Barely Human

by Dhtreichler

  “My old lady was happy to have me home.”

  Again, he’s baiting me. “I’ll bet she is. The man she fell in love with is back for good.”

  Jermaine glances at his reflection in the window behind me. “What’s with this look? I mean I look more like you than me.”

  “Standards.”

  “What? I don’t get it.”

  “There’s an international standards group that has responsibility for deciding what immortals have to have in common.”

  “What does that have to do with these eyes?” Jermaine makes his bug out.

  “A bunch of old white guys decided that the way to a more peaceful and inclusive world was to make everyone the same in the sense of what makes us different now.”

  “What do you mean? Make everyone the same.”

  “They decided if everyone had the same shape eyes, the same skin color and equal access to processors and memory that immortals will never fight because they – we – will all be the same even if we were something different before we transitioned.” I confirm.

  “Just the eyes and the skin color? That’s it?”

  “For now. Or until they change the standard.”

  “And I was hoping to come back handsome or something.” Jermaine is spoofing me now.

  “So, what did your wife think of the brand new 20 year old Jermaine?”

  “She never had an orgasm like that when I was twenty.”

  “Welcome to immortality,” I respond knowing where this is going next.

  “Yeah, but that’s the problem. It might have been wonderful for her and all, but for me? Not so much, you know? Well, maybe you don’t know since you don’t seem to have much interest in all that.”

  “Ever hear of Professor Aggarwal at the University of Nebraska?”

  Jermaine shakes his head scanning and then coming up with it. “Minoj Aggarwal. Ph.D. in biological sciences. Full professor in the school of Medicine even though he’s not an MD. Specialty appears to be in measurement systems for biological processes.”

  “Please send him a thank you note.”

  Jermaine raises his eyebrows to let me know he’s looking for more explanation.

  “He developed your device and wrote the software. From what I’m told the mechanical part seems to work just fine for your partner, but the software leaves a little bit to be desired.”

  “More than a little bit.” Jermaine reflects. “I mean I’ve gotten off better riding a motorcycle.”

  “I appreciate that. But just so you know there is a revision in test. All indications are you’ll be more than satisfied once you get the update.”

  “Today? Please?” Jermaine deadpans.

  “I can take care of that, but I need you to take care of a couple things for me.”

  “Two for one, this hardly sounds equitable.” He’s kidding, I think.

  “The first one you’ll like because it directly benefits you and the rest of us coming along. I want you to test the upgrade on the orgasm software.”

  “Who wrote it?”

  “I did, a few days ago, that’s why it’s still in test. But I know it’s only a partial solution. Besides, I don’t have a guy’s sensibilities so no matter how good it is, you and your team can make it better. So, I’m going to authorize you to develop the next version.”

  “Fair enough, but since you haven’t been around all that much do I really have to test out your version before I write my own?”

  “Yes, you do, and you’ll also have to get into the code to figure out how it works before you write your own.”

  “Full blown research project. Happiness I can tell.”

  “From the initial trials I got good reports. But that was based on it being an upgrade to Aggarwal’s product.”

  “Has to be A’zam,” Jermaine suddenly realizes. “He’s the only guy before me.”

  “The second project which you have to do first is I need a replacement to a product I’m going to send you a file on. The second file will be Symbol Venture’s new release which has eaten into our market share.”

  “How long do I have?”

  “A few days at most,” I know I’m going to get push back on this. “One if you could do it. That’s why I have to ask, are you up to it or do you need more time to adjust?”

  “You’ve given me the smartest and most capable team on the planet. We should be able to figure something out. As to when? That’s hard to know. Some of us have dealt with the changes better than others.”

  “How bad is it?” I had been expecting the transition would not be easy for everyone.

  “Eight of us are fine. A few surprises, but for the most part they’re ready. But Moshe and Zara are struggling. My recommendation is you need to give them a few more days before asking them to saddle up.”

  “What’s the issue?”

  “Moshe is just pissed that he’s not a Vice President and I actually expect him to code. Frankly I’m surprised you put him on the list to transition so soon. He had an attitude before.”

  “Tell Moshe to come see me. What about Zara? I’m sure it’s not an attitude issue with her.”

  “She’s having trouble with the fact she doesn’t feel the things she used to feel.”

  “I went over that with her personally,” I inform him.

  “Well you know how that goes. When it’s words it has a different meaning than when it’s you.”

  “What was her family’s reaction to her?” Jermaine is close to Zara and knows her family, so he would know if there was an issue there.

  “How do you know these things? I’m as smart as you are now, but I don’t know why you went to her family as the issue.”

  “Is it?” I know I’m right based on his reaction, but I need details to help her.

  “From what she’s said I would have to say yes.”

  “You haven’t talked to them?”

  “Not directly, no.” Jermaine seems to be remembering his conversation with her.

  “What did she say?”

  “They freaked out about her eyes.”

  I see Anna Laura in my mind. “I can help her with that.”

  “How?” Jermaine is blunt. He apparently tried to help her but without success and is skeptical that anyone else can.

