Blinding Echo

by Tina Saxon

  He’s right. I was a chicken shit, but he has no idea why.

  “I didn’t know she was pregnant and I would’ve never left had I known. But you didn’t waste any time taking my place.”

  His hand slams down. “I did it for you, man.”

  “Me!” I roar, jerking forward, getting close to his face. He doesn’t flinch. Instead, he leans forward an inch so we’re almost touching noses.

  “You’re the one who put a hole in between your dad’s eyes,” he whispers. I barely register his words. “I covered for you so you wouldn’t go to jail because the bastard deserved what he got and if I told you about the baby, you’d come back home. Jake reminded me every fucking day what would happen. What was I supposed to do?”

  Listening to the words fall from his mouth, I replay the day my father died. I only used my fist. What is he talking about? He stares at me, waiting for my response.

  “I didn’t…” I pause when the words kill my dad reach my tongue. I did kill my dad. Just not how he thinks. “I didn’t shoot him.” My voice cracks. Does it matter how I did it though?

  Wayne’s eyes widen and his back straightens. “Are you kidding me? You'll sit there and lie to me while I’m telling you the shit I went through to save your ass? You’re going to turn around and deny it all?”

  I drop my head in between my shoulders. “I’m not denying I killed him. You just have it wrong how he died. I didn’t shoot him.” The silence between us has me looking back up. His face is burning with rage.

  “Fuck you, Kase.” He stabs his finger toward me. “I saw him lying on the floor with a bullet hole in his forehead. Nightmares invaded my dreams for months seeing him in the shallow grave we buried him in. I. Did. That. For. You.”

  My elbows dig into the wooden table as I run my hands through my hair. I violently shake my head in disbelief. What is happening here? Why aren’t our stories matching up?

  “What the hell did you—”

  “Stop!” The table shakes as I pound my fist on it. He narrows his eyes at me but stops talking. “I. Didn’t. Shoot. My. Dad,” I draw out each word. “When I drove home after leaving you, I was still pissed. The girl that meant everything looked at me like I was a stranger. My dad ran his mouth and I couldn’t hold my anger back.” Memories flood my mind, my heart races as I clench my hands. “I should’ve stopped when he went down. But I couldn’t. All the years of abuse, for my mom, for me, shot out of my fists. Jake pulled me off.” I look at Wayne, pain twists my face. “When he told me he was dead, I didn’t care. I had lost everything. But I was young and stupid. When he told me to leave and never come back, that he’d take care of it, I did. I didn’t want to go to jail.” Wayne’s brow furrows. “I swear I didn’t shoot him. When I left, he didn’t have a bullet in his head.”

  “What are you saying, Kase?” He shrugs a shoulder, giving me a scrutinizing stare. “Someone else put a bullet in your dad after you left? If he was already dead, why?”

  Realization dawns on me. I didn’t kill my dad. Jake did.

  The man who loved my mom, but hated that she chose my dad over him. The man who despised that I was with his daughter because of who my father was. The man who took my life away from me.

  I’m going to kill that man.

  My foot bounces as anger works itself through my veins. I swallow the rest of the beer, slamming it on the table as I stand up. Wayne struggles to get out of the booth quicker than me, but he’s not on a mission.

  “He’s already dead,” he calls out. I stop walking, not needing a reminder that my dad is dead, and I sure as hell don’t need a lecture about how nothing I do can change the past. I fist my hand. “Kase. Jake is dead,” he corrects. I slowly turn to face him. “He was in an accident four years ago with a drunk driver.”

  I let out a bitter laugh. “Well ain’t karma a bitch?”

  He nods slowly, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “That it is.” The sadness in his voice tells me there’s more to the story. “Please sit back down.”

  It’s hard to look at Wayne in such turmoil. I need to hear what happened, and I’d rather hear it from him than Everly. At least I’ll be able to sort my feelings out before I talk to her.

  I blow out a heavy breath and slide past him, back into the booth. He sits back down. “Tell me how you ended up with Everly,” I say after a couple beats of silence.

