Broken

by Lisa Edward

  He frowned, his eyes sweeping over his belongings. “So you’ve packed up all my stuff?”

  I shrugged nonchalantly. “I thought I’d make it easier for you, seein’ as you’re not well.”

  His chest heaved as he expelled a wracking breath. “I guess I should thank you, then.” He paused, his eyes searching my face. I could have sworn he was about to say something sweet, something romantic to explain the way he had treated me when he was ill and return everything back to the way it was.

  But Annabel cleared her throat, reminding us she was still there, and the moment was lost. Adam leaned down and whispered something in her ear that I strained to hear. She gave him a nod and then squeezed past him, making sure to press those massive water balloons against his arm as she returned inside.

  “What are you going to do now, Evie?”

  It sounded like a loaded question and I hesitated, not sure if he expected me to grovel or burst into tears. Maybe the old Evie would have, but not this girl. I was stronger than that. I may have thought, I’m going to go home and bawl my eyes out, but there was no way I would show him that after he had dumped me so unceremoniously.

  I shook my head. “Finish my book. Go back to New York.” I shrugged. “Life goes on, doesn’t it?” I really didn’t know what I was going to do now. All my hopes had been pinned around somehow being with Adam for the remainder of my life.

  “You shouldn’t be alone, Evie. Maybe you should consider that reconciliation Charles talked about. You need someone who can be there for you, who you can grow old with,” he said softly, while staring at his feet.

  Wow, that was a brush-off if ever I’d heard one. No wonder he couldn’t meet my eyes.

  “It doesn’t concern you anymore, Adam. Annabel’s presence has made it quite clear that there’s no future for us anymore, if there ever really was.” I hesitated as my voice cracked with emotion.

  His face softened and he took a step closer to me, but again his expression straightened quickly and the warmth that I’d thought was there disappeared.

  Fuming, I stood there stubbornly, hands on hips, waiting for my Adam to resurface, the straight-talking Adam who was over Annabel, because the man standing before me was a coward I didn’t recognize.

  His mouth opened to speak, but before he could say anything to ease my frustration with this entire situation, Annabel’s voice rang out, calling him back inside.

  “You know what? Fuck you, Adam,” I spat. “There ain’t no future for Charles and me ‘cause unlike you, I’ve learnt from my mistakes and I have no intention of rehashin’ a relationship that didn’t work the first time ‘round.” Tears tipped over my lashes and I tried to blink them away, but they refused to obey. “But that’s just fine; I don’t mind bein’ on my own. Least now I know what I want in a man. Even if you don’t want me, I’m not goin’ back to Charles, not after I’ve seen that there’s so much more, experienced so much more.” I swiped my hand across my cheek. “I want someone like you, only on my list of deal breakers will be that he has to want me as much as I want him, and not be hung up on his ex-girlfriend.”

  I turned to leave. A few tears streaming down my cheeks was one thing, but I could feel my composure cracking, and I knew that at any moment I would be a complete mess.

  “Things are complicated, but I’m not hung up on Annabel, Evie.” His voice cracked, but I didn’t look back as tears were already flooding my cheeks.

  “Sure, Adam. You keep tellin’ yourself that.”

  My manuscript was complete and I’d finished the first read-through and edit. I guess being alone and pathetic was good for my career, and at least Angie would be happy that I was finished ahead of time.

  It had been two days since Adam had returned home, but I hadn’t seen him. If it wasn’t for Max’s daily visits, I wouldn’t have known if he was still in the house or if he’d left to go back to Philadelphia with Annabel. So many times I had wanted to go over to see him, to check on him and maybe see if there was a spark that could be rekindled, but I didn’t know if Annabel was still there. I thought she had left not long after I had spoken to Adam, when her car was no longer parked out front. But then again it could just be parked in the garage, and they could be holed up together having crazy good sex. That thought made my stomach churn because I knew what an amazing lover Adam was, and I was so damn jealous.

