Hard to Hold On

by Shanora Williams

  I close it behind me and scan the area but it’s dark outside. A few people are on the porch murmuring as I step past them to get down the porch stairs. As I look to my right, I spot Natalie with Tyler at the shore of the lake. They’re still chatting and I’m glad there’s actually some space between them.

  “Hi, Nolan.”

  I spin around, facing Sharon whose cleavage is spilling through her red shirt. Her blonde hair is curly and hanging past her shoulders. Her jeans are low-rise (as always) and she has a drink in her hand, as if she’s been here for a while now.

  I grimace as she smiles. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  “I think I have a right to be here just as much as you do, considering this party is being hosted by my brother and all.”

  My eyebrows draw in, my head tilting. “Your brother?” I turn to look at Tyler who is laughing with Natalie again. “You mean Tyler?” I ask, pointing a thumb in their direction.

  “Yep. He said she was a lot of work at first but by the looks of things, one would think they’re on the verge of becoming a couple.” Sharon winks and my heart fails to beat.

  “What the hell do you mean?”

  “It’s not obvious, Nolan?” She laughs, taking a sip of whatever’s in her cup.

  “What the fuck did you do?” I growl, grabbing hold of her arms. She laughs again but I pull away from her to look in Natalie’s direction. She’s no longer standing at the shore of the lake. They’ve disappeared.

  “Tyler’s a pretty smart kid. He likes her a lot and I don’t think he’s going to hand her back over without a fight. It started as a game but . . . I guess he sort of fell for her. She’s adorable, I’ll admit it.”

  I give her a dry laugh, taking a step back. “So you think this little plan of yours is supposed to get Natalie over me and get me to date you?”

  She shrugs. “That’d be a fun option.”

  “Sharon, let me make this clear,” I snap. “I don’t like you. I don’t like anything about you. You showed up at a time when I wasn’t thinking straight—at a time when I was too drunk to handle myself. That one kiss doesn’t change shit. I didn’t feel anything when you kissed me. I can’t even fucking remember it!”

  “You kissed me back, which means you were feeling something for me!” she shouts

  “I didn’t feel shit for you. I was too numb to feel anything,” I growl.

  “Oh, whatever, Nolan.” She swallows the rest of her drink down and then tosses her cup to the side. “You know, I knew you were going to react this way. Even if I can’t have you, I know you can’t have her back. She’s young, confused, and I can tell she likes Tyler as well. The more time he spends with her, the more she’ll realize that he’s way better than someone like you.

  “You think you’ve changed but you haven’t. Nothing’s changed about you. You meet one girl and think you rule the whole fucking world. This side of you won’t last long and like I said before, I know who you really are. I’ve heard lots of things about you and settling down is something you don’t know how to do. I don’t think you will ever be completely faithful to just one girl. You’ll always fuck up, Nolan, and it sucks that I’m part of the blame for it.” She looks me over with saddened features, taking a step back.

  “I really don’t care anymore. I thought it would be fun to date you again but I guess I was wrong. Continue to fight over a girl that isn’t sure about you. You’ll end up hurt in the end anyway. I told you I was sorry but since you’re being a fucking dick, I’m not anymore. I could give a shit less about you.”

  She steps ahead, bumping into my arm purposely to get into the house but my gaze remains forward. I’m confused as hell. Why would she set Natalie and Tyler up to be together if she knew I wasn’t going to fall for her again? That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard. She should have known I wouldn’t take her back. Did she really think she had another chance? This has to be the dumbest thing she’s done yet.

  I turn around, making my way towards the shore of the lake to find them but they’re nowhere in sight. I know I’m not too late. What Natalie and I just shared in that bedroom was real and I’m not losing her to a douche that agreed to date her for his sister. I look to my right but there’s nothing but darkness. Same goes for my left. Nothing.

  I hurry for the house, swinging the door open and slamming it behind me. I scan the living room, looking past the bouncing bodies and waving arms until I spot Harper standing with a drink in her hand.

  “Where’s Natalie?” I ask her as I step in front of her.

