In the Heart's Shadow

by T. L. Haddix

  He tried to tip up her chin, but she shook her head. “I’m sorry. Kissing’s too much.”

  “Any kissing or direct kissing?”

  Stacy paused. “I don’t know.” When he tried to raise her chin again, she let him.

  “Tell me if this is too much.” He started slowly, trailing his lips across her brow to her temple and from there, down to where her ear joined her neck. The sensation startled her, and she tightened her grip on his shoulders. He drew back immediately.

  “I’m okay,” she assured him. “That was… that was nice.”

  Gordon looked down at her, then seemed to come to a decision. “Come here.” He led her to the sofa and sat down, then held his hands up to her. “Sit down?”

  “On your lap?”

  “Yes. If you want to.” He laced their fingers together, and his thumbs rubbed in soothing circles on the backs of her hands. He swallowed. “I’d like to hold you a little more, touch you a little more. Have you touch me.”

  Stacy felt humbled by his consideration. “Show me how.”

  He guided her so that she was sitting across his lap. His hands came to her waist and gently squeezed. “You’re in charge here.”

  With one arm wrapped around his shoulders, she leaned in and traced the line of his jaw with her fingers. He watched her with a solemn gaze the whole time. When her fingers came to his lips and lingered, he pressed a kiss to them.

  “Kissing here scares me. I wish I knew why. I know I’m supposed to enjoy it.”

  He shook his head. “Forget about what you’re supposed to do or feel. There are no rules here, at least as far as what’s normal or what’s not. I know you’ll have problems with some things. I don’t expect you to grin and bear it just because it’s so-called normal. All right?”

  “All right. It didn’t bother me when you kissed me here.” She moved her fingers over the path he’d taken. “Just on the lips.” When she got to his ear, she leaned in and kissed him there. His arms tightened around her, and he shifted on the couch. From the solidness pressing against her hip, she gathered that he liked the kiss as much as she did, and she repeated it.

  Growing bolder, she moved off his lap and raised her skirt above her knees so that she could straddle his legs. The action caused Gordon’s eyes to fly to hers, and she looked away shyly.

  “Do you think I could just touch you for a bit?” she asked.

  “Without me reciprocating?”

  “Yes.”

  In answer, he settled back against the couch. “Whatever and wherever you want to go, I’m yours.” He gazed at her steadily, open and trusting, and Stacy laughed softly with sheer amazement.

  The boldness of the words that came out of her mouth next left her blushing. “Take this off?” She tugged at his shirt. Gordon quickly obliged and tossed the shirt aside.

  For long moments, Stacy sat, not moving, not touching, merely letting her gaze travel the planes and lines that made up his chest, shoulders, and arms. He was in terrific shape, all long lines, not too heavily muscled, but obviously fit, and his skin was tanned. Her fingers itched, wanting to touch him, but she held back. A smattering of hair trailed from his chest across his abdomen, growing thicker and darker as it approached his belt.

  As her gaze returned to his throat, she could see his pulse hammering away. When she put her hands on his shoulders, his eyes drifted closed, and he released a long breath.

  “I’m not sure what to do here,” she told him softly.

  Without opening his eyes, he smiled. “Just think of me as a really big cat—one who likes having his belly rubbed.”

  Stacy laughed, and he looked at her, still smiling. Taking him at his word, she moved her hands across his shoulders and down his arms, much as she would with Chloe. He made a satisfied sound resembling a purr, and she laughed again.

  She brought her hands back up to his shoulders, then let them move down his chest. When she brushed over his nipples, he loosely gripped her thighs, and the heat in his gaze nearly scorched her. Keeping his reaction in mind for later, she kept going, exploring the tense muscles over his ribs and his belly. He jerked a little as her fingers approached his belly button, and she realized he was ticklish. She deliberately lightened her touch, causing him to jerk again, and his arms came around her fully.

  “Stop that,” he said as he pulled her close enough that she couldn’t reach the spot.

  “But I thought you said I was in charge?”