  I didn’t want to be there anymore knowing he was just two doors down. There was only one thing to do and I knew I had to do it, but at the same time I never wanted to leave this house. It would mean that I had truly lost the love of my life, and there was no hope of ever getting him back.

  Packing up my belongings was the hardest thing I had ever done. With every fold of my clothing, my entire being screamed in my head to stop, but I just had to get away. Being two houses apart and not being able to see him was slowly killing me, piece by piece. I needed a clean start, from what was supposed to have been a clean start.

  Max was in his usual position, lying on the rug snoring contentedly. There was so much I wanted to say to Adam, so in an attempt at closure and to tell him how I was feeling, I decided to write a note and use Max as my delivery dog.

  Finding my notepad that had already been packed, I sat at the table, tapping out a tune with the pen. What did I want to say?

  My dearest Adam,

  I know there is no place for me in your heart anymore, but that doesn’t mean you are not deeply entrenched in mine and always will be. Whether you want me to care about you or not, I do. It’s too late for me to forget the time we’ve shared together.

  You have taught me so much, and I have had so many firsts with you. For that I will be forever grateful.

  I waited in the hospital when you were sick in the hope that they would let me see you. Just to know that you were doing okay and see your face would have meant the world to me, but they wouldn’t let me visit. Annabel had given them strict instructions to not let me in.

  Just promise me one thing—that you will not let her tell you that you are anything less than amazing. What you do for a living, how you guided me, the man you are…you are phenomenal, Adam. Never forget that.

  I’ve decided to leave the Hamptons early and go home. I can’t bear the thought of being so close to you, but unable to be with you. Our time together has been life-changing for me, and I will never forget you.

  I wish you nothing but the best that life has to offer.

  Yours always,

  Buttercup

  I rolled up the note, then tied it to Max’s collar. “Time to go, Maxie.” I hugged him one final time, then let him out and ushered him to Adam’s house, watching to ensure he went up the steps to the deck, and not racing down to the water where my ramblings would be lost in a soggy mess forever.

  The sky was clear as I did a final check of the house to ensure I hadn’t forgotten anything. I hadn’t spent nearly enough time on the pristine sand as I would have liked, so at the spur of the moment I decided to go for one last walk before I jumped in the car for my journey home.

  Taking my time, I walked up to my favorite spot on the rocks where Angie and I had perched on only a few weeks ago. I thought back to how I had gushed over Adam and how he had made me feel. I still felt that way. Even now, after he’d ended our holiday romance in such an abrupt manner, I didn’t regret one second I had spent with him. He had changed my life, taking me in his hands with such care. He had gently guided me from the shy, insecure, uncertain girl I’d been into a woman who knew what she wanted. And I wanted more. A deep, ground-shaking, soul-wrenching love was what I wanted, and I would settle for nothing less. The only problem was, the man I wanted it with was Adam.

  I had come here with a broken heart that was filled with so much pain, and he had replaced that pain with laughter and passion and so many wonderful memories that I would treasure forever. The only thing that didn’t make sense was how quickly his emotions had turned. We had been blissfully happy, or so it had seemed, only a few days ago. Why all o
f a sudden had he stopped caring when he had become ill? I wished I could ask him, but how did you phrase the question ‘Why don’t you care ’bout me anymore?’ without sounding totally pathetic?

  The sky was beginning to darken and I realized I’d been sitting on that rock for at least an hour. With one final deep inhalation of salty sea air, I slowly started back toward the house for the last time.

  Rounding the curve of the shore, I noticed a figure sitting on my back deck, and my heart leapt into my throat. It was Adam, jiggling his legs as he hugged his body to keep warm. Resisting the urge to run along the sand, arms outstretched like in some old corny movie, I consciously maintained my pace and casually approached.

  I needed something clever to say, something witty with a hint of sarcasm, but my mind was blank. Why did the English language always fail me when I needed it? All I wanted to do was turn back time to before Adam was sick, and I was blissfully unaware of how important Annabel still was in his life. To rush to him, leap into his arms, and smother his face with kisses.

