Bitter Sweet Love

by R. C. Stephens

  “Don’t look so gloomy, honey. It can’t be that bad. You’re a doctor, right?” she asks.

  “How can you tell?” I ask, letting out a huff. Then I realize that she looks like a professor from medical school I’ve heard about. She’s hot and likes to screw around with her students. I was never in any of her classes, though.

  “I have a knack for it maybe.” She taps her long red nails on the bar and asks, “So what field?”

  I wish she would go away. But she’s waiting for an answer.

  “I’m working on my residency with the intention of specializing in neurology,” I slur.

  “Interesting. My husband is head of neurology back in Canada.”

  Now she has my attention. I pick up my head to look at her and realize how gorgeous she is.

  “Where in Canada? I’m a Canadian,” I say.

  “I know, honey. I can tell.”

  What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

  “He’s head at Toronto General Hospital.” She smiles.

  No fucking way. What are the chances of that? “Really? I’m from Toronto, and I was planning on going back when I was done but not so sure now.” Why am I giving this woman all this information about me?

  “Why don’t you come with me? I can take that gloomy look off your face,” she offers with a sly laugh.

  She’s married. I wouldn’t touch that. “Sorry, I’m having a bad night. You don’t want my company,” I respond, thinking that will get rid of her.

  “I think you’re wrong about that, but I’ll settle for a drink.” She orders herself a whiskey on the rocks, like me. I drink a few more while she watches me intently. Rubbing her slender leg against me. I’m completely numb. Then she takes her hand and slides it under the bar and over my leg. She’s not giving up, and I may just succumb. She brushes her hand along my dick, and I suck in a breath, thinking maybe she’s right. But I can’t do it. My mind drifts back to Lexi. Even with the high amount of alcohol in my system, it always comes back to her.

  It was bad enough that I slept with Lexi while she was with Luc, but I believed it was different because I love her. She was supposed to be mine. Anger pools in my gut again. Emma is very persuasive. I don’t want to sleep with her, but she pulls me by my tie out of the bar, literally dragging my drunken ass. I notice the bartender shaking his head as he’s drying off some glasses.

  She walks around to her Jaguar that’s parked behind the bar, opens the passenger side door, and pushes me in.

  “So, handsome, I’m taking you back to my hotel. We could have a lot of fun together,” she purrs.

  I don’t protest. Maybe it will be fun. She’s about ten years older than me but in great shape. I hope that the mix of her and the whiskey will wash away the ache in my gut. I can barely walk into the hotel and she holds me up as we make our way to the elevator. She has a large suite and she gets down to business right away.

  “Come on, baby, let’s get you undressed,” she says, yanking my tie toward her. She’s very rough and rips the buttons of my shirt, clawing at me with those red nails of hers. She’s like a fucking feline. It’s freaky.

  “One minute, let me get the fucking shirt,” I spit out, not wanting her to rip it any more than she has.

  “Do you like it rough, baby?” she asks while undressing herself. She’s wearing tight, red leather lingerie underneath her very conservative black dress. Reminding me that you can never judge a book by its cover. She looks more like a prostitute than a doctor, but she’s hot enough that I’ll screw her and leave.

  She climbs on top of me all wild, whipping her head around and scratching at my chest. She keeps smacking me, and after the first slap I have the urge to whack her back, and I’ve never wanted to hit a woman.

  “Come on top of me and fuck me hard, baby,” she orders.

  “Chill out!” I snap at her. This is not fucking fun at all, and she’s not only doing nothing to help my pain, but I will be traumatized after this.

  Between the liquor in my veins and her demands, I only want to pass out, but it’s not an option so I slide on top of her.

  “Harder! Fucking harder, you pussy! Let’s go. Pick up speed!” she yells in my ear while drawing blood on my back.

  I want things my way, and she can go fuck herself for all I care. We are definitely not a good match. I like control in bed and her constant scratching is pissing me off.