  He winced and Stacy could tell he had to fight his instincts to let her go, but he did. Instead of leaning back so that she could tickle him again, she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him with delight. After a moment, his arms came back to hold her close.

  “You are such an imp,” he whispered. “I knew it the first time I saw you. I knew it.” His hands moved up and down her back with a light touch, and the intimacy between them was shattering.

  They sat like that for several minutes, until finally, Stacy pulled back with a reluctant sigh. “You know we’re late, right?”

  Gordon glanced at his watch and grimaced. “Crap. No. What time it was getting to be was the last thing on my mind.”

  “Mine, too,” she assured him as she stood up, “but I happened to glance up and see the clock.”

  When he stood, his erection was obvious, even against the heavy denim fabric of his jeans. Before she could think, Stacy touched the hard ridge. Gordon’s hand flew up to stop her.

  “If you do that, we won’t get out of here for some time to come,” he warned, his voice rough with desire.

  The notion was tempting, and it took several seconds for Stacy to control the urge to tempt fate. She finally reined in her own desire and stepped back. She watched unashamedly as he adjusted himself, and she couldn’t hold back a satisfied grin. “I caused that, huh?”

  He grabbed his shirt and pulled it on. “Yes. And if you had any idea how often I’m in this state around you, you’d run like heck.”

  “Really?” Stacy was amazed that he found her that physically attractive.

  “Yes, really. Why do you think I’ve taken to wearing my shirttails out?”

  “I thought it was because you were being more casual now that you’re unemployed.”

  He dropped a quick kiss on the top of her head. “No. At least, not fully.”

  The whole ten-minute drive to the courthouse, Stacy found herself smiling. She felt like laughing, and Gordon’s indulgent smile told her he knew how she was feeling. When they started down the hill to Leroy’s downtown, she put the brace on her wrist.

  “One thing’s for sure. I can’t stop smiling, and everyone’s going to know we’ve been up to… to things.”

  Gordon agreed. “They’ll take one look at us and know, which is what we want. But that’s not why we did it.”

  “No, it isn’t.”

  He pulled into the sheriff’s department parking lot, and Stacy gave him her passcode to raise the barrier. As he turned off the engine and moved to get out of the car, she stilled him by touching his hand.

  “I appreciate what you did earlier, even though the kiss wasn’t what you probably hoped for.”

  He picked up her hand and kissed it. “I have no complaints.”

  “You’ll tell me if you do?” she asked as they got out of the car and headed toward the building.

  “Absolutely. Besides, there are plenty other places to kiss besides the lips.” When she turned to him in mock outrage, he burst out laughing. Her face feeling as though it were on fire, she smacked him lightly on the arm as punishment, and he pulled her close for a quick hug.

  “You had better behave yourself, mister,” she told him as she used her passkey to let them into the department’s private entrance. “At least until we get out of here. Then, maybe we’ll talk about these other places.”

  When that stopped him dead in his tracks with a stunned look on his face, Stacy laughed with satisfaction. She didn’t know if she’d find the courage to act on her words, but it had been wo
rth it just to see the look on his face.

  CHAPTER 17

  INSIDE, STACY LED GORDON THROUGH the halls to the bullpen. They exchanged hellos with several people along the way, but didn’t stop to talk with anyone. Ethan was seated at his desk, which sat back-to-back with Stacy’s. He looked up when they came in, and his eyes went to the clock on the wall above the door with a raised eyebrow.

  “Sorry. We got tied up.” She glanced at the messages on her desk, trying to act nonchalant, but she didn’t think she’d pulled it off very well. The flush heating her cheeks didn’t help.

  Ethan sat back, his gaze moving from her to Gordon and their joined hands. He clicked the pen in his hand, and just when Stacy thought he was going to deliver a scathing remark, his lips twitched. “Took you long enough.”

  She blinked at him. “That’s it?”

  He stood and grabbed a file and his coffee from his desk. “That’s it. Come on. Wyatt and Jason are waiting upstairs. How’s the wrist?” he asked over his shoulder, making the question loud enough that everyone could hear.

