Barely Human

by Dhtreichler

  “I can’t answer your question because it is too early to even know who all the immortals will be. At the moment there is a dozen of us and only two of us have been for more than a week. I can’t predict who will influence decisions about what we will become. But we have an opportunity to shape our futures in a way that those who came before us shaped the world we inherited.”

  “To say nothing of shaping the world that the non-immortals will inhabit,” Oriana adds.

  “You are absolutely correct,” I note trying to convince her I understand her complaint. “I think you have a lot to offer that discussion. If you decide to stay I will miss you. I’ve come to rely on you. But where the immortals are going to take us, if you’re not one your influence and say will be greatly diminished.”

  “Is it possible immortals will someday be able to feel the emotions we do?” Oriana is still going back to the fundamental limitation. But she has opened a possible window to convince her.

  “I’ve asked Jermaine’s team to work on the first step towards that, a more realistic orgasm.”

  “You want Jermaine to write the software for orgasms?”

  “I want the best we have at the moment to make them better. The first guy to develop the software probably never had one. At least I’ve brought it closer.”

  “So, you’ve had a turn at it?”

  “I have, but if you transition you’ll probably get the next one. I can’t let it linger. It’s the key as far as I can see to creating a feelings type experience. If I can get this part right, then maybe we can leverage that work to a more generalized feelings architecture and solution.” Oriana is watching me intently. Apparently, she’s heard about the orgasm limitation.

  “Jermaine is the one developing the next generation orgasm.” She can’t get past that.

  “And his whole team.” I clarify, but I know she’s not listening.

  SPECIAL TREATMENT

  Of course, Oriana left my office and went to talk with Jermaine. I knew she would. I’ll bet she quizzed him to death about his approach and what models he studied and what research he’d conducted before he started coding.

  So now Jermaine is hanging on my doorframe. “Why’d you sic Oriana on me when you want me to get your work done?”

  “You report to her.”

  Jermaine comes on in and takes the same seat at the end of my conference table, sending the same message that he belongs up here. “Yeah. I got that. But you sic’d her on me. Maybe it would have helped if you’d a waited a bit?” Jermaine affects the ‘hood, when he’s not happy with me.

  “Oriana has great insights. She’ll help you make whatever you’re working on better.”

  “She’s got to transition if she wants to play.”

  Apparently the attitude goes all the way to Jermaine.“I was going to come down and talk to your whole team about that.” I see Jermaine realize he just walked into something. “You have to be aware that we are twelve individuals among six billion who aren’t like us. As Oriana put it, we aren’t working at their clock speed anymore. That’s both an advantage and a handicap. We have to work through the slower clock speed world. When it’s just us alone or in our small groups and none of them are present, by all means, kick up your speed. But if there is even one mortal present. Everything, and I mean every conversation is at their speed. Is that clear?”

  “She complain about me?”

  “About your team deliberately trying to make her feel inferior.”

  “We didn’t…”

  I cut him off immediately with a wave of my hand. “Don’t go there. This is not excuse time. I’m telling you what the rules of the road are. If you don’t care to enforce them, you’ll be replaced by someone who will. Am I clear?”

  “What’s wrong? You never impose rules.”

  Jermaine is correct. I never impose anything. I always try to convince people what’s in their best interests. “Either you’re not listening or you’re still in adjustment hell. Which is it?”

  Jermaine won’t look at me, “Probably a bit of both,” he finally admits.

  “What can I do to help with the adjustment?”

  “You can start by talking with Zara as you promised you would and you haven’t”

  I nod. “I’m putting it on my schedule as we speak.”

  “Today.” Jermaine is emphatic. He’s never this direct, but then again he has transitioned and feelings sort of lost.

  “There’s a problem?”

  “She’s probably decided to bail. She won’t tell me straight out, but I know her.”

  I motion for him to get to his feet, “Walk with me, we can talk along the way.”

  Jermaine seems relieved I’m doing as he asked.

  “What else can I do for you?”

  “You can deflate Moshe’s ego.”

  “Our second stop.” I remember his request but hadn’t gotten there yet either. “You know if you want to have a view of the garden you’re going to have to start doing some of your own work.”

  “Why you always busting my balls when I deliver what you want?”

  “Have you finished the two requests I made?”

  “Close.”

  “But no cigar, Jermaine.”

  “Hey. I had a path forward on your fun project, but Oriana burst my balloon and pointed out some shortcomings in my approach. Now we’re not quite as close.”

  “I’m glad I could help you improve the solution. You’ll get to enjoy it until Oriana has her turn after you finish.”

  “What? You’re going to give it to her next?” Jermaine is unhappy with the thought he won’t deliver the final solution as I knew he would be. “What if she’s not an immortal? You still going to give it to her?”

  “She’s earned the chance to work on it.”

  “I can’t dispute that, but you’re not incentivizing me to make it as good as I can this time around if I know it goes into revision as soon as I release it.”