  We finish fucking, and I feel like shit. I run to the bathroom in her hotel suite to vomit. I’m so repulsed from sleeping with the wife of a man I want to mentor me one day. I don’t think I was her first affair and probably not her last. She’s too screwed up to even care what she’s doing. I take a taxi back to my apartment in Mission Hill; there’s no way I would even consider spending the rest of the night with her, even though she offered.

  Back in the apartment I get into the shower. I want to wash what just happened off of me. I think of Lexi, and it only tortures me more to think she’s a married woman now.

  Chapter 36

  How Did My Life Come to This?

  Lexi

  Back in Toronto, I move into the condo right away. Luc arranged to have my things brought over to his place the same day. Being away from home in Kauai made everything feel less real. Now my nerves have returned. I liked living with Anna, and I was comfortable in my life. I also can’t stop thinking of Dylan. I guess he got my number from Mother, but since I told him I got married, he listened to me, and I haven’t heard from him. I guess he won’t be moving back to Toronto after all.

  I’ve been avoiding a call with my mom in fear of her reaction to the pregnancy and wedding. She’ll probably just put me down and tell me how stupid I am. And Ash. I keep picking up the phone to call her, but how can I break her heart? She’s looked up to me her whole life. I know she won’t judge me to my face, but I don’t want to disappoint her either. I decide to do what I’ve been doing already and procrastinate.

  The first night in the condo I toss and turn all night. Luc’s up late in his home office, getting work done.

  I give up on getting to sleep and head to the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea. Maybe some chamomile will relax me. The kitchen is huge with dark wood cabinets and stainless steel countertops and appliances. It’s sleek and modern and nothing like my old apartment. On my way back to the room, I pass the door leading to Luc’s office. He’s on the phone, speaking in English.

  “Tell the guy he needs to pay up two hundred grand. There are no discounts. Don’t make me come over there now. Why is it I have to take care of shit myself when I want it done?” he says, slamming the phone shut.

  I quickly walk away from the door so he doesn’t know I was eavesdropping. What was that all about? He enters our room.

  “Sorry, Alexis. I need to go out for a bit and take care of something. Do you need anything?” he asks, loosening his black tie around his neck.

  “No, I’m okay. But I’m having a hard time falling asleep. Maybe I can come with you?” I ask.

  He lets out a chuckle like what I said was preposterous. Then he takes a strand of my hair and tucks it behind my ear. “That’s not a good idea. I won’t be long, though.”

  I wonder where he’s going that he has to collect two hundred grand on his own. That’s a lot of money. He walks out of the apartment, and I’m a little freaked out, so I call Anna.

  “Hello.” She answers on the first ring.

  “Anna, it’s me. Did I wake you?”

  “No, what’s up?” she asks, her voice groggy from sleep.

  “Are you alone?” I ask.

  “No.”

  “Shit, sorry.” I smack myself in the forehead.

  “No worries, what’s wrong?”

  “I overheard Luc on the phone with someone saying that he needs to collect two hundred grand. He was pissed off about having to go out and do it by himself.”

  “Shit, Lex, something isn’t kosher with this guy. Ash tried to tell you when she was here that he said something about backrooms.�
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  “I know. I think I know what a backroom is.”

  “Okay, what do you think it is, Sherlock?” Anna asks, mocking me.

  “It’s not funny. I’m serious. That night we went to the afterhours club there was a backroom. I noticed it when we went to the bathroom, and one of the guys saw me looking in so I turned around quickly like I hadn’t seen anything. It looked like there was a high stakes card game going on.”

  “Shit, that place was really sketchy. I feel so bad for taking you there.” Anna sighs into the phone.

  What happened wasn’t her fault, but anytime the incident gets mentioned, she feels guilty.

  “No worries. Anyway, my point is that it was a backroom, and it looked like an illegal card game going on. Those games are usually pretty dangerous. Do you think he’s running something like that?” I ask.

  Anna is silent. I’m silent, too, trying to figure things out.