  “Better. It was a close call, though.” Her skin prickled, and the knowledge that people were watching and listening to them made her uncomfortable. She’d never worn a dress in the department before, and that made things even more awkward.

  They had to stop at the door that led out of the bullpen into the reception area to let some people pass, and Gordon let go of her hand. He pulled her back against him to make more room, and his hand came up to the back of her neck to rub gently. When Stacy cast a surreptitious look around the room, she saw that the move hadn’t gone unnoticed.

  “Let the gossip begin,” he murmured in her ear.

  She smiled as though he’d said something intimate and nodded. “I think so, yes.”

  As they started up the private staircase to the administrative department, Ethan let her draw alongside him. “Wyatt sat Jason and me down, told us about what happened when you were a teenager. I’m sorry.”

  Hearing the words was almost a relief. “Thanks. Did you tell him about our call last night?”

  “Yes. So who do you think this woman is?”

  “My mother,” she told him as they stopped on the landing on the second floor. “We’ve figured out some other things since last night, and it all makes sense. I’ll go over it with everyone.”

  “As you wish.”

  Stacy shook a finger at him. “Don’t get too accommodating and nice just because of what you’ve learned. If so, I’ll take full advantage and make you do all my reports. Understand?” Though her words were delivered with a light, teasing tone, she was serious.

  Ethan ruffled her hair lightly. “Fine, shorty. I’ll remember to pick on you at least three times a week, just so you don’t feel too comfortable. Deal?”

  Stacy batted away his hand, and when he made a face at her in response, she knew things would be fine.

  Jason and Wyatt were in the hall, talking with the head of the crime lab, and Jason excused himself to meet them. He stopped a few feet away, hands on his hips, and made a pointed survey of Stacy. “Look at you. All dressed up like a girl.”

  Stacy widened her eyes. “I am a girl, but didn’t you get the memo? This is the new uniform for junior detectives. Where’s your dress?”

  Jason out held his hands. “I don’t have the legs to carry off that dress or the heels. Sorry.”

  Wyatt joined them in time to hear his remark, and he looked from Jason to Stacy. “Do I want to know?”

  “Not really,” Ethan responded. “Are you ready for us?”

  “Yes. Come on in.” Wyatt led them into his office. Once they were in, he closed the door and went behind his desk.

  “Where’s Gretchen?” Stacy asked as she sat down.

  “I sent her on an errand to get her out of the office. What do we have? Ethan said you have a theory?”

  “We do.” Gordon handed Stacy her briefcase, and she pulled out the files on her father while Ethan handed Wyatt the CD of the surveillance footage. The sheriff put it in his computer and pulled the images up, then turned the screen to face them.

  “Is that her?” Gordon’s hand gripped hers.

  Stacy stared at the screen. Now that she suspected it was her mother, Pam was obviously the woman in the video. “I guess it’s true what they say. You see what you want to see. It’s her.”

  Gordon put his arm around her shoulders, and Stacy leaned into him.

  “Who is it?” Jason asked from the couch, where he and Ethan sat.

  “My mother.” The reality of the situation set in, and Stacy started to tremble. She stood and headed for the door. “Excuse me.”

  She heard Gordon curse behind her, but she didn’t stop to look back. He caught up with her halfway down the hall. “Stacy?”

  “I need space.”

  To his credit, he stopped, and when the bathroom door closed behind her a few seconds later, she let out the rough breath. She barely made it into one of the stalls before she threw up. Once her stomach was empty, she staggered to her feet and flushed the toilet. Shaking so hard she could barely walk, she struggled to the sink. She washed out her mouth, then splashed her face.

  When the door opened, she looked up into Maria’s concerned eyes. “Oh, honey. How can I help?”

  Stacy felt the tears welling, and she pointed at the door. “Keep people out.”

  Maria cracked the door and spoke to someone outside, her voice a low murmur. When she came back to the sink, Maria helped Stacy ease down into the chair in the corner. She handed Stacy several tissues and settled back to rest on the flat top of the radiator cover.