  He cracks his neck back and forth and I can tell he’s nervous. “Jake sent Everly to a hospital in Arizona that specializes in amnesia patients. He told me she was having a hard time. He asked if I would go because we were good friends.”

  “Oh yeah, you guys were the best of friends.”

  His eyebrow quirks up. “We were still friends. We fought because we were vying for your time.” I shrug at the moot point. “Anyway… I felt bad for her. I tried to call you but you never answered your phone. Hell, I didn’t even know if you still had that phone knowing you were on the run.”

  “I wasn’t on the run. I was in the military.” Jake knew where I was. I’m positive he made it his business to keep tabs on me.

  “Either way, you weren’t coming home. Before I left is when he told me about the baby.” Wayne lowers his head. I hope this is eating him up inside. “I swear, I wanted to tell you,” he says, looking up with glossy eyes. There’s nothing to say, so I stay quiet. He didn’t tell me. “That’s when Jake laid it all out. He said if I ever told you, he’d have you arrested and then your son would still grow up without you and he'd know you were a murderer. I wasn't allowed to tell Everly either.”

  Jake never liked me, but I wouldn’t have thought it ran this deep. He played us like a game of chess, controlling every move until he had us cornered.

  “If that’s why you didn’t contact me, there’s a hole in your logic. He died four years ago, Wayne. That would’ve been a good time to call me.”

  He takes a pull from his beer, finishing it. His gaze shifts to Karen and he motions he needs another before turning his attention back to me, he lets out a long sigh. “I fell in love with her.”

  “She wasn’t yours to fall in love with. You were my best friend.” I lean back against the padded booth and cross my arms. Karen sets two beers down in front of us. The icy stare between us doesn't break while she stands there waiting for acknowledgment, but eventually she lets out a small huff and stomps away.

  “I agreed with Jake that it was in the best interest of Reed that you weren’t in his life.”

  My jaw sets with frustration. “That wasn’t your decision to make.”

  “It was! I was there to help her find her way in life again. I fell in love with her and Reed and I promised myself that I would give them the best life I had to offer. For you!”

  “You keep saying you did it for me.” I throw my arms out wide. “You were with the love of my life and my son! Yet, you think inserting yourself – in what should have been my life – was for my benefit? You’re delusional.”

  “We can argue this until we’re blue in the face,” his voice lowers. “I fucked up, Kase. I didn’t mean to fall in love with her.”

  “Did she know Reed wasn’t yours?”

  When he looks away, I nod in understanding. The knife in my back twists, pain shooting straight to my heart. I can understand he wanted to help her. I can even understand him being there for me. But telling her that Reed was his, had nothing to do with me.

  His words burn, but I have to endure the pain to know the whole story. They had feelings for each other, so he told her they were together before the accident, that Reed was his. She never questioned it, probably because she didn’t care to learn the truth since she couldn’t remember anything and she loved Wayne.

  This is the truth Ellie was talking about. Everly was lied to. She didn’t know about me. She didn’t take my son from me. Jake and Wayne did.

  I slide across the seat and stand, not able to take anymore. I pull out my wallet and throw a fifty-dollar bill on the table. Wayne stares up at me, gripping his beer bott
le in his hands.

  “Don’t take him from me,” he pleads. His brows furrow as panic flashes in his eyes.

  I lean across the table, nailing him with a glare. “He’s. My. Son.” The fucking irony. Don’t take my son. How about he never should have taken my son in the first place?

  Pushing off the table, I storm out of the hotel bar and take the stairs to the third floor. The force from shoving the door open and it slamming against the wall, echoes down the hallway.

  The shots and beer wreak havoc in my mind. Whispers echo back and forth.

  Everly telling me she loves me.

  Ellie telling me she loves me.

  I slam my skull into my room door a couple times, hoping I can knock the noise out of it. I love Everly.

  I mean Ellie.

  Fuck!

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Everly

  No matter how long I stare at the door, it won't open on its own. Just knock on the damn door. I will my hand to raise up. Then I halt my trembling fist an inch from touching it. What if he doesn’t want to see me? I blow out a breath and lean into the knock. My knuckles hit the red door three times. I think I'm going to throw up.