  “I’ll go with her to meet with her family. Help them understand that the spirit they saw in her eyes is still there, just behind the eyes that look out and sees them now. That she is the spirit of their family that will live long after the rest of the family has disappeared. The one who can carry on their traditions and observe their religion.”

  “Good luck with that.” Jermaine is skeptical.

  “What do you think will happen if her family can’t accept her transition?” I know about Indian families. Zara couldn’t possibly withstand them shunning her.

  “She’ll ask to go back. She would have to.”

  “She hasn’t yet?”

  “No. When I talked with her she’s committed. She believes in what we’re doing, what we are becoming, that we are the future and it’s a great honor for her to be among the first. But I just don’t see her walking away from a family that has rejected her for the choice she made.”

  “Let’s get back to you. Besides your sexual inadequacies…”

  “Which you’re going to fix before I leave here so my old lady won’t be happier than me tonight.”

  “More information than I need, Jermaine.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m not leaving until I’ve had that upgrade. Just wanted you to know that.”

  “How has it been for you? Are you settling in? Getting the hang of information in your face even before you consciously think about it?”

  “It takes a little getting used to, but I’m getting there.” Jermaine isn’t telling me something that’s bothering him.

  “What aren’t you getting used to?”

  “How fast everything happens. I have to consciously slow myself down when I’m with anyone other than the team or you. A part of me
is on to the next conversation before I’ve exchanged a second response. You must know what I’m talking about. People are just so slow. I have to catch myself to not tell them to hurry up all the time. Do you find yourself doing that?”

  “And a week ago you were one of those I was waiting on.”

  Jermaine raises an eyebrow apparently not having thought about my reaction to him before his transition. “What’s the story with Oriana?”

  “Let’s finish you first. Part of the reason you got the first group to be a team is because I thought each of you might get frustrated by your mortal teams for the very reason you just described. This way you at least have a peer team to start and as more immortals come through they will come over as teams. You’ll lose your team over time and new immortals will replace them. But I knew you would be much more effective if you have a team of peers rather than snails who just can’t keep up.”

  “When do I start seeing everything you see?”

  “You’ll see things I don’t. It all comes down to your experience, the way you process data and the problems you’re trying to solve. The more problems you solve the more problems you’ll be able to solve.”

  Jermaine gets up and looks out my window to the Japanese garden in the courtyard. “I always liked the view from the executive wing windows. When do I get a view like this?”

  “You’re next in line after Oriana.”

  “Is she transitioning?”

  “I don’t know. I hope so, but she has to decide for herself.”

  “If I’m the one to replace her, then she’ll transition. She still thinks she’s smarter than me.”

  FIT IN

  Windy is waiting for me at The Night club. She is sitting at a table next to where we met with the posse. We’re early enough the band hasn’t started yet and we should have time to talk without it being hard to be heard over the music. She sees me approaching. I can see she’s not sure how this discussion is going to go, but she rises so I can hug her the same way I have since we first became friends all those years ago in college.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. But I didn’t know how you’d take it. You know with it being A’zam and all.”

  I sit, and she follows. The waiter is there immediately, I see Windy has her usual glass of wine, “Water. A tall glass of water please.”

  The waiter clearly isn’t happy with my order, but she heads off to fetch my request.

  I turn my attention back to Windy. “So, what have you decided about the divorce?”

  “Same old Sage, get right to it,” Windy observes nervously. “I have to admit I’m more confused about what I should do than anything. I’m done with Tom. He’s just not redeemable.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  Windy takes a sip of wine to give herself more time to organize her thoughts. “I’ve known he has a wandering eye since we were married, but I accepted that as just part of being a guy. I knew he was with someone when we met. But he described it as a casual relationship, not something either of them was committed to. I was in love with the guy, so you know you accept things that if you really thought about them maybe you wouldn’t.”

  “So that was the first warning sign you ignored. I take it there have been others?”

  Windy is reluctant to confirm my question, but apparently as she thinks about it she has to admit there were others. She nods. I wait for her to say more.

  Another sip and I notice her hand is shaking ever so slightly. This is hard for her and I wonder if I should just change the subject, but she nods to herself and offers, “I can’t be sure, but I think he was fucking one of the women in his office. I didn’t see her often, once or twice maybe. But each time there was something odd about the way she would look at me. As if she knew something I didn’t. At the time I didn’t recognize what I was seeing. It was all out of context, you know. I just thought she seemed to be someone who was unhappy. I didn’t know if it was in her personal life or work life. I even asked Tom about her once and he said he didn’t work with her much, so he couldn’t say. He seemed so earnest in his response at the time I just dismissed it. But now with what I know he’s done to me since then, well, it probably was the beginning of the end and I didn’t know.”

  “There’s no way you’re getting back together.” I seek to affirm the situation.

  Windy shakes her head, but won’t vocalize it.

  “How long ago did his infidelity start?” I’m still trying to put the whole thing into context.