  “No words needed for that,” I mumbled under my breath.

  Setting my shoulders back and proud, I made the ascent up the slope of sand to the house, and to Adam.

  “Whatcha doin’ here?” Oh, very witty, Evie.

  He looked frail and drawn as he stood, and it hit home that he must have been sicker than I’d realized.

  “You’ve packed up.” His eyes swept around the deck that had been cleared of furniture for the remainder of the winter. “I thought you might have already gone. I thought…I’d lost you. I’m so sorry, Evie. Please don’t go,” he croaked, his cheeks wet from tears.

  My shoulders slumped as my vision blurred. “I thought I’d already lost you.” I sniffled, trying but failing to hold it together. “Did you get my note? I didn’t know how else to say goodbye.”

  He shook his head. “No. What note?”

  My hand went to my mouth. “Where’s Max?”

  Adam nodded in the direction of the water’s edge where Max was merrily chasing seagulls.

  “So you’re not here ‘cause of my note?”

  His hands cupped my tear-streaked face. “I’m here because no matter how badly this may end, I can’t stay away.” His thumbs traced the tracks of my tears. “Being with you, it warms me. It gives me those excited butterflies. I don’t want to go to sleep at night because to close my eyes would mean I would have to stop gazing down at this beautiful face.”

  He wrapped his arms around me, and I leaned into the embrace and let the tears fall silently. “I don’t want Charles,” I blubbered.

  “I don’t want you to be with Charles.” He squeezed me tighter and I gladly hugged him back. “I know it’s selfish of me because I can’t give you what you want, not yet. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I can’t stay away from you. Fuck, I’ve tried, but I want you, Evie. You’re all I want, all I can think about.”

  “What about Annabel?”

  “She knows my history, but she’s my past. You have no idea how much I want you to be my future. I have to go back to England after I leave here and I don’t know how long I’ll be there, and I know I have no right to ask, but will you wait for me?”

  My heart raced as the reality of what Adam was asking sunk in. “Do you promise to come back to me?”

  His hands cupped my face once again as he looked earnestly into my eyes. “I will do everything in my power to come back. But for now, this is all I have to offer you—these few weeks in the Hamptons.” His sorrowful eyes searched my face. “I know it’s not enough. You deserve so much more, Evie. You deserve a happily-ever-after that would rival one in your stories.”

  “Is that why you pushed me away? ‘Cause you thought I deserved more?”

  He nodded. “I thought it would be easier now than in a couple of weeks.” He gave me a sad smile. “I know the more time I spend with you, the more I want to spend with you. But it’s too late for me—you’re in here.” He patted his chest.

  My heart felt as though it would burst. The elation that was coursing through me was overwhelming and a little scary. Yes, we had reconciled for now, but what would happen after we left here? Adam was right; it would be just as difficult, if not more so, in two weeks’ time.

  But I was determined to be positive. “We still have a little while together. Let’s not waste it.”

  “I want this time to be memorable, something I can get lost in when I’m…” A deep frown knitted his brow. “When I’m back in England.”

  He was afraid, but afraid of what I had no idea. I knew one thing for certain—I wanted to make the most of every second we had left here. There were so many more memories we could make together, and I didn’t want to look back on my time in the little beach house with regret.

  “So, just to get this straight, you’re not gonna do this to me again, are you?”

  His lips pressed softly to mine. “No, Buttercup, consider me well and truly hooked.”

  I led Adam back inside. He looked around at the immaculately tidy room, then at the suitcases by the door.

  “I only just caught you, didn’t I?” Sitting heavily on the sofa, he ran his hands down his drawn, pale face. “I can’t believe I almost let you go.”

  Adam was still not completely well, but this time when I hesitantly fussed over him, he let me. Smiling sweetly at me as I led him into the bedroom, he held up his arms like a child as I pulled his sweater over his head, then stood stock-still as his jeans dropped to the floor.