  I stop in the hall and face him. I want to look into his eyes even though they aren’t human eyes anymore. “Orgasms will be the most important part of what we do to improve the basic immortal for the near term.”

  “Hey, I agree.”

  “But not for the reason you think,” I inform him. “Yes, we want all immortals to enjoy their orgasms. But it should provide us an architecture to create a feelings capability. Or at least expand the range of feelings we can experience. I really want us to get to the point we can deliver the ability to love another.”

  “What? You don’t think I love my wife?”

  “You felt love for her before you transitioned. You don’t feel it anymore. You remember what it felt like, but you don’t feel it.”

  Jermaine looks thunderstruck, “Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

  “I did, but not this explicitly. I told you that you wouldn’t feel things. That you don’t have the emotional capacity biologic entities have. I just didn’t mention love, frankly, because I wasn’t thinking about it. I was already over here.”

  Jermaine shakes his head in disbelief. “You need to tell people before.”

  I nod, and we start walking again, only in silence as Jermaine processes this information.

  “My kids. What about them?”

  I shake my head, but don’t look at him. I know this is upsetting him, but I have to give it to him straight.

  “What am I supposed to tell them?” I can hear the exasperation in his voice.

  “That you love them, just as you always have.” This time I glance at him. He looks grim. A side effect of the transition, but it’s part of the deal. Immortal life, superhuman capability, but no feelings.

  “Why would I do that if I don’t feel it?” Jermaine shakes his head, trying to figure out what he needs to do.

  “Because until we find a way to create feelings again, you shouldn’t disrupt your friends or family just because you’re working from a memory rather than an emotional response triggered by biologic hormones and such.”

/>   “You’re telling me I have to think about it from a result level and not from the mechanics of how it comes about.”

  “That’s certainly one way you can look at it. But don’t dwell on it. Accept it as part of the deal you made and move on. As long as you don’t change how you react to them they’ll accept you as being the same. And at least for the moment that’s what you want.”

  “But how do I act the same if I don’t feel the same?” Jermaine is struggling with this more than I thought he would. He’s always even keel. Never really gets upset and works through the hard issues. But this is his family. I’ll have to remember this since it’s the same issue for Zara.

  “You remember how you used to feel and how you reacted to situations. That becomes your guide. Do what you used to do, and you’ll be fine.”

  “You said something about memory replaced your feelings. I think I’m starting to understand what you meant.”

  We slow down as we’re about to enter Jermaine’s team area. “Do you remember how you felt about your wife and kids and parents and siblings and cousins and basically everyone you knew?”

  Jermaine thinks for a moment, “Yeah. I do.”

  “That’s your guide.” I push the door open and Jermaine follows. Most of his team is present, some are discussing things in small groups. I find Zara by herself in a cube. “Would you join us in the conference room?”

  Zara looks up, surprised to see me and gives Jermaine a cross look, but she follows us.

  Once we’re in the room with the door closed I approach her and give her a hug. “How are you doing?”

  Zara is surprised, but I’ve given her hugs before. This should not be a surprise. She turns away from me and sits down. “You’ve come to give me a pep talk because I’m freaking Jermaine out.”

  I sit down next to her, “No pep talk. I’m genuinely concerned about how you’re handling the transition. It was harder for me than for you because a lot of what you’re assuming right now, it didn’t exist, or they hadn’t installed it yet. So, I know what you’re going through.”

  Zara looks surprised, “You didn’t seem like you were struggling.”

  “How would you like to wake up and find the body you now have was built for a guy? They hadn’t installed the apparatus yet, thank goodness, but all the software was how a guy reacts to things. The advanced hearing and vision? First upgrade. Taste? I couldn’t taste anything, but you’ll find that since you no longer need to eat. Well. It’s not such a big deal, but waking up to find you don’t have it was a bit of a rude awakening.”

  “That’s not the issue for me.”

  “I know. Family is the hardest part of the transition. You feel like you’re leaving them behind, but think of it this way. We’ve always been a migratory species. Immigrants came to this country and left family and friends behind to start a new life. Over time they either brought family over or they started a new family here. There has always been someone who left the family to make a better life for not only themselves, but the family as a whole. You’re that person who helps the family find a better life for everyone.”

  “Tell that to my mother and father.” Apparently, what she’s telling them they aren’t buying.

  “I’d be happy to. Do you want to do it right now?”

  Zara shakes her head, “That’s not a good idea. Someone they don’t know just showing up. No, I’ll need to give them some time, prepare them for your visit and explain who you are and that you were the first to transition. That would be impressive to them.”

  “What caused their reaction to the new you?” I catch Jermaine coming closer to me out of the corner of my eye.

  “My eyes. They said I must be dead because my eyes are dead.”

  “My father always said I had my mother’s eyes. When she died in an auto accident, he always felt she was still there with him because he could look in my eyes and see her. You can imagine what happened when I showed up for the first time with my new eyes.”