  “We’ve been married since college, what was that? Thirteen years ago. Lucky thirteen. I think I had his full attention maybe a couple of years, so eleven? I think. God, I didn’t realize he’s been treating me this way that long.”

  “You knew and kept having kids with him? What were you thinking?”

  “That he’d come back to me. After all, he married me, so I had to believe he loved me and his affairs were his way of confirming he made the right choice in me.” Windy begins to cry softly, but continues to tell me the story. “When I got pregnant with Blake and Sidney he seemed attentive and engaged with the family. I thought he would settle in when Sidney came, a daughter seems to change a guy’s attitude about women. You know the whole thing about not wanting some guy to do to his daughter what he was doing. At first I think it brought him back, but he’s like a wild mustang. He just has to roam the range, chase down fillies, and sow wild seeds. That’s his nature. I can’t change him. God, I’ve tried but I’m just not enough of a woman for him I guess.”

  “Is any woman enough of a woman for him?” I have to get to the heart of the matter and it seems she’s blaming herself for not being able to hold her husband.

  Windy looks at me as if she’d never considered this question. “No other woman has held his attention for more than a few months from what I can tell. I really don’t have enough information to know how it’s all played out. But as I think about how he’s been with me, it seems he would lose interest for a while and then he’d be back and into my pants all the time. I have to think it kind of set the pattern, although I was just happy to have him in my pants when I had his attention.”

  “He’s good in bed?” I’m trying to understand what kept her in the relationship.

  “I can’t tell you whether he is or not since it had been so long since I’d slept with anyone else, you know. And I just like sex. I like everything about it. Particularly how it makes me feel when I reach climax and hold it as long as I can.” Windy is remembering the good times.

  “What about the kids?” Time for reality therapy.

  “What about them?”

  “They need a father.” I tell her. “They need him there every day.”

  “You and Rocky didn’t get along so well as I remember.” I’m not expecting this and I hesitate for only a moment.

  “But Rocky was there, even if he wasn’t the best of fathers.” I push back.

  “But you were a single parent family and look at you. What happened probably made you stronger, more driven, more focused. Would you be where you are if you’d not come from that situation?”

  I see Anna Laura looking at me. I see the love and the joy she had that she had a family, that she gave me life, that I would go on and have my own life because of her. “Everyone is a product of their relationships and situation. Mine was completely different from what you would be imposing on your kids if you leave Tom. Every day they will wonder if Tom left because they were bad, or because Tom doesn’t love them. They can’t see that the split is because of his relationship with you. They can only see it from what they do.” I change direction. “Just a minute ago you were saying that you feel you can’t hold a man. You’re blaming yourself for Tom’s behavior. Don’t you think your kids will do the same?”

  Windy looks away, takes another sip of her wine. “I can’t stay with him. And I certainly don’t want the boys to think they should grow up to be like their father. He can be cruel.” Windy looks at me and I see her eyes have hardened. Before she was indec
isive, confused. But at this moment she is resolved. “Tom convinced Blake to play T-ball, primarily, I think because Tom played ball in college. That was great when they first got started. Tom attended each of Blake’s games and worked with him in the back yard. But then Tom got caught up with a project at work that kept him at work until all hours. I’m sure he was screwing someone, but I never figured out who. Anyway, he just abandoned Blake. Left him high and dry with no explanation. Never even talked with him about why he wasn’t able to make his games. I went. I was there for every one of them. Even when the late nights ended Tom didn’t go. As I think back he was probably dumped by the woman and he was sitting home licking his wounds. I was actually happy to see that. Give him a taste of his own medicine.”

  “How long ago was that?” I’m still trying to understand the sequence of events.

  “Blake’s seven now. Couple years ago, I guess.” She looks at me with the same intensity in her eyes. “Don’t you think that was cruel? Start the kid down a path and then just abandon him? I don’t know how anyone could do that, especially his own father.”

  “Sounds like Tom has disappointed you on more than one front.”

  “He can go to hell and I’ll dance at his wake.” No doubt about her feelings.

  “But he’s still in the house with you and the kids.” I’m assuming based on A’zam saying they were together at the charity event, even though both probably went home with someone else.

  Windy nods and takes another sip, thinking about something I can see she’d rather not. “I never wanted to tell any of you about how screwed up my life had become. You all are doing great, except Delilah. I worry about that girl. She’s with a different guy every time we get together. I know she’d die to have kids, but she just can’t seem to find a guy who fits her.”

  “It’s because she’s too hot. The kind of guys who would make her happy don’t even try to get to know her afraid they could never hold her. Kind of like how you described Tom. What’s ironic is that Delilah’s not like that at all. It’s just what people think when they see her.”

  “The difference between courtship and marriage,” Windy reflects. “In courtship you’re never yourself. You’re what you want the other person to think you are, always afraid that if they see the real you they’ll go on to the next person. There’s always someone prettier, smarter or more the earth mother, depending on what the guy is looking for. So, you’re never confident that if the guy really saw who you are that he would want to be part of your life. Other than maybe to screw you and go on to the next woman.”