  “Okay, into bed,” I ordered in my best “I mean business” tone.

  “You’re the boss.” He slid between the sheets, then grabbed my hand and gave it a tug, pulling me on top of him.

  Giggling, I hugged him tight. I knew there were unanswered questions, too many to count, in fact. Like why he had called Annabel when he had the flu, and why she’d felt the need to race him off to the hospital. I would really have liked to ask why he kept pulling away from me every time I felt we were taking a step forward. But the biggest question for me was why he had to go back to England, and why it seemed to be something he dreaded doing.

  Pushing all those questions from my mind for the time being, I slid off his body and cuddled beside him, snuggling his neck. “No sex till you’ve got your strength back. I don’t wanna give you a heart attack with my magnificent sexual prowess.”

  I expected him to laugh, but instead he pulled me tighter, rubbing his whiskers on my head so my hair caught in them.

  “That is one way I wouldn’t mind dying,” he whispered softly. “If the last thing I ever did in this lifetime was make love to you, I would die a happy man.”

  Oh God. I quickly raised my head to look into Adam’s teary eyes.

  “Are you dying?” It came out more abruptly than I had meant, but it left my mouth before I had the chance to reword it in my head.

  He smiled, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Not today, Buttercup. Today, I am going to be a pain-in-the-arse patient and lie here while you run around looking after me.”

  Nodding, I tried to tell my eyes to stop welling with tears.

  “Hey, stop frowning, baby. I’m fine. I had man-flu remember? All men think they’re dying when they get a runny nose.” He pulled my head down to his and planted a lingering kiss on my lips. “I’m on the mend, so stop worrying, okay?”

  “Okay.” I gave him a peck on the lips before sitting up. “I’ll give you one day to be a pain in the ass; then I expect you back up and paintin’.” I cast my eyes over to the vacant space where the easel had been set up. We would need to get it back over here as quickly as possible so Adam would have time to finish my portrait. “You have a beautiful picture to complete.”

  I fussed over Adam as much as I could, so grateful that I had decided to go for that walk and lost track of time while sitting on the rock. If I’d left when I had planned to, which was right after tying the note to Max’s collar, Adam would have come over and I would have already been gone.

&nbs
p; That thought kept swirling around in my head all afternoon, as I quietly unpacked my bags and went about making dinner. An hour earlier and I would have lost him forever. Was it fate that I hadn’t left? Being so engrossed in my thoughts had given him time to come to the realization that he wanted to be with me, no matter the heartache we may both endure farther down the track. So many things had to align for us to be here now, together. It gave me chills.

  Resting my elbows on the kitchen counter, I sighed deeply. He hadn’t read the note, so he didn’t race over to stop me. He came here because he couldn’t stay away. He wanted me. Grinning, my chest heaved with relief. “Maybe we are meant to be,” I pondered aloud.

  “What are we meant to be?” Adam had quietly come up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

  Turning in his arms to face him, I laced my hands around his waist. “Well, I don’t know what I’m meant to be, but you’re meant to be in bed.”

  “I’m feeling much better. Must be your wonderful bedside manner.” He peered over my shoulder at the various pots boiling away on the cooktop. “Can I help with anything?”

  “Yes, you can. You can start readin’ my manuscript. Or should I say, my completed manuscript.”

  He beamed with delight. “You finished? Oh, baby…” Lifting my feet from the floor, he swung me around. “I’m so proud of you.”

  He was proud of me—I could see it written all over his face. It was the most heartwarming, soul-lifting feeling to have someone absolutely thrilled for you because of your personal achievement. There was nothing in it for him, and yet he was so excited.

  I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. “Don’t get too carried away until you’ve read it. It could be utter crap.”

  He went to sit at the end of the dining table, which had become my makeshift desk, but I ushered him back to bed, taking the laptop with us. After rearranging and fluffing the pillows, I found the file and opened it, then placed the computer on his lap.

  “Do you want me to make notes in the file if I find anything? Or just read through and comment at the end?”