungful of air, then just before it reached her, she squeezed her eyes closed and ducked under it. A moment later her head was above the water again. With her confidence growing, she smiled at Brody.

  “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

  She shook her head. “No. I guess not.”

  “Okay.” He glanced toward the ocean. “This one’s a little bigger, so do it again.”

  Reese looked at the incoming wave and saw it was definitely bigger, but not scarily so. “Okay.”

  With their hands intertwined, they ducked under the wave together and came up a moment later.

  “This is kind of fun,” she said as her confidence began to rise.

  They played that way for another ten minutes, but then Reese saw the biggest wave yet coming their way, and it had formed earlier than the others. It would crash right on them. Terror flooded her.

  “Brody,” she called out as the wave crested.

  He yanked her against his chest with one arm, at the same shouting for her to hold her breath. She filled her lungs with air and wrapped her arms around his neck, holding on with all her strength. A moment later she felt him drag them right into the wave.

  She had no control over what was happening, but with Brody holding her tightly against his body, her terror had seeped away to a dull worry. She knew she would be okay.

  When they finally surfaced, they were in deeper water, and she couldn’t touch the ocean floor any longer. The waves crashed on the shore well beyond them, and the water was relatively calm where they were.