  Zara considers my situation. “But he didn’t accuse you of being dead.” Zara isn’t buying into my story.

  “He accused me of taking his wife away from him, which for him was probably an even bigger deal.”

  Zara looks at Jermaine, “I suppose Jermaine has told you I’m considering going back.”

  “Yes, he has. When I came over I had thirty days to go back before my host body wouldn’t be able to receive me anymore. I chose to stay, mainly because I was going to die soon if I went back. That’s not your situation. But you have an even worse fate ahead of you if you do. What’s been going on here since you arrived back from Dallas?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “When you’re all together and you kick up your clock speed. And someone who isn’t able to do so comes by. What do you do?”

  “We keep on working.” Zara responds without thinking. “You gave us a short deadline.”

  “Yes, but if you weren’t an immortal how could you work with this team? You couldn’t participate in the discussions because your mind couldn’t keep up. You’re excluded. You’re not valued by the team. Eventually you’re excluded completely because you slow everyone else down. And then what? You go become a Wal-Mart greeter because you can’t work with the immortals?”

  “You’re saying if I go back I’ll lose my job.” She seems to think I’m threatening her.

  “No, but I expect you’ll quit at some point because you’ll discover you can’t contribute meaningfully to the team.”

  Realizing the situation Zara flares, “You set me up.”

  Again, I shake my head, “On the contrary, I chose you to be one of the first to transition because you have so much to contribute. I gave you a chance that most of the rest of the team wanted but didn’t get. You’re one of our best. But soon everyone else who transitions will be way ahead of where you were. I’m not telling you not to go back. I wrestled with that same question until I had to make a choice. I’ll do everything I can to help you either way. But you have to understand that if you choose to go back, you won’t get another opportunity to transition in the future. And you won’t have an opportunity to lead your family into the future. That means they also will suffer the same fate of exclusion from the advanced society the immortals will create for themselves.”

  “Coming from India, my family knows all about exclusion.” Zara reflects. “We were not untouchables who suffered the most. But we were not among the upper castes. That made us targets for exclusion from the better schools, the best jobs and even opportunities to set up our own businesses. That’s the reason we are in America. It’s because we are not excluded here. We can become what we dream. We only need to be smart, learn at every opportunity and work hard to achieve what we set as our goals.”

  “In the new society it’s going to be harder to succeed unless you are an immortal.” I inform her. “And the first immortals will have a greater say in what comes next. It’s no longer what comes after someone, because you’ll still be a part of the future that develops and the future after that.”

  Zara glances at Jermaine, “What are you doing here?”

  “Just making sure you have all the help you need, whichever way you decide to go.” Jermaine steps forward to be next to me. “But you gotta know I want you on this team. You’ll also be the first to get your own when the time comes, not because you’re getting special treatment, but because you deserve it.”

  FIRST DIBS

  Moshe is a different case. Jermaine and Zara went back into the team room and a few minutes later he brings Moshe in. I don’t get up.

  Moshe must pick up on my mood because he is instantly on the offense. “Why are you doing this to me?” before even closing the door. But knowing Moshe that probably means he is saying that for effect. Trying to convince the others that he’s not going to take this apparent or perceived demotion. He is going to fight for his own team right now.

  I don’t respond, but wait for him to come around and sit across the table from me. “T
his is a total crock. You bait me telling me I can have my own team and then once I’ve transitioned you don’t deliver. I demand…”

  I put my hand up notifying him to stop. Moshe doesn’t want to but does. I feel Jermaine come up and stand directly behind me.

  “Do you remember the discussion we had in my office where I told you that I wouldn’t put you on the list to transition because you weren’t mature enough?”

  “Obviously you came to your senses about that,” Moshe is keeping his attitude.

  “No, I still have the same opinion and you continue to prove that I’m right about you.”

  “I’m not mature enough? I’m not the one who went out and made promises to ten people and then reneged on it with nine of the ten. The only one you kept your promise to is your favorite.” Moshe points to Jermaine standing behind me.

  “Jermaine’s not my favorite, Oriana is.” I remind him. “So, get your facts straight.”

  “Oriana! There’s a piece of work. Miss bitch. Thinks she’s god’s gift and we should all jump to just because she has deemed us worthy of a moment of her time. And then she thinks she should micromanage us. I’ve never been micromanaged in my life. Not even my mother micromanaged me. And now that I’m smarter than she is I should have her job.”

  “Moshe. Shut up before I have your voice box removed. It’s a simple procedure if you didn’t know.”

  “You can’t do that.” Moshe pushes back but I hear the doubt in his voice.

  “Try me.” No doubt in mine.

  Moshe opens his mouth to say something, but evidently thinks better of it and doesn’t.

  “Now that we have that settled, if you remember, and I know you do, I never promised you would get your own team if you transitioned. I told you I was willing to put you on the list to help me do a special project. I never told you what that project was. You never asked. What I did tell you was that if you accepted my conditions to transition, it was probably the fastest path for you to get your own team.”