  Wayne picked up Reed this morning, slipping a paper in my palm. No words, just a defeated expression when he walked away. It was Kase’s hotel and room number. He left a message on my phone last night telling me they had talked. My heart aches for him. He loves me and would do anything for me and Reed. But I have this deep emotional attachment for Kase that I need to explore.

  I jump when the door swings open. Kase’s mouth hangs open as if he’s about to yell at me. When he recognizes it’s me, he snaps it shut. His eyes slowly rake down my body. Goosebumps pebble across my skin and I sheepishly smile when our eyes meet. He looks like he recently woke up. His hair is askew, and he’s wearing only basketball shorts. The defined muscles on his entire body tense. I swallow, thinking of dragging my fingers over his stomach muscles. He’s not the same boy I knew years ago. He’s all man now.

  “Everly,” he says, greeting me, his voice heavy from sleep.

  “So, you can tell us apart,” I reply. We're identical and I wondered if he could tell us apart without speaking.

  He flashes a half smile, nodding. “Yes.” The way he states it makes it seem we look nothing alike.

  My smile fades. “Can I come in?”

  He opens the door wider and motions for me to enter. Walking into the musty dark room, I see it's a typical hotel room with a queen bed and a desk and chair. I open the curtains to let in some light and pull the chair out to sit. Fidgeting in my seat, I try to find the most attractive position I can. I cross my legs and sit up straight, pushing my breasts together in my V-neck t-shirt. Vying for a man’s attention is new to me and I probably look ridiculous. I wait anxiously as he's in the bathroom. I hear a bottle of pills shaking, then the water running. When he walks into the room, he leans against the wall with his arms crossed and a tight smile.

  “Are you okay?” I ask, losing some of my courage.

  He nods. “Just a headache. It’ll go away soon.”

  “Wayne told me y’all talked yesterday.”

  He rubs his neck. “We did.”

  I pick at the frayed seams of my jean shorts. I'm not sure what I expected, but I was hoping for a warmer greeting. “Kase, I didn’t know. As soon as I remembered, I left Wayne.”

  The air conditioner kicks on and I’m thankful for the cool reprieve. The tension between us is making it hot in here. “How long have you had your memories?”

  “Ten months.”

  His breath catches. I wondered how much Wayne told him. “I hit my head and when I came to, all my memories came flooding back.”

  “Why didn’t you try to contact me? I have a son, Everly.” His voice breaks and it breaks my already fragile heart.

  “I did,” I whisper. How can I make him understand that the love I have for him is as strong as it was right before I lost him? He’s gained ten years without me, but it's like yesterday to me. “I hired an investigator. He told me you had gotten out of the military and he located you in Gilley’s Cove. I flew there right away.” His brows furrow as he remembers the day our eyes locked, months ago. I panicked and ran.

  “That was you?” I nod. “Why did you run away?”

  Because I was afraid of rejection from the man I loved more than anything.

  “You were with a beautiful red-headed woman. You looked happy. I… I got scared you wouldn’t want me anymore.” I stand and walk to the window and scrunch my nose at the overfilled, ugly dumpsters down below. The view is horrible, but I’d still rather focus on it than let Kase see my vulnerability. He’s had ten years to forget me.

  I flinch as I feel him stand behind me. He wraps his hand around my bicep and squeezes. My pulse races with the pressure of his body against my back. “Pepper was only a friend. I never stopped wanting you,” he whispered. “I ran after you. When you disappeared, I chalked it up to me seeing things.” I close my eyes, reveling in his touch. “When I saw Ellie, I knew it wasn't a dream, and it was really you. Or so I thought.”

  Hearing her name is a crux to my soul. I always wondered what it would be like having a sibling. When I first saw her, so many emotions sparked inside me. Confusion. Curiosity. Anger. After they drove away, I felt nothing but loss although I didn't know who it was for. His admission that he thought Ellie was me, incites hope.