  She frowns as she looks into my eyes. “I dunno. I thought she was with you.”

  “No. She went outside with Tyler but now I can’t find either one of them. Did you see her come back in?”

  “No. Did you check upstairs?”

  I swallow heavily, shaking my head. “No. I know she isn’t up there with him.” I tell it to myself but I don’t know that for sure. It will kill me if she is.

  “Let me go check.” Harper shoves her drink into my hand before pushing through the crowd. I watch until she gets upstairs and then sigh as I take a look around. The music seems louder and with each beat, my pulse climbs. Dawson comes into view and as he gets closer to me, he smiles.

  “Where’s Harper?” he asks.

  “She ran upstairs to use the bathroom,” I lie.

  “Oh.” He strokes his chin as he looks around. “This party is pretty cool, huh? Why the hell aren’t you dancing with Natalie?”

  “I don’t know where she is.”

  His dark eyes flicker from the rave lights as he stares at me. “What do you mean? I swear I just saw you with her.”

  I shrug, looking towards the staircase. “I don’t know.” I continue my stare at the staircase and with each passing minute, I’m getting more and more nervous. Harper finally comes stepping down the stairs and I slam her drink on the nearest table as I head for her. “Is she up there?”

  “No.” Her head shakes as she looks at me with wide eyes. “Are you sure she isn’t outside? I called her phone but she isn’t answering.”

  She checks her cell phone but I step past her to go for the front door again. I look around the front for Natalie’s car, spotting it parked near the trees. I dash between the gaps of the cars to get to hers and look through the window. She isn’t here but an empty beer bottle has been placed on top of her car.

  A rustling comes from the trees behind me and I spin around. Narrowing my eyes, I take a step forward. “Natalie?” I call.

  The rustling stops and I take a step back. It must be someone from the party, I assume. I spin around with a shake of my head. She probably went for a walk with him somewhere and I’m just overreacting. I’m worried because in the back of my mind I know she could be doing anything with him. Holding his hand. Hugging. Kissing. Anything. At the thought of it, I cringe.

  “Nolan,” I hear Natalie call from behind me. I spin around just as she steps from the shadows of the trees, hanging onto her middle with a face as pale as a sheet of paper.

  “Natalie?” I rush for her and just as I meet up to her, she falls against me. “Natalie, what’s wrong?” I place my finger beneath her chin to lift her head up but it falls. “Look at me,” I tell her, lifting her head up again.

  She struggles to keep it held up. She brings a hand up but that’s when I notice the blood on her hand and her shirt. “Tyler,” she mumbles.

  “What?” I pick her up in my arms and pull her keys out of her pocket. “What the hell happened, Natalie? What did he do?”

  “Tyler,” she mumbles again.

  She mumbles something else as I swing her car door open but I can’t make out what she’s saying. I lay her in the backseat carefully and then shut the door. I lock the car behind me then rush for the house. Harper and Dawson are standing in the corner and I push through the crowd, throwing elbows just to get to them. “Something happened to Natalie.”

  “What?” Harper frowns. “What do you mean? Where is she?”

&n
bsp; “She’s in her car. We have to get her to the hospital. She’s bleeding and she’s barely responding to me.”

  “Oh, no,” Harper mumbles. She rushes past me and Dawson and I follow after them but as I near the door, a hand grips my arm, stopping me from taking my next step. I look down at Sharon with a scowl but her eyes are worried. “What’s going on?” she asks.

  “Don’t worry about it,” I snap.

  “It’s Tyler, isn’t it?”

  I begin to yank away from her but hesitate as she says his name. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  She bites her bottom lip with a shake of her head. “Nothing. Never mind.”

  “What the hell do you mean never mind? My girlfriend is almost unconscious and your brother is nowhere to be found. If you know something, tell me, otherwise get the hell off of me.”

  She gulps, pulling her hand away. She doesn’t say anything so I step away from her and rush out of the door. I don’t have time for her games. I meet up at the car and Dawson and Harper are waiting for me. I unlock the doors right before tossing Harper the keys. “You drive. I’ll sit back here with her.”