  Stacy couldn’t stop crying, and after a minute, she didn’t even try. Maria didn’t try to stop her or soothe her, but just let her grieve. She got up and went to the door to say something to whoever was outside. After a minute, she came back over and sat down.

  When the reaction finally started to fade and she started to calm down, Stacy blew her nose. When she started to wipe her eyes and face, Maria stopped her.

  “Hang on. I had Gordon get a washcloth from my office. You’ll do less damage.” She wet it and wrung it out, then handed it to Stacy with a somber look.

  “Thanks.” The soft cotton was wonderfully cool against Stacy’s overheated skin. She blotted her face, then dampened it again. She folded it, then pressed it against her swollen eyes.

  “I wasn’t expecting to react like that.” Her voice was husky from the tears. “I guess I should have known to, after the way the last couple of days have gone. Who’s at the door?”

  “Who do you think?”

  The remnants of the tears made her hiccup. “G-Gordon?”

  Her friend’s smile was gentle. “Of course. Did you tell him last night?”

  “About the rape? Yes. Did he tell you the woman in the video is my mother?”

  “He did. I’m sorry.”

  Stacy stared at the washcloth. “What a mess. What a damned mess. So much for not letting people here know that I’m upset.”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe by the time you all finish your meeting, your eyes won’t be so red. Stop by my office, and I’ll doctor you up a little. Are you ready to go back in yet?”

  Stacy stood, and she grimaced at her reflection in the mirror. “I guess so.”

  “Do you want me to go back in the meeting with you?”

  The offer was tempting, but Stacy declined. “No. I’ll be okay.”

  When they opened the bathroom door, Gordon whirled around. Brackets of tension lined either side of his mouth, and he started to reach out. When Stacy shook her head, he stopped.

  “Not here, not now.”

  A flash of hurt crossed his face, but he didn’t protest. “Okay.”

  They went back to Wyatt’s office. Stacy was relieved to see that Gretchen was still gone. When they resumed their seats, she didn’t meet anyone’s eyes.

  “So I think you were getting ready to explain this discovery,” Wyatt gently prompted her.

  S
tacy cleared her throat and addressed her remarks to him. “Yes. The woman in the video is my mother. Ethan told me that you’d briefed him and Jason this morning on my personal history, so you’ll understand the significance of that fact.”

  “We do,” Wyatt assured her. “Do you have any idea why she’s come back now?”

  Stacy glanced at Gordon. “Do you mind telling them?”

  “Stacy’s been looking into her father’s disappearance. She thinks, and I agree, that her inquiries are probably what triggered Pam’s return. You think Pam had something to do with his disappearance, that it might have been foul play?” he asked her.

  “Yes, I do. It’s more a gut feeling than anything I can prove, though.”

  Ethan spoke. “What makes you feel that?”

  Stacy answered carefully. “Because if he had still been alive, Pam would have gone after him for child support. She would have used me to get to him. I think it goes without saying at this point, but my mother is not a very nice person.”

  “Are you sure you aren’t adopted?” Ethan quipped softly.

  “Don’t be nice to me. I’ll start crying again,” she answered with a smile. “And yes, I’m sure I’m not adopted. I look just like Pam, move like her. It’s eerie.”

  “That’s why the woman in the video seemed familiar,” Jason said. “Because she reminds us of you.”

  “Probably so. Anyhow, from what I’ve been able to find out, there’s been no sign of my father since he vanished. None. And that means one of two things. Either he planned his disappearance very carefully, or he’s dead.”

  Wyatt rubbed his hair and leaned back in his chair. “We need to get some background checks going on your parents. Extensive, in-depth checks, not cursory glances. If we do that here at the department, word’s going to get out, and the game’s over.”

  Beside her, Gordon crossed his right ankle over his left knee. “Charlie Clark would be perfect for this. Background checks are his specialty.” Lauren’s husband ran a security consulting business out of his home. He was good at what he did and thorough.