  “Shit, Bandita, I just thought of something. The night you were drugged, I didn’t know who to call so I took your phone and Luc was the first person I could think of to help us. I called him and told him where we were. Not even five minutes went by and he walks through the front door.”

  “What are you saying? That you think he was there already?”

  “Maybe. I don’t know,” she responds.

  It sounds like a farfetched theory, but there have been too many coincidences. “Maybe I should go there and check it out,” I reply.

  Anna responds right away. “I don’t think so, besides you’re pregnant. It was no place for you that night, and it’s definitely no place for you now. I have someone with me and he has a car. Maybe I should go check it out quickly.”

  She has a point. I’m not only thinking of myself anymore.

  “Okay, but please be careful. I don’t want him seeing you there, if he’s there.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll act like I’m there with my friend,” she replies.

  “Okay.” It’s when the bad times strike that you really know who your friends are.

  I can’t fall asleep and now I feel even worse. Like I just made the biggest mistake of my life by marrying Luc. Luc’s business may not be legitimate and he may be a criminal like Dylan warned. I really hope I’m wrong because there is no way I’m bringing a baby into this house if he’s a criminal. Until now, Luc has proven to be reliable; he’s saved me numerous times. In Kauai, I thought it was a message from above telling me that he was the right one. Sometimes I wonder if I’m like my mother, detaching myself from reality.

  My cell phone rings, and Anna’s name pops up on the screen. “Hey, so did you find anything out?” I ask.

  “Well, I went to the bathroom and you’re right. There are card games going on at the back. But Luc isn’t there. He’s at the bar throwing back shots,” Anna says, and my heart sinks.

  He may be involved. Why would he go to that place anyway? “It doesn’t seem like a place he would just hang out in for fun. It’s not his style,” I reply, trying to put the pieces together.

  “You’re right, Bandita. I’m leaving. I don’t want him to see me.”

  “‘Kay, thanks for going.”

  “No worries. Anything for you.”

  I hang up and the panic sets in. I’ve spent so much time with him, not realizing what he’s doing. It feels like another hit to my already low self-esteem. What’s wrong with me that I could get myself into such a situation?

  ***

  “Good morning, mon cherie, did you sleep well in your new home?” Luc asks, leaning over me and nuzzling my neck.

  The truth is I didn’t sleep a wink.

  I roll on my side to look at him. “I guess I’m not feeling well. I’m nauseous all the time. I don’t know why they call it morning sickness. It should be called all day sickness,” I reply, acting like everything is normal.

  “I picked up a book at the airport when we landed on what to expect during pregnancy. I read a little bit last night. It says that all day nausea is normal in some women.” Luc’s lying on the bed next to me, caressing my arm and rubbing my stomach. It’s all so strange and foreign. I should find his affections endearing, but I feel the constant need to run. I don’t really know who he is. Horror lodges in my throat. I need to figure out my next move for the sake of my baby.

  “Alexis, we need to have a talk later. Maybe we can go out to eat somewhere?”

  “Sure. It’s the first day back to class and I need to get up and get ready.” But I’m finding it hard to get out of bed. Between the morning sickness and lack of sleep, my body is tired and heavy.

  “Okay, we’ll talk later then.” Luc gives me a kiss on the lips and then goes into the walk-in closet to get dressed.

  I take a shower, hoping the warm water will soothe me, but I’m overcome with nausea. I end up on my knees throwing up into the toilet. I don’t know how I’m going to get through my classes feeling so bad. I’m really worried about finishing my year at school.

  It’s a bitter cold winter day, the sky is gray and gloomy, and it sucks to be home. In Kauai at least I was living a delusion. Waking up to the sound of the ocean was a real treat. Now it’s back to reality. I put on my snow boots and warm winter jacket. My boots slosh in the slush as I walk down the street, and the snow is lightly falling, wetting my hair. My stomach turns at what Luc might want to talk about. Maybe he’s going to tell me what’s really going on. I’m glad Anna is in my corporate law class this morning because I need her right now.