  “What happened to her?” she asks as we climb in.

  “I don’t know. I think Tyler has something to do with it.” I pull Natalie up and lay her in my arms. She groans and her head falls. Her skin is clammy and I reach up to wipe the droplets of sweat away. “I swear I’m gonna beat his ass when I see him again.”

  “You shouldn’t have let her go with him in the first place!” Harper snaps. “You came to the party to be with her so you should have kept her with you.”

  “I couldn’t keep her on a leash, Harper! We’re not dating. She can do whatever the hell she wants right now.”

  “That doesn’t mean shit,” she growls. Dawson places a hand on her lap as she whips the wheel to pull out of the driveway.

  “Chill, babe,” he murmurs.

  “I’m not going to chill, Dawson,” she snaps at him. “I swear if she’s hurt, I’m never helping you again, Nolan. Ever. You were supposed to stay with her, not leave her. You were supposed to be fighting for her, not handing her over to another guy. Tyler is cool but he’s not you and she knows that. She’ll choose you over any guy at any time. You just need to fucking fight. Stop letting her go.”

  She floors the gas pedal and the car picks up in speed but I shake my head, looking down at Natalie. I push a few strands of hair out of her face but I can’t help but feel guilty because Harper’s right. I should have been fighting harder but I didn’t want to push her away from me any more than I already had. I didn’t want to stop her from being herself or end up ruining her night. If I would have argued with Tyler, it would have made me look immature but now I wish that I had. Now I wish I would have stopped her because looking at her like this is killing me.

  I lift her shirt and there is a scrape on her side that’s bleeding but it’s nothing too major. Nothing a few Band-Aids and peroxide can’t solve. A breath of relief slips out of me as I pull it back down. “It’s just a scrape,” I tell them.

  Harper nods, releasing a breath of relief as well. “Good. I’ll just go to the condo and we can get her in bed.”

  The car silences again and I stare out of the window. I should have stuck around with her. I shouldn’t have allowed her to walk away from me to go to him. I didn’t want her to . . . but I had no right to stop her from doing what she wanted.

  I had no right at all to tell her what to do but that’s going to change. I’m making her mine again. My only hope is she accepts it.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Natalie

  A buzzing noise is the first thing I hear before my eyes open. Groaning, I flip on my side knowing it’s my phone but I’m not fully prepared to see Nolan’s face or body in the way. His eyes are shut but his mouth is gaping open and he’s snoring. I pause, taking a quick look around. My phone is on the night stand beside him, meaning I’ll risk waking him up. The sun is barely peeking through my curtains so I know it’s extremely early.

  Reaching my arm across, I lean over Nolan without touching him but then I wince, feeling something burn beneath my shirt. “Ouch. Shit,” I hiss, my hand recoiling as I flop on top of him.

  He grunts heavily and his eyelids fly open. He looks down at me with stitched eyebrows but once he realizes it’s just me, his face softens. “What’s wrong?” he asks, his voice gravelly.

  “Nothing, I was just trying to get my phone . . .” I hesitate, staring down at my hand that’s pressed against his chest before pulling back a little. “Why are you here?” I ask.

  “I can’t be with you anymore?”

  “I’m just wondering.” Thoughts of the party come to mind and then our sex. Thinking about it causes my stomach to spiral in the best way possible. I can feel his hard-on through the sheets and I’m sure it would be nice to feel inside of me right now but the pain on my stomach interrupts my thoughts. Pulling away from Nolan and pulling my shirt up, I stare down at the Band-Aid right above my rib and frown. “What the hell is this?”

  “It’s what happens when you hang with people that you barely know,” he sighs, sitting up to hike himself against the head board.

  I frown, eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”

  He ignores me as he climbs out of bed. He grabs for his shorts and then makes his way to the door. “I’ll tell you all about it later. Right now, I have a surprise for you.”

  My spirit lifts a bit. “What is it?”

  He holds up a finger before stepping out of the room. I hear rustling and then whispering. Harper groans, snapping irritably but then it’s quiet again. I frown as I try to listen in but it’s faint. I can’t make out a damn thing.