  I swing around. I’m so close, the heat coming off his body envelops mine. “It was me you were looking for. I’m standing right here, Kase. The real me.” I place my hand over his bare chest. His heart beats heavily against it. I silently beg him to touch me. Love me. Choose me. Anything, as long as it’s with me and not her.

  The struggle in his features softens as he places his hand on top of mine. I lick my lips in anticipation. He looks down at me through heavy lids and the second his lips touch mine, my eyes close and roll back in my head. I’ve dreamt about this for months.

  His tongue outlines my lips and I willingly open. Our tongues entwine, his demanding possession of my mouth leaves me whimpering but seeking more. I snake my hands up his chest, running them through his short hair. My senses are on overdrive from his familiar taste, yet foreign feel of his body. Images of the last time we were together flash through my mind, the emotions consuming me. This powerful man is a contradiction to the sweet Kase I fell in love with.

  A groan emits from deep in his throat as he hoists me up and slams me against the window, his fingers digging into my ass, his hardness pressed firmly against me. I gasp in surprise at the abrupt change in position. I’ve never been man handled before. Wayne has always treated me like I was made of glass. His touch is gentle, loving, soft. Kase is none of those.

  He jerks back. “Fucking hell,” he roars making me wince. Sliding me down his body, he takes a couple large steps away from me like I've burned him. My pulse is drumming. “You’re not… Ellie.” His words knock the breath out of me. Tears burn my eyes as I gasp for air as my fingers touch my swollen lips and I cry out. Damn him for making me think he needed me like I need him. Damn me for imagining we could pick up our lives where we left off.

  Mortified, I run past him to the door. “Everly. Wait… I’m sorry. I got caught up in the moment. This all is so confusing.”

  My hand grips the door handle and my vision blurs from tears. “You don’t understand, Kase. Time has mended the tiny breaks in your heart over the years. The breaks in mine are fresh and they’re slowly killing me,” I say through my tears, keeping the door in my view. “You don’t love me anymore.”

  He sighs loudly. “Everly, I do. I will always love you.”

  On my way over I imagined him saying those words. My stomach fluttered with a happiness, everything was happening as it should be. Instead, they’re tearing up my insides, leaving me bleeding from the inside out.

  “But… you love her too,” I whisper.

  His silent admission is deafening. With every ounce of
self preservation I have left, I open the door and walk out.

  “Where are you going?” Wayne asks, walking into my bedroom.

  I continue packing my bag. More like pummeling my bag with my clothes as I forcefully stuff everything in. I’ve had two days to let what happened in the hotel room sink in. I realized it probably has been confusing as hell for Kase. It’s confusing for me too.

  He might love us both, but she doesn’t have what I have. His son. I’m not done fighting. Our love goes deeper than some woman he met that looks like me less than a year ago. I just need to remind him what our love looks like.

  Wayne grabs my arm, stopping me. “Everly, where are you going?”

  “Reed and I are… going on a trip.” His fingers dig into my arm. A part of me wants to punish him for lying all these years, throw it in his face that he’s not Reed’s father, so he has no right to him.

  “You said you wouldn’t.”

  I shrug out of his hold and drop my arms. No matter how mean I want to be, I can’t. Wayne gave us a life of love and happiness. He loved my son with all his heart and I can’t intentionally hurt him. But I can’t stand by and watch Kase walk away without a fight.

  “Wayne, Reed will always love you. You’ve been an amazing dad, but Reed deserves the truth.”

  His eyes cast down. “He’ll hate me.”

  I’ve thought long and hard about this. How I would explain this to Reed. Here is where the love I have for Wayne overrides any bitterness I harbor. “I won't tell him you lied to us.” He jerks his head up, angling it to the side like he can’t believe what he heard. “He knows about my amnesia. I'll tell him I didn’t know who his dad was, and we both decided to let you raise him as your own, but when my memory returned, so did the answers of who his father was.” It’s not too far off from the truth. He might understand our divorce better since he’s taken our break up hard.

  He blows out a ragged breath and stuffs his hand in his uniform pockets. “Can I tell him with you? I want him to understand I’ll always love him no matter who his real dad is.”