  “Crap, Bandita, you look as good as I feel,” Anna says when I walk into class.

  I fall into my seat and slump back. “It’s just the pregnancy. I feel sick all the time. And I feel down about life and about Luc.”

  I remember my baby sister’s words about Luc, warning me to be careful. I remember Dylan warning me that he’s a criminal and that the feds are after him.

  “What do I do?” I ask Anna. “Just act as if everything is normal with Luc?” I look to Anna for some sort of rational answer.

  She nods sadly. “I think you have to, Bandita. I don’t want him sensing something and hurting you. I’ll check into his family and see if anything comes up. Maybe we should, um…” She pauses mid-sentence, meaning she’s scared to say whatever she’s thinking.

  “What is it, Anna?”

  “Well, you remember that guy Nathan? He gave me his card. He said I could call if I need anything. He’s in law enforcement, some secret police service or something, I think. Maybe he can tell us what to do.”

  “Anna.” I suddenly realize something. “Dylan said that Luc needed to get out of town for a bit. Maybe he needed to leave because of business but took me along to make it look like a pleasure trip. I think he married me to cover something up.” These theories are scaring me and making me feel sicker by the minute.

  She bites her lip. “I think you’re right. I’m also beginning to wonder if we both met Nathan by coincidence or if he was following Luc for some reason.”

  “I was thinking the exact same thing. Shit.”

  “Do you want to meet for coffee after classes?” Anna asks.

  “I can’t tonight. Luc said he needs to talk to me. Rain check?” I ask, even more scared about the pending discussion.

  “It sounds serious. Do you think you should be going out with him?”

  “I don’t think I have a choice. I can’t let him know that I’m suspicious of anything. I need to act normal until we figure out what’s going on.”

  I go through the rest of the day running scenarios in my head. I feel like I’m living in a Sopranos episode. How did my life come to this?

  Chapter 37

  The Thought Scares Me to Death

  “Hey, Luc, are you home?” I call out, but I guess he isn’t here yet.

  It gives me some time to relax, and as I look around the apartment, though beautiful, everything seems so cold. All done in white and black, the place has no warmth. It’s a frigid January day, but I need some air so I walk out onto the balcony.

>   “Mon cherie, I was looking all over for you. You’re going to catch pneumonia out here.” Luc slides the door open, startling me.

  “I just needed some air. I was waiting for you. You said you wanted to go out tonight?” I hold my arms around my waist, shivering.

  “Yeah, I made us a reservation at a restaurant on Bloor. Come in and get dressed. The table is for eight o’ clock.”

  “Luc, honestly, I have a headache. I’m not feeling well. Can we order in?”

  He doesn’t say anything. Why is it so difficult to answer? Then he nods in agreement and calls the restaurant down the street. He’s watching me while on the phone, assessing me, and I keep my face void of suspicion.

  “So where did you have to run off to last night?” I ask. Trying to play the double role of detective and interested wife.

  “Just some business I needed to take care of. It wasn’t too far.” He shrugs.

  “Oh, what kind of business do you need to take care of at eleven o’clock at night?” I try to ask nonchalantly. He narrows his eyes, and my heart pounds. I must have surprised him with the question. The truth is I can’t blame him. Before now I never really showed much interest in his business.

  I lift my palms to the air and say, “We’re married now, and I want to be involved with your life. I think I should be asking more questions and learning more about you. We’ve only been together for five months. It’s really not that long,” I protest and let out a little chuckle to lighten the mood.

  “I guess you’re right. We haven’t been together that long. I’m just not very good at opening up about myself,” he says, his voice monotone.

  “I can understand that. You know, I have my issues, too, and I don’t like opening up, but if we’re going to do this marriage thing, we have to try.” I know I’m pushing. Is it too much?

  He says nothing and when the doorbell rings, Luc gets up to open the door. A delivery guy stands with a large bag in front of him.

  “What did you order?” I ask.

  “Chinese. I hope that’s okay.”