  Nolan’s finally pops his head in and smiles, his bright eyes meeting mine. “Ready?”

  “Yeah. I’m pretty curious to know what it is now.”

  He smirks, pulling his head back and whispering something to someone behind him.

  “Alright, damn it. I got it,” Harper snaps.

  The door swings open and in comes Nolan, Harper, and Dawson. Dawson has balloons, Harper has a cake in her hands, and Nolan has his guitar strapped around him. “Um . . . I’m sorry,” I say, laughing. “What is this?”

  “A way to celebrate Natalie Carmichael’s birthday,” Nolan says.

  “What?” I gasp, grinning. “You actually remembered?”

  “Of course I did,” he chuckles. “You wouldn’t shut the hell up about it for the past four months. It’s your twentieth birthday and I want to make it as special as possible.”

  He places his fingers against the strings of his black guitar and I stare at him, grinning like a little girl with a brand new Barbie doll. He begins to sing “Happy Birthday” and I’ve never been more excited than now. I really didn’t think he would remember. November twenty-seventh is a day I’ve completely forgotten about and that’s mainly because so much has been going on that my birthday is the last thing to come to mind.

  As soon as Nolan finishes his song, Dawson and Harper scream “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

  “Wow, guys. Thank you,” I say. “But no cake right now. It’s, like, seven in the morning.”

  “Yeah, exactly,” Harper yawns. “He acted like he couldn’t wait a little later and wake you up with a simple “Happy birthday, Natalie”. Guys are so overrated.”

  “Oh, are we, babe?” Dawson asks, taking the cake out of her hand and placing it on top of the dresser. She giggles as he picks her up in his arms and then makes his way out of the door. “Nolan we’ll pick your car up from the lake house when we go and get Harps,” Dawson says, his eyes hard on Harper.

  “Happy birthday, Nat!” Harper squeals. “We’re going out for dinner later so be ready!” she calls before disappearing.

  I laugh, listening as her bedroom door shuts and then I look at Nolan who’s placing his guitar in the corner. “I seriously can’t believe you remembered, Nolan. I didn’t expect you to.”

  “I wouldn’t forget my Bunny’s
birthday.” He climbs on top of the bed and steals a kiss. “She means too much to me.” He kisses me again and I kiss him back. This feels so right. We always feel right. Natural. I can’t believe I’ve been away from it for so long.

  “I bet my parents have been calling me constantly,” I say as I pull away from him to get to my phone. Back when I lived with them, they would come up to my bedroom at six-twenty in the morning and scream “happy birthday” to me. Six-twenty AM is when I was born, twenty years ago. Sure enough, as I check it, there are a dozen missed calls from the both of them.

  “Give me a sec,” I say to Nolan as I climb off the bed.

  “Take your time, babe. I have until two today.”

  “Why two?” I ask curiously.

  “Some of us have jobs and bills to pay.” He winks, standing from the bed to stretch. He then stares at me, his smile fading. “Do you . . . do you remember last night at all?” he asks.

  “What about it?”

  “After you left from me you went with Tyler. He took you outside and later on you came from the trees scratched up and nearly unconscious.”

  I narrow my eyes at him. “I remember talking to Tyler, yeah, but I don’t remember the scratched-up-trees part.”

  I gaze down at my stomach, remembering the Band-Aid. “Natalie, I’ve been trying to get you to remember but it seems like you can’t. Last night you kept saying his name and then you said something about denying him.” His eyes turn stern as he takes a step towards me. “I’m worried about you. I don’t want you hanging with him anymore.”

  “Nolan, I’m fine,” I say through a dry laugh. “I swear. Tyler’s a sweet guy. I’m sure I just fell or something.”

  “Oh yeah?” He frowns, taking another step forward. “Then why hasn’t he been answering his phone? I called him last night from your phone because I wanted to find him and beat his ass for leaving you out there but he didn’t pick up.”

  I shrug, staring into his eyes. “Nolan . . . I don’t know. I’ll call him later and ask him about it.”